Subject: Hold on...
Author:
Posted on: 2015-05-27 18:29:00 UTC
Are you sure these are actually finished? Your beta's suggestions and comments are still showing. Also, it seems you've used invite-to-edit links. Please make sure you're presenting us with a final draft, not one that's still working on pulling its pants up. {= )
~Neshomeh
Alright. So, I have had the prompts beta-d by EAUO, and... here are the links:
Agent Profiles:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C5olokuDJSIL9BkUvjmuwHomQL2YJiDZonPwlZ8Q1zI/edit?usp=sharing
Random Prompt:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r5Zk8jGXp60s9uw5ecAxYU4SVSkzqKD9OnE69y7JNTQ/edit?usp=sharing
Control Prompt:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JFgG_KicvEFq2V8WhNqhrNSrJ2FCON7xBctfn7cyRDQ/edit?usp=sharing
Badfic to spork:
This wonderful monstrosity that should go die in a pit.
You have no idea how nervous I am.
It's published to web this time, so it should look more professional.
Agent Profiles:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C5olokuDJSIL9BkUvjmuwHomQL2YJiDZonPwlZ8Q1zI/pub
Random Prompt:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r5Zk8jGXp60s9uw5ecAxYU4SVSkzqKD9OnE69y7JNTQ/pub
Control Prompt:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JFgG_KicvEFq2V8WhNqhrNSrJ2FCON7xBctfn7cyRDQ/pub
The badfic is still the same, and I'm still nervous. (But slightly less so.)
I'm going to go ahead and say it upfront, you look good in everything but one area: Writing Ability (Creative). Take a look at this passage:
Nine was left to clean up his partner’s mess. AGAIN. And that Witness lady’s mess… “Oh, crap. Things are on fire. Why do these things always happen to me?” he said, to nobody in particular. He picked up the fire extinguisher, and used it. Unfortunately, he had it facing the wrong way. “No, that is not the right direction,” he said, as he turned it the other way around. He put out the fire. “There we go.”
The prose is... well, beige at best. We don't get any description, and it feels like you're trying to force the humor. What's your agent thinking? Why doesn't he react to (supposedly) getting covered in foam? There's just... No life to your stories.
Try being a bit more descriptive with what your characters are doing, and get inside their heads. Show, don't tell, you know?
Try cleaning up your writing and come back, but for now, I'm going to have to say Permission Denied.
Are you sure these are actually finished? Your beta's suggestions and comments are still showing. Also, it seems you've used invite-to-edit links. Please make sure you're presenting us with a final draft, not one that's still working on pulling its pants up. {= )
~Neshomeh
I forgot about that... Lemme go fix it.
I would recommend posting new and corrected links, as the ones in your original post still have suggestions on.
... Wait a sec. The prompts are still in the middle of beta'ing. Please notify us when the process is finished.