Congratulations – and what I always do. by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2017-02-14 19:42:00 UTC
Reply
In case you want to make the Control Prompt a canonical interlude:
"… if you want," Apecian began. "… but comfy enough." Michael walked further into the room, turning to get the best view of it.
A new protagonist (Michael) should get a new paragraph, especially when it's not just one move he does before Apecian continues speaking, and this is one of your longest paragraphs anyway.
It was as Apecian had said, though he had neglected to mention a few thing,...
Should be "things" (plural).
HG
Give that badfic what for! by
leafeyes
on 2017-02-11 07:29:00 UTC
Reply
Your agents have been awesome in Rudi's, you really deserve this!
Permission Granted. by
Iximaz
on 2017-02-11 06:39:00 UTC
Reply
What? I even brought a stamp.
...Fine, I'll do this the proper way.
Do I know you? Oh yeah. I seen you in Discord, like, all the time. I've bounced ideas off you (I trust you enough to be a story adviser; does this mean I trust you with your own? Heck yes.), I've RPed with your characters. I got to watch them develop as you readied for Permission. I like 'em. You got plans to rein in their more OP sides. Gold star.
Can you write? You got betas. Good show. I've seen your unedited RP posts and you know how to do SPaG there, too. And your prompts and bios look solid; there were a few punctuation errors, but nothing major aside from using carrot brackets to show your characters thinking. They're not Andalites; use italics instead, for thoughts and for the Flowers. Flowers don't use quotations for their speech. Make sure to italicize those continua, too. :) Basically, SPaG is mostly good, and nothing that a beta or two can't catch.
As for storytelling, I think you're good. The control prompt was a bit lacking in funny, but it was engaging nonetheless, and it was a nice showing of how your agents met.
The second prompt was better; I laughed when Apecian fell in the Floating Hyacinth's tank.
And the fic to spork: I took one look and NOPEd out. I think we're done here.
*takes out sword and taps your shoulders* It is my duty and honor to announce Sir Granz, Knight of Plort!,
Best of luck! by
Aegis
on 2017-02-11 06:32:00 UTC
Reply
If it helps, I think it's good as granted. Ticks all the marks, and it's entertaining. Nicely done.
Good luck, Granz. Good luck. by
Larfen J. Stocke, esq
on 2017-02-11 06:24:00 UTC
Reply
Good bloody luck, mate.
Get permission or not, know that I still reckon you're a bloody good writer, at the end of it. Plenty of us do, in fact! Least, in the Discord, where all that RP stuff is.
Good luck, Granz! Good luck.