Funnily enough... by
DawnFire
on 2015-06-09 14:35:00 UTC
Reply
...and all due respect to the Betaing Council--that one's intentional. The idea was that we jump back (in time) a tiny bit--the Fisherman would have had to be walking extremely slowly to have only reached Morgan after Kozar had spoken to Rina and the Librarian *and* gone on to be hugged by the Reader, and while he did start out trudging, he seems to have started running at some point. Guess it's not quite as obvious that it's not consecutive as I thought. Maybe it could be changed to the following?
Fisherman: [has run over to Morgan, tripping over his too-large shoes] Morgan, make him stop! He’s being mean!
(Morgan is definitely one of my favorites in this, actually. So teenager-y. Admittedly, it's pretty hard to choose a consistent favorite, but she has some of the very best lines.)
Also funnily enough, I've been catching other tiny things on my read-through this morning. Some of it's just stylistic or a missing comma, but there's also one instance of a line being changed and the reply not following suit. Luckily, it's just a matter of removing one word. Fixes to follow.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, though :) We did rather try to emulate the style of Gallifrey Bickers; it does seem to have turned out shorter, but hopefully otherwise it's a good spiritual sequel.
~DF