Subject: [DW] You know what's good about peasants?
Author:
Posted on: 2017-01-15 16:38:00 UTC
You can safely ignore them.
Now, about that castle: I strongly recommend you don't go near the castle.
Are you going to go near the castle?
-Yes.
-No.
((And you think I do?!))
Congratulations! You have been selected by a nonspecific omnipotent entity to be pulled from the real world and flung headfirst into a land of fiction. My name is Huinesoron, and I will be your Mysterious Voice from Above for today. I'm here to guide you through your first steps in your new home - oh, bee tee dubs, you're never getting back - and hopefully keep you alive. Fingers crossed!
First things first: while you were falling through the swirling mists of the Void, your nonspecific omnipotent entity should have whispered the name of the world you're heading for into your ear. So before we go any further:
Where are you going?
-Middle-earth
-The Discworld
-A galaxy far, far away
Would it be acceptable for me to set up shop as Mysterious Voice Mark Two? I adore the concept, and it's left me brimful of inspiration for ways I could chaperone a player through Leigh Bardugo's Grishaverse or a Shakespeare mish-mash (oh, Shakespeare isn't a fandom? I and my lovingly-crafted slashfic beg to differ). But I also feel like it would be rude to muscle in on your great idea. . . or at least, I'm worried that if we start adding even more subthreads we might clutter up the Board.
Thoughts? May I go ahead? Should I leave it to the creator and master? Should I go ahead, but take it to T-Board or one of the Discord RP channels, or someplace like that?
--Key is feeling cReAtiVe (it's her favorite idea)
I have no problem with someone(s) else taking the idea and running with it, though it might be sensible to wait a while before doing so. Three caveats, however:
1/ Please make it canons most people have a passing familiarity with. Giving people the choice of your three favourite obscure fandoms will make for a very quiet thread and/or most people in it not knowing what you're on about.
2/ It would be... pretty spectacularly rude to take my idea and play it on the Discord channel, where I don't go. Obviously I can't stop anyone, but, yeah, that would suck for me.
3/ This is actually really draining (though fun!), especially if you let multiple chains run at once. Look at how many posts I've made in the last week, hopping between five different storylines. Just... don't bite off more than you can chew. Make sure you can finish what you start.
hS
It has come to my attention that I have been acting very impulsively and taking on more commitments than I can maintain, to the point where it is adversely affecting my basic functioning. I don't know if I can bring myself to take a break from the PPC entirely, but I certainly shouldn't get involved with anything major, have ideas, etc. Sorry for wasting time and Board space.
--Key
[End thread.]
[Yes, I am being a cow.]
Hard luck there, but good news: in the universes you might have dropped into, death isn't the end!
What do you see around you?
-A black-robed skeleton with a scythe.
-A grey hall with an undergroundy sort of feel.
-A city, but all sort of blue-white and washed out.
Currently: dead in Star Wars.
The transition between universes is 'magical', which tends to rub off on people. It fades fairly quickly, but in the event that someone, eg, dies during transit, the universe tends to treat them as a magic-user or local equivalent. All the better for you, right?
You seem to have wound up on Coruscant (and dead); that's great, because it means it should be pretty easy to find a Force user who can see you. In fact, we've done our best to drop you near one - so take a look around. The person you're looking for should be glowing more than the rest of the city to your eyes.
Which of the following can you see?
-A wrinkly guy in a hood.
-A guy in black armour.
-A grey-haired woman with a bun.
-A blond guy in black.
-Someone in brown robes.
((I'm basically inventing Force-ghost physics here.))
... that you have just made the acquaintance of Darth Vader, Sith Lord and all-round bad guy. He's known for his expertise in fields that start with 'killing' - killing rebels, killing Jedi, killing younglings, you name it, he can kill it.
Why will you be pleased to know this? Because for the next few years, you've earned the pleasure of haunting the living daylights out of him.
How do you want to introduce yourself to Vader?
-"Anakin... I know what you did... Padme would be ashamed of you..."
-"Hi! I'm the Light Side of the Force. You never call any more - what's up?"
-"WooOOOooo! I am the Ghost of Life-Day Past!"
-Just follow him around staring at him and refusing to acknowledge anything he says to you.
((:D So far as I know, the only 'expiration date' for Force ghosts is in the very first post-trilogy EU book, Heir to the Empire, which opens with Obi-Wan's ghost leaving five years after the Battle of Endor. So you've got a while to hang around.))
Follow him around and never respond to anything he says other than to say "Padmé would be ashamed of you"?
Let's wait a month and see what happens.
~
Hi! This is your Mysterious Voice from Above, checking in on you. How's the guilt-attack on Darth Vader going?
Which of the following is he doing?
-Attempting to Force-choke you (doesn't work).
-Ranting at you every time he's alone.
-Ranting at you in public.
-Going on a galaxy-wide quest to find someone to exorcise you.
-Complaining to the Emperor about you.
-Putting on a customised set of stormtrooper armour and sneaking out at night to do good deeds in an attempt to atone for his wickedness and/or get you to shut up.
((Frankly, any of those seem possible. Anakin's a bit of a messed-up kid.))
And I just wait until he's done to say "Padmé would be ashamed".
*puts on trollface*
Keep it up! I'll be back in another month or so.
~
Hi! It's your Mysterious Voice from Above again. How are things going? Still trolling the Dark Lord of the Sith?
How is Vader doing?
-He no longer sleeps, just yells at you.
-The Emperor has had him frozen in carbonite.
-The Emperor tried to have him frozen in carbonite, but he escaped and went on a rampage.
-He has weekly appointments with the most terrified psychiatrist in the Empire.
-He never leaves his room any more.
Poor old Animé Furtwangler here is lost in the Force. Lost deep. So deep I doubt he'll ever get out again. His passion and his rage were what made him such a useful asset to Palpatine as a Sith, but now? That very strength has made dear Otherkin Snozzcumber into something of a liability. That's certainly the Emperor's viewpoint, which is presumably why he tried to have him frozen in carbonite.
