Subject: Maybe you should slow down a bit to avoid my nitpicks.
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Posted on: 2016-01-20 10:28:00 UTC

He held out a hand and the Aviator took it, standing as well and yawning.

They headed back to the castle as well, having to jog to keep up with the princess. They followed her through the front doors ...


Actually, I cannot pinpoint why the transition between these two paragraphs doesn’t feel right. It may just be the repetition of "as well" and of "They". Replace the first "They" by "The agents" and remove the second "as well"?

She yawned blearily, though the yawn turned into a yelp when their surroundings changed, dumping them in another flashback.
Shouldn't that be "into another flashback"?

The followed her all the way down to the stables, where she found Sofia grooming Minimus.
Should be "They".

He put his eye to the gap, watching with a sour taste in his mouth as he watched Sofia giggling with the Blue Sue about various things.
Watching as he watched? Sounds a bit repetitive.

Insert generic praise etc. I’m at work and don’t have time.

HG

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