I pretty much agree with what doctorlit said. My favorite stuff was the dialogue between the agents, seeing how their relationship is beginning to form. Seems like they're going to work well together.

Just... try not to make out like writing slowly/not being amazingly prolific is a bad thing? At least one person I can recall quit the PPC because they felt bad about not writing enough (that was Inkling), and some of us can't churn out a gazillion words in a go like you can, whether it's due to time constraints or just because our brains don't work that fast.

~Neshomeh, who will probably never win at NaNo.

Very fun! You definitely delivered the feeling of the Original Series, with the mission being to-the-point, but still long enough to allow the agents time to let their personalities show through their actions and reactions. I . . . don't really have anything negative to say! doctorlit will shut up sooner for once!

Just to share my two cents on the topic of mission length: I get what you're wanting to show, that not every mission needs to be long and complex, but to be honest, I prefer reading longer missions. I literally read both the introduction and "Winterwood" in the time it took to clean my teeth before going to bed. (Which takes about an hour, because I inherited terrible teeth genes, just to be clear.) And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also not as immersive for me. When I read a story, I want to feel like I'm there, in that world, and spend a long time getting to know it. But I guess that's just my brain's legacy as a longtime novel reader, it's just my preference. (And I'm enough of a glutton for reading to take whatever I can get.)

—doctorlit lied about shutting up sooner!

(Man, the first Frozen mission took way longer to appear than I expected.

♪Do you want to spork a badfiiiiiic?
And find the problems with the plooooooot♪)

That was fantastic! I love what you're doing here, and I love the concept, and all the interactions! It's really lovely. I especially liked the fact that it was short, honestly--I really need to go to sleep.

-Aila

(Wow, I really went into lurk-mode for a couple of weeks there, didn't I?)

Didn't the Pit prohibit posting missions, MSTings and the like to the site or something?

Fic: The Smarty Complex
Description: This one is actually only bad because of technical issues. But there are so many of those. Bad SPaG, walls of text, run-ons, overly long description and bad pacing.

Plot Holes: Not much actually. Maybe how the animation spell
works in this story though.

Problem Passages:
1) "Twilight awoke in a soft cot, soft sheets enveloping her. She [bad error, Twilight is a she!] sighed, relaxing as she sank into the bed. It was lovely, she was worn out, after all, creating a new life form in its entirety. However, her mind was clouded with worry as she facehoofed for being so careless. She needed to take Smarty Pants to a doctor’s appointment. But, she’ll only be there for a few days before I turn her back. Twilight cringed again, arguing with herself. There’s something about her though, something that drew her to me, some kind of bond. She knew there was a part of her that wanted to keep Smarty Pants. Something about her coat, something about her eyes, even her odd hair. Everything about her seemed, She didn’t know what it seemed like, whatever this feeling was, she couldn’t put her hoof on it Twilight soon however was overcome by the logic in her mind. She isn’t meant to be alive, she isn’t meant to be a foal. She’s a toy, that’s what she always would be. But, then again, it’ll probably take me a week or so to build my energy again, and it might be worth it just to see. She resolved it [‘Resolved it’? maybe she decided she would take Smarty to the Doctor, or something similar. Resolved isn’t usually the term for thoughts.], she was going to take Smarty for a doctor’s appointment. She bolted up from the cot, shaking herself awake. She was determined to help the foal for as long as she had to while she built up her arcana [Arcana? Well, it is your decision. However there are a few more common terms. ‘Strength’ ‘Energy’ ‘Focus’ or even ‘Mana’, but still your choice on this one.] once again."

Huge wall of text plus what are apparently editor's notes were left in.


