A six-agent, five(?)-Boarder mission into an MMPR Legendary that you intend to keep SFW despite the badfic's content? You are either ambitious or crazy.

One grammar error:
her pace and footing matching that of the other woman's
That wording is redundant: the "of" already signals possession; you don't need the "'s". Delete one or the other:

"her pace and footing matching that of the other woman"
OR
"her pace and footing matching the other woman's"

So, I wonder what regulations July will break for the greater good.

The ripping off of the name tag made me wince, but I assume that the new coveralls use Velcro?

Poor Nume, but I guess he deserved getting kneecapped?

Because having slept over what you said earlier, you damn well deserve one. :(

First off, given what I've been hearing that you'll be making this entire mission SFW, I'd be very interested in hearing about how you'll be handling that, because I was under the impression that Agony in Pink being extremely ultra-violent and NSFW/NSFB in general would likely have left very little room for writing material that didn't mention the sordidness of the subject matter. To write a SFW mission based on a very, very gruesome and horrifying badfic would be an interesting challenge, especially one as infamous as this. My guess is that it'd result in A) an exorcism and the unfortunate canon participants being sent to Medical, FicPsych, or both; B) at least one character replacement being killed offscreen or in a relatively clean fashion that doesn't imitate the level of gore seen in the fic itself; or C) both. Whatever the case, a dramatic, drawn-out execution scene with crazy deaths for every Suvian involved doesn't seem appropriate for such a drawn-out squickfest, and it would only make sense to end it off with a peaceful whimper rather than a gory bang. That's just speculation, though - the mission itself could take it in a different direction, who knows?

Interesting that July joined the military after running away from HQ. Having looked through all of the previous missions involving July and Library, I would be interested in learning of how she got drafted in the first place and her adventures as a soldier. That's likely a story for another time, though. Anyway, the fact that July kept several figurines and toys on her rack is a nice little touch, and to me it does smack of the notion that maybe she does miss visiting so many different continua and, somewhere deep down, she does want to go back, but her experiences there has made her deny that particular subconscious. Again, though, that's just a guess.

The reunion scene with July and Library (Calpurnia? Is that what she's known as now?) was very sweet, and I like how Library decided not to have a replacement partner because it wouldn't have been the same without the original July with her. The "Cal" nickname was a cute touch, too, and while I don't know if it'll be used more often I like that it cements the fact that even after all this time, they're still best friends - and their bond will need to be stronger than ever, all things considered.

Now, the meeting with the Flowers. This part specifically was what I got into trouble about in the first place. You were right in that July was the one who mentioned the Legendaries, and not the Flowers. In light of this, it was also totally wrong of me to straight-up request that the Flowers mention it. I wrote about a discussion of the "Sweet Apple Massacre" incident in one of my previous missions, and it was implied that only a select few people knew about what happened; there is absolutely no way that July would have been able to know of it. I was horribly careless, insensitive, and self-absorbed when I stated what I did earlier, because I didn't read the entirety of this work when I commented on it and my ego got the better of me that time. I cannot apologize enough for this mistake, and I will make sure to read the entire work before commenting as well as avoid bringing my own image into my feedback in the future.

With that being said, the entire meeting had a great sense of foreboding, especially the fact that multiple Flowers agreed to send July and Library into this abomination of a badfic, either because their own agents refused or they felt that these two were the most suited for the job. Probably both. At any rate it's good to see that the Flowers hold faith in some of their charges and that they hold July and Library in such esteem. And the part with July demanding that she do the whole thing her way, with no casualties or major trauma, is a great tieback to your stated endeavor to make the mission SFW, clean, and efficient. And the "Never Again Volunteer Yourself" bit was a funny little touch. XD

Now to the last part of the prologue. It was only fair that the agents get some backup, because this is a freaking Legendary, and if the Aviator's case is anything to go by, soloing a Legendary is a risky challenge at best. Fritz and Silas making a reappearance was unexpected but most welcome, since I loved reading of these two and I was hoping they'd come back for at least this mission. Their taking down Cupcakes was one of my favorite PPC readings and I would like to see how they handle something SO much worse. And of course, the Cafeteria scene. "Many governmental. So navy. Much military. Wow." was the line where I suspected that this was going to be golden - and "Very, very purposefully the wrong words" was where I cast aside all possible doubt. Starting up a mass brawl just to pick out Nume would totally be something July would do, and it's paid off beautifully. Grumpy Nume is grumpy as always, and July kneecapping him didn't help matters, but it made for a pretty neat interaction scene which showcases that even with their... problems... with each other... Nume is still willing to help, and that's what counts.

Finally, and most importantly, I am sincerely and deeply sorry for having been so unbelievably self-centered, inconsiderate, tasteless, and outright insulting. Not just on this occasion but during many, MANY previous instances where I posted and blurted out selfish, tactless words without thinking. I will do everything in my power from here on out to rid myself of this nasty habit, and I hope no hard feelings will arise from this incident, because dangit, I don't want any pointed at me.

And needless to say, I look forward to where this mission will go, and how everyone participating in all of this will (safely) handle the horror of Agony in Pink.

