Nitpicks

New mission! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 15:59:00 UTC Reply

RC 211 Mission 7: Of Slashy Stus

Continuum: Harry Potter

This will probably be the last Valon and Kala mission for a while. After all, I still need to work with Gabby and Chakkik!

Good work! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-22 19:16:00 UTC Reply

How do you keep finding these weird fics, man?

Wish I knew. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-22 19:26:00 UTC Reply

Nitpicks by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-21 10:22:00 UTC Reply

He was also drugged to make him him feel hot and bothered...
Apparently you couldn’t decide whether to quote "him" from the badfic or make it part of the narration; and in the end you got it twice.

... and with disgusting my partner and I...
While "my partner and I are disgusted" would be correct, I believe that the passive voice should be "disgusting my partner and me". You wouldn’t say, "You disgust I", right?

I would like to say something encouragingly positive about the mission, but I don’t have the time. There’s work couching on my desktop, and it glares at me.

HG

Bugs fixed! (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 21:56:00 UTC Reply

Lot's of fun by Superfluity on 2015-05-20 21:52:00 UTC Reply

What a fun mission. I am less familiar with Valon and Kala than I am Gabby and Chakkik but I definitely like them as agents.
The mission was well paced and exciting. I'm unsure about how I feel about how Valon genderbending. The handling of that character could have been better...
Otherwise, a worth while fic!

Wow, really? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 22:12:00 UTC Reply

Dangit, I ran through four betas trying to get Valerie right...

If I were to improve this, how would you suggest going about it?

Well... by Superfluity on 2015-05-20 22:56:00 UTC Reply

There's something about the way that Kala thinks, during her narration, about Valon, especially right after he became Valerie.
If you were to change it, try having Valon not change (the fic itself was pretty short and having Valon become Valerie outshone the mission in some scenes) or having both Kala and Valerie change.

Oh, the "uh, chest" part? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 23:13:00 UTC Reply

Blame my betas for that one. There was no "uh" previously. Honestly, I feel like that shouldn't be there, but I tend to go with my betas' suggestions. They're typically better writers than I am, after all!

Mostly! by Superfluity on 2015-05-21 00:42:00 UTC Reply

That's what bothered me. I guess you should go with your gut next time. Or maybe find a fifth beta, though I don't doubt that the four you already have aren't excellent judging by the rest of the piece.

Alright, fixed! by Voyd on 2015-05-21 01:11:00 UTC Reply

I would have stopped at two, but Darkotas said that I needed a girl's perspective. And then I got two more because ALL THE SECOND OPINIONS!

Oh, and there's strong language at the end, just warning ya. (nm by Voyd on 2015-05-19 16:19:00 UTC Reply