Subject: Re: New missions and interludes!
Author:
Posted on: 2015-12-22 07:28:00 UTC

First off, I want to apologize that so much of what I have to say is rather negative. Overall, I think your writing was very good, and I especially enjoyed the first mission. That said, my issues with some of the pieces are far more complicated than my enjoyment of the rest of them, and I'm afraid that I feel somewhat obligated to dedicate rather more words to.

As a minor criticism, I notice that Des seems to have his own set of nicknames that he uses for people. While that's an acceptable character trait, it gets a little confusing at times, as some of them aren't really intuitive to the reader. I was especially confused by the fact that he calls the Reader Saa, but the Librarian and the Aviator call her Xan.

I have to admit that I share hS's concerns with regards to "Excuses and Accusations." Overall, it just has a strong sense of mood whiplash to it. The Librarian's reaction is so over-the-top at first that it almost comes off as a form of black comedy, and then we go into a very personal exploration of his feelings. I mean, I understand where he's coming from, and I think you did a good job with it, but it just feels kind of uneven.

I also found the specific insults that he throws at the Aviator to be kind of uncomfortably crossing a line. I get that the Librarian's a jerk, but calling her a “whore” in particular is just so strongly and unnecessarily gendered and sexualized that it makes me flinch a bit. Maybe if he was someone cruder I could forgive it, but it didn't exactly fit his character; the Librarian's never shown any sort of gender-based prejudices, and there are several other insults he could have chosen. And I get that the Aviator isn't exactly in a state of mind to object specifically to that, and that it's a relatively minor issue in the grand scheme of things, but the fact that everyone just ignores it rubs me the wrong way.

Finally, I feel as if there are a few holes in the story. First off, it doesn't really make sense for the Riddle of the Osirians to be something that both the Aviator and the Reader are able to recognize at a glance, but the Librarian has to pour over. It seems to suggest that both of them possess significantly greater language skills than he does; but the Librarian has devoted years to studying this, whereas they only have a casual interest. I could excuse it for the sake of humor in a lighter piece, but considering the serious nature of the interlude, it just feels incongruous. Secondly – and more seriously – how the hell did the Librarian stay out of FicPsych? Destruction of his life's work or not, he just attacked a fellow agent over an ultimately frivolous matter. And from the PPC's perspective, the depression he sunk into afterwards is almost more dangerous. He needs serious counseling, not just from his friends but from a trained therapist. Frankly, the fact that he doesn't get that feels like a serious oversight, and, despite the PPC's many other flaws as a workplace, not one that it's likely to make at all.

I also had some issues with the end of “No More Mr Nice Guy.” I mean, I get that what the Librarian said to the Aviator was unkind, and I'm not trying to downplay the effects of PTSD or anything, but it doesn't seem to match up with her behavior earlier in the mission. I got the sense that she was significantly more upset about the fact that he'd nearly left her and Des to die than she was by his earlier remarks. And she seems to have gotten over both of those instances by the end of the mission. Perhaps if she'd thrown some sort of dig in at him for it later or something, that would have fit better, but as-is, it feels a bit as though the Aviator is bringing up the wrong issue. I'm not saying she should be over it or anything, but rather, that it doesn't seem to really come through how much she's holding it in until the end, and that, in combination with the fact that she was also upset over something that was probably more relevant to Des as well, just makes things feel kind of uneven, as if the two parts of the story don't match up terribly well.

Also making me kind of uncomfortable is the implication that Des responded by beating up the Librarian. Don't get me wrong, what the Librarian did was cruel and uncalled-for, but that doesn't exactly justify Des's behavior, either. Frankly, it comes off as though Des is bordering on abusive. This is especially in contrast to the way he responds to the Aviator nearly being killed by the Librarian. If he assaults her over an innocent remark, then his feelings are prioritized over her safety, but him being rude is deserving of a beating? Again, it feels unbalanced. It comes off a little bit as though the one who's the most upset is the one who deserves the sympathy in any situation, and while that's an understandable perspective to have, it's not really a healthy one. I'm not saying characters should always have to behave in the most rational way, either – but the fact remains that the whole situation feels extremely dysfunctional, and nobody seems to notice. Dysfunctional viewpoints aren't at all unusual in the PPC, but this is a rather more serious example than most, and the very fact that nobody takes issue with it all gives the readers the rather uncomfortable impression that they aren't supposed to see this as dysfunctional at all.

I'm sorry for how long this was, as well as how negative it comes off. You're all excellent writers and I did enjoy reading your missions. I just wanted to make sure that I expressed my concerns as clearly as possible, especially given that some of them stretch into serious real world territory.

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