Subject: Oh, and if you prefer to read in Gdocs...
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-30 21:53:00 UTC
I meant to include the Gdocs link, too, but forgot, because I am derp. Here it is:
Also "Third Kind."
~Neshomeh
Subject: Oh, and if you prefer to read in Gdocs...
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-30 21:53:00 UTC
I meant to include the Gdocs link, too, but forgot, because I am derp. Here it is:
Also "Third Kind."
~Neshomeh
"Third Kind"
In which there are close alien encounters.
Timeline: Early 2016.
Rating: PG/K+ - Just a platonic study date and absolutely nothing more. Nope.
Beta: Delta Juliette.
... We're only like a year and a half behind the actual events. Shush. >.>
~Neshomeh
I became so immersed that I forgot to take notes. So I had to read it again, because I vaguely remembered zhat there might have been two mistakes.
He hardly dared glance at Farilan with his stalk-eyes.
Shouldn’t this be "dared to glance"?
That would make us 'tit for tat', I believe they saying goes.
Should be "the".
HG
On the nitpicks, "dared to glance" would technically be correct, but it's commonly phrased without the "to". I... don't really know why. I guess it's a colloquialism, or slang, or something.
The second one is definitely a mistake, and I shall fix it. {= )
~Neshomeh
This was well-done! There are so many little details that are different for Andalites and humans, but both of you guys always seem to keep them in mind so well when you're writing Ilraen and Farilan. And both characters react to each other and to every little stimulus from the experience level they feel like they're at right now. Just a very realistically done series of character interactions, all around. I'm also glad Farilan is going to have some emotional depth to her, rather than just being, um. Iskillion.
And good to see Ilraen "retrieved" the Monster Book, too. We should always clean up our own messes, after all!
—doctorlit
Now I am.
Thank you! It is quite nice to see Farilan slowly coming around under the influence of Ilraen's charm, such as it is. And to show just how far he's come as a mature, knowledgeable individual who might be writing a food blog in his spare time.
(Actually, next time someone wants to do a Multiverse Monitor again, I'll have to whip up something along those lines. Ought to be fun.)
Alas, Ilraen did not so much retrieve the MBoM as get chased down the corridor by it until he finally lost it in an Escher room or something. It is still very much at large in HQ, waiting to ambush the next unsuspecting passerby. {= )
~Neshomeh
A perfect rendition of Ilraen's first date cultural assimilation session, and awww! Farilan does have a heart! If I didn't ship Faraen before, I sure do now.
And no nitpicks from the resident Haitian on the (admittedly limited) French! That's a plus!
The hill is just referred to uncapitalized as "the cemetery hill" in its earliest appearances. I guess I'm torn between just continuing to refer to it that way and making it a proper name.
HQ totally has an economy! Mostly trade-based, also with some sort of system for exchanging all the many canonical currencies that people get their appendages on. (May vary per establishment/writer discretion.) There was a really fun thread about this a couple years ago.
All the ellipses are spaced like that. It's a Chicago-style thing.
There is a Monster Book of Monsters loose in the halls of HQ. Have fun with it! {= D
Re. imagery, I really wanted to give a better impression of New Caledonia than we've had before. I'm glad it works!
And I wouldn't say we're ship-teasing, nor trying to make the situation particularly confusing... but the characters themselves are confused and/or painfully naïve and/or in denial, so there is that. {= )
~Neshomeh
The compromise was tripping my grammaticality detector, which is why I pointed it out.
I remember that thread! That was a cool thread.
Huh. That is way different from the style I'm used to on ellipses. Good to know it's not a mistake.
On top of giving a good impression of New Cal, y'all did a good job of describing people's mental states without spelling it out, which, on re-think, is what I was trying to get at.
The situation isn't particularly confusing, it's just that, as written, there's a possibility for the characters' confusion/denial/naivety to tank the relationship.
- Tomash
I meant to include the Gdocs link, too, but forgot, because I am derp. Here it is:
Also "Third Kind."
~Neshomeh