This went about as well as one might reasonably expect.
Nowadays, I keep trolling him. I'm a ghastly little turd, which will come as such a shock to everyone on this forum, I'm sure; every painful memory is fair game, every application of logic and collected, rational thought (the Jedi way, haha) is designed to cause him the maximum possible distress. Vader's fall from grace has been complete, and it is only because he is a Sith that this was able to work at all. I have altered his mind, and when I give him enough space to pray, I believe he prays I do not alter it further.
I'm not doing this because he's a villain, though. Far from it. That's just a happy coincidence, driving a main villain so mad that he can't do anything to advance his objectives or be used in a way that advances those of his dark master. No, I'm doing this because he has levers and I am going to pull on them like a hypercaffeinated gibbon in a signal box, just to see what will happen. Because the truth of it is, O Mysterious Voice from Above, that I'm not a very nice person.
Again, a quite shocking development.
=]
Currently: driving Vader insane.
I mean, more of a rage monster than Vader already was. You'll have to give me an update on what he's up to.
What sort of rampage, exactly?
-He has murdered the Emperor and is slaughtering his way through the Imperial military.
-He's personally depopulating Coruscant one spacescraper at a time.
-He's taken direct control of a Star Destroyer and is blowing up Coruscant's orbital traffic.
-He's taken the Imperial Senate hostage and is torturing them to death one by one.
-He's carving words into the landscape with his lightsaber; most of them are variants on 'argh'.
Funnily enough, some of his lightsaber carvings are attracting the attention of art critics, so I keep pushing him towards this path. Just for the heck of it.
I'm even considering telling him "Padme isn't ashamed of this one actually" on the good ones.
Currently: turning Vader into an insane artist.
Who knows? You could completely change the course of history if you push on down this path. So why don't you keep doing that, and I'll leave you to it for a while. Say, another month?
~
Hi! It's me again.
How's Vader doing?
-He's started his own gallery, and calls you his muse.
-He still makes carvings, then beheads any critic who dares to comment negatively.
-He has switched media and now writes angsty poetry: "My armour is black/My heart is too/Padme, dear Padme/I super loved you."
-He has taken his carvings to the next level and is using a star destroyer's main battery to reshape asteroids.
I might've gone overboard. He used the last of his authority to take direct command of a Star Destroyer, and now he's using its main battery for the carvings.
He's doing that on unhinabited asteroids, though, which is good. And he's even managing to sell those otherwise useless rocks for a ton of money - there's this dude who had five of them put around his personal planet as moons!
The stormtroopers on the ship are rather puzzled as why Vadfer is doing this, but have I mentioned her's making a net profit out of it, even with the ship's running costs? He's even given his underlings a raise.
[This needs to be turned into a crackfic.]
Let it never be said the Sith don't think big...
It's great that you've turned the galaxy's most feared individual into a planetary-scale artist, but it occurs to me that the Emperor probably isn't going to be pleased with that. In fact, it seems quite likely he's already got a bunch of apprentices and bounty hunters lined up to hunt down Vader and kill him. Which would be pretty rubbish from your perspective, and the perspective of Art, am I right?
So what are you going to do about it?
-Let Vader die and go bug someone else.
-Have Vader take the initiative and kill the Emperor.
-Take Vader off to join the Rebellion.
-Nudge Vader into carving a giant asteroid-maze and take up residence in the centre.
Well, since I just woke up and I'm feeling chipper, let's go kill the Emperor!
Currently: Darth Vader's shoulder devil.
The advantage of having Vader on your side (or under your control, or driven insane and susceptible to your manipulation... whatever) is that he already knows where he's going. It's hardly 'breaking into' the Imperial Palace when the guards stand aside and allow you access.
Of course, once he's standing in front of Palpatine with an ignited lightsaber, things get a little less... predictable.
What happened?
-After a super-awesome fight, Vader killed Palpatine.
-Palpatine zapped Vader with lightning and took him down in five seconds.
-Vader and Palpatine managed to kill each other.
-Vader got distracted before attacking and ended up on a week-long project to redesign the Emperor's palace in the popular New Sabercut style.
There was this tense staring down moment between the two of them, then Vader started doing his etching again and... well, I thought he was a goner, and instead Palpatine now wants him to redesign his place.
Apparently, New Sabercut opened Palpatine's eyes to the world of art, meaning there are two villains less and two art lovers more! Yay?
I'm just gonna leave you to it for a month or so, all right?
~
Hi again! When last we talked, the Lords of the Sith were getting serious into interior design. I hope you've been keeping things moving along!
What's the current state of the Empire?
-The Emperor has been overthrown and replaced (by a woman named Isard with heterochromia and an assortment of ex- and rogue Jedi).
-The Galactic Empire has been renamed the Galactic Gallery, and its reign of terror replaced with a reign of watercolours. Stormtrooper armour is much prettier now.
-Palpatine has built a massive superweapon which can turn any planet into a New Sabercut sculpture, and is cutting a swathe through the Outer Rim.
-Palpatine and Vader have teamed up with this blue dude named Thrawn and holed themselves up in the palace to make "an artwork that will last a thousand years".
By which I mean the Galactic Empire is now the Galactic Gallery. There are rumours that Tatooine will be transformed into a massive worked of art soon and that Corellia is now mass producing paintings.
A dictator has been overthrown, or at least turned to more interesting pursuits. The iron fist of the Empire has opened to grasp a brush. A new age of enlightenment has dawned.
All that's left is for you to make your own long-term plans.
Where do you go from here?
-Wander the galaxy, finding Force sensitives and driving them artistically insane so they join the Gallery.
-Become an artist in your own right, using the Force in little ways to create microsculptures.
-Figure out a way to imbue your essence into a sculpture, and return to life as a planetary-scale being.
-Go seek out other Force ghosts and form a band.
And then we're taking over Mos Eisley!
