Excluding Bramandin, the following people have implicitly agreed to the Nameless Admin being permitted to block Bramandin: Tomash, doctorlit, Hieronymus Graubart, Novastorme, Edhelistar, Huinesoron.

If three more approvals are given (taking the total to nine) with no disagreements, the Nameless Admin will block Bramandin's current IP address, and the one she used prior to this unblocking.

This is not a request for approval of the proposal itself; just of the Nameless Admin being permitted to block Bramandin without a community ban.

I should adopt the attitude that everything that happened was my fault. It is not completely truth, but I should try to accept it anyway. Failing that, I MUST forgive the board of any perceived trespasses before moving forward.

I accept that I am exceptional. I am special as in special education. Most of the "rules" that I should operate under are givens for just about everyone else.

I will shut up about it.

I apologize for seeming to be impossible to reason with. I am listening. There is still some lingering "treating you as you've treated me" going on; I will break that habit and start fresh.

I get the feeling that there are some things that I've done as Bramandin that should be apologized for, but I can't identify them. If you want an apology, now is the time to point it out. I truly do not understand.

When I come back, it will be as TooPurple. This is not meant to confuse anyone, but it will be symbolic of me separating myself from the past. http://www.tarot-reading.net/tarot_cards/major/13.htm I should stay away until I am reborn. zdimensia and Bramandin can be treated as ghosts.

I feel that I should defend myself. I feel like I should dispel the zdimensia bogyman. I have accomplished that the mistakes have been acknowledged. I feel that this is not closed yet.

I acknowledge that my presence made your introduction to the PPC rocky. I acknowledge that I remind you of past mistakes.

I do not want the PPC as a sounding board for anything other than writing problems. Though it was because of them that I discovered that there might still be something wrong with me.

I apologize for all the beta problems. I especially apologize to Skarmory for jumping-the-gun, and I have learned from that at least.

You are under no obligation to help me, even after the Duckletts are in a row. I'll look for a support group or something. I mean that with no malice, and you are welcome to choose to contact me.

For the fear of potential backlash: You are saying it clearly and should not be chastised.

I am still very confused at what went wrong in my initial permission attempt.

Maybe I didn't ask people to make themselves clearer in the proper way. Maybe there was a preconception that I should be angry when I knew that I wasn't going to make it on my first attempt.

I am also confused about a lot of what you are accusing me of. I might have missed responding to concrit. Or did I do it wrong? In my mind, it's "I agree with you. I'll work more on that thing that you pointed out." There has been very little "I'll leave it as-is because of reasons" on the board.

I do remember asking why they took a void and assumed malice, in reference to one of my characters. I still don't understand.

I think that it was your subconscious making you distrust me. Either you recognized me, or you recognized yourself.

I am still unaware of when I was disrespectful and what I should apologize for.

As far as harassing them, I was unaware of that social construct, and thought that they were being rude. What I was after was information on what I should apologize to them for. I have learned from that. I think that the board also learned from that.

I just read your message explaining why you intended to send out your number in the first place. That seems somewhat more acceptable than, well, outright stalking. Emphasis on "somewhat", though - we literally just dealt with private information being mishandled two months ago, and I certainly don't need a repeat of that. If I did misunderstand things I apologize for going overboard, AGAIN. Regardless, I can't really help you, and I don't feel like doing so save for the obvious advice to see someone about your issues, because we aren't the right people to help you with them.

Please leave me out of this drama from now on. I can't trust you anymore, not after this entire thing.

A lot of people are seeing Bram as someone who's manipulating the community (see, for example, in the post I'm replying to, Miah's description of Bram's recent posts as trying to bait people into letting her get away with her behavior). I, in what might be a fit of unfounded optimism, don't see it.

I see that Bramadin has a very poor understanding of the typical social protocols we, as a community, expect people to generally follow. This lack of understanding is severe enough that I don't think Bram can have many healthy interactions with the community at this time. Bram, I think it would be best for you to take some time off from here, go get the help with social interaction that we aren't equipped to provide, and then return here if you still want to. Heck, it might even be useful to talk to someone more equipped to help you about all this.

I was going to call for Bram to retract (or at least stop pressing) her claims that we were intentionally being abusive during the Permission process, but she's
Back to the main point, I don't think that Bram's conduct is banworthy (even though it isn't good). Banning someone is, from what I can tell, for when their behavior significantly harms the continued proper functioning of the community. For example, unapologetic bigotry is banworthy because it makes large swaths of people (either who are here or who might be here) feel sufficiently unwelcome that it freezes them out of the community.

