Subject: Larfen is on the case.
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Posted on: 2016-04-20 02:54:00 UTC

I might look a bit like a bowling ball that's been wrapped in a thick layer of fat and lard, but let me tell you, I have the brain of a super sleuth, the nose of a bloodhound, the eyes of a hawk and the fabulous legs of a Peruvian supermodel.

I've got you figured out, Miss.
You are 117 years old, and are the oldest living woman in the world.
Congratulations, Susannah Mushatt Jones!
Happy birthday, and don't die too soon, you old bird, you!

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