You gather up a ragtag group of Force ghosts - handless Mace Windu, invisible Qui-Gon, the less-bad Sith Darth Vectivus, and a handful of backing singers. Your motley band fails to take Mos Eisley by storm initially, mostly because the only people who can see you are old Ben Kenobi, some kid called Luke, and the specter of Sharad Hett.
A visit to Mrlsst and a chat with the dead Jedi Taj Junak heralds a change in your fortunes, as you learn to let yourself be seen by anyone. You take a leaf out of the Mrlssi playbook and pretend to be a hologram, and your 'original' music - actually an eclectic blend of rock, country, rap, and folk, but how are the locals to know that? - takes the spaceport by storm.
The galaxy's renaissance is a thrilling time to be, if not alive, at least still active. Maybe someday you'll have to take your leave, heading on into the Force (though Vectivus says you can come hang out in his asteroid, where he's lingered for centuries), but for now, you have your music, you have your art, you have your band.
And, every so often, you have your field trip to Coruscant to meddle with Vader some more. Life (or its reasonable facsimile) is good.
"And it's a long way from Cedar Riverside to Cedars-Sinai,
Three times St. Paul to Cheyenne,
And it's a long way from Sacramento too...
We were bored so we started a band.
We'd like to play for you."
-- The Hold Steady, The Sweet Part Of The City, "Heaven Is Whenever" (2010)
... He smells of wafers.
Congratulations! You've fallen into a galaxy full of possibilities, a vast canvas of war and peace, heroism and villainy, stables and starships. I'm sure you'll have a great time, provided you can survive the next hour or so.
Now, here's your first question. It's very important that you answer this as quickly as possible:
Can you breathe?
-Yes.
-No.
Still not sure where I am, but I can breathe, or at least I think I can
You're already doing better than my last client - good going! Don't panic about not knowing where you are, though; that's why you have a Mysterious Voice from Above!
Where are you?
-In a desert.
-In a forest.
-In a spaceship (ie, metal walls).
-In a building (ie, non-metal walls).
And given the sheer uniformity of them, I would have to guess a spaceship.
I mean, other than the fact that you're an intruder aboard a ship whose crew should know you for a stranger on sight, but what's a little stowing-away between friends?
Before we go any further, though, I have to check: you're not in a starfighter, right? I mean, there's something around you other than a cockpit?
Are you flying a fighter?
-Yes.
-No.
I'm not flying a fighter — I don't know how! I'm in a bigger ship. Much bigger.
Currently: on a large spaceship.
You really need to know whose ship you're on, so head over to the door and stick your head out. If you don't see anyone, go out and sneak around a bit until you do.
What did they look like?
-Dressed in white armour.
-Dressed in brown robes.
-Dressed in blue shirts and waistcoats.
-There's no door...
((This is one where you're not only permitted but encouraged to write your own answer. There's dozens of possibilities, from 'they're slug-aliens' to 'there's no-one here' to... well, something from KoToR, I never played that.
It... might help to drop me a link to what you're thinking of; it was only fluke I got the Coruscant Guard armour, and this is a much wider question. ~hS))
Because darn it, I wanna meet some Jedi this time.
They almost certainly know you're here. So I suggest you make the best of it and just step out and say hi.
How are you doing?
-Just been stabbed with a glowing sword.
-Being politely escorted to a small room.
-The brown-robed person is frantically trying to hush me.
-I fell asleep and now I don't know where I am.
This is probably a good sign - you haven't been immediately killed. So think positive thoughts, and wait for someone to come in and talk to you.
Oh, I should mention - you're almost certainly in the hands of either the Jedi or the Sith. That means that they can control your mind to the extent that you'll tell them anything they ask. So, uh, hope you don't have any secrets!
Has someone come to talk to you yet?
Will you tell them everything you know?
-I will tell them everything I know.
Starting from the bits they don't want to hear (eg, my opinion on Ethics of Care).
You show those mind-controlling, uh, blighters what's what!
Though, come to think of it, this might not be the best course of action...
How do they take your full-but-unhelpful disclosure?
-Wait patiently for you to reach the bit they're interested in (ie, how you got on their ship).
-Increase the mind-control to get you to the interesting bits.
-Bring in a torture droid to, well, torture you.
-Force-choke you.
-Cut your head off with a lightsaber.
I'm telling them what they want to know, but I'm being as caustic as I can about it. You try to mind-control me you little--*mind-control intensifies*
-Alleb
Your captors ((Seriously, how are you a captive in all three canons right now?!)) know you're from another world, and that you don't have a clue where you are. Maybe they believe you, maybe they don't.
What are they doing now?
-Feeding you a rather nice meal and saying they'll drop you off when they next make planetfall.
-Locking you in a moderately comfortable room.
-Asking you to help them on a mission.
-Torturing you.
-Demanding technical information about any technology you know of that could help them.
((Stars, I dunno. What would a shipload of Jedi do with a prisoner from another universe? Feel free to give a custom answer if you've got a better idea. ~hS))
Well, at first I was interrogated about technology, but then I told them I was probably from their past, and thus knew nothing they hadn't progressed beyond, and they locked me in this moderately comfortable room. It's alright; it could use some more tasteful decorations, perhaps a sea-green duvet on the bed, but I'll live.
-Alleb
So just news, then. The news is that you are apparently not of interest to your captors. Quite likely this means they don't believe a word you've said, and think you've been brainwashed or something.
On the plus side, this means you can probably get them to drop you off anywhere you like. At the very least, you can ask.
Where do you want to be let off?
-Coruscant, the City Planet.
-Naboo, the Space Renaissance Planet.
-Tattooine, the Planet that's Irritating and Gets Everywhere.
-Nal Hutta, the Swamp of Giant Slugs.
((Or name any other planet in the old or new continuity. Except Zonama Sekot. ~hS))
Suggesting that not only do I want to go there, but the Jedi may find it interesting as well.
In fact, I imagine they'll take you right back for another polite interrogation session.
While you're in there, you might want to work in a question of your own: "How old is the Republic?".
What did they say?
-An age in years (less than 70).
