Subject: Well, it's been a year, and I'm not dead.
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Posted on: 2017-03-22 21:23:00 UTC

Quite frankly, it's been a disappointing year. Okay, everyone hates us:



But no-one really hates us:



And frankly I don't blame them. I mean, what've we done? Oh, we've slashed the education budget, ramped up the sales taxes, thrown up tax shelters everywhere, and tried to make them all ill by crippling the food standards agency, and do you know what happened?



A massive budget surplus! I asked you to get me assassinated, not fix the national debt! The anti-health measures were so feeble we actually ended a doctor's strike.

As for you, Minister for Evil Overlordship - oh, I followed your advice. I completely revoked rail and bus subsidies. And do you want to know what happened to car usage?



It. Went. Down.

Get your act together, Ministers and Monsters. No more of these trifling evils. We've got a huge budget surplus right now: stop arguing over whether we need security increases (of course we don't! How am I going to get killed with all those guards and spies watching out for me?), and find me something truly heinous to spend the budget on.



Oh, and the banks want to know if they're allowed to profit off the backs of the poor. I trust you know what to say.



hS FC

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