Subject: This. This is perfect.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-01-05 20:19:00 UTC
I unfortunately haven't quite read (and listened to!) the actual mission yet, but I'm very much looking forward to it. Maybe I'll read it on the bus to uni and see how many people look up when I inevitably laugh :)
~Zing
Introducing for your delectation and delight,
The Wobbles and Notary PPC Power Hour #3!
In this moderately-thrilling installment, the Notary gets character development, Wobbles gets to pronk, and a new companion enters the fray!
Sort of.
All this and more (and occasionally less) in Episode 3 of the Wobbles and Notary PPC Power Hour, "Homicidal Agents".
This mission sponsored by NutMint TV, for all your weird LotR-inflected childrens' programming needs. =]
but eventually I found the time to read this. It's good to see that Wobbles and the Notary can do friendly banter, and that there's more to the Notary than appears on the surface.
There's one tiny error:
"Yes," said the Notary, in an quiet voice.
Should be "a".
HG
Overall very enjoyable mission! My one major point of critique is that I thought the agents' efforts to explain things to Luna went on a bit too long, and I'm particularly not sure why they kept at it after they got her to fix Garou Hound Dog. (All of his dialogue was very funny, btw!) My mental dialogue with the story for that bit kinda went "Right, she can't help. So neuralyze her. ... Yes, so neuralyze her. ... Wait, is this actually going somewhere? No? Okay, then neuralyze her. ... Neuralyze her already. ... Finally!"
I also wasn't sure initially about things getting so dark with the wraith—the split nostril is kinda gross, and did Wobbles really have to hit her that hard, in the face?—but that all worked for me in the end, what with the character development for the Notary. Here's three cheers for Wobbles at the end, and Jenni is of course standing by to be the her that believes in the Notary even if the Notary can't believe in herself. {= )
(She's also wondering if maybe Lolus' shell was a little too small or he didn't get enough air at hatching or something. Who eats a kazoo?)
I also liked Luna helping out on the mission. Well, I say helping out... going along and being only mildly befuddled might be more accurate? Which is a feat, don't get me wrong. Anyway, I liked it. Luna is cool. ^_^
Nitpick: I think there are one or two thous (subject) that should be thees (object). "We would have thou thee explain," for sure; possibly "I demand that thou thee release Our sister," too, but I'm not certain about that one. It feels equally awkward both ways, and I'm going on instinct more than actual knowledge of sentence construction.
... I feel like there was a joke or something specific I wanted to point out that I liked, but I paused to have food between reading and reviewing, and there are Magic videos in the background, and I can't remember. {= / I'll be sure to let you know if I do!
~Neshomeh
It's "I demand that thou release(st)", I think. "Thou" remains a subject, as in subject-verb-object: "You release her". In the other sentence, it's "We want you [to explain]", and therefore "thee".
For bonus points: what tense/whatever is 'explain' in? It looks like a really weird application of an imperative - "Oy! You explain!" - with a... is "would have" acting as a modal verb or something here? I don't even know, that whole sentence (five words!) is a mess.
hS
It was mostly because, well, the mission's message was "Do not leave canons with PPC knowledge if you can possibly avoid it", which has been a bugbear of mine for as long as I've seen it in missions. It was originally a lot more soapboxy, if that's a word, but I felt the need to explain my position in full rather than leave people in any doubt. This was why Luna tagged along, to be honest; I wanted to demonstrate that having canons help with a mission is often far more harmful to them than simply leaving them be until the canon is reasserting itself. Oh well. The in-universe explanation is that, well, Luna isn't easily dissuaded from an idea that she thinks will help people, but that feels a bit like a copout. =]
Lolus has an odd diet that consists mostly of things that he finds interesting (kazoos, POV collars, Wobbles' wig, the Notary's ears). Besides, I don't know much about fire lizards, but I do know quite a lot about having pets one might charitably describe as being dumb as a box of hair. Shadow and Hostage, my cats, are very, very stupid. Their preferred diet is bees and the leaves from my mum's rubber plant. Lolus takes no small amount of inspiration from them. =]
Yeah, there are probably a few thous and thees in the wrong place - which I'd like to say is because the show gets it wrong as well, but again, that's frankly a cop-out. =]
Hopefully the jokes you liked are, y'know, most of them; my primary concern with all my missions is cramming them full of gags. I can't do concrit the same way that other people do - your own missions being a prime example - so I've got to press my own strengths, which consists of being reasonably funny and having a larger range of baguette fillings than the average badfic. =]
Thank you very much for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it; I know how busy the New Year's been for you and Phobos. Happy New Year, btw! =]
On the one hand, getting the canons involved and helping to save themselves can be pretty cool, like it was here; and it's a tradition that goes back to TOS. But on the other hand, they should definitely forget about it and go back to normal afterward. There have been a few occasions when I've had to talk people out of making more Canons Who Know of the PPC. Not recently, but yeah, definitely agreed in principle.
