Subject: Awesome.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-05-22 16:55:00 UTC
Despite the presence of the Board of Flowers - always a favourite of mine - and that amazing cafeteria scene with Nume, I still think the very best part of this is the interactions between July and Library. Exceptionally well done.
hS
Hope everyone enjoys.
Thanks to Huinesoron, PoorCynic, and Neshomeh for their assistance in beta reading.
-July
A six-agent, five(?)-Boarder mission into an MMPR Legendary that you intend to keep SFW despite the badfic's content? You are either ambitious or crazy.
One grammar error:
her pace and footing matching that of the other woman's
That wording is redundant: the "of" already signals possession; you don't need the "'s". Delete one or the other:
"her pace and footing matching that of the other woman"
OR
"her pace and footing matching the other woman's"
Keeping it SFW is more of a challenge than just going and showing everything, which in some ways is a bit pointless.
As far as the count for boarders go, Neshomeh and Joe both very generously allowed me use of their characters and helped aid in the writing of the dialogue.
So, I wonder what regulations July will break for the greater good.
The ripping off of the name tag made me wince, but I assume that the new coveralls use Velcro?
Poor Nume, but I guess he deserved getting kneecapped?
Apologies for the delay!
As for what sort of things she does or doesn't that are the norm, those will come up in the next portion soon enough.
The issued FRVs do use Velcro for those, yeah.
And I wouldn't say he deserved getting kneecapped. It just turned out that way.
-July
Because having slept over what you said earlier, you damn well deserve one. :(
First off, given what I've been hearing that you'll be making this entire mission SFW, I'd be very interested in hearing about how you'll be handling that, because I was under the impression that Agony in Pink being extremely ultra-violent and NSFW/NSFB in general would likely have left very little room for writing material that didn't mention the sordidness of the subject matter. To write a SFW mission based on a very, very gruesome and horrifying badfic would be an interesting challenge, especially one as infamous as this. My guess is that it'd result in A) an exorcism and the unfortunate canon participants being sent to Medical, FicPsych, or both; B) at least one character replacement being killed offscreen or in a relatively clean fashion that doesn't imitate the level of gore seen in the fic itself; or C) both. Whatever the case, a dramatic, drawn-out execution scene with crazy deaths for every Suvian involved doesn't seem appropriate for such a drawn-out squickfest, and it would only make sense to end it off with a peaceful whimper rather than a gory bang. That's just speculation, though - the mission itself could take it in a different direction, who knows?
Interesting that July joined the military after running away from HQ. Having looked through all of the previous missions involving July and Library, I would be interested in learning of how she got drafted in the first place and her adventures as a soldier. That's likely a story for another time, though. Anyway, the fact that July kept several figurines and toys on her rack is a nice little touch, and to me it does smack of the notion that maybe she does miss visiting so many different continua and, somewhere deep down, she does want to go back, but her experiences there has made her deny that particular subconscious. Again, though, that's just a guess.
The reunion scene with July and Library (Calpurnia? Is that what she's known as now?) was very sweet, and I like how Library decided not to have a replacement partner because it wouldn't have been the same without the original July with her. The "Cal" nickname was a cute touch, too, and while I don't know if it'll be used more often I like that it cements the fact that even after all this time, they're still best friends - and their bond will need to be stronger than ever, all things considered.
Now, the meeting with the Flowers. This part specifically was what I got into trouble about in the first place. You were right in that July was the one who mentioned the Legendaries, and not the Flowers. In light of this, it was also totally wrong of me to straight-up request that the Flowers mention it. I wrote about a discussion of the "Sweet Apple Massacre" incident in one of my previous missions, and it was implied that only a select few people knew about what happened; there is absolutely no way that July would have been able to know of it. I was horribly careless, insensitive, and self-absorbed when I stated what I did earlier, because I didn't read the entirety of this work when I commented on it and my ego got the better of me that time. I cannot apologize enough for this mistake, and I will make sure to read the entire work before commenting as well as avoid bringing my own image into my feedback in the future.
With that being said, the entire meeting had a great sense of foreboding, especially the fact that multiple Flowers agreed to send July and Library into this abomination of a badfic, either because their own agents refused or they felt that these two were the most suited for the job. Probably both. At any rate it's good to see that the Flowers hold faith in some of their charges and that they hold July and Library in such esteem. And the part with July demanding that she do the whole thing her way, with no casualties or major trauma, is a great tieback to your stated endeavor to make the mission SFW, clean, and efficient. And the "Never Again Volunteer Yourself" bit was a funny little touch. XD
Now to the last part of the prologue. It was only fair that the agents get some backup, because this is a freaking Legendary, and if the Aviator's case is anything to go by, soloing a Legendary is a risky challenge at best. Fritz and Silas making a reappearance was unexpected but most welcome, since I loved reading of these two and I was hoping they'd come back for at least this mission. Their taking down Cupcakes was one of my favorite PPC readings and I would like to see how they handle something SO much worse. And of course, the Cafeteria scene. "Many governmental. So navy. Much military. Wow." was the line where I suspected that this was going to be golden - and "Very, very purposefully the wrong words" was where I cast aside all possible doubt. Starting up a mass brawl just to pick out Nume would totally be something July would do, and it's paid off beautifully. Grumpy Nume is grumpy as always, and July kneecapping him didn't help matters, but it made for a pretty neat interaction scene which showcases that even with their... problems... with each other... Nume is still willing to help, and that's what counts.
