More errors. by
son_of_heaven176
on 2015-10-04 04:15:00 UTC
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Womb Raider
1) “Don’t disguises always change your outfits? And your species too every now and then.”
Punctuation errors. Consider this: “Don’t disguises always change your outfits? And your species, too, every now and then?”
2) He did so albeit rather reluctantly, ultimately asking about her research instead of confessing his true feelings to her.
Missing comma before "albeit".
3)The agents scrambled for cover behind some random stalactites and watched them struggle.
So the agents can walk on ceilings? If not, the word you're looking for is "stalagmites." Remember: "C" for ceiling (stalactite); "G" for ground (stalagmite).
4) “unsafe bondage removal method i.e. risk of accidental immolation”
Missing commas: “unsafe bondage removal method, i.e., risk of accidental immolation”
5) “Is nearly being impaled by those things a commonplace work hazard?” asked Backslash, glancing nervously at her line turned makeshift javelin.
Missing hyphens: "glancing nervously at her line-turned-makeshift javelin"
That aside, that was a very interesting mission. It was certainly better written than the badfic!
Just pointing out possible technical errors by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2015-09-30 08:52:00 UTC
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Artificial Stupidity:
Y’know, for a little piece of plastic, wires, and computer parts, you seem to have as much of a personality of an actual agent.
Shouldn’t this be "as an actual agent"?
Then let’s get this pile of Schiessdreck out of the way...
German spelling error, should be "Scheißdreck" (or "Scheissdreck", if you don’t know how to type ß).
Womb Raider:
After she wiped her perpetually bare feet on the Animal Crossing welcome mat and made her way into the main room, the first thing she saw was her partner on the sofa, enjoying their Wii U as usual.
I think this should be "she had wiped" (past perfect), because wiping her feet happened before Whitney made her way into the room.
After the radio conversation ended, the Stu and Lara made their way to an underground bunker, where they found Sam, an older guy she was apparently talking with.
I don’t understand this sentence, maybe because I don’t know the canon. Is Sam female? Or is he the older guy? Who is "she" then?
"... where they found Sam and an older guy ..." might make some sense?
“But but I love her please you gotta undrstand” James screamed over the wind.
He handed the notebook back to his partner and unsheathed his disguised Monado replica.
Who is "he"? The last male person mentioned was James.
"No no, it’s fine," she replied, before turning give him an apologetic look.
Missing word "to"?
HG
Error on the Dragon's Triangle thing by
Mattman The Comet
on 2015-09-28 01:28:00 UTC
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Sweet Philemon, there is so much awesome here. by
Hardric
on 2015-09-27 18:10:00 UTC
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PPC always needs more sentient pieces of tech, they can be so funny and crazy. You're a genius, creating all these characters, all of them being unique in their own twisted way. I discovered Backslash and Whitney here, and I already like them as much as your other teams.
It's really a pity if you're really downsizing the number of your agents, but hey, if you think it's for the best...
I hope you'll enjoy this break from writing, and you'll come back with other great ideas. ^^