Subject: Some nitpicks
Author:
Posted on: 2015-03-24 16:49:00 UTC
However, they eventually had to make their way to back to listen in.
There may be one “to” too much.
We could always just dump somewhere for a critter to find it or something.
Dump what? Is there a word missing?
Rina pulled him to the floor behind one of the sofas as when they spotted Ron there.
I’m not sure about this, but it doesn’t feel right. Maybe one of these words would be enough?
HG
Oh dear god please make it stahp
Well, at least now there's only two left! *blows noisemakers*
Disclaimer: I'm totally not trying to steal SkarmorySilver's spotlight, I was planning on posting today for a while. ^^;
However, they eventually had to make their way to back to listen in.
There may be one “to” too much.
We could always just dump somewhere for a critter to find it or something.
Dump what? Is there a word missing?
Rina pulled him to the floor behind one of the sofas as when they spotted Ron there.
I’m not sure about this, but it doesn’t feel right. Maybe one of these words would be enough?
HG
Do you need chocolate, too? I can give you some; my agents got a lifetime supply of Bleepolate...
*gives a bar anyway*
Yesh yesh gimme gimme gimme
On the one hand, you only have two left. On the other hand, Order of the Phoenix is probably the worst.
I know this fic is incredibly toxic and you want to end it at a point where Rose is legitimately in danger, but it might be nice to have let it run through to the bit where Dumbledore explains everything. I couldn't really tell how far Rose had "read ahead" on this one, if that makes sense. Did she know about the whole "Fake Moody" scheme, or not?
Overall, you're doing a fantastic job, and I really admire your tenacity.
As far as Hogwarts Exposed goes... Doing Rose Potter and Little Miss Mary is bad enough. Doing Rose Potter, Little Miss Mary, AND Hogwarts Exposed is seriously pushing it (and by it, I mean the boundaries of your sanity). You don't have to kill all the Legendary Badfic yourself; save some of it for the rest of us. ;)
I know there was quite a bit left, but the agents aren't going to risk getting hurt. And no, she somehow had no idea Moody was Crouch Jr. Very strange.
I'm already 85 pages into RPOotP and feel ill— and I've read it several times before in preparation for sporking.
Anyway, yeah, like I said, those are the main reasons I haven't laid claim to Hogwarts Exposed. My sanity's stretched thin enough as it is and O want to leave something for others to take a shot at. :3
"Canin took over again for most of the chapter; Dumbledore introduced the heads of the schools and how the Triwizard champions would be selected, yadda yadda yadda. After the feast, Rose ditched her friends to wait for Cedric in the entrance hall."
I think you mean "canon" not "canin".
I'll have to wait to fix it until tomorrow, but thank you. :)
THAT WAS MY MOMENT! MINE!!! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS IF IT TAKES MY WHOLE LIFE!!!
XD I kid, I kid. Good job as always! I liked the way you offed Rose this time around - who knew Thunder Wave could still paralyze even outside the Pokemon universe?
*offers Poffins*
Innit handy, though? Gotta love that Thunder Wave. :3
Darkotas made me feel bad for Voldemort today. he said, "Well, great. This is probably the happiest Voldemort's been in over fourteen years, and you went and made him forget it."
I'm tempted to make a repost of my own mission so it's more visible for feedback, though. Seems only fair that I try to steal the spotlight back XD
I almost felt sorry for Voldemort at the end there. The keyword being almost, considering all the nasty tuff he's done in canon...
Voldemort is a big snuggle-bunny. The stuff Rose does in Part 5 is enough to give anyone nightmares.
Can you imagine? Or better yet, don't...incidentally, and a bit of trivia - Keiran's screen name comes from the Star Wars Expanded universe. It's the name of an ancient Jedi and the ancestor of a prominent character, Corran Horn.
Yes, I am the epitome of geek.
And ugh, all of Deathly Hallows's themes of friendship and sacrifice would have been thrown out the window in factor of ninja naked-y goodness.
... you be the the judge. Honestly, I don't think he's much of a Canon Stu... compared to the guy who can blast green-colored Force Lightning without drawing from the Dark Side or the guy who escaped the Sarlacc and trained Han Solo's daughter.
Badass Mofo McJackson Awesomepants the 1st, Raynar "Check Out Deez Nuts" Thul.
But yeah, Halcyon's not really featured enough to be given a personality, or anything like that. He was just Horn's great great grandpappy. That was about it.
That, I think, is another problem with Rose Potter. She doesn't really have a personality aside from her ninja and druid powaz and her misplaced, HIGHLY butchered view of what the author thinks feminism is.
Are we talking about the same 'completely useless, then got assimilated by the Burg' Raynar?
I vaguely recall him doing something after that point, but... don't really remember what.
hS
Okay, well - after he was de-bugged, he essentially hung out at the Jedi Temple for a while convalescing, until Luke decided he was well enough to be a genuine Jedi again.
So he was given his awesome gold lightsaber back again, and wasn't really heard from much...UNTIL...A bunch of Mandalorians (this was before the Clone Wars 'toon made 'em more fleshed out) attacked the temple, then Raynar took on a bunch of dudes who were essentially Boba Fetts and won. Room full of 'em, in fact.
Him and Pellaeon, dude. Awesome Guys.
Though I'm pretty sure the Mandalorians were well fleshed-out long before the cartoon... they were in the old Nomi Sunrider-era comics, for one thing. For that matter, you're talking about events post-Caedus, so Karen Traviss had already set out her version of the Mandos (which I don't mind admitting to finding very interesting indeed).
