Subject: I can beta, if wanted. (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2016-03-25 21:53:00 UTC
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Beta requested. by
on 2016-03-25 15:47:00 UTC
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I'm going to be using this for my permission prompt. Do I need two files, or is having two prompts in the same story alright?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t_YGVaDahGSjbAETgac6Hkf4KUqFMcOGWcV1u6C0zuU/edit?usp=sharing -
New file for betaing by
on 2016-03-31 16:59:00 UTC
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I transferred the major changes into a new file.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/108sqm4_79vMO-09NG4DYMSkxOSXonq9DlRVaKCv3X6c/edit?usp=sharing -
I hate planets of hats. by
on 2016-03-29 16:15:00 UTC
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It seems that species names seem to be the same name as the planet and nationality. I don't capitalize human or cat, but to use hat planet naming conventions, we would be Terrans and the cats would be called Terran felines. Or would it be Terran Cat?
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Only if the cats are members of a Cat society. by
on 2016-03-29 18:04:00 UTC
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Species names are typically not capitalized, but names of distinct societies are. Thus, we speak of humans, and also Americans, Latinos, Muslims, etc; and we speak of cats, but never Cats. At least on this planet.
Similarly, in the Tolkienverse, we may speak of elves or Elves, hobbits or Hobbits, men or Men. Or Noldor, or Númenóreans, or Shirefolk, etc.
Sci-fi does tend to default to capitalization, and in the case of would-be utopian futures like Star Trek, that's because there's this conceit that in the far future each world learns to live and function together as one whole society, so there's an excuse for Terrans always being Terrans and Klingons always being Klingons. There may be divisions within each society, but when you're discussing Terran dealings with Klingons, the broadest categories tend to be the most important. It doesn't matter to the Klingons that Captain Kirk is an Iowan; it matters that he's a member of Starfleet and a Terran. Hence, caps.
However, as far as I know, cats are still just cats.
~Neshomeh -
I'm pretty sure they can be in the same--wait. by
on 2016-03-26 00:04:00 UTC
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If you mean can you have stories for both prompts in the same document, I'm pretty sure the answer is 'yes, just make sure it's clear where each one starts'. On the other hand, looking at your wording and the doc makes me think you meant 'can I write one story using both prompts', which...is a pretty neat idea, though I have no idea if that's an okay/done thing or not. Someone else want to clarify? Do we even have an answer for this yet?
A Bit of Light Betaing (because I noticed some things but don't actually have much free time right now):
In terms of the actual story, which I glanced through a very little bit (okay, I mainly read through the ending for some reason): I see you have a Klingon in there. That's cool! Is the Klingon meant to be a particular Klingon (I believe there are only two currently identified as agents--Morgan's former partner, and Kozar)? Or is he a new one? Either way, he needs a capital letter on 'Klingon' (see Memory Alpha for how it's used--which is quite simple: just capitalize it!--and for more information on Klingons).
Speaking of more information on Klingons: what September says to him? That should get her a *very* angry Klingon, not a Klingon who gets distracted by the ball of whatever it is (do I...want to know? My current guess is 'horse dung', except...from the centaur? Which sounds like a slur against centaurs, but...)
And, of course, speaking of the ball and the interaction with the Klingon and everything: it seems...kind of nonsensical. Even leaving aside the Klingon not really reacting to the insult apart from stomping over, I don't understand what the ball is, why it's there, what the Klingon knows about it (or why he should care), and, perhaps most importantly, why the Klingon feels so urgently responsible for it that it's the only thing he focuses on.
Also: er, would a Babysitters Club character really swear like that? I was under the impression they didn't really do that in those books, though my knowledge admittedly comes from the first few Snark Squad reviews of the books and not from reading them myself. Also: Babysitters, no apostrophe. There's some ridiculous reason in one of the first few books.
One more small thing: Kelly says she comes from a "Ben 10 Men In Black crossover." Crossovers are generally denoted by either an x (as in Ben 10 x Men in Black) or a slash (as in Ben 10/Men in Black). As well, titles of movies, TV shows, books, magazines, and so on (probably games as well) are usually italicized, giving us "Ben 10/Men in Black crossover." And, lastly, Men in Black doesn't have 'in' capitalized, according to iMDB and grammar rules. (Similarly, Star Trek has no hyphen and gets italicized.)
...and one last thing: I don't see any mention of which prompts you've used, and I can't really guess (partly because I don't exactly have them all memorized). So: which prompts have you used? And might I suggest putting them somewhere visible in the doc, either before or after the story text?
Hope that helps a little.
~DF -
Re: I'm pretty sure they can be in the same--wait. by
on 2016-03-26 18:44:00 UTC
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Based on Iximaz's and Desdendelle's advice, I stopped reading the prompts and just hoped I hit some by accident. I went with random wackiness because someone else complained that I could name a lot of wacky things but didn't have my team do any of them.
