Dude. Paragraphs. Use them.

AU TMNT rp charcter by falcon7974 on 2015-06-18 19:41:00 UTC Reply

So I have been working on a character for a teenage mutant ninja turtles RP and I would like CC on what I have so far. The basic idea is that he was a human infant found by Splinter around the same as he and the turtles were exposed to the mutagen. My character was named after a Renaissance artist named Giovanni Bellini and uses the nickname "Vinni." I haven't thought about a hair color yet but was thinking strawberry blond with blue or green eyes. I do know though that he uses shiurkens as his main weapon and doesn't really melee outside his ninja training. Relying on his brothers to help him. I also know that i want him to be trained to blend in with the crowd hiding in plain sight as ninjas actually did in feudal japan. As for weaknesses because he isn't mutated like his brothers he tends to be fragile and take longer to heal because of this he wears a special "turtle suit" designed by Donatello when he is out on patrol or a mission. And I was also thinking he would tend to be somewhat aloof around others unless he knows them mostly because he wants to act as plain and forgettable as possible. If anyone has ideas for any other flaws or skills let me know.

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Your character's power level by Calista on 2015-06-19 21:40:00 UTC Reply

...is much lower than that of the people around him. But you've given him a "turtle suit" to make up for this.

It seems a bit odd that you would do this, because it sort of defeats the purpose of having a non-super in a group of supers. You've given him tech-based powers, essentially making him just one more Turtle. The suit simply doesn't fit with the stealth theme, either. It's too flashy. If I were you, I'd drop it.

Shurikens are another problem. Yes, they fit the Turtle theme, but they're entirely too obvious. If he's going to blend into a crowd, becoming a near-invisible stealth/scout type, he needs to have weapons that aren't so obviously unique to him. Knowing how to throw shurikens accurately makes sense, considering his adopted family; but his using them regularly in the field does not.

He's a human among mutant animals. Being human, his biggest asset is his intelligence. Don't make him utterly gifted, but give him the ability to strategize and plan. Make him Splinter's apprentice--Splinter is the strategist of he group, and he'd have the most to teach this (I'm assuming teenage) kid.

Lastly, you have a power set here, but you don't have much of a personality. Technically, you don't have a character yet. Ask yourself: What is it like growing up as a human among non-humans? Does he envy normal humans, or is he confused by them, or does he identify with them? How well can he blend in; does his odd upbringing give him trouble? What does he like to eat? What does he do with his free time? Does he have a favorite author, a favorite musician?

For that matter, how did he learn how to read? Did he go to school? Unlike the Turtles, his normal appearance would have allowed it. If not, how did he learn about the world around him? Does he have a role model? Has he ever fallen in love? What does he want to be when he grows up? Does he have talents for something other than martial arts? Hobbies?

Does he wonder who his birth parents are, or does he think of his adoptive family as his real family to the point that his birth parents aren't really something he cares about much? Does he have a false identity that will let him pass among humans? What would happen if he had to have a cavity filled or his appendix taken out?

This is an interesting idea for an OC, but it needs more work to keep it away from Studom. You don't want yet another Turtle, albeit in a human suit; the existing Turtles fill that role just fine. Instead, give him his own path, his own story to tell.

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Another asset to think about... by Calista on 2015-06-19 21:48:00 UTC Reply

Dexterity. Human hands.

Of course his adoptive family have opposable thumbs and the ability to use technology, but your character has more fingers and his brain is wired to use them very precisely. He's young, so he's not going to be an engineering genius, but make him a craftsman, a builder or a repairman maybe. Maybe he likes gadgets. On the other hand, maybe he's an artist--sculptor, painter, maybe; or if you want something portable, sketching.

Again, he's young, so he's not going to be an expert, but if he spends a lot of time practicing, he'll be competent by his teen years, perhaps competent enough to use his artistic ability to draw out the territory he's been scouting. If he can draw well, he doesn't need to covertly take pictures; he can bring the landscape back in his head and take that map straight to tactics and planning.

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Re: Another asset to think about... by falcon7974 on 2015-06-21 20:09:00 UTC Reply

Well donny is the tech expert usally, As the song says "dontello does machines" so the artist thing might work. Also I was thinking about maybe having him be unarmed or possibly being able to improvise weapons as part of the tatictian role.

Which actually gives me an idea for one of his hobbies, he would probaly enjoy watching professional wrestling with mikey (taking the wrestlers use of things like steel chairs as insperation) or hanging out with casey jones, a fellow human who uses sporting good as weapons.

Re: Another asset to think about... by falcon7974 on 2015-06-21 20:18:00 UTC Reply

thanks for the advice btw. I really do have alot more to plan and think about i will keep you guys updated.

Dude. by Desdendelle on 2015-06-21 21:50:00 UTC Reply

We have a Constitution. It's a required read here. It says that you need to make yourself legible. Why aren't you bothering?
Listen... by Iximaz on 2015-06-21 20:59:00 UTC Reply

A few SPaG mistakes are understandable, but please use proper grammar when you post stuff. It'll make it a lot easier to understand what you're trying to say without having to wade through chatspeak.

Dude. Paragraphs. Use them. by eatpraylove on 2015-06-19 14:22:00 UTC Reply

Also, welcome to the PPC...sort of. Here's a bo staff, use it wisely.
Erm, dood? by Desdendelle on 2015-06-18 20:01:00 UTC Reply

Can you please use line breaks? I see a massive wall of text which causes my eyes to keep sliding off it.