There are definitely worse inspirations for fire-lizard personalities than cats, and I guess if there are particularly smart ones, there have to be particularly dumb ones, too. {= )
I do like the jokes! There was something that made me go "Hah, I see what you did there," though, and I still have no idea what it was. 'Tis frustrating.
Happy New Year to you, too! I hear it's going to be the Year of the Rooster soon, which is a lot more auspicious than the Year of the Monkey we've had. I hope it's true.
~Neshomeh
P.S. And now, a word from Jenni. She wanted a separate post, but I thought that would've been silly, since I was replying, too.
---
Hey, Jool. Assuming this is a universe in which you ever speak to me with the intent of also listening to me, I have an assignment for you. I wasn't going to bring it up in this absurdly meta fashion, but everybody's doing journals again, and since I actually had this thought before all that kicked off, I took it as a sign that I should after all.
I think you should keep a positivity journal. Just once a week to start with, I want you to write down one positive thought about yourself. It doesn't have to be a big thing—it's not a test, and it's not being graded. It can be something as simple as "hair looked particularly good today." The only rules are that the entries must not be sarcastic, ironic, backhanded, etc., and they must be phrased in the positive. So, no "did not strangle my stupid partner today," but yes "exercised admirable restraint in the face of provocation."
You may now commence with mocking me and everything I stand for. I'll see you next month and we'll go over what you've written. *blows a kiss*
~Jenni
((I mean, unless this is a different person, or a nickname, or whatever. This is prolly me just being thick as all hell, but if it is a nickname for the Notary then I either don't understand or don't remember your explanation. Either way, sorry to be dumb. =] ))
((And yeah, I kind of got the impetus for the screed against PPC-Aware Canons after reading that one Trojie fic where the canon in question is, er, Gaspode. Which, y'know, I get that it's meant to be a joke, but given the established rules of the PPC, I thought it'd just make agents going to Disc fics (a comparative rarity in these modern times...) have a harder time of it. I guess you could make the explanation that Sues ignore his existence so he's fine, but you could make exactly the same case for telling Gimli about us, and that wouldn't work -- sorry. See what I mean about soapboxing? I soapbox harder than a bucket of hand sanitizer gong ten rounds with Muhammad Ali. =] ))
((As for Lolus, I just kind of wanted him to be an adorable derpbeast, and him having a very weird diet is part of that. He's constantly hungry and cowardly and more than a bit dim, but that's just part of his charm. And he's named after Lola, who - when they eventually meet - will be so pleased by this. =] ))
((Any year with a Trump presidency in it is gonna be the Year of the Cock. >=] ))
---
Every word was perfect.
Every phrase, every word, every thought was absolutely perfect. It was exactly what she'd been asked to do by Robinson, and thus maybe the woman would get off her back about it.
The Notary glided through HQ's grey, near-featureless corridors like a tall ship in a silver sea, except with less drunk sailors piddling over the side. She was staring intently at her dataslate, but she seemed to avoid passers-by at the last second, never bumping into anything. This might have had something to do with the collision detector currently disguised (via creative use of a D.O.R.K.S device) as a tasteful stud earring, but nobody could tell for sure.
There was nobody around when she reached her destination, so she left the diary there. It was a small, beige data pad, looking extraordinarily like the scanning bed of an office photocopier, and inside was her positivity diary. They were genuinely positive, too: "corrected and expedited seven 15-B requisition forms without being asked", "dealt with conflict re. large quantities of custard in the Grunt's quarters calmly and without recourse to violence of word or deed", "made mobile of tiny filing cabinets and properly-filled-in tax returns for Moon Moon's Time Tot", "made aforementioned mobile play a selection of soothing Gallifreyan lullabies via sonic device carefully secreted in the stem", that sort of thing.
Howver, in the Notary's traditional style, every perfect word was written in a dialect of Old High Gallifreyan that almost nobody spoke. The only thing written in English, as well as in tiny copperplate handwriting that almost required a magnifying glass to read, was two words:
"Your move."
Actually, I'm pretty sure "Sues (and everyone else) ignore him, so he's fine" was most of the actual argument for him knowing about the PPC. The rest, IIRC, was that he canonically knows things he probably shouldn't anyway.
