Iximaz: Okay, I just want to start this off by saying I FRIGGIN' CALLED IT.

Aegis: Well of course you called it, you've been talking with the walking spoiler. And you still fell for the red herring.

Iximaz: Oh, shut up, you did too.

Aegis: DID NOT!

Iximaz: DID TOO.

Aegis: DID NOT, slander and calumny! Well, maybe a bit, but only for five minutes or so. Besides, around now people reading this probably haven't the slightest idea what we're talking about.

Iximaz: Fine, fine. We'll get on with the review. As a fair warning, spoilers ahead.

AHEM.

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...
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Oh my god, you guys, I can't believe they killed the niffler.

Aegis: Well, the reveal that it was actually Dumbledore more than made up for it. By now, the audience has probably gathered that we are, in fact, kidding. But if you don't want spoilers, leave now.

Iximaz: Okay, for real, you guys: I loved this movie. I can't say it enough. It was almost good enough to make up for the Cursed Child fiasco because nothing can really make up for that mess of a glorified fanfic NO I'M NOT STILL MAD ABOUT THAT. The humor was spot-on, the characters were likeable especially the niffler he was the best, the plot was engaging, and I had the stupidest grin on my face the whole time I was watching it. Almost nothing but overwhelming praise for it.

Aegis: Aw, now I can't fanboy over it. Hmm. I suppose the best place to start would be the format. Shush, Ix, I'm not talking about the niffler. You can do that. Something to note is that we both saw this in 3D, and it was worth it. There are several moments that are extremely immersive. A few even made me flinch, and the Apparition may well give you motion sickness- it's THAT cool.

Iximaz: Oh, yeah, the Apparation was really cool, especially how much it was used in the final showdown; it makes sense, considering they were both practiced wizards instead of students. BUT OKAY, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE OBSCURUS AND MY THEORY ABOUT ARIANA?

Aegis: No. We can't. Mostly because I agreed with it. Go on and explain.

Iximaz: Okay, for those of you who for whatever reason haven't seen the movie yet but want the spoilers anyway, an Obscurus is a dark force of magic that is created in young wizards when their magic is deliberately suppressed though constant abuse (theory as to why this didn't happen to Harry: the Dursleys only neglected him, never forcibly squashed his magic outbursts). *puts on tinfoil hat* Ariana Dumbledore, after her encounter with the Muggle boys who beat her, was kept locked up in the house and it was implied that Kendra Dumbledore abused her children, but that didn't prevent Ariana's now-damaged magic from randomly bursting out at times. What if Grindelwald first found out about Obscurials through Ariana before she was killed, because she was slowly turning into one? *removes tinfoil hat*

Aegis: Oh, go ahead and spoil the whole thing, why don't you! For those of you who don't know, there was a long-standing rumor that Grindelwald would be appearing. When it was announced that Johnny Depp would be portraying the wizard, and would be making an appearance in this film, the rumors flew thicker and faster than Dementors chasing Harry Potter that Grindelwald was a lot closer than most people believed. In fact, he was Graves. And, at long last, those rumors can finally be. . .
. . .
Confirmed! When Graves gives Credence a token to call him with- a token in the form of Grindelwald's logo? Both Ix and I got funny looks from the entire audience from the palpable squeeing. Dark wizard pimp aside, it was awesome.

Iximaz: ...Yeah, he totally looked like a wizard pimp and not Dumbledore's archnemesis. Which was a tad disappointing. But I still totally called what happened with Graves! HA! *clears throat* Anyway, the only major complaint I have about the movie is the resolution. Because frankly... that was kind of stupid.

Aegis: Oh, you mean the bit where the Thunderbird made venom rain over New York? Venom which failed to make contact with the majority of the populace, by virtue of their being indoors like EVERY SINGLE NEW YORKER, and ensuring that half of the Muggle- sorry, "No-Maj" population now recall an Obscurus wreaking havoc and devastation over all of New York? Yeah, that bit was moronic. However, it did make an interesting point when it noted that Muggle physiology differed from magic physiology, enough that the venom affected only the Muggle population. Just so long as they don't end up using Midichlorians, I'll be fine with it.

Iximaz: I still think they would've been better off calling in the Men in Black.

Aegis: Makes you wonder why they started off with a perfectly good shot of the Statue of Liberty if they didn't want to switch her torch with a neuralyzer, really.

Iximaz: But anyway, stupid resolution aside, the rest of the movie was... fantastic.

Aegis: *is too busy facepalming to respond at the moment*

Iximaz: >:) Alright, alright, joking aside, it really was a good movie; while I can understand why some people might not like the "gotta catch 'em all" vibe it had going, I think it was well-done and I loved seeing all the creatures in the book (and then some!) come to life on the big screen. It definitely would've been hard to convey just how cool they were in writing.

Aegis: Yep, I agree on pretty much all counts, though the Occamy tempts me to try. Those things were gorgeous. I have to say, it doesn't come off as a "gotta catch 'em all" premise. There's a nice emphasis placed on the political thriller aspect- namely, Grindelwald's rise to power, and on character development for our stars. Seeing the Eleventh Doctor with a TARDIS trunk was extremely amusing, even if he was posing as Newt Scamander.

Iximaz: Not to hate on Redmayne, but I just kept seeing Matt Smith in his performance. Which was pretty good, I gotta say. ^^; He was adorkable and basically everything a Hufflepuff should be.

Aegis: Makes him perfect for a "gotta catch 'em all" protagonist. Nobody else would be able to make the spot checks.

Iximaz: Especially for that niffler. Which was, hands-down, the best character. Any of you who say otherwise are wrong.

Aegis: *preferred the Occamy* Occamy are cool.

Iximaz: Except when you somehow manage to lob a cockroach across a room into a tiny little teapot to trap said Occamy.

Aegis: Honestly, I have no idea how it was even surviving on said cockroaches when it was the size of an apartment, but you've gotta admit, the giant blue serpent with shining scales was gorgeous. Not to mention a dead ringer for Quetzalcoatl.

foofooman3: One thing I have to ask: Grindelwald, the most powerful Dark wizard of the age, defeated over fifty aurors single-handedly but was taken out by a nerd with a bat?

Iximaz: Pff, pretty much. So, final verdict: 9/10 stars. Take one off for the ending. Otherwise: awesome movie and definitely worth the ticket money. I can't wait to see it again.

Aegis: More than worth the ticket movie. Overall, it was the best Pokemon story featuring the Doctor as a protagonist against a backdrop of Palpatine the Pimp's rise to power that I have ever seen. 8/10, would see again. One star for the ineffectual ending, one star for the arbitrary nature of the Obliviation of Jacob Kowalski. Seriously, Newt drops the case at his feat filled with silver eggshells that have obviously hatched, claims that they come from a magical creature, and this presents no problem. And yet his love interest walks in and suddenly he remembers everything?
*raises skeptical eyebrow*

Er, right. Ix says shut up, so I'll just go then, shall I?