From this perspective, the question is whether Bramadin's profound lack of understanding of the norms of neurotypical social interaction, which is an effect of her mental illness and which (from what I can see) she is attempting to remedy, has enough of a negative impact on other people's use of the community to justify hurling her out the door forever. (The word "use" in the previous sentence is meant to draw an analogy to the "use" of a real-life bulletin board or park). I don't think it is, and so I'm still voting against a ban. (To be clear, I think the recent harassment situation has been resolved, partly by hanging that temporary ban over Bram's head, so I don't think there's still something banworthy there.)

I also don't like how this ban vote would generalize. For example, I think charges like this could be leveled against Scapegrace, and I don't think she's earned a ban either.

- Tomash

(Delta's note: Expect a reply from me in the near future!)

I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable.

How is admitting that I made mistakes too "no acceptance of wrongdoing?"

I have the feeling that you are trying to twist my words around and build up the myth that I have intentions of being a jerk. You don't know what's in my head, so please don't have the preconception that I am evil.

The more mature posts are genuine; they were when I was casting my hurt aside. I will cast the hurt aside permanently.

I am satisfied that you didn't mean to hurt me and that it's been acknowledged that I was hurt.

I'm sorry with the beta thread. I took something literally and thought we were done here. I'm not out to get sympathy.

I have been dishonest, and I am sorry. I didn't like it and I never want to lie again.

I am still unaware of the problems people seem to have with Bramandin. I am trying, and people say that I'm showing improvement. I am not negging, and my compliments are supposed to make people feel good.

The non-sequiters don't feel like non-sequiters to me. I am keeping an eye on them.

What have I said that makes you think that I think you're on my side?

I'm trying not to use my disability as an excuse. And I am learning. I just keep making new mistakes. I do feel for you.

To be fair, my own contributions were a fit of irrational rage, followed by a few attempts at beta reading and trying to get her to see sense. The Board had every reason to shut down the first one, even if that was when we were under the assumption that she was separate from zdimensia. Even then, though, her reply to my e-mail apology was an attempt at blame shifting, so I can't NOT fault her, especially not after, well, this.

With that being said, I'm now changing my vote to in support of the permaban. This behavior is just not welcome here, nor do I think it should be.

This is getting close to (if not already at) ban territory, IMO.

Elcalion

The email was sent before this post, but only noticed by me after.

I will delete any further copies of it I'm sent.

hS

I accept that the things that happened were not intentional.

Since this came up in Nesh's transcript, and I remember it as a bugbear for zdimensia as well, I thought I'd explain why people (PGs) have seemed inconsistent about whether you can write missions before you get Permission.

The thing is, Permission is a torturous doom-laden trial a filter. It is intended to filter out writers who cannot write PPC fiction well enough that it should be included in the canon. When you show us that you can do that - when you post your prompts and get a Permission Granted - that means that we think you can do it.

But it doesn't mean that you retroactively could always write well enough. If you've already been denied Permission once, it even means that you explicitly can't write well enough, though we hope you soon will be able to.

So let's say you take your Permission Denied, and you write half a dozen missions. Along the way, you learn about your characters, about the PPC, about writing in general. You improve. And when you apply for Permission again, you get it, easily.

And then you post the first mission you wrote. The one that came right after you were denied Permission - or, heck, the one that came between your first and second denials. The mission that was written at a time when you were not ready to write for the PPC.

Does that clear up the confusion? The answers Bramandin received were answers to both halves of the question:

1) You can write whatever you want "for the drawer" (as Neshomeh said). PPC missions, heartwarming interludes, Flower-murder, hardcore smut. Whatever. It's your keyboard, your time, your computer.

2) You cannot post anything that doesn't meet the standards of the PPC. And that explicitly includes anything written before the PPC Community - through the Permission Givers it voted to put its trust and confidence in - judged you ready, able, and knowledgeable enough to write for the PPC canon.

What zdimensia seemed to want to do was 'pre-write' her missions. She never gave the impression of seeing Permission as a test of her writing ability, but just as an arbitrary hoop to jump through.

It isn't. It's there for a reason. And that reason precludes writing for publication without it.

hS

I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Even being Bramandin, before anyone else knew, I felt better to be talking to you.

I might leave once the wounds have healed.

Barring any honestly despicable behavior from me, I feel that I should be able to come and go as I please. That includes refraining from posting when I'm stressed.

Were you the one who told me "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" before blocking me out for unintentional rudeness?

I think you were trying to use four random words here (to 'say something'); however, unfortunately the first word ('nitwit') ended up being an insult, which - given how pretty much anything can be used as an insult - ended up colouring the other words as well. Obviously deliberately being insulting would be an issue under the Constitution; I feel it would be appropriate for you to apologise for your choice of words giving the impression you were flaming.

hS

zdimensia was banned. She broke the ban and, thus, should be permabanned (I understand now that we should have been explicit on that point when the IP ban was put in place). Bramandin is zdimensia (who came back under false pretenses to avoid being banned) and, thus, should be permabanned.