-An age in years (around a thousand).
-An age in generations (around 850).
-Any other age in generations.
(([Goes off to read up on Tython]))
They say it's less than 70 years old. Aw, lookit the lil' baby Republic! So young!
-Alleb
Given that you're on a shipfull of Jedi, you're almost certainly in the New Republic era of the Legends version of the galaxy. That means you're somewhere between 13 and 28 years after the Battle of Yavin, and that Luke Skywalker is the leader of the Jedi Order.
((Any earlier, and there wouldn't be enough Jedi to fill a ship. Any later, and the Republic has become the Galactic Alliance.))
Given your news of Tython, you'll probably be taken to wherever he is - and given his mild obsession with anything historical, he'll probably hop on board and lead you straight there.
The voyage to Tython is a difficult one - the hyperlanes leading to it shift regularly, so only a skilled Force-sensitive pilot can hope to get you there. Luckily, you have at least one of those on board - but will it be enough?
Where do you end up?
-In a stable orbit around the planet Tython.
-Crashing on the planet Tython.
-At an ominous-looking planet named Byss.
-Plunging into a giant black hole.
((Or anywhere else in the Deep Core. ~hS))
And I've been separated from the Jedi. Help!
-Alleb
Your Mysterious Voice from Above is here to get you through this in perfect safety, and/or make sympathetic noises while you die. So! Take a good look around you.
What do you see?
-A forest.
-Ruins.
-A massive chasm.
-A blasted wasteland.
-Nothing except a howling storm.
((I've been putting this off because I know nothing about Tython, but then I remembered: nor does anyone else! At this point it's been a thousand years since the last visit, and an undescribed cataclysm has been and gone. So I can mix all three eras with impunity. Mwahaha.))
TREES
I'm afraid I can't finish this. It's a combination of too much time passing, being too worn out, not knowing a thing about Tython, and not having the energy to do what would essentially be 'running from monsters: the roleplay'.
The fun of these chains has been in using people and places to flesh out the story. In this case, we're on a planet that hasn't been visited in a thousand years, and has changed significantly since the period people are thinking of it in.
I'm happy for someone else to pick it up and carry it through, but I just... can't. Sorry.
hS
Star Wars happens in the past; it even says so in the first shot: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
(('Cause, um, I definitely thought about that. I did. I specifically... remembered... that bit of info.))
((I feel like I've failed as a nerd.))
-Alleb
Utini!
You have entered a vast world of contrasts: one where wizards and gods coexist with policemen and railroads, and where werewolves and vampires are upstanding (or downhanging, or softpadding) members of society. As your Mysterious Voice from Above, I’m sure you'll have a great life here.
Just one thing to get out of the way first. Look around.
Can you see a black-robed skeleton with a scythe?
-Yes.
-No.
-No, but there's someone else dressed like that.
...really weird. He *looks* kind of human, and his scythe is the sort you'd use to harvest wheat. Who uses a rusty scythe as a cane?
~Zingen
Aren't you glad I didn't worry you by suggesting you could be?
Before you talk to the Death cosplayer, it's time to figure out where you are!
Are you in:
-A city?
-A field?
-A mountain range?
-A village?
The mountains of the Disc are quite spectacular, with highly impressive views. Consider yourself lucky to have seen them. Oh, by the way:
Can you see any of the following?
-A gigantically-tall vertical mountain.
-A spooky castle.
-Absolutely no level ground anywhere.
-A monastery.
Also spelled Überwald, and occasionally Übërwäld if you're feeling really enthusiastic, this is the place that puts the FUN back in mad science! Making 'mad scifunce' or something, I dunno.
At this point you should probably pay a bit more attention to the fellow with the scythe, before he decides to attack you on general principles for ignoring him.
Does he look:
-Like a terrified peasant?
-Like his face has been stitched together?
-Like he's smoking a cigarette made of the remains of other cigarettes?
((I have no idea what I’m doing.))
HG
You can safely ignore them.
Now, about that castle: I strongly recommend you don't go near the castle.
Are you going to go near the castle?
-Yes.
-No.
((And you think I do?!))
Before we head on down, there's one question I should ask you first:
Is it a dark and stormy night?
-Yes.
-No, it's actually lovely out. Ooh, full moon!
-Actually it's daytime.
((I just replied to every thread. I feel selfish.))
-Alleb
You'll want to be careful as you head down to the creepy castle - if you slip and fall into a ravine, there's not going to be anyone around to help you. Once you're there, knock at the gate and wait to see who answers.
Who answers the gate?
-An ugly person with their face sewn together.
-An extremely well-dressed person.
-A dog. Like, a big dog.
-No-one.
-Actually I slipped and fell into a ravine. Whoops!
(Can I pet the dog?)
You've just been greeted by a werewolf. They are, by and large, a law unto themselves, prone to eating people whenever they feel like, and enjoy playing with their food. (There's one who's more of a law unto others, but she's a long way away.) You'll want to be very careful what you accept by way of hospitality, and don't agree to play any games with them.
How do you greet the werewolf?
-Respectfully ask for shelter.
-Run.
-Growl and try to establish your dominance.
-Cower in fear.
-Pet the doggy!
((Uh... good luck?))
And a map, just so I don't run into something nasty by accident.
The werewolf will lead you indoors, but how the rest of your night unfolds will depend on what happens next. This is still an extremely risky situation.
Where did the wolf lead you?
-To a banquet hall, where a bunch of people who don't wear many clothes are enjoying a feast.
-To a bedroom, where there are clothes in your size.
-To a dark, damp cell.
-To an underground laboratory.
-To the back door.
I wonder how they guessed my size so accurately...?
((I know nothing about Discworld, so here's hoping I didn't accidentally pick the worst option.))
-Alleb
They probably just have lots of rooms set up for people of different sizes. I'd imagine werewolves are excellent at estimating the nutritional value of- sorry, never mind me.
