Subject: Unfortunately...
Author:
Posted on: 2013-01-10 12:54:00 UTC
... while I have a working knowledge of Buffy, I don't even know what Exalted is. So I'm no help, I'm afraid.
But: hey, well done for doing this! As any writer knows[citation needed], criticism is key to improvement. Otherwise, you just dig further and further into whatever mistakes you start out with. So I hope you find someone (or ones) to help you out!
hS
Hello, I'm an aspiring fanfic author. For awhile (some 7-5 years ago), I wrote truly terrible fanfiction, but had no idea, because all I got were generically positive reviews left by people who expected the same in turn. Fortunately, I read my own work at the end of every year, and tend to recognize when it is truly bad. However, knowing that it was bad didn't help me improve, so when, at 14, I finally recognized my first novel-length story as being terrible, I was so disheartened I stopped writing. Last year, however, after years of not writing, I tried my hand at it again, and am finally producing work I feel I can be proud of. Sadly, I'm still somewhat hindered by only having a few reviewers who really review.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tear my most recent work to shreds and give me an objective criticism of what I'm doing right, and, more importantly, what I'm doing wrong.
Fair warning, as well: My work tends to be pretty NSFW. It's not porn, but the violence can be fairly intense, I don't shy away from describing graphic injuries, and the source materials themselves are known for being pretty grimdark (one actually being the trope namer). Sexual content in my work isn't prevalent, but it does show up, though not in actual sex scenes.
The fanfic I'd like criticized is Ascendant Sun, Burning Moon. It's a crossover of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Exalted, so ideally I'd like someone familiar with both. If not both, though, you should probably be at least familiar with Exalted, as I'm told my story is more friendly to non-Buffy fans than non-Exalted fans.
Here is the link, and I thank you in advance for any aid you can offer:
http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-28231/InDrk+Ascendent+Sun+Burning+Moon.htm
Sincerely,
Fenrir666/Indrk (depending on which site you find me on)
First off, I don't know either canon. I heard about both, and I get the gist of BTVS, but know jack about Exalted.
In the prologue, we see both Buffy's, as well as some serial killer guy from the last century's exaltation (word?). That's good, as it establishes the connection between Buffy and Exalted.
We also see the club of ominous people talking about ominous fate things. This would be the point where you could establish further how the mechanics of the 'verses work in each others context, but the only thing we find out is that Buffy is a Solar Exalt(ed), which means that she could turn evil.
You say that you will explain things later on, but there's a difference between keeping things interesting and confusing everyone.
In the first real chapter, the first thing you do is to deny the existence of a character for... reasons. I think.
This chapter also seems more Buffy-centric, which sets the focus for the story. Thing is, if it's really Buffy with Exalted elements, then I'd go and give some more exposition about how the latter works.
Also, you kind of run rampant with the POV switches. The Xander paragraph could have been cut (especially since it wasn't even truly his POV, or does he know Buffy's name by then?) and there's two Buffy parts right after each other.
In general, this is a chapter for Buffy fans to judge in terms of character interactions. Also, no matter what a few of your reviewers say, causing confusion in the reader is a bad thing.
From then on, things get too specific to say anything.
And by the way, on the topic of confusion: Do you want us to give you concrit, or do you want us to do a mission on this?
I'm not sure what a concrit is, but any help you guys can offer is appreciated. And Exaltation is the process, Exalt or Exalted is the person. Thanks for the advice, as well.
But you do know what a mission is, right?
Wasn't this on Spacebattles? I thought I saw it there once.
Also, I would be interested in the group mission, once I finish my agents.
Yeah, that's where I consider the main story to be, since most of my serious reviewers are from there.
And it appears this story goes beyond my knowledge, since the last chapter appears to have Spike acting as a good guy. I also don't know Exalted. Perhaps a group mission could be in order? Anyone?
Wait, where is he acting like a good guy?! That's *definitely* not what Chapter 17 was trying to get across! Shoot, yeah, a Group Mission would be HUGELY appreciated, like, a LOT.
I only had a moment to glance at the story before work this morning.
When I get the chance, I'll make a better read-through of the fic to determine if my Buffy-knows are knowledgeable enough for me to get in on this!
Misread? Anyways, take your time, work comes first, of course:)
... while I have a working knowledge of Buffy, I don't even know what Exalted is. So I'm no help, I'm afraid.
But: hey, well done for doing this! As any writer knows[citation needed], criticism is key to improvement. Otherwise, you just dig further and further into whatever mistakes you start out with. So I hope you find someone (or ones) to help you out!
hS
Well, honestly, if you know enough about Buffy, you can get by. It's just that, well...a well-done Exalted fanfic will at first seem like a well-written badfic. Exalted is an RPG known largely for being ridiculously over the top and awesome, and the main 'heroes' of it, the Exalted themselves, will seem like Mary Sues at first. I don't think I can really explain it that well, so I offer you a link to the TVTropes page: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/TabletopGame/Exalted
I recommend reading it just to check out Exalted. It's a mega-awesome series of total coolness, and is just...well, check it out. You'll like it, I promise.