-SS

Despite the presence of the Board of Flowers - always a favourite of mine - and that amazing cafeteria scene with Nume, I still think the very best part of this is the interactions between July and Library. Exceptionally well done.

hS

I really liked the "cause a massive fight, then slip out of it just by rearranging your clothes" part. That was also quite the interesting way to sort out Cafeteria customers.

I wonder if the dustball is still going on now?



Anyways, Corolla's around in DoSAT and is pretty much as crazy as July is, so feel free to borrow her if you need more DoSAT techies or even mission backup.

I don't even know where to start! Um. The build-ups: very suspenseful. Even the first set of scenes, even though I knew that this is building up to "Agony in Pink," felt like they had such an impending wham for Agent July. (And, of course, they did!) The other was when July got "'allowance to do this my way,'" which got me all kinds of curious about what, exactly, you had going down. The scenes where July collects her first two team mates added to that buildup. The way she sorted Nume out of the cafeteria crowd was brilliant! The DoSAT scene especially had me perplexed at first, because I was only thinking about actively written agents. I didn't see Fritz and Silas coming at all, and it was super cool to see them on the page again. (Is Joe in on this, or are you just borrowing Fritz?)

Which leads to the next point of awesomeness: all the little nods you make to PPC continuity. From the obvious ones like Katie Cray and discussing the history of Legendary missions, to the subtle little nods to things like "Literally, Floaters" and Sally's dubious deputizing, make this whole piece feel like it's using the whole PPC as a firm foundation, and adds to its strength as a part of PPC history.

I love the reunion scene between July and Library. It's sweet, and shows that they care about each other, but without getting too dramatically emotional. Also excellent is the scene at Room One. You perfectly blended inter-character humor with the seriousness with which the Flowers viewed the AiP undertaking—the huge, but mostly unspeaking, crowd gets that point across all on its own, as does the Hyacinth's simple and straightforward delivery throughout.

And then, of course, there's that beautiful line I was gushing about in text last night. I'm not even going to to say it here in case some folks haven't figured it out yet, but yeah. It's still gorgeous, and I'm still gushing.

—doctorlit wishes he could clever like July

As far as I remember, your spin-off wasn’t actually my favorite back in the days when I read everything on the complete list of PPC fiction before joining the Board. But what I’ve seen from you since you returned – woah! There’s been a lot of development, either on your side or mine (or both). Over the past few years I learned a lot about the PPC and fandoms I didn’t know. I probably should go back and reread July and Calpunia’s story to see whether I can enjoy the diversity and originality more now. If I only had the time to do everything I want to do.

Nevertheless, even with beta readers of this caliber, some lines escaped the proofreading:

Out the door and back into the corridor, July fell into step next to Library, her pace and footing matching that of other woman's.
Shouldn’t this be either "matching the other woman’s" or "matching that of the other woman"?

We try to find two people each, and it should work out to hopefully enough.
Missing word "be"? I’m not sure whether this is intentional.

I think I might have accidentally on purposely sold myself to the US military ...
Shouldn’t this be either "on purpose" or "purposely"? Again, I’m not certain whether July making small mistakes in her dialogue is intentional.

Do look like a masochist?
As far as I know Nume, he wouldn’t leave out the "I"?

I’m looking forward to the actual mission, and how you’ll make this SFW.

HG

I know I've kind of been a sounding board for bits of this, on and off, but it'll be really interesting to see where this ends up going further. It's really nice to see July and Library together again, and I like the gathering of agents for unknown and nefarious porpoises. It's a great introduction to the mission and I'm really looking forward to reading more. =]

I'm almost looking forward to future installments despite my low tolerance for gore!

The Super Sentai series, specifically Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger, Gosei Sentai Dairanger, and Ninja Sentai Kakuranger, of which Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is based off of, belong to Toei Company

Not sure what you will be doing with Legendary badfic veterans, but I think it's a safe bet to say it will warrant an entry on our Awesome page on Tv Tropes. It also explains you were a bit frustrated by the way the fight in the Cafeteria almost turned into a foodfight.

Consider me hooked up for the sequel.

I am very scared for your agents now, especially given the subject matter they're going to tackle. Knowing the PPC, though, I'm sure they'll be able to pull through somehow. Best of luck with what's to come!

Also, a somewhat tangential question: Would "Sweet Apple Massacre" qualify as a Legendary? It's got its own KnowYourMeme article, it was first published in 2011, and the first 5 pages of Google results AT LEAST are related to it and the sheer revulsion directed at it. If it is a Legendary, well... Honestly, you'd think it'd have been mentioned during the Flowers' discussion on previously killed Legendary badfics, since in-universe the mission into it (which I'll address in a future story) happened sometime in April 2014. That's just my opinion, though.

First of all? Good job. No, great job.

Won't comment too much more other than to say it felt almost like a grand final season to a long-running TV show: bringing in a bunch of familiar faces to take down the Big Bad. I can't really explain it, other than to say I got a pretty good sense of grandness from the whole thing. I liked it.

Also, this line.

July glanced in the DAVD Head's direction. "Isn't this sort of mission supposed to be your department's actual thing? What with, y'know, all the violence?"

They all refused, the Big Thorn stated flatly.

This gave me some serious chills and did a great job showcasing just how insane this monster of a badfic is. Wow.

Definitely excited to see what happens next.