I'm really sorry

Avatar OC by thishazeleyeddemon on 2015-03-07 04:03:00 UTC Reply

Am I still allowed here if I haven't been able to get on for months?

Anyway, I just kind of made an Original Character, and I was curious what people would think of her, so I thought I could ask you guys, if that's okay? Maybe? If it's not okay I'll take this down immediately and I'm sorry.

Name: Avatar Yama
Age: 16 at story start, 167 at death
Gender: Cisgender Female
Orientation: Aromantic Asexual
Nationality: Air Nomad
Occupation: Second Avatar, First Airbender Avatar, Preceded By Avatar Wan, Succeeded By Avatar Nasak
Likes: Flying, dancing, swimming, bending, Wan, fighting, Raava, balance, open air
Dislikes: Confined spaces, liars, holding still, meditation, condescension, Vaatu, being helpless, spiders

Growing up in Avatar Wan’s new age, Yama never dreamed of succeeding her hero himself. But when a group of bandits from the new Earth Kingdom threaten her home at the recently built Air Sanctuary, Yama shocks all by entering the Avatar State when the bandits’ leader threatens to kill her mother. After growing up in the pacifistic society of the Air Nomads, Yama feels guilty over her new passion for fighting. She often feels overshadowed by Wan, despite encouragement from him to follow her own path. As the Second Avatar, Yama has no guidance except for Raava and Wan, because no one knows that the Avatar has reincarnated, and everyone believes Wan and Raava are gone from the world. The pressure of her new responsibilities is overwhelming, but Yama desires greatly to make a name for herself in the world beyond the Air Sanctuary. And now, with the troubled peace of Wan’s era finally shattering, and a new threat called the Shadowwalker looming, Yama will finally have the chance to acquit herself. But darkness is encroaching, and Yama needs all her wits about her to defeat the Shadowwalker, become a fully realized Avatar, and continue Wan’s mission to bring balance and peace to the world.

Does she sound cool at all, so far? Is she a Mary Sue?

Huumm... by Edhelistar on 2015-03-07 17:00:00 UTC Reply

Honestly there're some things that look concerning for me...

First of all, the name, it doesn't sound like something an Air Nomad would use as a name; Air Nomads are based on the Tibetan people, therefore a Japanese sounding name doesn't sound very well for one.

How being The Avatar gives her a "new passion for fighting"? There was nothing like that stated about it anywhere in canon. Take Aang for example, he did not like to fight, in fact he always tried to end conflicts peacefully; he fought mostly because he was forced into fights. Korra was agressive, because well, she was Korra, that was her personality.

How does she know what a "realized Avatar" is? And how does she know she is The Avatar for that matter? You see, if she's the second Avatar, that means that a lot of the lore and practices related to The Avatar, haven't been established yet, so she has no way of knowing them, much less accepting the role and responsability of being The Avatar at teen years.

How does she know who Wan is? He died the moment she was born and has never seen him before, therefore she has no way of knowing that the guy she sees in her mind is the real deal, as far as she would know, he could be an evil Spirit trying to dupe her.

ASnd most importantly: Who is she? I see very little personality there, aside for some generic likes and dislikes and a gender identity, and personality is the most important thing for a character. Just ask yourself: What makes her... herself, if you remove everything that makes her The Avatar?

I'm really sorry by thishazeleyeddemon on 2015-03-07 19:08:00 UTC Reply

I'm sorry, I really thought Yama was a good character. I won't write a story with her after all, I guess.

1. It's not Tibetan? But I looked up Tibetan names and Yama was on the list...

2. That's not related to being the Avatar at all. Yama likes fighting, not the Avatar likes fighting. She feels incredibly guilty about this but it's not an Avatar thing. it's an undiscovered personality trait.

3. She doesn't? I was just using show terminology? Wan makes contact with her and tells her as much as he can about being the Avatar, which I imagine people started calling Wan.

4. Well, point of fact, she doesn't just see him in her mind. Remember in the show when Aang was talking to Yangchen and the others? Wan does that, in full daylight in front of other people who can see him, and in fact gets recognized by a lot of people, including another Original Character, Anik, who was Wan's husband and one of the first Waterbending Masters ever. (I'm really sorry if that's too trite but I thought Wan deserved someone nice what with losing his home, all his friends, and dying alone on a battlefield). After Anik recognizes Wan Yama makes contact with Raava who tells her the rest of the story. Yama did actually believe Wan to be a hallucination until then.

I don't know about that last one. Usually I just...find out as I go along, you know? Maybe Yama ends up being a coward and running away from the SHadowwalker. I don't know. Should I know? I haven't written her story yet.

Maybe I'll just put her on the backburner and just not write Avatar fanfic. I mean, when are a thirteen-year-old's stories ever good? Mine never are!

Hey, don't be discouraged! by Darkotas on 2015-03-07 19:41:00 UTC Reply

I think this character could have some potential, but I would suggest not having her be the Avatar. There's a whole world full of characters in this canon, go with a different path of life! Think of a different angle for the character. I think that making an Avatar wouldn't be the best idea if you're not very confident in your writing - it's a major thing, after all.

Here's the thing. Just because you're thirteen doesn't mean that things you write will be bad. What you did here in asking for suggestions is the right path to take - if you are willing to take advice on how to be a better writer and implement it, you will learn and improve. If you write something that doesn't get a good reception, ask why and work towards resolving it! Just remember - when you ask for advice here, you are asking in a place where people want to help and will likely be extremely nicer about it than other places might be. You're on the right track, and I'd love to see what you can make with this character if you work with some of the advice given here.
Well... I never said the character was bad. by Edhelistar on 2015-03-07 19:37:00 UTC Reply

In fact, she can be fixed, after all, you gave me some rather good justifications for the things I pointed out.

You only have to give her more personality; How she interacts with people, how she reacts to various situations, how she feels about multiple subjects, what she hides in her Hidden Depts, at what things she fails and at what things she's good at.

Overall, you have a good idea there, just flesh out more your protagonist before starting to write the story itself.

And my stories at thirteen? What stories? At that time I was making really awful Fakemon. So look it this way, you have a better idea than myself a that age!

And a note about the Air Nomads by Iximaz on 2015-03-07 17:10:00 UTC Reply

They're a very peaceful people, you saw how reluctant Aang was to kill Fire Lord Ozai. The last Airbender Avatar before him only told him to kill Ozai because she didn't think there was any other way. They're even vegetarians because they think life is sacred.

~Iximaz, with her own two cents

I know? by thishazeleyeddemon on 2015-03-07 19:09:00 UTC Reply

That's why Yama is guilty about enjoying fighting. She feels like she's betraying her people, especially after she gets good at it.