Anyway! Sooner or later, I have no doubt, you're going to be invited downstairs for supper. They probably don't intend to eat you - you're a guest, after all, and it would be rude. But even so, you should make a decision:
What will you do next?
-Wait to be taken to supper.
-Climb out of the window.
-Attack whoever comes in to get you.
-Lock yourself in the room.
((I admit I'm having trouble finding anything to do here...))
Out the window we go! But first, I create a facsimile of myself in the bed, and turn off the lights, so if they look in they'll think I'm asleep. I ain't gettin' eaten today!
-Alleb
But these are werewolves. They can smell you from across the castle. They can even follow the trail of your scent in the air.
You should make it to the ground. You can probably get over the wall. I doubt you'll get very far beyond it before you hear a growl behind you.
What do you do?
-Run.
-Fight.
-Plead.
-Scream.
They at least beat "Go to your room." by a fair margin.
You hear a snarl from behind you.
You feel a brief, sharp pain on your neck.
You look up to see a tall, dark figure holding a scythe.
(It's not a peasant. Not this time.)
The figure speaks: "THAT DIDN’T GO VERY WELL FOR YOU, DID IT?"
The wet leaves under your feet fade away, leaving dry, gritty sand.
The figure leans in closer. "IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION," he says, "I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE IN WITH A CHANCE THERE."
The desert stretches before you, black sand under a blacker sky. In the distance, you can see grey mountains rising from the horizon.
You take the first step.
[End of Chain]
((I wanted to go with 'someone else dressed like that' but not have it be the Death of Rats or something. I can't help thinking 'Nobby Nobbs lost a bet' about the end result, somehow, even though there should be more confusion over the 'is he human' part...I can try again, if you like?))
((You can't imagine how relieved I am that I hadn't forgotten a character. ^_^))
You've landed in a world of magic and mystery, of heroes and history, of wars and... something else ending in -stery. Sophistry, possibly.
The good news is, there are lots of places in Middle-earth where you won't be immediately killed. On the other hand, there are also lots of places you will be immediately killed. So with that in mind:
Is anyone trying to kill you?
-No.
-Grubby people.
-Pretty people.
-Short people.
-Really ugly people.
-Spiders.
((I should highlight at this point that even when 5/6 options point to 'yes', 'no' is still perfectly acceptable. The nature of the question means it looks loaded, but it's really two questions: 'is anyone trying to kill you', and 'if so, who'.
Obviously any of the yeses are also acceptable. ^_^ ~hS))
((The current Middle-earth chain is on Numenor talking to Elendil, and waiting on a response from me; I'll try to drop an [M-e] tag on the next post. Feel free to join in with that one, and if the thread is still going when it ends, we'll take your No as the next start. ~hS))
But they want to drag me down to a place called the Temple for some ceremony, and with the way they look at me, I don't want to find out more.
Currently: being dragged to a ship by Elendil while protesting that you want to save the queen, in the last days of Numenor.
It would also be good to know the language a little better, but you work with what you have, right?
In order to try and persuade Elendil that you know what you're talking about (and that letting you go on your rescue mission is a good idea), you need to say the following. Take a deep breath:
"Firithach a firitha Isildur ab ýneg ah ýneg idhrinn! Arnad lín osgaritha na dâd, arnadin o Valandil osgaritha na nêl, a in erain firathar! Im togitha i rîs."
Which means: You and Isildur are going to die in 20 years, your kingdom will split in two, Valandil's half will split into three, and the kings will die... I'm going to rescue the queen.
How's he taking that?
-He's offering me a horse.
-He's threatening me.
-I am now locked up on a ship.
((This is a jump up from the end of the thread, where we've just overrun the Board width. ~hS))
Currently: a prisoner on a Numenorean ship.
You're tied, locked, or otherwise shut up on a ship. Good news: that means you're going to get away from Numenor before it sinks, because these nine ships are the only ones that escape. Bad news: you're not rescuing Miriel before you go.
I don't know how long it will be before you sail, but between that and the storm-tossed journey to Middle-earth proper, you should have at least a couple of weeks. Use it to learn some basic Sindarin, so you can communicate with your captors-slash-rescuers.
Eventually, your ship will land. Four of them (led by Elendil himself) will wind up in the north, near the Elven kingdom of Lindon; the other five (led by his sons) will end up in the southern haven of Pelargir, on the Great River Anduin.
Where did you land?
-Lindon.
-Pelargir.
((And since you've learned basic Sindarin, I don't have to do any more translations into that horrifyingly complicated language. Yay! ~hS))
I want to see the Elves!
You've got a whole life ahead of you here in Middle-earth, and since Elendil is a generally understanding sort, it's up to you how you spend it. When you next get to talk to the King (because he is, now), you should be able to choose who you move in with.
Where will you live?
-With the Numenoreans, in the golden city of Annuminas they will build.
-With Gil-Galad's elves, in Lindon.
-With the common folk of Middle-earth, in the Bree-land.
-With the dwarves, in their grand citadel of Khazad-dûm (if they'll have you).
-Who wants to settle down? You'd rather be a wanderer across all of Middle-earth.
I'm picking up some supplies, a good crossbow, hopefully a sturdy horse, and I'm off. There's an entire world to see!
-Alleb
You set out from Lindon on a fine spring evening, with the sun at your back and a fair wind behind you, and you never look back. You feel you've chosen the best path in life - why settle for one of the lands of Arda when you can have them all?
As the years pass, you touch the world only lightly. You watch the cities of Gondor and Arnor grow from afar. You learn the languages of Men, Elves, and Dwarves. You visit with Fangorn the Onod in his last forested refuge. You explore the near regions of Harad, slipping into the Black Numenorean haven at Umbar on little more than a whim. After the Battle of Dagorlad and the fall of Sauron, you even visit Mordor itself, and stand amid the ruins of the Barad-dur.
Along the way, your Mysterious Voice from Above checks in every so often, keeping you safe, guiding you towards wonders large and small. You are the first person to set foot on the Hill that will one day be the heart of Hobbiton, the first to raise a torch in the caves of Aglarond and see a thousand gems gleam, the first to see the leaves turn gold in autumn and to see them bud again in spring.
