Here, have a complimentary Awake!

Welcome! Have a freshly-baked bleepolate-chip cookie and a huggle! -huggles-

Welcome to the Board! Have some chocolate, won't you?

Welcome to the Board. We always love newbies! Have a piece of bubble wrap.

I've been recently developing new presents for newbies given our new circumstances of having a new website to dreg up mission fodder from (that was a lot of newness...). So - take your pick:

Would you have a Logic Bomb, some lemming repellent, or a graduated cylinder?

Welcome to the Board. May your stay here be filled with exactly as much insanity as you want and/or deserve.

First of all, weird username, but this is a place where weird is the norm, so you're good. :)
Also, you were looking for "A Trekkie's Tale". Does that mean that you are a Trekkie? If so, which is your favorite series? I like TNG best.
Oh, and have a tribble as a welcome gift. :)

Welcome a-Board the good ship PPC, person who's username has left me slightly confused! It seems that you've already been pointed in all the right directions, so the only thing left is to give you a traditional newbie gift. Have a bag of holding, because you seem to have forgotten yours and it's always good to have something that holds other things.

So... penguins. They kind of have to cuddle all winter, don't they?

That said, welcome to the board, my shtick is pulling random stuff out of my pockets and passing it off. Have a can of ravioli, some ice cubes, and a tube of toothpaste as your welcome to the board. Oh, and I guess you can have the rest of the bleepnerds that I stole off somebody's desk...

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water. K-Blooee Industries are not to be held liable if you want to swim in a pool of this stuff. Seriously, don't do it.

If you haven't done so already, you should definitely take a look at the Original Series, the first-ever PPC missions written by Jay and Acacia.

Another Zelda fan! In that case, have this authentic Hylian Shield, fresh from the blacksmith's. What's your favourite Zelda game? I'm currently going through Skyward Sword and I think it just might beat OoT in terms of sheer awesome.

Hi, have some fudge!

Are you more of a classic Who or new Who fan? (Or both?)

Welcome to the Board. Please leave your sanity at the door. You shan't need it.

As Shoe's greet was once, hi hello and greetings! As Specs pointed you toward the relevant stuff, I just want to give you this cup of tea - don't let the leaves eat you - and this M16 bullet I found today while cleaning some tents.

It's a pity you missed that one time the Board had a lead of penguins released onto it.
As a Newbie gift have a morphing bow tie. Can be black, polka dotted, spinning or neon purple (don't ask how that last one works).

Nice to meet you. Here is a bag of polyhedral random number generators. Use them responsibly (or not. I don't judge).

Now that you're here, let me give you some advice on how to proceed. Hang out, make some friends (or enemies, if that is your thing. Again, I don't judge.), read some stuff, take a nap, read some more stuff.

Good to have more Zelda fans around.

-Phobos, who might judge just a little.

Greetings, new penguin friend! Have some killer whale repellant!

Standards? Piffle! We like fandom knowledge around here!

HTML formatting is this site's calling card.

Welcome to the board, be sure to read the Rules and Constitution, check out the IRC, and all that fun jazz!

Here's a pair of Kicking Boots. The rocket thrusters are for added Gary Stu ball-busting power.

(Note: Specs and Co. claim zero responsibility for broken leg bones, pulled muscles, torn ligaments, or dislocated joints.)