Subject: Micro-plug: "Inappropriate Salad", with Agents hS & Kaitlyn
Author:
Posted on: 2019-01-16 14:10:00 UTC

"Hey! When's your birthday?"

Agent Huinesoron yelped, his chair toppling backwards. Flinging out one arm, he caught at the edge of the table, giving himself just enough leverage to pivot the chair up onto one leg. He span, kicked down with both feet, and brought the seat back upright, facing the woman who had come up behind him.

Agent Kaitlyn gaped. "That... was seriously impressive, you know that?"

The elf scowled his best Noldorin scowl. "You can't just sneak up behind people!"

"Wait." Kaitlyn held up a hand. "I snuck up on you? What happened to 'you breathe so loud that they could shoot you in the dark'?"

"That requires me to not be eating." Huinesoron flicked one foot against the floor, setting the chair spinning once more, and landed back facing the table. He sighed softly, then gestured at the next seat along. "Please, sit."

Kaitlyn swung down into the chair and squirmed to get, if not comfortable, at least not in actual pain. "Thanks. So when is your birthday?"

Huinesoron shook his head slowly. "You interrupt my first proper meal in days to ask that? I don't-" He stopped, grimaced. "Please, clarify your reason for me."

"Well, at least you're trying," Kaitlyn murmured. "I see a friend eating a thoroughly miserable salad with a face like a... moping... face..." She waved a hand through the air. "Forget the simile. Point is, I figured no-one remembering your birthday would be the most tragic reason for that, so I wanted to check and make sure."

Huinesoron's brow was deeply furrowed. "I don't think I followed all of that."

Kaitlyn winked at him. "That's what you get for trying to work in a foreign language," she said. "So when's your birthday?"

The elf carefully refrained from rolling his eyes. "First of all," he said, "elves don't celebrate birthdays - we celebrate the day of your begetting." Kaitlyn opened her mouth, a malicious twinkle in her eyes, and he hurried on. "Secondly, I was born before the Moon or Sun first rose; we kept no count of the years in that time, nor is it simple to convert from days of the Sun to days of the Trees."

"Hmm." Kaitlyn mulled this over. "So you don't know when your birthday is?"

"I suppose not." Huinesoron picked up his fork, twirling it between his fingers. "I fully expect to be called away soon, so if you don't mind, I'll eat while we talk-"

"No!" Kaitlyn snatched the plate away with a look of disgust. "You can't eat this! It's way too depressing-looking."

Huinesoron examined his salad, which consisted in large part of slightly wilted lettuce. "I suppose," he allowed, "but have you seen the purported meat in this place? I'd rather my food didn't actively attack me."

"Who said anything about meat?" Kaitlyn asked, grinning. "Have you seen the mushrooms? I think there must be a hobbit working in the kitchens; I'll get them to whip you up a special birthday-sized portion."

The elf blinked. "But it's not my birthday."

"Nah-uh!" Kaitlyn swung an accusing finger towards him. "You don't know that, you just got through telling me you don't know that. So it might be."

"... fine." Huinesoron put down his fork and smiled politely at her. "So I'm familiar with mortal traditions - this means I get a present, yes?"

Kaitlyn sniffed and tossed her hair. "Only if one follows human customs," she said. "Myself, I much prefer to take the Hobbittest path in all things - which means you owe me a present." She smirked, held out her hand towards him. "Come on - don't be stingy, birthday boy; it only comes round once a year, after all!"

~

^_^

(Technically speaking, this should be considered a Driftwood side-story.)

hS

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