I have three words for this:

Subject: I have three words for this:
Author: eatpraylove
Posted on: 2015-06-11 03:40:00 UTC

Worst. Crossover. EVER.

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And I need a Twilight expert. by Voyd on 2015-06-10 17:35:00 UTC Reply

See, I've found more cowrite fodder: a crossover between Inheritance and Twilight.

Now, I know the Inheritance Cycle pretty well. However, I know very little about Twilight in terms of its "story" and "characters" (and I'm not keen to find out, because I'm scared I'll enjoy it like I do Inheritance).

Bottom line: Anyone know Twilight who's a) willing to admit it, and b) willing to collab on this?

This also doubles as a new badfic thread, so... yeah. This fic kills Charlie. I don't know much about Twilight, but I know that Charlie Swan's supposed to be one of the series' better characters.

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Just for everyone else's future Twilight needs: by Iximaz on 2015-06-11 17:37:00 UTC Reply

I used to be a massive Twitard several years back, from about when I was twelve to when I was fourteen. Mercifully, I grew out of the phase, but for a while I was calling it my second-favorite series.

But, on the bright side, that means I remember just about everything about that ~~series~~ ~~piece of garbage~~ thing. So, if anyone ever needs a canon expert, I'm happy to help.

What was your favourite? Inheritance? :-p (nm) by Seafarer on 2015-06-11 21:11:00 UTC Reply

Re: What was your favourite? Inheritance? :-p by Iximaz on 2015-06-11 21:27:00 UTC Reply

I have three words for this: by eatpraylove on 2015-06-11 03:40:00 UTC Reply

Worst. Crossover. EVER.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE FIC. by DawnFire on 2015-06-11 04:09:00 UTC Reply

I don't normally go capslock on the Board, but this fic deserves it. It, it's, it.

It.

I just. No.

And that was roughly my reaction upon first seeing it. It's making for a fun mission so far, though.

~DF

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They killed Charlie? by Seafarer on 2015-06-10 22:39:00 UTC Reply

Seems like a pattern - he bought it in that one Twilight/SPN crossover, too.
I'm certainly qualified as an advisor - I've read all but one of the books and seen all but one of the films. And read das_mervin's endless rants on how horrible the series is...

Now I'm curious. by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 23:25:00 UTC Reply

Which book and which film are the ones that you didn't read/watch? Also, isn't Das Mervin amazing? :)

~DF

Eclipse and BD Part 1 by Seafarer on 2015-06-11 01:52:00 UTC Reply

Never saw the need to read Eclipse after seeing the film; and Mervin warned me* off BD Part 1 because of Meyer's increased creative control over it.
And, to be honest, I never saw any problems with the books until Mervin and Hyde pointed them out (well, apart from the fact that they're all really boring).

*Not me specifically, jsyk.

WRT Breaking Dawn pt. 1 (un film de Stephenie Meyer) by Scapegrace on 2015-06-11 11:29:00 UTC Reply

The problem wasn't strictly speaking SMeyer's increased influence, although that probably didn't help. For my money, it was more that it suffered from exactly the same problems as Deathly Hallows Part 1, only amplified by the fact that the overarching story of the Twilight series is retrograde, sexist garbage written by a religious weirdo I wouldn't trust to jot down a shopping list. They took the already boring first half of Breaking ~~Yawn~~ Dawn and made it even more dull, primarily because the cinematography made it feel like a feature-length version of a really pretentious perfume ad.

Breaking Dawn 2 isn't anywhere close to being a good film either, but I will say that the bit with the lion is absolutely hilarious and should be taught in film schools as an example of how to do basically everything wrong. That alone was worth the price of admission, as far as I'm concerned. Also, in a deviation from the books, something actually happens in that installment: we see our friendly neighbourhood "vegetarian vampires" (tomatoes bewaaaaaaaare!) and the mates Carlisle scared up face off against the Volturi and... it works! It's a surprisingly competent action scene that only makes the one in Eclipse look even more laughably bad.

As an aside, my favourite quote about the final fight scene in Eclipse comes courtesy of MovieBob and is as follows:-

"This isn't a vampire-versus-werewolf battle! This is a bunch of hipsters in a dog park."

hee. =]

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Yeah... by Seafarer on 2015-06-11 21:08:00 UTC Reply

Thing is, the filmmakers managed to make halfway competent films out of books 1-3, mostly by deviating from said books. Meyer wouldn't let them do that to her ultimate fantasy, which is why Breaking Dawn became two films full of padding and very little else.
(goTeamVolturi)

Team Volturi? Bah. Team Tyler's Van all the way! (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-06-11 22:05:00 UTC Reply

Naw. by Seafarer on 2015-06-11 22:48:00 UTC Reply

Michael Sheen ftw!
Also, this.

If we're talking about that... by Desdendelle on 2015-06-12 11:45:00 UTC Reply

"I'd Focke that Wulf", a Fate/stay night x Twilight crackfic-slash-slashfic. Possibly NSFW, but pretty damn funny.

