Subject: DMS Mission #2
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-10 06:40:00 UTC
"Little Green Mobs"
This is what happens when you leave a laptop in my room and don't keep an eye on me at 2 in the morning. XD
Meh, I'll probably update the Wiki tomorrow. I need to sleep.
First, and foremost, well done. I like your writing style, and your agents fascinate me so. I find it interesting how Rayner hates badfic characters with such a passion, while if Marvin and Printworthy were to find him in a fic, they would probably jump for the kill. A human male Rainbow Dash that eats meat? Sounds like a Stu to me! That said, he is very fun to read. You have definitely expanded his character beyond what I would expect from such Gary Stus. I look forward to reading more about him in the future.
As for E.V.(i)L? She is the near perfect opposite of Rayner, in almost every way. She is sympathetic to badfic characters, he wants to see them all hang; she is light and highly magical, he is bulky with minor magic; the obvious male, female; and other contradictions. This provides wonderful opportunities for conflict. However, they will have to learn to at least respect each other before all too long. Two agents that hate each other and will always hate each other gets old after a while. I'm not saying they need to like each other in the next mission or anything, but do keep this in mind.
Now, mission itself. I already stated how I did not see how this mission should exist. The fic was bad, no question, and it was good to see it go. However, I am just not sure a PPC mission was the way to go about it. An MST? Particularly scathing review, ala Nostalgia Critic? I don't know. I do like the character exploration that goes on in this fic, however.
The minis are questionable, to say the least. I grumbled, but accepted that creepers should not be capitalized, and could make a mini. Fine. However, all of the others? They are not names. They are descriptions of enchantments. I may be wrong, but if somebody said something like Wingardleiam Levyosa in a badfic, it would not cause a mini. This is a grammar/spelling error, but not one that would cause minis. At least, in my view. How appropriate we have a topic discussing this very issue just a little further down on the page.
Now, onto more positive comments, as I do have a lot of them. First, I see you watch Game Theory. Creepers are plants that explode to spread seeds? Yeah, I know where you got that theory.
Salvo, now there is an interesting character. A creeper spy? We just have to make sure he does not feel threatened, or things could go real bad, real quick. I do like him though. Is it bad that I imagine him as dressed like a mob boss? Blocky cigar hanging out of his mouth, black suit, the works. Given his love for blue crystals, perhaps it would be best to keep him away from Breaking Bad badfic. Just saying... You know, all of the recruiting these two do will either give Rayner and E.V.L. all sorts of vacation time, or on the Sunflower Official's blacklist. We shall see.
Speaking of Salvo, I liked how E.V.L. was dead-set on recruiting him. You can just see her wanting to give these characters a second chance, not unlike herself. Oh, she may think she wants to kill them all, but deep down, she hopes she can be of use to somebody. ...Well, that or she is building an arly of badfic characters to take down the PPC. Either way, we will have to keep an eye on her.
Beyond that, I don't have much to say, other then well done. I like your style, and while Rayner may edge a little close on the Stu scale for my comfort, I look forward to reading more from these two.
I am more sorry than I can tell you for not responding to this sooner - my graduate paper has been sticking its metaphorical foot so far up my ass that I have to clean its metaphorical toejam off my teeth every morning. It should be mostly done, though, with some final reviews, so that should give me more time to take care of certain other things.
Anyway, can I squee? Yes? All righty then, SQUEEEEEEEEE! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I was so worried about this agent pair when I started out, especially because Rayner was brought in specifically to flesh out that awful mission that led Rashida to transfer to Floaters, but I am happy to see that he's coming out quite nicely. Ditto with E.V.L., who is actually an OC in one of my original story projects whom I figured would be worth exploring a little more by bringing her in as well. I do think the two of them will come to an understanding eventually, though of course it'll take a little while - especially since they're working towards a common goal.
I'll concede that the enchantment mini-creepers may have been overdoing it just slightly, but then again this is the PPC's first Minecraft mission, so it's natural to set some rules here. I'll keep the whole enchantment deal in mind if I ever revisit this continuum again, though!
I don't actually watch Game Theory (again, my graduate paper is my schedule's worst enemy), but I do go on the Minecraft Wiki every once in a while - and when I read that Notch described the physical texture of creepers as being plant-like, that was the first thing that came to my head. Coincidence, I swear! XD
Funny thing - PPC!Salvo is actually a bit of a composite character, because I had a creeper OC named Salvo back in my DeviantArt days who was coincidentally a lot like Number One, but I never got around to using him before leaving that site. Number One being the leader of an underground society of sentient talking creepers (and wearing a diamond helmet besides) made me think of dA!Salvo almost immediately, and though it was again almost entirely coincidental, I liked the similarity enough to apply dA!Salvo's character to Number One - not that it would have been a very big step.
I think E.V.L.'s logic in recruiting an arly - sorry, army - of badfic characters rather than killing them is a bit like fighting fire with fire. She knows what they're like and she knows that they can do better, so why not have them turn against the badfics that created them? Or the Sues/Stus of those fics, for that matter, due to these characters being created specifically because of their existence? That's actually my way of thinking as well - if there's enough of a personality for this bit character (or even this Sue) to be developed into a more well-rounded individual, then it would be a worthwhile investment to recruit him or her. I'm probably going to have to stop trying to stock up on recruits after the next solo mission I'm posting, though - I recruited no less than four characters from that badfic, more than in all of my previous solo missions put together.
Once again, thank you for the kind words as well as the constructive criticism - they're both really helpful for moving forward with my writing. And with that, I leave you with my celebratory squee of gratitude. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!
I... eh. There's a few things about this mission which just bug me.
The first is absolutely not your fault, and is actually the reason the mission exists - the talking creepers. That's... pretty awful, and I'd've been tempted to just blow them all up.