Finally, and most importantly, I am sincerely and deeply sorry for having been so unbelievably self-centered, inconsiderate, tasteless, and outright insulting. Not just on this occasion but during many, MANY previous instances where I posted and blurted out selfish, tactless words without thinking. I will do everything in my power from here on out to rid myself of this nasty habit, and I hope no hard feelings will arise from this incident, because dangit, I don't want any pointed at me.
And needless to say, I look forward to where this mission will go, and how everyone participating in all of this will (safely) handle the horror of Agony in Pink.
-SS
As for how it will be SFW, no worries, you'll see like everyone else as it goes on. It's true that AiP is fairly NSFW and NSFB, and how I'm going to do it will be revealed in the due course of time. :)
As for being in the military, the correct term is 'enlisted', and in her/my case, 'sailor'. I've still got backspaces I can fill with stories for this particular spin-off, and I may do so in the course of time; one of those I would certainly handle is why July retired in the first place and went on to join a very different sort of organization. And a good eye for detail as far as everything on the rack shelf goes, too.
As for Library, Calpurnia is her first name. She's a very formal sort of person and goes by her last name when it comes to missions.
"Never Again Volunteer Yourself" is a very important motto in the navy.
As far as the Flowers go, they do have to have some trust in all of their agents, otherwise there wouldn't be a PPC, or at least one that does the level of recruiting there is.
I can't say for sure, but I suspect that Nume has a soft spot when it comes to his own partner, which is probably why July finally resorting to bringing up Library worked. As compared to bodily violence. Funny, that.
As far as owning up to your mistakes, and apologizing, thank you. I appreciate it. Like you said, it's absolutely a habit you need to work on. It does result in a change in how other people see you and are willing to treat you. If you make an effort to be more open to letting other people do their thing and occasionally take the backseat and not let your ego trample over them, you're going to find much more opening up to you in the community in terms of writing partners, people being willing to beta for you, and people wanting to talk to you in general.
Being willing to listen will also result in your own writing improving, too, between soaking in suggestions and learning new writing habits and better methods, and reaching a higher ability to work with betas who are willing to do an excellent job editing instead of telling you what you want to hear.
Try to keep that in mind, because now that you've shown that you can listen when someone bonks you on the nose for bad behavior, others will probably be more willing to tell you to knock it off in the future, too.
-July
Despite the presence of the Board of Flowers - always a favourite of mine - and that amazing cafeteria scene with Nume, I still think the very best part of this is the interactions between July and Library. Exceptionally well done.
hS
How much you enjoy the chorus of Flowers that is no small task indeed.
-July
I really liked the "cause a massive fight, then slip out of it just by rearranging your clothes" part. That was also quite the interesting way to sort out Cafeteria customers.
I wonder if the dustball is still going on now?
Anyways, Corolla's around in DoSAT and is pretty much as crazy as July is, so feel free to borrow her if you need more DoSAT techies or even mission backup.
There's a reason I gave people the ability to join in with the RP on the other board.
As far as backup goes, I've already got that sorted, no worries.
-July
I don't even know where to start! Um. The build-ups: very suspenseful. Even the first set of scenes, even though I knew that this is building up to "Agony in Pink," felt like they had such an impending wham for Agent July. (And, of course, they did!) The other was when July got "'allowance to do this my way,'" which got me all kinds of curious about what, exactly, you had going down. The scenes where July collects her first two team mates added to that buildup. The way she sorted Nume out of the cafeteria crowd was brilliant! The DoSAT scene especially had me perplexed at first, because I was only thinking about actively written agents. I didn't see Fritz and Silas coming at all, and it was super cool to see them on the page again. (Is Joe in on this, or are you just borrowing Fritz?)
Which leads to the next point of awesomeness: all the little nods you make to PPC continuity. From the obvious ones like Katie Cray and discussing the history of Legendary missions, to the subtle little nods to things like "Literally, Floaters" and Sally's dubious deputizing, make this whole piece feel like it's using the whole PPC as a firm foundation, and adds to its strength as a part of PPC history.
