Subject: Hmm. Well...
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-14 08:21:00 UTC

... I certainly don't mind you using the idea of the Factories. The League itself itself is fairly fragmented these days, so an 'Independant' Factory wouldn't be a problem either - and being cut off from the League would explain why they were also cut off from the (former) PPC Biotechnology Inc. and its supplies.

As to your summary, I'm assuming the Factory wants your character because she has some characteristic they want to breed into their Sues (the Mysterious Somebody bred for Force sensitivity at one point, for example). That's fine as a motibe, as long as you make sure not to make it a SuperAwesum!!!Trait ("They want here because she's the BEST and PRETTIEST violinist in the historyoftheWORLD!!1"). I suppose the other reason could be to use her as a test subject for the Sues to practice being Mary-Sues on - but in that case, I'd imagine her kidnapper would use charm and so on, not sleeping potion (unless the charm failed?).

Using 'it' to describe a Mary-Sue - even one from the Factories - is dubious; they're very definitely She (or He), unless they're a Defective. Defectives, if you recall, are the colourless workers in the Factory - they're Sues whose breeding process went a little wrong. Calling one of them It would make perfect sense - and would explain why it didn't use Suvian powers to kidnap her.

So in general: I think it's a good, workable idea, and I certainly don't have any objections to you borrowing my ideas. Just be sure you've got people's motivations pinned down in your head - even if they don't show up in the story! You've got a good motive for your character to join the PPC, but make sure you know why the Factory wants her - either specifically her, or just people in general. What experiments? And, equally, make sure you know what Lux is even doing there (although, yes, 'plothole' is perfectly acceptable).

And I'm glad you like Crashing Down! It took a bloomin' long time to write, so it's good to know people are still enjoying it.

And have you taken a look at the PPC Permission Self-Check? It's an awesome (even if I do say so myself) way to check how deep your understanding of the PPC is - and quite fun, too!

hS

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