You make no impact on the world. Your knowledge of the future is lost to the ages, and Middle-earth carries on as it was always going to. But you don't care. For a brief, glittering moment, a mere handful of years, the world is spread out before you, waiting for you to come to it.
You couldn't ask for anything more.
I actually feel a tiny bit teary-eyed after reading that. Thank you for doing these threads, hS. I love them.
-Alleb
... since of course you don't speak their language. ^_^ Don't worry, I can understand your confusion - being thrown into a canon world can be very disorienting!
Luckily you've given me enough information to work with - it sounds like you've landed in the island nation of Numenor. Numenor is a lovely place, a hub of civilisation, filled with great explorers and noble lords.
Or. Well. It was. But you've arrived during the last years of the island, when things got a bit... dark.
But don't worry your head about that! I'm sure we'll be able to get through this together - first time for everything, right?
What do you want to do?
-Go along quietly - gotta say, this is probably a bad plan.
-Try to break free and run away.
-Try to talk to them - don't worry, I'll give you something to say!
((What, you speak Adunaic now? ;) It's really weird, come to think of it, that there's only one temple in the entire history of Arda...))
I... Go along quietly with them, then, once an alley is near, point toward the sky, telling them I see something, and look pretty afraid. Then I try to break free and run away.
((Oh, and if somebody want to do something else, they can ninja me..))
At least, I assume so. At any rate, it probably doesn't matter much - the Numenoreans aren't that bothered about sacrificing you in particular (oh, did I mention you were going to be burned as a sacrifice? Don't worry, you escaped!). In fact, you can probably hear them laughing about it behind you.
So now you're free in the city of Armenelos, glorious capital of Numenor. It's likely looking a bit sooty these days, but even so! As you've just seen, it's not the safest of places, but you should be able to stay under the radar... if that's your intent.
What would you like to do?
-Try and survive in the city.
-Go and find some friendlier people.
-Attempt to fix the injustices of Armenelos.
In fact, with that in mind, I start heading east, and I'm on the lookout for ridiculously tall people. I mean, taller than these already-ridiculously-tall-Numenoreans.
((Woohoo, Middle-earth! :D))
-Alleb
Currently: in the Last Days of Numenor, heading east from Armenelos
Assuming you make it out of the city safely - and you've already shown you can get away from people who don't really care about chasing you - you'll be on the east road to Rómenna. That's Numenor's main port city, and right now it's also the home of the friendliest people around: the Faithful.
There are a few wrinkles you need to know about. The Faithful, who like elves, are currently a persecuted minority. That brush with being-set-on-fire you had? That was probably the locals thinking you were one of them. Also, they're under constant surveillance to make sure they don't sneakily contact any elves. Also, it's about 60 miles, so you'll be quite hungry by the time you get there. Just keep walking (and find water when you can)!
Once you arrive at Romenna, what do you do?
-Try and sneak aboard a ship.
-Beg for water in the streets.
-Look for someone important to hang out with.
-Find the garrison and tell them you've got a message from the King.
((Y'ain't getting off the island that easily.))
I find the garrison and tell them I've got a message from the King.
((In some RPs, I'm always the one who pokes the sleeping dragon in the eye just to see what would happen. I think this shall be one of them.))
Currently: pestering the Royal Guard in Romenna in the last days of Numenor.
I hope you know what you're doing... oh, no, wait, that's my job.
So, put on your best disheveled look, perhaps punch yourself in the nose to look properly abused, and find the garrison. Your best bet is probably to go to the gate and just talk to the guards there.
Except, oh wait! You don't speak Adunaic, do you? ((Oops...)) Okay, punch yourself in the nose a few more times until you look so injured that you can barely speak. Then put on your best Numenorean accent and wheeze this at the soldiers: "Ar-Minalêth... Âru... bêth... Bâr, idô, nîph!"
Listen very carefully to what they say back:
Does their reply include anything that sounds like:
-balak, balîk, Alkarondas, adûn, or ayadda?
-Romenna, nênmâ or Nimruzîrim?
-Nimruzîr or nimir, but not the other words above?
-Zigûrun?
-None of those?
((Good luck!))
...I'm gonna go with Zigûrun.
(*sits back and laces fingers behind head* Take 'er away, PPCers.)
Currently: at the gates of Romenna in the final days of Numenor.
No, no, this could still be okay. There's no need to panic just yet. One more question first:
What tone did they say that word in?
-Respect
-Awe
-Mockery
-Fear
((Take a deep breath, because whatever the answer is, this is gonna get hectic.))
(Fear, they could panic and kill us. Any other one, and King's Men get our heads.)
((And if any of That Guy want to get us killed, I'll let you know that I can get between 1200 and 1300 arguments per minute in a discussion. I talk really fast.))
What you've probably just heard is: "The king? More like Sauron, amirite?" That's good, because it means these guards are of the Faithful, and won't try and sacrifice you. Of course, it's also a little worrying, because they should be the King's Men.
What you need to do now is say "Nimruzîr" to them. It doesn't matter what they say back - just keep saying that one name until they take you into town. (It's the Adunaic name of Elendil, the leader of the Faithful. It also literally means Elf-Friend, so it's a good word to use right now.)
While they're taking you through the streets, you should at some point get a good look at the harbour.
How many ships can you see?
-Like, hundreds, with a big one in the middle.
-Nine.
-Nine, and there's a lot of fuss around them.
-None.
-Actually they just stabbed me and now I am dead.
I guess I want a place on one of them when I see one, right?
((I know it's more than partly my fault for mentionning the Temple, but did it have to be Akallabeth already?))
((It's your fault we're in late Numenor, Ix's fault the king has already left the capital... and if Tomash hadn't sniped you, it would be your fault Elendil had already sailed and left you to die.
