Subject: Well done
Author:
Posted on: 2015-11-22 20:06:00 UTC
Except
... she asked once she the pain had subsided a little.
One word too much.
HG
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Wednesday Pluggage: PPC AU. by
on 2015-11-18 10:17:00 UTC
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Yes, I'm going to try and put something out every Wednesday. We'll... see how that goes.
Way back in 2012, when the Transfictional Canonical Defence Authority was created by Pieguy, I made my own contributions to the 'PPC AUs' thread. One of those was a TCDA story; the other was a sketch/summary of a story set in a Star Wars AU of the PPC.
Three years later, I've finally finished writing the story in question. That's quite quick for me!
Fandom Protection Fleet: Far Far Away
(I have no plans to write more of the FPF; the entire setting is available for use by anyone, though.)
hS -
This was fun. by
on 2015-11-25 13:19:00 UTC
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I like how the organisation felt both similar to, and different from, the normal PPC. I especially liked how the ship names were taken from standard PPC characters.
There was one word choice which seemed a little odd to me, 'The Lambda-class shuttle Constance span through the void'. I'd tend to use 'spun' as the past tense of spin myself, although that might just be because span has a different meaning in engineering terms (the distance between two supports of a beam, or the unsupported length of a cantilever beam).
Arikae's tactic at the end was an interesting one to think about. It's funny, all of the holograms we see in the films are semi-transparent, and usually blue-shifted. Not the sort of thing that you'd ever be able to mistake for the real thing. Yet I'm sure I've seen several similar tactics used in the EU, including at least on example where a decoy fleet of holographic ships distracted an Imperial fleet. Which, if I'm remembering it rightly, kind of implies that even the capital ships in Star Wars rely purely on visual targeting.
But yeah, it was good quick thinking on her part to come up with a distraction like that.
You've got some very nice lines, my favourite here was 'Arikae's eyes flickered open. "My everything hurts," she protested. "That's just not fair."'.
One other little thing that I've just noticed is that it started off with curly quotes, but switched to straight quotes in the early part of the third section (the one that starts with 'There is no passion; there is serenity.'.
- Irish -
Oh! I missed this. ^_^ by
on 2015-12-02 10:47:00 UTC
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Span, spun... I don't know, actually. [Checks] Well, Wiktionary says 'span' is archaic and non-standard, then links to Reuters saying a truck span out of control. I'll change it for... it's not even clarity, just weirdness.
The holograms are something of a nod to the EU: the Museum of Applied Photonics is only seen when the Yuuzhan Vong conquer Obroa-skai; someone (the Warmaster, maybe?) comments that the New Republic ought to be mass-producing projectors, setting them to show X-wings, and throwing them at coralskippers. As you say, visual targetting. Mari-Suu would never be fooled for more than a couple of seconds - but that was all Arikae needed.
Argh, smart quotes! I really need to turn those off on GDrive, they're just annoying.
Anyhow: thank you for your review!
hS -
And I broke the HTML. Great :( (nm) by
on 2015-11-25 13:24:00 UTC
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Well done by
on 2015-11-22 20:06:00 UTC
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Except
... she asked once she the pain had subsided a little.
One word too much.
HG -
Thanks! Fixed. by
on 2015-11-23 09:13:00 UTC
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(But... what did you think of the story?)
hS -
Sorry, not much to say there by
on 2015-11-24 13:28:00 UTC
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I’m not a big fan of Star Wars, so holding my attention until the end is already an achievement (and it didn’t feel like I only read on because the task was not finished yet).
I may have realized something: The Tor-Kannen Crystal is another manifestation of the Kernel of the Multiverse, like the Key to Canon, and Dafid should really have taken Nita’s advice. (So I reread "Fallen Feathers", and I realized that there’s a word missing in She found herself the Rue Jay Thorntree ..., I just can’t avoid doing this.)
I’m not quite sure whether I understand the end. After rereading the last chapter: Where you going for "Technically Dafid could have destroyed Mari-Suu, the Tor-Kannen Crystal and himself at any time, but emotionally he couldn’t do it until he had said farewell to Arikae"?
He, you made me reread stories while I’m catching up with the inacceptable speed of less than one day per day. Now that’s an achievement.
HG -
That was lots to say. ^_^ Thank you! by
on 2015-11-24 14:25:00 UTC
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Yeah, Dafid would've been far better off if he'd just left the thing in pieces - but that was never something a mirror of Dafydd Illian would be capable of doing. ;) (Fixing the missing word now - and don't try to avoid doing it! We'd all rather have our typos spotted, believe me!)
As for the ending - heh, now you're making me reread it! Right, what I was going for is that Dafid is capable of destroying the Tor-Kannen Crystal - possibly because he was the one who put it together, or possibly as an innate property of the crystal - ... but only when Mari-Suu isn't occupying it. That means she has to be in his head - and that means he has to destroy the crystal in the split second between touching it and Mari-Suu claiming full control. He could only have done it earlier if she had given him full freedom of action at any point - which she didn't.
Also, given who he is... yeah, he probably wouldn't have managed until he'd said goodbye.
Thank you very, very much for the comments. It's always nice to see what people actually think!
hS -
Speaking about PPC AUs, paging Scapegrace by
on 2015-11-18 23:02:00 UTC
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What's the status of the Pokemon AU?
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I already answered that question. In this thread. =] (nm) by
on 2015-11-19 01:08:00 UTC
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Impressive. by
on 2015-11-18 15:32:00 UTC
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That's a great idea for an AU, although I couldn't probably be part of it; I get carried away pretty easely by my emotions, so I wouldn't make for a good Jedi (Although I think that the 'living droid' approach about them from the Order post-Ruusan was bound to cause disaster, but that's only personal opinion).
Let's hope that Episode VII will live up to the best parts of the Legends continuum.
(P.S.: How do you put italics here?). -
Oh, they don't have to be Jedi. by
on 2015-11-20 10:02:00 UTC
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Arikae certainly isn't one, and Dafid... uh... isn't a very good Jedi. ;) He's also very much one of the Legends-verse Yavin
academyPraxeum breed, not an Old Republic Jedi.
I am holding out a lot of hope for Episode VII. And half expecting it to be smashed, but still.
<i>This is in italics</i>.
hS -
Thanks for the answer. by
on 2015-11-21 07:54:00 UTC
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As for Dafid, even if he was not Feanorian to the basis, no Jedi could endure the Sues. must admit I findLegends-verse Jedi more realistic though, supressing any emotions like the Old Republic movieverse Jedi do is impossible, and really destructive too (That said Kotor Jedis...)
Think positive for Episode VII. If anything, it could always become Darths and Droids fodder, and you can trust them for the awesome. -
That's really cool. =] by
on 2015-11-18 15:08:00 UTC
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And now I have more impetus to work on the Pokémon AU. Like, at all. =]
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Thankis! (nm) by
on 2015-11-20 09:58:00 UTC
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