WhereÂ’s my neuralyzer? by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2015-04-26 10:36:00 UTC
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“They die naturally,” said Rashida, taking out your neuralyzer.
Give it back, Rashida!
FLA— Wait, there is still something to do.
Continuity errors?
Falchion wrested the everything note from his [Dark’s] hands, and backed off just as Ripper shoved the nozzle of his Tau Cannon into Dark’s crotch.
...
Falchion stepped out a second later, and Aiko followed suit, holding the colorful hare.
Where did Falchion step out from? Wasn’t he already there, wresting the everything note from Dark’s hands? And where was Blud in this scene? Maybe you actually meant:
"Blud stepped out a second later, and Aiko followed suit, holding the colorful hare."
[Then the agents charged everybody, Blud said his line, the fireball arrived and Dark] prepared to spring at Ripper [...] Before the Stu could lunge for the everything note, however, Falchion threw his knife at him...
What now? Did Dark lunge at Ripper, or at Falchion, who should have the everything note at this time?
Before Dark could grab his everything note, Ripper had snatched it from him.
How? Didn’t Falchion still have the everything note?
FLASH!
Did I just encounter a troll? Nah, can’t be.
HG
You could always add them to the NPC page... by
eatpraylove
on 2015-04-24 04:07:00 UTC
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Under the "adoptable NPCs" section. (Also, I love your description of what's-his-name's bathrobe. Now I want one with my initial on it. XD)
Time for my traditional (short) list of nitpicks!
"“Original the Character, Donut Steel~!”"
Hilarious, but that "the" doesn't belong. (Also, a couple lines later, you refer to him as "the Skarmory agent." A simple "he" will suffice.)
"'...I recorded what happened for all posterity. ..."
Either record something for posterity or for all eternity, but don't do both. (And yes, I'm aware that technically "all eternity" is redundant, too. :P)
(also, wow, stealing the main character's invincible egomaniac killer alter-ego. Like that's not basically an arrest warrant/stupid.)
More tomorrow.
That thing was just full of "What..." by
Edhelistar
on 2015-04-23 18:13:00 UTC
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Also, radioactive burgers! XD
There is one, sorta. by
Neshomeh
on 2015-04-23 17:57:00 UTC
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http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Non-PlayerCharacter#AdoptableNPCs
Thing is, on the whole, I think people prefer to come up with their own characters. They only seem to get adopted if they come from a fandom/species/group someone really loves, and then only if someone has the time to write them.
This is why I try not to recruit unless I have specific plans of my own. Most bit characters can just assimilate with canon, and if they can't, chances are good that they ought to be executed.
~Neshomeh