Also, I see a lot of people saying "but Bramandin is trying". I do not see anything of the sort. I see the same behavior that we have always seen. The "trying" was a facade that fell away when they posted this thread. This is how she really feels. She was upset because, in her mind, we were silencing her from saying how terrible we all are so we could repent. She still takes no responsibility for their bad behavior, and instead are waiting for the PPC community to apologize for intentionally inciting her to behave poorly.

But the community did not force zdimensia to break her ban. We didn't force her to create a sock puppet to get around the ban. We didn't force her to, by her own account, attempt to manipulate the permission process. We did not force her to lie repeatedly to the community. She chose to do all of that.

I'm personally done with this, and vote for an explicit permanent ban.

-Phobos

Right. Huinesoron's proposal included a clause that violation of the 12-month ban would lead to a permanent ban. No objection was raised by respondents to that post.

On the other hand, Phobos's survey, which was the method used to vote on the ban, contains no such clarifying clause. Since Phobos wasn't one of the people who replied to hS... I don't know.

My inclination, given Bramandin's poor reception to constructive criticism on her missions and her recent harassment of Iximaz, is to declare the ban permanent due to the violation, particularly after reading over Neshomeh's correspondence with her. However, I'm torn. Bramandin has been making an effort to improve, it seems, and she's certainly not as bad as she was when posting as zdimensia. As such, my mind could be changed.

As a final note, directly to Bramandin: I'm autistic, too. It's not an excuse. You can learn to be better, but here is not the place to teach you the skills you need. If you are to remain, you need to speak less and listen more, and continue to make a concerted effort to be better every day.

Keep in mind that zdimensia the malicious troll is a myth. Your interpretation of what I was thinking does not do me justice. Instead, you had a confused retard that was feeling attacked at every turn, and either hesitating or not understanding what to do.

Where you pointed out a direct request, I thought that Neshemeh was flame-baiting me. I would have responded somewhere along the lines of "I have said two times already what I was planning to do. That you're asking proves that you are incapable of listening."

I was told very firmly not to talk about it from a moment on, so I wasn't even allowed to apologize or explain myself.

I'm not a racist. Well, there is unintentional othering, but no moral judgments about who is better or that one group should be held to different standards.

I had some confirmation bias about those who scowled. It's since been broken. I haven't had the courage to ask a scowler why they're doing it, and have stopped looking at people. If I wasn't all but forced to live here, I wouldn't.

I did once explain that I thought I had a red R floating over my head. The actions of others don't make me anything.

I'm sorry for connecting the feelings of shame that I wasn't being listened to here for the feelings of shame that I was being scowled at.

First, my confession: I have known that Bramandin is zdimensia since approximately September of last year. I'm sorry if anyone feels that this was a betrayal of trust, or if my silence otherwise caused anyone any harm. I didn't say anything about it because I was told in confidence, and because Bramandin had already been around for about half a year at that point; since she'd been doing fairly well, I didn't believe that spilling the beans so long after the fact would be worth all the drama it would entail. Since the secret is out, I am no longer bound by those concerns, so I will share what I know. I have told Bramandin/zdimensia I would do this; it should come as no surprise to her.

I have a record of the e-mail correspondence I've had with her. It's in a Gdoc. I've done my best to preserve the original formatting, and I have deliberately changed only a) places where I accidentally switched from my "Internet" e-mail address to my "real life" e-mail address, and b) places where Bramandin reveals private, personal information that she has not yet mentioned on the Board. Since she has now shared her diagnosis and the fact that she went to the hospital around the time of her ban, that information does appear. The bits I've removed are clearly marked as redacted.

Here is the document.

I leave it to the PPC community to evaluate what they find there for themselves.

Due to my involvement, I will not participate in any formal vote on what is to be done now. However, I will say that at this point in time, I agree completely with doctorlit: I do not think we have the resources to give Bramandin the kind of assistance she needs to participate fully, happily, and safely in this community. I cannot myself be a full-time mediator and translator for her, and I don't know anyone else who can, either. I believe it would be best for her if she gave us up and found another way to express herself through writing.

~Neshomeh

It's not a secret anymore. You can talk about it.

http://technodann.github.io/PPC-board-2.0/archive/

Keep in mind that I'm autistic and can't do tone. Pay attention to what I am trying to say, not how I am saying it.

http://technodann.github.io/PPC-board-2.0/archive/2015/06b.html#post-122507

I have always felt like I wasn't listened to. There is so much to go through that it will take time. I can't do this quickly.

I feel like no amount of self-reflection will make your mistakes my fault. I feel like I can't even imply that boarders make mistakes without being attacked.

I have so much more to say.