I'm in. by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 22:23:00 UTC Reply

I'm also among those who decided to check out the books when everyone else wouldn't stop reading them. I read the first three before going on vacation for a month or so and coming to my senses. Admittedly, that was a while ago; but I've read several different sporkings of the series since (including Das Mervin's), and I'd say I know a fair amount. (I also know where to find a Twilight wiki, and can search the sporkings for references if necessary). As to agents, I definitely have at least one (technically DMS, but she gets the odd temporary transfer) who would admit to reading the sporkings, if perhaps not the books; my DIC team...yeah, I think I can picture one or the other of them checking out some part of it. I'd have to give a little more thought to who would work best, but I'm sure it'll work for at least one of my agents or agent pairs.

Add in that I have some large pieces of free time on my hands, and I'd say we're set (assuming you want to work with me to begin with). Also, the fic kills Charlie? That's making me kind of mad. Charlie...okay, Charlie's character gets mucked up, but he has a lot of awesome moments. Crowd favorite, of sorts. So. Mad. I'm getting there.

How about it?

~DF

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Need two things from ya first. by Voyd on 2015-06-10 22:43:00 UTC Reply

First, ~~your soul~~ your e-mail, not 100% sure I have it.

Second, ~~your firstborn~~ your agents. I don't know who they are.

Can't do anything about the stuff in the strikethrough-- by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 23:06:00 UTC Reply

--the Company Store owns the first (or thinks it does, anyway), and the second's already promised to me. But my email is dawnfire360 (at) gmail (dot) com, and my agents...well, I assume you mean the ones I mentioned, which makes them:

Dawn McKenna (DMS, Freelance)

and

Edgar Sullivan (DIC)
Agen_t (DIC, Edgar's partner. Four underscores)

All of them are on the wiki, and I don't currently think I have other--oh. Ohhhh.

I have other DIC agents, namely Kozar and the Reader. Kozar wouldn't have read the sporkings, though (the books...I don't even know, maybe he'd read them to better know his enemy?) and the Reader wouldn't have bothered. Dawn is most likely the best bet, though Kozar could be tossed in as well--it would make some sense, as Dawn knows the sporkings, Kozar could know the books, and they used to be partners, which would make things very interesting. Added to that...Kozar's a Klingon. Sending him on a Twilight mission is sounding funnier to me with every moment I spend thinking about it.

Okay, then. I'd like to put forth Dawn and Kozar as my agents for this. Edgar and Agent could do in a pinch (or Kozar with Agent, perhaps), but Agent is probably the one more likely to have read any of this.

And that's most likely pretty confusing to look at. That'll teach me to do the working things out part elsewhere.

Summary: potential agents for this are:

Dawn and/or Kozar

Agen___t (with or without Edgar)

I take it you'll be using Valon and Kala? We can decide which of my agents would work based on which of them would work better/more funnily/more interestingly with your agents. That's probably the best way to continue, now that I've narrowed it down to who would even know the canon.

~DF

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Yup, the RC 211 team. by Voyd on 2015-06-10 23:18:00 UTC Reply

I've kinda abandoned my DMS team, eheheh.

So, yeah, will send invite in just a moment!

Fantastic. (nm) by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 23:22:00 UTC Reply

Or I can invite after Real Life stops interfering... (nm) by Voyd on 2015-06-10 23:44:00 UTC Reply

No worries. (nm) by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 23:45:00 UTC Reply

Sent! (nm) by Voyd on 2015-06-10 23:58:00 UTC Reply

Clarification. by Voyd on 2015-06-10 19:06:00 UTC Reply

See, I've already worked with both Iximaz and SkarmorySilver. No offense intended toward either of them, but I'd like variety in my cowritten missions.

So far, I seem to be at my best when I'm working with others. I do plan on doing solo missions as well– After all, I've got Plans for my agents. But I want to work at my best ability, and that seems to be as a cowrite partner.

I'm not yet qualified to take Missions by Matt Cipher on 2015-06-10 19:09:00 UTC Reply

but I can be of help in terms of lore. I may not enjoy Twilight immensely, but it had potential to be something better if not for the gushy overflowing romance and the ugh... sparkling...

Anyway, you know my mail so if you need something explained - lemme know.

Ah, by the way... by DawnFire on 2015-06-10 22:29:00 UTC Reply

...you don't actually need to have Permission for a cowrite. So long as one writer has Permission, it's fine.

~DF

Hmmm... by SkarmorySilver on 2015-06-10 18:49:00 UTC Reply

I have a decent amount of knowledge of all four Twilight books, courtesy of my mom and her audio book CDS back in the day. Obviously this would have to involve either a DIC team or a Floaters one, but among my teams it's my DMS one that's currently in rotation.

I'll happily beta if you kill this thing, though. Good luck!
Technically I qualify... by Tira on 2015-06-10 18:19:00 UTC Reply

Look, I was in high school. Everybody else was reading them. I thought they were kind of stupid at the time...

Excuses aside, though, I don't really have any characters who would be qualified to help out. Aaron barely knows any canon outside of his own, and Natasha operates under the assumption that all vampires work exactly like Nasuverse ones. I do have plans for the agents who recruited Natasha, but I think I should actually write a mission with the characters I got approved first.