Subject: I am left with one thought: Awwww!
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Posted on: 2017-01-02 20:23:00 UTC

Overall very enjoyable mission! My one major point of critique is that I thought the agents' efforts to explain things to Luna went on a bit too long, and I'm particularly not sure why they kept at it after they got her to fix Garou Hound Dog. (All of his dialogue was very funny, btw!) My mental dialogue with the story for that bit kinda went "Right, she can't help. So neuralyze her. ... Yes, so neuralyze her. ... Wait, is this actually going somewhere? No? Okay, then neuralyze her. ... Neuralyze her already. ... Finally!"

I also wasn't sure initially about things getting so dark with the wraith—the split nostril is kinda gross, and did Wobbles really have to hit her that hard, in the face?—but that all worked for me in the end, what with the character development for the Notary. Here's three cheers for Wobbles at the end, and Jenni is of course standing by to be the her that believes in the Notary even if the Notary can't believe in herself. {= )

(She's also wondering if maybe Lolus' shell was a little too small or he didn't get enough air at hatching or something. Who eats a kazoo?)

I also liked Luna helping out on the mission. Well, I say helping out... going along and being only mildly befuddled might be more accurate? Which is a feat, don't get me wrong. Anyway, I liked it. Luna is cool. ^_^

Nitpick: I think there are one or two thous (subject) that should be thees (object). "We would have thou thee explain," for sure; possibly "I demand that thou thee release Our sister," too, but I'm not certain about that one. It feels equally awkward both ways, and I'm going on instinct more than actual knowledge of sentence construction.

... I feel like there was a joke or something specific I wanted to point out that I liked, but I paused to have food between reading and reviewing, and there are Magic videos in the background, and I can't remember. {= / I'll be sure to let you know if I do!

~Neshomeh

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