Luckily, the ships /haven't/ left yet, and in the morning we'll see about getting you on board. ~hS))
That's excellent news: you stand a good chance of escaping the island before it sinks. (Oh, the island's going to sink, did I mention?) Allow the guards to escort you through town until you're presented to a man with a white gem bound on his forehead.
This is Elendil, leader of the Faithful, and your ticket off the island. I can give you the words to say, but you need to choose your tactic.
How will you greet Elendil?
-Pretend to be one of the Faithful.
-Pretend to be an elf.
-Pretend to be a seer.
-Try to tell the truth.
What am I, a liar?
Currently: telling Elendil your story in the last days of Numenor.
Luckily for you, the Faithful speak Sindarin amongst themselves, which is a lot easier than Adunaic to get to grips with. You will want to say this:
"Im dant ned sin ardhon o chae ardhon, a sin tholl dhannatha."
Which, in passable Sindarin, means "I fell into this world from another, and this island is going to sink."
You won't be able to understand his response, but hopefully you can pick up his tone.
How does he react?
-Mockery?
-Anger?
-Fear?
-Awe?
-Pity?
(("I fell into this world from another! Oh, by the way, this island's about to sink. Cheers, mate!"))
Currently: Elendil's best buddy in the last days of Numenor.
I guess when your life has been as strange as his recently, you'll believe a lot. Or maybe it's your clothes?
At this point, the ball is in your court. Elendil is a helpful chap, so you can probably get him to help you with whatever you plan to do next.
What do you want to try and do?
-Rescue the (good) queen?
-Kill the (evil) Sauron?
-Sail west to Valinor, the Blessed Realm?
-Just get off Numenor and go to Middle-earth proper?
I apologize in advance if my choice screws up the timeline.
You need to- look, are you sure? It seems a bit ambitious, is all I'm saying. I mean, it...
No, no, fine. The queen is back in Armenelos, so you'll need a horse. Time is quite critical here - I don't know how long you've got before the island sinks - so you'll have to run the beast hard. That should make the whole endeavour take about two days.
So it's time to tell Elendil that. You'll use short, simple sentences, and repeat each one until he agrees. Here they are:
Im togitha i rîs. - I will rescue the queen.
Anno enni roch. - Give me a fast horse.
Anno enni tâd oer. - Give me two days.
This is fairly pidgin Sindarin, but he should understand. Make sure he agrees to all three (you'll have to discern this from his tone) before you leave.
How's that going for you?
-I'm on a horse, let's do this.
-I've been offered food and a bed.
-I've been kicked out of the house.
-They're dragging me to a ship.
((The timeline can go whistle. Let's rescue Miriel... unless someone else diverts us! ~hS))
They still think I'm a bit crazy, it seems.
Currently: being prevented from going to rescue the queen of Numenor before its fall.
It's not likely you're going to be able to fight off a bunch of Numenoreans, with their whole seven-feet-tall-live-300-years thing. I guess the real question is:
How dedicated are you to this plan?
-Not very, boats are cool too.
-Moderately, I'm gonna keep arguing.
-Super dedicated, let's fight!
((This is going to get rather longer than the Star Wars one, isn't it? :-/))
While I'm not stupid enough to fight the good guys (who are also taller and stronger than me), I think the queen is pretty important. Arguing it is.
It's good to have convictions, right?
How do you want to make your case?
-Keep saying what you already were.
-Try and use knowledge of the future.
-Lie about knowledge of the future.
-Threaten Elendil.
((I refuse to take any responsibility if we get executed.))
(I'm not gonna touch this one. I've done my part.
Also, if you guys want to come at me with pointy objects, I understand completely.)
... this is low-effort enough that I reckon I can handle a chain for each canon. Which words I will no doubt regret...
(Also I feel like the Star Wars one is reaching an endpoint; may be wrong, though.)
hS
Canon: Star Wars
You've fallen into a galaxy full of possibilities, a vast canvas of war and peace, heroism and villainy, stables and starships. I'm sure you'll have a great time, provided you can survive the next hour or so.
Now, here's your first question. It's very important that you answer this as quickly as possible:
Can you breathe?
-Yes.
-No.
Don't panic! This just means we’re going to have to move quickly. Without further ado, then:
Why can't you breathe?
-I’m in a vacuum.
-I’m underwater.
-The air is poison.
-Someone's choking me.
Canon: Star Wars. Currently: underwater.
The fact that you're having difficulty determining which way is up suggests you are likely in a repulsorlift-suspended ball of water, as used in Mon Calamari ballet. The good news is, these are rarely very large! Turn in place until you find the brightest light source, then swim towards it.
As you surface, you should see one or more beings watching you.
Who is looking at you?
-A large number of beings of many species.
-Aliens with big bulging eyes and froglike heads.
-Aliens that look like Cthulhu.
-Aliens with eye stalks and big floppy ears.
-Everything is dark and I can't move.
Canon: Star Wars. Currently: treading water.
You appear to be on Coruscant, the capital planet of the galaxy, and hub of culture everywhere. Now, you're not out of the woods yet (except in that there are no forests on Coruscant), but your chances of survival have just increased dramatically. So that's good!
Your next step is to wave someone over to help you out of the bubble. Don't worry about what they look like - they are all sophisticated, intelligent beings, and understand English (or Galactic Basic) even if they can't pronounce it.
By the time you're out of the water, security has probably arrived - you are a mysteriously-appearing intruder, after all! Pay close attention to their instructions, and while you're at it, tell me:
What colour are the guards wearing?
-White.
-Dark blue.
-Red.
-Green.
Canon: Star Wars. Currently: under arrest on Coruscant.
You will be pleased to know that you've fallen into the hands of the Coruscant Guard, a highly-trained organisation devoted to the security of the capital. You might also be interested to learn that you have arrived during the Clone Wars - an exciting period for any go-getting young warrior.
Of course, the downside is that the Guard are going to be on high alert, since Separatist infiltration of Coruscant is an ever-present danger. Since you don't exactly look like a Core-worlder, they're going to be pretty suspicious of you. But never fear! Your Mysterious Voice from Above is here to help!
