Subject: *dusts off her slightly crumpled hat*
Author:
Posted on: 2015-10-14 22:14:00 UTC

Hoom, hoom. Let's see...

Agents:
Let's start with Aiko. Since I don't know very much about the Digimom franchise, I'm afraid there's not much I can comment on in regards to how well it merges with canon. I was a tad disappointed I didn't get a good sense of what she looks like other than 'blue eyes blonde hair', but since that's not the most important thing we're looking for, I'll let it slide.

However, her personality section, I didn't feel like I really got an idea of who she is. "Due to her experience with her home fic, she dislikes ... Suvian children of canon characters (they make her look bad by association), and shipping in which either party (or a character “in the way”) is replaced/thrown wildly OOC, or where the designated third wheel gets killed off." These are both extremely common in fics; I don't think I've seen a single agent who likes these clichés. The dislike of "AU badfic (especially darker AUs)", however, makes a lot more sense, considering her backstory. While that, and the part about her relying too much on other people to be happy, are nice little nuggets of information and her personality, I'm left feeling like there should be a bit more to her.

On Henry: Ehhh. He looks like a decent character, but I find his backstory questionable. At age 19, he could have conceivably begun training as a Healer (thus explaining his utilization of healing spells), but instead, you say he was originally being trained as an Auror. While I can see him possibly picking up on a small handful of healing spells from his family members, the fact that he uses healing spells more than anything is... odd. Especially since they're generally supposed to be kind of difficult to perform. I could buy it if he was originally a Healer in training, but since he was an Auror, it just doesn't add up.

You did give me a bit better picture of what he looks like, so there's something. "Always seen wearing identical red and gold plain robes." is a sentece fragment, by the way, which leads me to...

SPaG
This was... not very good. Along with the aforementioned sentence fragment, here are some of the goofs I spotted.

"It was thankful that the students there had enchanted frogs to guide the way,"

I think perhaps you meant "It was a good thing that the students there had enchanted frogs".

"His troubles suddenly came to an end when he banged his head on a door, having distracted by the thought about a goodfic."

It looks like you're missing a word here. Perhaps "having been distracted by", though then the sentence would become even wonkier.

"So he waited a few minutes to see anyone was already there."

Another missing word; this should be "waited a few minutes to see if anyone was already there".

And that's just a sample; I don't want to go searching for everything I noticed and put them here.

I didn't notice as many SPaG errors in the second prompt, but I did notice something that started bugging me: consistency. You used !? in the first prompt, and ?! in the second. You'll want to make sure you're consistent in how you format thing.

The Prompts
I don't really have much to say here; I did like the second one more than the first, mostly because you did a pretty good job of showing Aiko's franticness in how she was flinging stuff everywhere, rather than just telling us she was panicked.

The first prompt, though, I felt was just 'eh'. You had a lot more of telling and a lot less of showing. For example:

"“Wow, how often do you see two non-canon children OCs in the same place? Guess both of you were Sues back in the day,” Henry said somewhat thoughtlessly."

We can see for ourselves that Henry's comment is thoughtless, so you don't need to inform the readers as such.

"At this point Henry figured it was best to concede defeat. These girls sure could scary when they got angry."

This one actually jarred me out of the story, because the way it was written gave me the sense that Aiko was more sad-upset than 'angry-upset. So when what I was told differed from what I was shown, it threw me off.

Overall, I think you've got a lot of potential, but for now I'm going to have to say Permission Denied. Here's to wishing you better luck next time.

And... speaking of next time, you might want to wait a bit. When your last Permission request is still visible on the front page, that tells me you didn't take enough time to think over your prompts. And, well, it kind of showed here.

So be patient, polish it as best you can, and you'll be able to present a much better request next time. :)

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