Whoops.
Er.
Sorry.

Alas, I have no cake to give, but please accept this humble cookie offering. They're homemade chocolate chip, my brother just baked them today.

Please note the lack of capital letters, because that's a very vital distinction to make here.

-July, in a dry navy

Kiss me!

Also happy birthday to you Matt!

Or, wait... should that be 'top o'the birthday to ya'?

hS, actually 1/4 Irish come to think of it

Have an exploding toothbrush (you never know when they'll come in handy).

*I hand it to you, then run and hide under a large green blanket* Nobody pinch me or I will lecture you about the history of the Catholic Church in Ireland until your eyes fall out from boredom, see if I don't!

Have this self-updating guidebook of all the deathtraps in the multiverse, with brand-new green cover *hides plastic used for covering it*.

And since you insisted, have some green tea. Please treat it better than Phobos.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

Khekhe-khekhe-

Since it is, in fact, your birthday, I will take the liberties of being you.
*clears throat dramatically*
CONGRATULATIONS, COMRADE, FOR YOU ARE ONE DAY CLOSER TO BEING GREETED BY THE GLORIOUS VOID! TODAY WE CELEBRATE THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH, WHEN IN FACT YOU ARE ONE DAY CLOSER TO INEVITABLE DOOM!
Hurrah! *tosses confetti*
Also, happy Saint Patrick's Day, and all that!