I did want to put my own comments on this story by
son_of_heaven176
on 2018-01-06 03:03:00 UTC
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but it seems that doctorlit said basically everything that I would want to say before I even took a look at the interlude. And even though the beginning of the relationship is still in the works, a quick look at Whitney's page on the Wiki showed that I seemed to have missed or forgotten a few missions. Looks like I've got some reading to do!
Good luck with that mission you're working on. Knowing you, it will be worth the read when it comes out.
I hope you enjoyed your holidays, and good luck in 2018!
Review by
Tomash
on 2017-12-27 21:22:00 UTC
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That was good and heartwarming.
From what I remember of Whitney and Backslash, this scene follows from the previous stories, even though the callbacks were a bit dense in parts (though it didn't really impact the story much).
I liked the descriptions of the scenery, it worked rather well.
- Tomash
Re: interlude by
doctorlit
on 2017-12-27 01:52:00 UTC
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Not a whole lot to say here, mostly because of me missing plot points back while I wasn't reading missions. I didn't catch any of Whitney and Backslash's relationship leading up to this, but it seems like a nice scene in general. I like that the tone is very plain, reflecting the honest communication that is both the vehicle and the topic of the conversation here. I also like that events from the past, and the relationships these two characters have with other not in this interlude are shown to have an effect on Whitney and Backslash without dominating the conversation. It makes it feel realistic, and keeps the present scene from feeling like a self-contained box.
I also like how you include Alice's herd in the background details, and even use them to animate the action of your characters' eyes at one point, but again, without letting the horses' presence detract from the flow of the scene. Although, speaking of that moment:
"Backslash just barely managed to avert her gaze by glancing at the horses in the distance."
I assume "avert" here is supposed to be "avoid?" "Avert" implies Backslash is somehow forcing Whitney to look away from him, which doesn't make sense.
And also, just to check:
"'Merry Christmas to you to, Whitey,' he said . . ."
Was "Whitey" intentional there, or is it supposed to be "Whitney" again?
But yeah. Very simply executed scene that feels very effective to me.
—doctorlit, Wii Unfit Trainer
Re: New Interlude by
OpinionedAngel
on 2017-12-25 22:40:00 UTC
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I can't help myself, but... D'aaaawww...
That was so sweet and adorable! Didn't expect that ending either.
Still, congrats to the soon-to-be Mr. And Mrs. Backslash... Wait, does he even have a last name? Well congratulations anyway!
I love it! So sweet. ^^ by
S.M.F.
on 2017-12-24 21:44:00 UTC
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Though, there's an extra word at a key moment:
"How could I not say no?"