Subject: Second opinions again
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Posted on: 2012-11-15 17:18:00 UTC

I take it that this is a character encyclopedia of sorts. Grammatically it works, and it does make a very good encyclopedia - style entry. I'm going to poke some grammar here.
"It was by this tactic that first allied them," (I think that you are missing a word here: perhaps 'It was by this tactic that they were first allied,')

"This love of magic was born from a want of knowledge." (I'd change this to 'a desire for knowlege,' because although you could argue that a want of knowlege could technically be read as a desire or hunger for knowlege, the phrase as it's usually used means "a lack of knowlege.")

More to come: these just popped out at me initially.

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