I honestly share the sentiments most others had - it was very reminiscent of TOS, what with similar sort of character dynamics and dialogue and whatnot.
Which was great, by the way. Loved that dialogue. They're snarky as hell, but clearly mates. Something about it all feels so classic, y'know?
Perhaps it's just because of the aforementioned TOS similarities, but there's a type of chemistry with the two characters that I've seen before, and that I haven't seen in a bit, and it's nice to have that sort've thing popping up again.

And: good on you for finishing this! Tenacity, and all that.

I intended to say mostly what Nesh said, but didn’t get to write it down yet.

Specific errors I took notes of:

Inside was a small, cluttered, room with a hammock strung up in the corner ...
"cluttered" is part of a list, not an insertion that needs a comma at the end; "a small, cluttered room" would be correct.

The ‘Sue was, in fact doing something.
"in fact", on the other hand, is an insertion. "The ‘Sue was, in fact, doing something" is how this should read. (But omitting both commas, as in "The ‘Sue was in fact doing something" may work too; it depends on whether you want the narrator sound a bit breathless or more formal and pronounced.)

She tried to show awe, but thanks to lousy spelling, instead cause a lamb to materialize next to her.
This should be "caused" (past tense).

I’m not sure whether the two cases where you used the word "beside" are typos. Some of the translations my dictionary gives me for "beside" and "besides" appear to be the same, but others imply that in both cases "besides" fits the context better.

Apparently something is missing between
He was tackled by Vautre as soon as he’
and
"You punks are the least subtle assassins ever,” He said. Shawn pushed him off and rolled away."
Also, "he" should not be capitalized.

HG

On mobile, so I can't comment in too much depth, but I thought somebody ought to break the ice and give you some feedback.

So, good points: at times, especially early in the story, it reminded me of TOS. I think the agents are funny, and I like that they approach the mission with positive, upbeat energy.

Points that need work: there are a number of punctuation errors left, and the dialogue got a little dull at times with a lot of Shawn said, Jack said, Shawn said, Jack said. You don't always need a speech tag. Even with them, I'm having a little trouble telling which one is which, but that might be my own failing.

I raised my eyebrows at a couple things: 1. Both agents leaving the mission to get disguises. Unless I've missed something, it's always been the case that at least one agent had to remain in-fic til mission's end. 2. The exorcism at the end. Lampshading that it was unusual doesn't fix the fact that it was indeed unusual. I would have liked an actual explanation or for things to have been handled differently (treating the goddess as a mere voice in the Sue's head comes to mind as an option).

Otherwise, though, pretty good mission with plenty of entertaining bits and characters I wouldn't mind getting to know better. Keep up the good work!

~Neshomeh