And historically, it does sort of go for Gimli, and Éowyn, too. They don't permanently know about the PPC, but it was recommended to go to them for help, since Suvians ignoring them means they aren't as susceptible to the Suefluence, and can see that their compatriots are acting like idiots, and want to help.
See, the "established rules of the PPC" weren't always what they are now. Heck, we didn't really have established rules for a long time, other than these, and they were regarded as more guidelines than actual rules. Basically, as long as people liked the idea and it was funny, you could do it.
I mainly object to the idea of canons knowing about the PPC when the argument for it boils down to "they are more awesome and special than anyone ever." Like... I think Sherlock Holmes came up once? And yeah, he's cool and smart and would probably figure everything out quickly enough if he weren't brainwashed by his latest daughter/sister/lover/wife/whatever, but that doesn't imply that agents should deliberately leave him with uncanonical knowledge, and it certainly doesn't make him immune to neuralyzation or canon snap-back.
I had to talk someone out of leaving a character with an eidetic memory with knowledge of the PPC, too. He was an alien of some sort and might not have had eyes, IIRC, so it would make sense that the neuralyzer wouldn't work—but FicPsych has a lot more technological resources, and even someone who wouldn't forget anything under normal circumstances can still have his mind messed with by, say, fictional chemical substances. {= P Plus, again, canon snap-back.
But I think the rules of the Disc are just absurd enough to allow for Gaspode, personally. {= )
Re. Jool, you did forget, though to be fair it's a joke from... *checks e-mail record* October of 2015. So I will tell it again, and then everyone else will at least sort of get it, too:
In closing, have a silly scene that popped into my head yesterday:
Jenni: So what's your actual name? "Notary"'s a bit stiff for... informal use. *smirk*
Notary: *cool look* Antrilovorasilendar.
Jenni: *blink* What do they call you for short?
Notary: My whole. Name.
Jenni: ... Right. Jool it is.
(It's a Farscape reference. The character originally bearing the nickname Jool, whose part the Notary takes in this dialogue, is Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis. ^_^ )I unfortunately haven't quite read (and listened to!) the actual mission yet, but I'm very much looking forward to it. Maybe I'll read it on the bus to uni and see how many people look up when I inevitably laugh :)
~Zing
I do recall you, at some point, mentioning that the idea of the PPC was for a focus on the characters - sort've making stories about them, around the missions. You've done an awesome job at it, seriously. I love how you used that wraith, and that final big important bit relating to the Notary that I won't spoil because it's very good is. Er. Very good. The delivery of that flashback, mate. That delivery.
I dunno, your characters are remarkably relatable (or likable, or whatever, at least), especially for what they, technically speaking, are, and, that's certainly a point in your favour, oy? What we ought to be doing, especially in a setting as outlandish as the PPC.
Your handling of Luna, too, was bloody great. It's pretty rare that we get such an insight into how the canons feel during badfic and, even though I'm not at all aware of her character, or anything at all ever about MLP, I did feel genuinely sorry/horrified for her.
Er. Criticisms?
Well, I suppose that one bit, near the start, where they were sort've panicked, trying to escape that first person segment, ended oddly. It built up suspense well, and was a great way of establishing who's familiar with the continua, and whatnot. The build-up was well done, I just feel that the final escape - 'the RA beeped a few times and allowed them to portal to relative safety' is written a bit too vague, y'know? I feel like with that sort of event - the end of all the build-up - ought to be more punchy, y'know? More gritty and specific, as opposed to vague, and such.
But, you know. That's essentially nitpicking, at this point.
You have also taught me what pronking is, for which I am very glad.
This may well have been the best way to round out the year - didn't spot anything amiss, either.
Huzzah to hunting badfic, huzzah to character development, and huzzah to ALL THE FEELS!
Thank you for writing, Scapegrace, and may 2017 see you well. :>
And it's nice to see the Notary being less abrasive than usual.
I also liked a lot Princess Luna being sort-of-deputied around - getting oblivious canons involved with the Duty is alays refreshing since they're, well, completely oblivious to that the heck is happening.
The best part was the last one, though. Not spoilering it.
Yeah, the Notary does start getting less abrasive and more personable after being exposed to the dark, gloomy aura. The two are, after all, connected; recall what she later says the aura brings back, and what the flashback implies those bad memories concern. =]
Thank you for taking the time to comment here. It really means a lot. =]
Get on the Discord and join us if you're up for it. =]
Thanks so much to Maslab and Tomash for offering to help out with that, and by "offering to help out" I of course mean "I've got their kids". =]
You may find it here!
Thanks also to everyone in the reading for making me feel less like a mad woman shouting at a brightly-lit oblong. It's much appreciated. =]