Subject: Have you forgotten who rules all ice cream?
Author:
Posted on: 2016-08-12 04:17:00 UTC
Yes, that's me. How much do you plan to pay me, exactly?
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First Message to the Board by
on 2016-08-05 15:28:00 UTC
Reply
Hey! I'm Tesseract, and I'm new, I guess. I've read the Constitution, and I'm obsessed with Harry Potter, all PJO, and a little bit of LotR. I got to the PPC wiki by searching "the worst fanfiction" on Google. This lead to the Legendary Badfics page, where I was scarred by the Little Miss Mary/Rose Potter missions. I don't want to write anything at the moment, because this place is crazy! My favorite agents are the Aviator and Zeb. I live in the U.S., I'm male, and the highest class I'm taking is Geometry Honors.
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Ooh, a Tesseract! by
on 2016-08-10 23:52:00 UTC
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Have you ever read A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L'Engle? One of the best ways to get small-to-middle-sized kids interested in multidimensional geometry. Okay, I'm just saying that because it's what got me interested back in elementary school. It's good anyway.
My gift to you is a tessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseract. It's a hybrid between a tesseract and a snake. It's very friendly and doesn't bite, although it moves very strangely.
--Key is definitely not just trying to one-up Larfen -
Well, then. by
on 2016-08-11 08:06:00 UTC
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I see how it is.
I see how it's turned out.
I'll need the big guns, it seems. Not heavy machine gun. Not turret. Not whale, oh no. Big guns.
You could blow a galaxy's brains out, that's how big these guns will be.
That's right. A once in a five-thousand lifetimes offer.
The tessssssarasssssssssarasssssarasarasarasssssssssssaracraracaracaracssssssssssssssssssaract.
Somewhere between a tesseract, a snake, and the impending death we must all face as mortals, the tessssssarasssssssssarasssssarasarasarasssssssssssaracraracaracaracssssssssssssssssssaract will give you more than value for money: it'll give you valululululululululue for monononononononey.
Get it here, first! -
Wait, why are we giving the newbie big guns? by
on 2016-08-11 13:58:00 UTC
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Specifically, why are we giving her/him/them guns which can blow up a galaxy? Why did this strike us as a good idea? No one should have that much power. Power corrupts. If we corrupt Tesseract, we will no longer have a shiny newbie, but a dastardly villain! We don't want one of those, do we?
--Key, from the peacefullest country on Earth -
What's the big problem? by
on 2016-08-11 22:34:00 UTC
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With all the money I've gotten from selling to Tesseract, we can just buy another galaxy!
With enough left over to spend the rest of our lives in a mansion made entirely out of diamonds and ice-cream!
I've planned this out, you see. I'm a professional salesalesalesalesman. -
Have you forgotten who rules all ice cream? by
on 2016-08-12 04:17:00 UTC
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Yes, that's me. How much do you plan to pay me, exactly?
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Hi, newbie! by
on 2016-08-07 01:50:00 UTC
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Here's a water bottle, a selection of House scarves for you to choose from, and some popcorn to eat while you read the important stuff and/or random missions! :D
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First plover! (nm) by
on 2016-08-07 01:24:00 UTC
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Welcome, welcome! by
on 2016-08-06 20:49:00 UTC
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Come on in, grab a chair, after finding us through Legendary Badfics I'm sure you could use one.
For your newbie gifts, take this Replica Holocron and mini Pensieve.
And since I see no one else had asked yet, what House are you in? -
My House by
on 2016-08-21 14:29:00 UTC
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Ravenclaw. They are the best!
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Well, naturally I must disagree. by
on 2016-08-23 07:52:00 UTC
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But that's just because I'm biased towards my own House, Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw is pretty awesome, though. It's my second favorite House.
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Hi there! Have a Black Cloak of Swirly Awesomeness! by
on 2016-08-06 14:33:00 UTC
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So you'll always look cool without trying. :) And greetings to a fellow American!
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I see a newbie! by
on 2016-08-06 04:10:00 UTC
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But I don't have anything important to say, so I'll just give you this cup of — you know what, take the hamster as well.
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At least sixtieth message to the Board. by
on 2016-08-06 01:19:00 UTC
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Welcome, young four-dimensional cube-analog. Always good to get a break from all these bloody third-dimension knobs, am I right?
More dimensions, more love, I always said.
My gift to you is: a tesseresseresseresseresseresseract.
It's like a normal tesseract, but way, waaay better. -
A fellow newbie! by
on 2016-08-06 01:12:00 UTC
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Hello! Welcome! Please enjoy this hypoallergenic Cheshire cat.
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Hello newbie. by
on 2016-08-05 19:47:00 UTC
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Please have a box of black-hole chocolates. Hope you'll enjoy your stay at the madhouse. Wait long enough and you'll be crazy enough to envisage writing.
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Hello, hello! by
on 2016-08-05 19:40:00 UTC
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Here is one Royal Ice Cream Container. You just close the lid, say a flavor, and open it up again, and bam! Instant ice cream! It's like Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, except you choose the flavor.
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Hello, hello! by
on 2016-08-05 18:16:00 UTC
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Here's a bracelet made of copper. On Scadrial, the Terris used these to store memories. Have fun!
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Newbie! *glomp* *poke* by
on 2016-08-05 16:55:00 UTC
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Heya, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!
*waves* Glad you like my stuff! Sorry for scarring you with those missions, though. ^^; May I recommend Neshomeh's agents Supernumerary and Ilraen?
Hope you like it here! -
Welcome aBoard! by
on 2016-08-05 16:49:00 UTC
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Here, have these silence-cancelling headphones. They're just constantly screaming. I'm sure you'll find a use for them.
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Welcome aBoard! by
on 2016-08-05 16:49:00 UTC
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Have one of my own shed feathers, a replica of Riptide that turns into a working pen, and a Golden Snitch with a Poke Ball engraving!
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Hello and welcome aBoard! by
on 2016-08-05 16:42:00 UTC
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As yar newbie gift, have this replica of the One Ring, which allows you to use Wingardium Leviosa when worn on your pinky finger!
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Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel.. by
on 2016-08-05 15:57:00 UTC
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This magic shovel digs up...
...annoying dogs. What's Toby Fox doing here? -
Fee-fi-fo-fum! I smell... a newbie! :D by
on 2016-08-05 15:49:00 UTC
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Welcome! Welcome! Make yourself comfortable, and have a slice of Infinite Pizza.
Harry Potter and PJO? Please be my friend already! :D -
R.E. Fee-fi-fo-fum! I smell... a newbie! :D by
on 2016-08-05 16:21:00 UTC
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Thank you for the Soos meme and the pizza! I SHALL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN!