I love the reunion scene between July and Library. It's sweet, and shows that they care about each other, but without getting too dramatically emotional. Also excellent is the scene at Room One. You perfectly blended inter-character humor with the seriousness with which the Flowers viewed the AiP undertaking—the huge, but mostly unspeaking, crowd gets that point across all on its own, as does the Hyacinth's simple and straightforward delivery throughout.
And then, of course, there's that beautiful line I was gushing about in text last night. I'm not even going to to say it here in case some folks haven't figured it out yet, but yeah. It's still gorgeous, and I'm still gushing.
—doctorlit wishes he could clever like July
Right off the bat, I'm absolutely glad you enjoyed it.
Unfortunately I suspect Nume doesn't agree with that particular assessment. As far as Joe goes, I'm only borrowing Fritz.
I'm glad you caught as many of those references as you did! It's something of a "who's who" of cameo roles and mentions in the cafeteria scene alone, for instance. This mission is basically my love song to the PPC, and I wanted to get as much of that across as possible without making the mission itself difficult to read for newcomers. So hopefully I am succeeding there.
I'm glad you enjoyed both scenes. I tried to keep the reunion simple, and not let the Flowers steal the show too much with the second.
And as for that text, you'll see what it means soon enough.
-July who knows doc can write as cleverly as she can
If doc's reaction to Blank Sprite's latest chapter is to go by. We're bringin in too much awesome, I'm afraid.
As far as I remember, your spin-off wasn’t actually my favorite back in the days when I read everything on the complete list of PPC fiction before joining the Board. But what I’ve seen from you since you returned – woah! There’s been a lot of development, either on your side or mine (or both). Over the past few years I learned a lot about the PPC and fandoms I didn’t know. I probably should go back and reread July and Calpunia’s story to see whether I can enjoy the diversity and originality more now. If I only had the time to do everything I want to do.
Nevertheless, even with beta readers of this caliber, some lines escaped the proofreading:
Out the door and back into the corridor, July fell into step next to Library, her pace and footing matching that of other woman's.
Shouldn’t this be either "matching the other woman’s" or "matching that of the other woman"?
We try to find two people each, and it should work out to hopefully enough.
Missing word "be"? I’m not sure whether this is intentional.
I think I might have accidentally on purposely sold myself to the US military ...
Shouldn’t this be either "on purpose" or "purposely"? Again, I’m not certain whether July making small mistakes in her dialogue is intentional.
Do look like a masochist?
As far as I know Nume, he wouldn’t leave out the "I"?
I’m looking forward to the actual mission, and how you’ll make this SFW.
HG
As far as my spin-off goes, I would never say it was necessarily the best-written, but I always tried to do different things with it to some extent or another. I still have a few very old missions (and not so old) that I intend to get around to finishing someday to plug into some of the holes.
The two lines where July's dialogue is non-standard grammar are on purpose; the other two aren't, and I've fixed those. Now it's just a matter for the published version to update to it.
I'm very glad you enjoyed this first part; you've definitely a high standard to reach!
As for how the rest of this is SFW, well, you'll see soon enough.
-July
I know I've kind of been a sounding board for bits of this, on and off, but it'll be really interesting to see where this ends up going further. It's really nice to see July and Library together again, and I like the gathering of agents for unknown and nefarious porpoises. It's a great introduction to the mission and I'm really looking forward to reading more. =]
I definitely plan on having this one end strongly.
-July
I'll probably take a bunch of notes from this; I'm kind of terrible at writing decent endings, so it'd be nice to see how you go about doing it. =]
I'm almost looking forward to future installments despite my low tolerance for gore!
The Super Sentai series, specifically Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger, Gosei Sentai Dairanger, and Ninja Sentai Kakuranger, of which Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is based off of, belong to Toei Company
She had three betas, who are, IMHO, three of the best betas the PPC has. Don't you think they'd have mentioned it if it was important? What you're suggesting is similar to disclaiming the Hans Christian Andersen fairytale in a Frozen mission.
You could've given July some feedback about her actual writing, and then suggested—note suggested, politely—that she credit the original show. By not doing so, the message you've sent is: "I don't care about this story or the work you put into it at all, but I am going to go out of my way to demand a favor of you anyway."
It's good that you apologized. Making restitution with an actual review would be wise, too.
~Neshomeh
I posted the first one due to a miss click, having barely started the thing. I look forward to reading future chapters over summer break.
~Mattman, who's still really sorry if he came off a bit rude there.
I don't especially buy the story that it was a misclick, considering it was your subject title and you only decided to go with this as an excuse after two other people confronted you on it.
That said, the elements present in Agony in Pink have nothing to do with the sentai canons that MMPR was very loosely modeled on.