2) "No, she was an inanimate object. But what if, all the times we had spoken to Smarty all those years ago, some part of her was wishing she could speak back, letting all of her emotions out? She was a doll, she had no emotions. She’s like francium suddenly becoming bromine, one thing becoming something completely different. Yet, how would it feel to have a taste of the most beautiful food ever tasted, and have it snatched away from you by some torturer. Was she killing Smarty Pants, or restoring her. She was ending the life of a foal. No, she knew there was something about the new, living Smarty Pants that had moved somewhere in her heart, well, in her brain, there are no emotions in the heart, it only pumps blood. Never mind. Twilight gazed at Smarty, who was cooing at her, smiling as she embraced her Mother. Twilight sighed, she knew she couldn’t turn Smarty into a doll, how could she do that to an adorable little foal. She smiled again, and faced Smarty Pants."

Smaller,internal dialogue wall of text. Pacing problems regarding Twilight deciding things too quickly, making it already pretty clear what decision she is going to make in the ending.

Offenses Against Canon: [Broad categories of charges]

Additional Comments: I am mostly sending you this because of the whole concrit at the end of the mission angle you are going with this series. This story actually has a potentially good premise, but that is currently obscured under the technical errors, specially the troublematic pacing that is basically killing any suspense over Twilight's decision regarding turning Smarty Pants back or not.

Aaanyway... Here you are!

Fic: No Safe Place
http://www.quotev.com/story/2838998/No-Safe-Place-Legolas-Love-Story/
Description: this is actually pretty bad. I found Arogorn, Ring Wraths, and this OC looks like a definite Mary Sue. Summary excerpted from the story:
Erillin is the younger sister of Arwen, Princess of Rivendale. Lord Elrond has hidden her true identity from her and keeps her hidden within the Elven Realm of Rivendale. She can do things no other elf can do... [+tenth walker Legomance]
Problem Passages
Example 1: I started shooting my arrows with perfect aim, swinging my sword with amazing precision, and slicing my twin daggers with marvelous power. [Amazing precision... Perfect aim... What a 'Sue!]
Example 2: The man stood and walk over to Frodo. I guess It was my turn. "You have my daggers and my shoulder to cry on if you need it." [The author has a strange habit of capitalizing random Things.]
OC: Erillin
Type: Elf-Sue, Elrond's daughter
Offences Against Canon: Tenth Walker, grammar issues, lots of characters OOC, tense shifting (It seems), etc..
Addition Comments: if you don't take this on, believe me, I will. :)

trying to revive the frequency of the Original Series. And I really liked the concrit bit at the end of the mission; it helps to show that we aren't a bunch of spoilsports out to ruin others' fun. More missions should have that, IMHO, though I admit that some people are better able at spotting errors than at correcting them.

tl;dr: Good concept. Loved the concrit at the end; more missions should have it, but I know it's not for everyone.

I think... I think the reason why you were able to write it so quickly is because you didn't include too many direct quotes from the badfic. The Original Series was very similar in that regard. Maybe that's the key to faster missions...?

Anyway, new mission for Kaitlyn and Selene!


Title: And So The Journey Begins

Description: A modern girl uses wall-of-text urple prose to describe how heartbroken she is over her ex-fiancée before finding a portal that takes her to Middle Earth.

Problem Passage 1: "Her stubborn heart had prevailed over her will of succumb to sleep. The world kept turning and it was only her little world that had ceased. That bliss that was no longer what she came home to. She couldn't deny that it was pathetic, wallowing in her own misery whilst across the globe there was surely someone rejoicing at the mere essence of life. She once believed in fairytales and happily ever afters but now, reality had taken hold and slapped her over the face like a scorned being." ALL THE URPLE PROSE. And this continues through the whole fic, from what I've seen...

Problem Passage 2: "Lord Elrond nodded reservedly, "I had not realised that orcs have spread to the north as well or have you come from Gondor?" He inquired, looking distastefully at her attire." I have... no words...

Main OC: Guinevere Archer (because Legolas is an archer, of course)

OC Type: Modern fan of Tolkien's who falls into Middle Earth and falls in love with Prince Legolas.

Charges: Overly-flowery descriptions of just about everything, apparently there are orcs taking human slaves at an establishment near Rivendell, Lord Elrond is a condescending jerk to the Sue but warms up to her wit...

Additional notes: the author says Guinevere isn't meant to be a Mary Sue. They never are.