Still and all, at any point in time, taking out a roomful of Mandalorians is an impressive feat.
hS
Take a Dalek, give it an extra dose of crazy, and stick it in a human. Voila!
Or the eggs for that matter?
I bet your description of her personality would work as the plot of a shipfic. (Sorry for any mental images!)
And no, no one that does that to Ronald Weasley deserves to live! Kill her! And then revive her, and kill her again just for kicks!
How can anyone hate on poor Ron? he's awesome! I can just imagine him reading this fic and going:
I seem very gif-happy today.
Anyway, don't worry, PROotP is already well-underway!
... that there was a way to give Molly Weasley some sort of protection from Sue-Control and let her give her brand of justice on a conveniently immobilized Rose Potter. >:D
Only to Rose?
...and with "son" added too.
“Amos, think who you’re talking to!” said Mr Weasley, very angrily. “Is Rosey Potter likely to conjure the Dark Mark?”
“Yes,” both agents muttered in unison.
^I love this so much I cannot even express it. ^_^
McGonagall discreetly gave Rose a Time-Turner, and Rose discreetly put it in her invisible pocket.
^Why's this emphasised? It's not a mistake, and the sentence doesn't seem to add anything to the story.
...Rose and Dumbledore practiced the Imperius Curse on each other...
^Okay, I'm glad I stopped reading this rubbish. How is this acceptable? How do you endure the stupidity?
Rose Potter must die in all the fires... *walks off muttering angrily*
I bolded it because it was used twice in the same sentence. Guess I should make that a bit clearer. ^^;
I endure the stupidity because it's so, so, so satisfying to get to the end and then kill her in the most anticlimactic ways possible. Plus, it's a Legendary! Who can resist the chance to say they've killed one?
But did you stop reading the mission at that point? Because I'd have thought what she did to Ron would be worse...
No, not the mission. I love the missions! I stopped reading the original "stories" about halfway through CoS, and I'm glad I did, because the rest of this is brain-breakingly bad. Oh, and I've had enough blatant child sexualisation after reading all of Hogwarts Exposed. :-(
Yeah, I see why you bolded it now. It's just that discreet/discrete is a really common mistake and a particular pet peeve of mine.
Seriously, you're doing tremendously well. I'm just an old nitpicker...
...isn't Hogwarts Exposed on the Legendary Badfic list? I mean, it's certainly notorious enough.
Just going through the sporking alone is leaving me queasy. How messed-up can this thing get?
I'm kinda surprised nobody's killed it dead yet. Then again, I'm not sure any Agents would be able to survive it without going completely insane. The Ron-bashing alone is worse than in RP. Urgh... I think I have PTSD from it. Almost.
But I dunno, might want to leave it for someone else. *shrug*
After and assuming I get permission I would be willing to tackle it. I have managed to pick up the talent to be able to sit through and read some of the most disturbing things known to mankind. Because lets face it, as bad as these things are, they are just fiction. You read enough cases about Criminal Law, this kind of stuff can be a walk in the park.
What is Hogwarts Exposed?
I have a feeling I'm going to regret asking that question.
Brief summary:
Replacement!Hermione becomes teacher. Emo!Harry is DADA teacher. They haven't been friends for like five years. A Sue who has been sexually abused by Madam Hooch comes to Hogwarts, is put in Gryffindor. Meets a Sue who looks like Hermione and is a nudist. Mini-Hermione convinces the rape victim to also become a nudist. Then Hermione adopts her and marries Harry. Meanwhile Mini-Hermione tries to give her virginity to Harry. Anyway, then they all become nudists and have naked tickling games with Harry, including Mini-Hermione's eleven-year-old sister. And that's mostly the first story. Later on, there's a sixteen-year-old trapped in a ten-year-old's body. And she has sex, quite clearly for the author's paedophilic fantasy fulfillment. Oh, and Mini-Hermione gets violently raped by Death Eaters after becoming a teacher at age 18.
Yeah, Bad.
Courtesy of Das Sporking. Bring copisous amounts of Bleep.
HOW?!
By the way, how do you change the link so that it looks like a sentence, without deleting the link?
Anyway, the code is this; just remove the [ ] where you see them:
[] Sentence or word you want here[].
You need quotation marks around the URL, so like this:
<a href="http://www.YOURURL.com">Your text goes here</a>
And I used <a href="http://www.alanwood.net/demos/ent4frame.html">HTML character entities to make the triangle brackets show up without making a link. They're handy. {= )
~Neshomeh
That's just strange.
Someone taught you sloppy coding. You ALWAYS use quotation marks around the value in a tag, just like you always close a tag. Sure, your browser might be able to work around it if you don't, but that's no excuse. {; P
~Neshomeh
Just one comment - it looks like Kieran Halcyon was using an early edition of the book, because JKR initially did give the counterspell for Stunning as Enervate - that's what it is in my copy of the book, which I got back in 2000. It was corrected to Rennervate in later editions though.
Okay, I'll make a note of that.
And it just. Gets. Even. Worse.
I haven't started reading yet, but, uh... It's Rose Potter.
Therefore, Rina's e-mail might contain RA coordinates for a deadly world of my own invention when she gets back.
Yeah, I know it won't be used on Rose, you have those planned. But hey, should you ever need to drop a Sue on a planet populated with arsenic-based life, and where man-sized carnivorous arthropods are the least dangerous thing around, there you go.