-July
Not sure what you will be doing with Legendary badfic veterans, but I think it's a safe bet to say it will warrant an entry on our Awesome page on Tv Tropes. It also explains you were a bit frustrated by the way the fight in the Cafeteria almost turned into a foodfight.
Consider me hooked up for the sequel.
I would rather things I write not end up on the TvTropes page, sorry. I'm not much a fan of TvTropes in general.
That said, I'm certainly glad you seem to enjoy it, and hopefully will enjoy the next part as well!
-July
I am very scared for your agents now, especially given the subject matter they're going to tackle. Knowing the PPC, though, I'm sure they'll be able to pull through somehow. Best of luck with what's to come!
Also, a somewhat tangential question: Would "Sweet Apple Massacre" qualify as a Legendary? It's got its own KnowYourMeme article, it was first published in 2011, and the first 5 pages of Google results AT LEAST are related to it and the sheer revulsion directed at it. If it is a Legendary, well... Honestly, you'd think it'd have been mentioned during the Flowers' discussion on previously killed Legendary badfics, since in-universe the mission into it (which I'll address in a future story) happened sometime in April 2014. That's just my opinion, though.
You're kind of asking "Why didn't you mention a mission I haven't even written yet about a fic that hasn't been labeled an official Legendary?" Which is kind of impossible and (pardon my bluntness) comes off a little bit as self-centered. :/
I didn't specifically ask that it be mentioned but my tone may have come off as being like that, and I apologize for it. I should've worded my question as "Would SAM be considered a Legendary?" without tacking on anything else, which was the question I was intending to ask and not, well, "Why wasn't this mentioned here?"
Your first response came off as straight up egotistical and thoughtless. You spent more words focusing on something that serves your own ends than any actual feedback.
"I should've worded my question as "Would SAM be considered a Legendary?" without tacking on anything else, which was the question I was intending to ask and not, well, "Why wasn't this mentioned here?""
Except this isn't what you had said.
You spent more time focusing on this badfic you to have be percieved as legendary by the rest of the community that you... chose to mention it in a thread for a mission plug rather than any of the legendary badfic prosal threads we had a few months back or to make your own at any point between then and now.
You say it was killed in-universe in 2014. Again, your words were "Honestly, you think it'd have been mentioned during the Flowers' discussion on previously killed Legendary badfics, since in-universe the mission into it (which I'll address in a future story) happened sometime in April 2014".
You can't just claim something of the import you are claiming it has should be known to have been killed in-universe two years ago, when you haven't actually done so. Especially not when the claim page says you claimed it March of this year. You did outright say it should have been mentioned in Flowers' discussion if it was in fact a legendary. There's a problem with this because it wasn't the Flowers bringing them up at all. It was the former agent July. This seems like something you would have mentioned correctly in your response if you didn't come off as so concerned that your non-existent mission wasn't name dropped alongside all these others.
Sometimes you have to decide to actually make writing things a priority, instead of declaring that it occurred and expecting everyone else to play along with you. The PPC is a shared universe, yes, but it's also very modular- I don't have to acknowledge anyone's spin-offs, and neither do you; the only thing that is canon that we have to follow is the Original Series. No one here, including me, is obliged to humor anyone else's. I could, if I chose to do so, decide to make hS very sad by ignoring his lovely detailed worldbuilding canon and come up with my own ideas of how the PPC formed; there's nothing stopping me aside from the fact that it'd possibly make Huinesoron upset. But I respect Huinesoron, and like the things he writes, so as far as my writings in the PPC goes, his stuff, of which there is a heck a lot of, is canon. Shared respect for the writing of others is one of the things that make the PPC work.
I spent a good day trying to figure out how to respond to your posts in here. I apologize to everyone for the acerbicness of this reply and have tried to keep it from coming off that way, but you've repeatedly shown yourself as being much more concerned with how to serve yourself and your own spin-off, rather than just being content to comment on the works of others in the community without tying it back to yourself and how it should relate to you.
Please think on how this sort of thing reflects on you.
"Does it matter"? You spork stuff because it's bad, not because it's infamous.
First of all? Good job. No, great job.
Won't comment too much more other than to say it felt almost like a grand final season to a long-running TV show: bringing in a bunch of familiar faces to take down the Big Bad. I can't really explain it, other than to say I got a pretty good sense of grandness from the whole thing. I liked it.
Also, this line.
July glanced in the DAVD Head's direction. "Isn't this sort of mission supposed to be your department's actual thing? What with, y'know, all the violence?"
They all refused, the Big Thorn stated flatly.
This gave me some serious chills and did a great job showcasing just how insane this monster of a badfic is. Wow.
Definitely excited to see what happens next.
That is certainly the goal I was aiming for.
I hope you'll be able to enjoy the rest once I release it.