Subject: This was fun.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-11-25 13:19:00 UTC
I like how the organisation felt both similar to, and different from, the normal PPC. I especially liked how the ship names were taken from standard PPC characters.
There was one word choice which seemed a little odd to me, 'The Lambda-class shuttle Constance span through the void'. I'd tend to use 'spun' as the past tense of spin myself, although that might just be because span has a different meaning in engineering terms (the distance between two supports of a beam, or the unsupported length of a cantilever beam).
Arikae's tactic at the end was an interesting one to think about. It's funny, all of the holograms we see in the films are semi-transparent, and usually blue-shifted. Not the sort of thing that you'd ever be able to mistake for the real thing. Yet I'm sure I've seen several similar tactics used in the EU, including at least on example where a decoy fleet of holographic ships distracted an Imperial fleet. Which, if I'm remembering it rightly, kind of implies that even the capital ships in Star Wars rely purely on visual targeting.
But yeah, it was good quick thinking on her part to come up with a distraction like that.
You've got some very nice lines, my favourite here was 'Arikae's eyes flickered open. "My everything hurts," she protested. "That's just not fair."'.
One other little thing that I've just noticed is that it started off with curly quotes, but switched to straight quotes in the early part of the third section (the one that starts with 'There is no passion; there is serenity.'.
- Irish