Yeah, I like unconventional assassinations by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2015-12-29 11:46:00 UTC
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Alas, there may be some technical errors:
... gloated that Kaitlynn would never be as good as archery at him, smirk and all.
Should be "at archery as".
Za’kiir blinked, shocked once more by the sheer illogical possibility Sues possessed that enabled them to say so much in one breath.
Is "possibility" the right word here? I believe you meant "ability".
Is devinstangingly a word? I couldn’t find it in a dictionary. Is it an intentional misspelling of "devastatingly" and I don’t get the joke?
The Fellowship looked each other, stunned, before Legolas had his bow strung again.
Missing word "at"?
HG
A classic Sue meets a not-so-classic end. by
son_of_heaven176
on 2015-12-29 05:01:00 UTC
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Good mission. We haven't see a good old LOTR Sue in a while. (How old was this one? I hope that these things aren't still being written after all these years?!)
However, there are quite a few errors.
First of all, formatting. Partway in, the text color changes to gray and never turns back.
As for the story itself:
1) After thwarting of a surprise attack from Aragorn,
A rare double error. First, misspelling: That "of" is obviously supposed to be "off". Secondly, misuse: "thwart" is not followed by "off". The verb should just be "thwarting" -- no "off" -- or else a verb phrase that ends in "off," such as "fending off".
2) the Mini melon was born
As minis are created by misspelled names, "melon" shouldn't be a mini.
3) changing POVS without warning
It should be "POVs"(note the lowercase S), or better yet, spelled out as "points of view". As currently written, the "S" is part of the acronym.
4) Za’kiir deactivated the tool and looked across the lake at the characters. “It worked, thank Alkosh. Their eyes are distant, but canon will resume in a moment.”
By "tool," I am guessing you mean the neuralyzer? If so, then that clause is unneeded. Unless I'm misunderstanding something or Za'kiir somehow turned the neuralyzer into a flashlight, there is no need for him to "deactivate" it once the flash has come and gone.
Just read it... by
Hardric
on 2015-12-28 10:33:00 UTC
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The mission, and the death, were interesting, but I have some nitpicks.
-It was pointed out before, but Agent Cadmar is a textbook illustration of why you need Dummies.
-I'm not so sure the Watcher would actually remember the PPC.
I also spotted a typo here: “Oh brother,” Natalie muttered as she got up. Pretty sure you meant bother.