As Desdendelle said, it's very cliche. by
PoorCynic
on 2015-05-31 21:34:00 UTC
Reply
It's also extremely vague. The line put me in mind of clickbait article titles: "An exiled swordsman faces many forms of darkness and secrets that will change his life and the world forever. Find out what those secrets were here!"
Also, I'm a little unclear as to what you mean by "hookline." I associate hooks in writing with a line or section at the very beginning of the story that draws the reader in. Something that makes them want to read. What you seem to be looking for is a one-line summation. If that is the case, then you actually need to say something about the plot. Something like:
"Zaahira Kazemi, a young woman with a college degree struggling to find a job, becomes a henchman for a costumed criminal."
or
"A foppish layabout from a wealthy family stumbles upon a conspiracy involving smuggled dwarven weapons and mage-hunters."
There's got to be some meat on those bones, if you follow me.
PC
Well... by
Desdendelle
on 2015-05-31 20:43:00 UTC
Reply
The first things that springs to mind is 'that's cliché, how is this book any different than any other fantasy book?' Unfortunately, I can't offer anything positive without knowing anything about the book.