Do you want to (try to):
-Talk the guard out of arresting you?
-Go quietly?
-Run away?
Currently: under arrest on Coruscant during the Clone Wars
You'll probably be taken to a prison of some description, and given the circumstances of your arrival I'm sure they'll be eager to talk to you. They will sit you down in a small room across a table from an interviewer, but:
Who is interviewing you?
-Someone in military uniform.
-Someone in brown robes.
-Someone in civilian clothes.
-A scary-looking robot.
((Last one for tonight, sleep time.))
((Why is he waving his hand like this? ... I will say everything.))
Well, Ninja'd fair and square.
((I'd have liked to pick: My master is choking me teaching me an object lesson about the power of the dark side.))
Currently: being interrogated by the Coruscant Guard for suspicious activity, during the Clone Wars
The good news is, it doesn't sound like they're treating you as a serious threat to security, so you're probably not in danger of torture or execution. The bad news is, they're not treating you as a serious threat, so you're going to have to talk pretty fast to avoid just being locked up on principle. So it's time to get your story in order.
Who do you claim to be?
-A traveller from another universe - ie, the truth.
-An operative of Republic Intelligence.
-A defector from the Separatists.
-Just someone who tripped and fell into the waterball.
((Feel free to elaborate as much as you want. ^_^))
I don't have enough details to make the other stories sound convincing.
Currently: telling the Coruscant Guard you're from the Real World (and also it's the Clone Wars)
But I can't imagine it's going to go well for you. This isn't a universe where visitors from another dimension pop in regularly, after all. I figure there's a better-than-even chance the officer's just going to find you boring and send you off to psychiatric care. But why are we relying on my figuring?
How did the officer react to your story?
-"Haha, you're crazy and you should be locked away for life."
-"Haha, you're crazy in a funny way and I'm gonna let you go."
-"Haha, you're crazy and probably covering up some heinous crime, TALK SCUM."
-"Haha, you're crazy and I totally believe you because... I... just... do?"
"Stupid homeless kids causing trouble and wasting our time..."
Currently: released by the Coruscant Guard during the Clone Wars.
Good for you! You've managed to get arrested and released by the Coruscant Guard, not a combination many people can claim.
Of course, you're now homeless in the planet-city of Coruscant in the lead-up to a massively despotic regime ruling the galaxy with an iron fist, but you take the wins you can get!
At this point, your plan should be to get a menial job (waitbeing is probably a good choice) and earn enough to find somewhere to sleep. Coruscant's population has been estimated at one trillion, so you can easily sink into the background for a while. But after that, you need a plan - something to do with your life when the Empire takes over, which will be sometime in the next ten years.
What will you do with your future?
-Just sort of muddle through under the radar. (You're human, so this should be fairly easy on Coruscant. Try not to get mugged.)
-Join the Imperial military. (Again, you're human, and they're fond of having soldiers. Not so much of training them properly.)
-Become a big name in Imperial society. (Difficult, with no ID, but maybe you can get a fake one?)
-Become part of the Imperial government. (Uh, you realise they're the bad guys, yeah?)
-Join the Rebellion! (The moral choice, but not an easy one - or a safe one.)
-Become a Jedi!!! (Yeah, this doesn't even get bolded. You're not Force-sensitive, it ain't happening.)
My goal is to obtain a high social status in the Empire!
Currently: planning to become an Imperial rockstar or something.
You've chosen a middle-ground life: not one of active rebellion against the Empire, but not directly supporting its regime of terror either. It's the life almost everyone on Coruscant will want to live, honestly.
The key to your success is going to be leveraging your knowledge of the future. Very soon, the Republic is going to become an Empire, and that means that anyone who was already espousing Imperial ideas is going to rise in fame pretty quickly. Here are some options for your rise to social glory:
-The arts. Take minor roles in holodramas which convey a message of 'strength is what we need', and try to move up to larger roles before the Empire is declared. Or make music, if that's your thing, proclaiming the villainy of the Jedi and the marvels of Chancellor Palpatine. Paint, sculpt... anything that can cement you as a visionary who foresaw the New Order's advantages before it happened.
-Food. Well, we started you out as a waitbeing, right? Use that! Make some of that weird Earth-food you remember, get your boss to sell it, and work your way up. You can be the Delia Smith of the Galactic Empire.
-The news. Much like the Arts line, this centres on providing commentary that will please the Emperor, before he's the Emperor. It's probably going to be trickier to get started, though, but if you see an opening...
-If all else fails, why not marry someone high-status? It's a nifty little back-door which could serve you well!
Whatever you choose to do, plot out your path and do your best to follow it. It's been a pleasure to serve as your Mysterious Voice from Above, but our time together is at an end - you're safe, you've got your feet under you, it's time to make your own way in the world. Good luck, and may the Force not be with you, because that's treason!
Oh, and one final bit of advice: might be a good idea to move to Corellia in 20 years or so. Things are likely to get a bit messy on Coruscant when the Emperor dies...
((Well, you did it! By looking homeless and feeble enough that the Guard let you go, but you did it anyway! For what it's worth, I recommend the acting path - especially if you happen to look like any of the players in the Clone Wars, you could make an absolute mint. ~hS))
Food it is, then! Soon all in the galaxy will proclaim that spaghetti and meatballs is the most exotic, high-end cuisine around!
It takes a while to get started, but before two years have passed your boss' diner is selling spaghetti and meatballs like hot ryshcate. Of course, your boss is also taking all the credit...
You scrimp and save, and eventually make enough to start your own tiny stall. The meatballs stay in the old diner... now you're working on pizza.
You take Coruscant by storm, setting up a dozen franchise restaurants under the Empire. Then, keeping careful track of the news, you ship out to Corellia right as the Rebellion starts to rise. You got through the Civil War in peace, and became a minor celebrity selling a variety of pizza and pasta based dishes.
The number one question you get asked is: "What sort of planet is Itali, anyway?"
((Good luck!))