Thanks for clearing up my research failures on the spellings.
The ball is an idiot ball. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotBall I'll see about adding an explanation earlier in the scene. I got a little clumsy about whether or not Kelly would recognize one on sight.
I see your point about Klingons. (And it was just a random alien with a distinct appearance.) I was thinking Worf, who has a lot more restraint than your typical Klingon. I'll try to keep B'Elanna Torres in mind as someone who grew up in the culture. (Great, now I want to write about Worf's childhood.)
Babysitters Club, the short answer is that September is college-age and had never heard of the Babysitters Club before she came to the PPC. She is still out of character when she yells that.
I consider any book that's supposed to be set in the Real World ends up as a World One variation with its own number. (I just want someone who came from World One while avoiding having someone from World One.) I almost wanted September to be from 2016 in a space-opera universe, but I couldn't remember which ones assumed that we would have colonies on the moon by now, or other significant changes to make Earth different than reality. SeaQuest was supposed to be set in 2017, I think. -
Character checks by
on 2016-03-25 16:06:00 UTC
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Kelly Stone is a human from a Ben 10 MIB crossover. She worked for a bunch of aliens who had an exorcism business. It was a scam because they would set up the hauntings.
She had polarized reading glasses which would prevent neuralysation. I would like for her to be able to keep the uncanonical technology.
Kelly has a mean streak, but mostly it should be directed towards Sues and badfic. Most of her moods are defined by how irritated she is. Almost nothing really surprises her. If she says "good job" and means it, she's actually really impressed.
Kelly is very picky about what she eats and drinks. She also hates getting substances on her, but getting muddy is considered highly annoying instead of something to freak out about. She prefers to keep her RC and equipment neat and tidy. This is not OCD, it's just recognizing that keeping things organized makes life easier.
Kelly is good at predicting what will go wrong and avoiding it. She has an almost obsession with the Ironic Overpower, which means that not having the worst thing try to happen is slightly disturbing for her.
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September Johnson came from an artist colony. The ideal personality type was Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. Since September was a more down-to-earth type, she was a bit of an outcast. She's also shy. She doesn't seem to have any special artistic talent. She would have been good at science if she had been encouraged to pursue it as a child. She loves science fiction.
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Tom had to leave the field because he couldn't control his non-specific mental problem when he doesn't get enough sleep.
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I hated writing the Orkan. Hopefully that plothole was lined with spikes. -
I can beta, if wanted. (nm) by
on 2016-03-25 21:53:00 UTC
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Thanks. by
on 2016-03-26 18:01:00 UTC
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Go ahead and use the copy I have up, or pull a copy to your own hard-drive and email me. I don't have internet access unless I go to the library, so I'll be slow to respond.
Don't be afraid to be thorough. -
Incoming! by
on 2016-03-28 01:06:00 UTC
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My sincerest apologies that this took forever. My thoughts, overall, are positive, and I enjoyed your characters. Here goes:
-I don't belief there needs to be a hyphen in "scuff marks."
-The transition between the following two sentences seems a bit abrupt. She then glanced at the console and wondered why it hadn't started to beep. That's when she noticed the message. How large is this message? Is it paper? Is it digital? How far away from the console is Kelly? A bit more description would make this bit more balanced.
-Should "zavronians" be capital?
-I believe "words" should be capital, as I've always seen it capitalised before.
-In the sentence “Na-Nu Na-Nu!" should the second "Na-Nu" be capital?
-The sentence She un-literally ran into her old acquaintance. is a bit strange. Did they just happen to be in the same hallway? I was a bit confused. By the context, Tom appears to be a janitor. Perhaps a small description of Tom would be nice?
- “Close your eyes and think about Dumbo.” Tom said. Grammar! Quick fix. "Close your eyes and think about Dumbo," Tom said.
-Tom is actually really interesting. I'm intrigued.
-Can someone "lightly bang" into the wall? I'm not sure that that description fits.
- “The co-ed showers are nicer than the guy ones, I don't know how the girl ones are." There should be a semicolon where there is a comma.
- I believe "generic surface" should be capitalised.
- Who is Larry? Is that a typo?
- Is there another scene after Kelly returns from her shower that makes her head to the Marquis de Sod? Or did she head there right after she shower? It is unclear.
- How can a speech be blasted? That confused me a bit, though I'm probably missing something.
My final question is this: there is more, correct? It feels a bit unfinished at the moment. -
I made another pass by
on 2016-03-29 17:08:00 UTC
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For the end, I sorta hit that point and thought "now what?" I'll see about continuing it this week.
Would "generic" be capitalized where it says "generic floor"?
Yeah, it was a typo. I can't really develop John was Tom until after I get permission because his origin might rely on the Marquis being able to tell people that they can't be assassins.
Someone capitalized Nanunanu on the wiki, so I'm not sure how it's spelled.
I got things a bit re-rewritten. I'm having trouble with the idiot ball explanation.