The second thing is... sort of related to that: how exactly do you decide what the 'canon' consists of? I mean, canonically, Steve can't talk, and nothing has any personality, and you make things by putting objects side-by-side on a table-top and then magic. Minecraft... really isn't a game with a 'canon', particularly given how many mods there are out there. And then some of the little solid information we have - the creeper biology diagram - you reject, for... no real reason?
And... yeah. That said, the agent interactions were fun - it's more the very concept of the mission that I can't get to grips with.
hS
PS: On the offchance that VixenMage reads this - any chance of a quick reaction from Jof on meeting Salvo for the first time?
Technically, missions are written to protect "the canon", and that Minecraft doesn't have much canon. So what to do when we find a badfic in Minecraft?
All we know is this:
There's a world with widely spaced, low-tech villages whose inhabitants never leave. Magic exists, but only witches use it and then only to throw potions. Animals and monsters exist. There are ruined temples and mine shafts, implying that the tech level used to be higher than it is now. Two alternate dimensions exist. Except for horses, nothing has a gender. Physics works differently. The third wall is broken when the player kills the ender dragon, revealing that Minecraft is a multiverse with which Real World humans can interact.
And that's it, not much more to it than that. Everything else can be filled in with fan fiction. How did those ruined mineshafts get there if the villagers can't mine? Why are the jungle temples abandoned? Why do creepers blow up? Were the zombies and skeletons once alive? Who invented magic and built the strongholds? Is the blocky world an artifact of our interface, or is that really the way it looks to its inhabitants? Who are those two cosmic beings in the end poem, and what exactly are they smoking?
That's the beauty of a world where there's little canon--you can build your own. But it doesn't make such stories immune to critique. Fan fiction can be critiqued; original fiction can be critiqued. Fan fiction in a world where the canon is small, is halfway in between, and can be critiqued.
Just like any story, a story set in Minecraft needs to be well-written both in terms of mechanics and storytelling, logically consistent, with interesting characters. From the mission, this particular story wasn't actually horrible--but it was cliched, with characters that had very little personality. It's like something I might have written as a beginner; it's coherently written, but without much complexity. Everything happens in such a linear fashion that the entire plot can be predicted from the opening scenario.
When there's not much canon to defend, you can fall back on the universal rules of good writing. Here, they're rules like, "Characters should be distinguishable by personality," and, "Conflict should not be resolved without complications."
(A personal sticking point: "Heroic sacrifices are not a silver bullet and do not solve everything." It's as though writers think that just being desperate enough to make a sacrifice will automatically and always solve whatever problem a character is facing. In reality, these situations are rare. It's much more interesting to write a character who can make a heroic sacrifice if it's needed--but the interesting part comes from writing about a person with that sort of intense, caring, dedicated, or driven personality. The actual sacrifice need never actually occur. For example: Aragorn never actually got himself killed fighting for Middle-Earth, but you knew he wouldn't hesitate if it were asked of him--especially after he decided that being king is a responsibility he was willing to shoulder. Writing about a character out-of-the-blue dying for something is only melodrama. Instead, try writing about a character who is willing to live for something.)
A badfic written in a world with little canon is still not immune to critique. If a story is badly written, it's badly written, and your agents might as well go in and fix it.
Now, keep this in mind: I do not dislike this mission. It's rather good, for what it is. That said, I also have to wonder, why does this exist? Minecraft is a (purposefully) very open continuum. It is the most open sandbox game possible. There is no canon. So, why does it matter to protect it? Mini-creepers are cute, but not enough of a reason for the Flowers to waste resources fighting Sues in a world it does not affect.
Now, if you were to make the argument that allowing Sues to infest this world will allow them to spread en-mass to other worlds, I may be more inclined to accept that.
All of that aside, I do like the mission. Despite thinking it should not exist, I was very entertained. I will come back at a later time to give a more thorough review.
To both of you, thanks! I had quite a bit of fun writing this one.
@Huinesoron: The bits about canonical info are rather flexible, and I've just changed up a few things to help keep it consistent with the game (the creeper anatomy thing now being acknowledged, for example). As for why this mission exists, well, see my excuse explanation below.
@World-Jumper: That's actually a pretty good argument there - and given how much resources you can get from the Minecraft world, I've decided that Sues that spawn or hide there could use it as a base of operations to invade other continua (I know of a number of mods that involve some of those being brought in unofficially). The fact that this world is so open may be a good excuse for them to roam and do things with impunity, and prepare for their own stupid stuff behind the backs of the PPC. I think the mini-creepers were just a side-effect of an exploratory mission involving the blandest badfic I've read so far.
I've edited the document accordingly. Thanks for the feedback, guys! :)
... when someone enjoys it despite disliking the source material.
Yep, I don't much care for Minecraft. My attention span is apparently too short to build anything. It's one of the few games that it's more fun for me to watch than play.
Also, dibs on knockback. I will have all the minis. One mini from every continuum is my goal.
Good mission, by the way!
I had no idea there was enough canon for someone to write a Minecraft badfic. Nice mission though.
"from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and was an acceptable substitute"
The "and" shouldn't be there.
"(and rather karmatic, too...)"
The word you're looking for is karmic.
"Sunset the ocelot."
Ocelots turn into cats when tamed. With a name like Sunset, I assume Steve got an orange tabby.
"See, I told you they where his, Rayner thought to E.V.L."
"Were", not "where". :)
"“But I simply cannot stand being without my diamond hoard,” Number One pointed out. “At least, I couldn’t.”"
Uh...what? (Also, wow, you recruit a lot of characters, don't you?)
Anyway, great job! I didn't think Minecraft fanfic was possible for a long time either, to be honest. Have you watched Game Theory's video on creepers? They came up with the same "they're sentient plants that explode to spread their seeds" theory that you/Notch did.