Subject: Alex flipped his new laser screwdriver between his fingers.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-05-20 01:11:00 UTC
Whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to himself, he turned it on and bent over his ice gun, intent on finally making that last modification to the melt settings and blissfully unaware of what was soon to come.
((Oh man, I wanna hug the Guardsman so badly. This is not going to end well.))
As discussed on the Board, here is the revamped version of the PPC Agent Mailbox event! See the original post on the Board for the rules and have fun!
Accepting questions for Trainees Miguel Correa and Violet Rose Greenfield in addition to Agents Chris and Ami Seeker, all in Floaters.
Seeing as you had a connection to a Legendary in your homefic like I did, what was it like? Was it similar to communicating with the legendary in question? Also, what is your moveset? I know a certain *someone* who wanted to ask how you'd handle being in competitive battling...
You know the Doctor's little speech about how he can feel the Earth rotating underneath his feet and see everything that ever was, is, and could be? That's kind of what having Celebi powers feels like. I didn't communicate with it so much as become one, either.
Tell your "certain someone" that I'm not qualified or designed (seeing as how I'm still technically human) to be a competitive battler. We're pretty sure I can use Confusion and Recover if you stretch the definition, but that's about it. :P
You know what's the best way to care for a Charmander? 'Cuz well, I never had a real one before...
Hmm...I've never had one either. I hear they're stubborn, though. As long as you make it clear you're the boss and let him fight tough opponents, you should be OK.
Now I'm curious; how'd you get your Charmander?
... 'cuz I needed to learn resposability or something, and asked me what I wanted. So I said a Charmander, and she got Lizzie for me.
((In reality, it was one of my newbie gifts; sonofheaven176 let me choose my choice of starter Pokémon and I chose Charmander. Sadly, I'm unable to justify using a Replica of Kristoff's Hat.))
How hard is it to live life in an environment designed for humans? Do you use the disguise generator to switch to a human if you want to use a keyboard or are your hooves good enough for the job?
Actually, Chris says I'm not allowed to use the laptop until I can set up the DVD player correctly without asking for help. I'd have a lot less trouble if we knew where the instruction manual was. (meaningful look at Chris)
It's not overly challenging, really. Most things I can just handle with my magic if I'm not sure about them. The console's not a problem; they thought ahead and gave it a touchscreen option that I use with the disguise generator.
Wow, so much possessive punctuation!
For those newer than about 2010 (the last time I posted a mission), here's a link to my main ESAS agents:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/BryndanKern
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/ScottLogan">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Scott_Logan
Elcalion
How long have you been playing violin? How do you find the time to practice in between missions and...whatever else you're up to these days?
Alloy and Ginger in the Department of Mary Sues. Neither have very good wiki articles yet, but here they are: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Alloy and http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Ginger-Wise . Since I don't have their backgrounds up, as I am a silly person who keeps forgetting, here is a small amount of background:
Alloy was a bit character in a badfic who had a problem with hardening eyes. She doesn't use contractions -- a habit that annoys Ginger quite a bit. Due to a typo, her hair is made of the same material as the American dollar, though it lacks the printing. She tries to be upbeat most of the time, but often ends up confused instead. The badfic hasn't really worn her down yet, though, even though their first mission was an utter disaster that required intervention by another agent.
Ginger-Wise was a Hermione replacement, rescued by Rina. Her personality hasn't quite settled yet, but she's basically settled into a state of resigned annoyance. She's also a bit more into appearance than practical, and is, in general, hard to get along with. Of the two, Ginger tends to end up being the leader; annoyance tends to move one to action more than confusion. She also has a weapon that she took from a Stu -- in "Dawn's" Stu-wielded state, it was a chainsword/gun, possibly crossing over from the Warhammer 40k continuum. With Ginger, who isn't a native of RWBY, it's mostly a gun with too much purple on it and an annoying tendency to slice things at inopportune times.
((Not that I think that they'll get many questions, but...))
So, say you want to get a haircut. (Papercut?) But later, you get tired of it. Is your hair able to grow out?
How does it feel to have paper hair?
((Goddammit Solvig! Think before speaking!))
Alloy: Papery, I suppose? It is not like I have much to compare it to. It can make it hard to shower, though. Thankfully, I can just put some plastic over it.
What do you least like about your partner? Conversely, what do you like most?
...aren't you? ;)
Alloy: I would not usually say this, but Ginger is absolutely a jerk. A confusing jerk who reminds me too much of that horrible Sue. And she named me without my permission, too! Who even does that? But that bridge is burned, I guess. It is better than Kayt. And she does seem to care about me to some degree, so I do have hope!
Ginger: She talks like a robot. A perky robot. She's not all bad, though. She's got good taste in books, I guess? Though those probably weren't her picks... ah, well. I'm stuck with her, and I guess I can deal with that.
Question for both and be honest. If both of you got into a fist fight against each other, who would win?
No weapons, no magic. Just good old-fashioned fisticuffs.
Alloy: I am not sure. If fighting as I would in the RWBY continuum does not count, I would almost certainly win! If not, I would, well, still probably win, but it is possible I could get tripped up. Possibly literally.
Ginger: Uhh... I dunno. I mean, it's not like I'd preemptively admit defeat or anything, but Alloy's from a continuum full of crazy backflips and wall-running and stuff. Now, if she couldn't run... heh. I'd certainly have a chance.
(I'm still pretty busy with other things at this time but I'll try to answer as much as I can! Below are my PPC characters with complete PPC Wiki articles. Have fun!)
RC #227:
Falchion
Rashida Mafdetiti
Velociripper
RC #133,316,666:
Rayner Blitzkrieg
Evangeline von Lilith
RC #333:
Sarah Katherine Squall
Cupid Carmine
Lapis Lazuli
Other:
Alexander Appleday
Salvo
((Translation: Question for Falchion!))
Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))
Maya, the Gardevoir: *In the background* Do you have your Universal Translator?
Thrud: Chuuuu!
((Shut up!))
Notwithstanding the fact that I can't use my armor during most missions, of course. But if anything, it helps me rely on strategy rather than brute force.
And before you ask, no, I didn't steal your Universal Translator. I don't have any item-stealing moves or abilities whatsoever. Honest!
Have you ever forgotten how strong you were? I accidentally broke a few bones back home when I tried to hug by host families, eheheh.
————
Chakkik worked his mandibles a bit. "so you have always been overly affectionate? i cannot say that surprises me much."
"Hey, I learned how to restrain myself before I got here! You'll notice Addie's still in one piece!"
"or else her youkai resilience is instantly healing any injuries you might be dealing to her."
"Actually, Gabby's really gentle–"
"i did not ask for your opinion."
"Actually my strength isn't derived from raw power in the same way that Mr. Incredible's is. It's momentum-based, meaning I'd have to get my body moving for any real impact. THAT SAID, though, I've accidentally hit my teammates a bit TOO hard every so often, which is why people get uncomfortable when I try to shoulder-punch them nowadays lest I send them through a wall or two! So the short answer to your question would be a solid yes. Unfortunately. I'm amazed it hasn't happened to Cupid or Lapis yet, but time will tell..."
Would you like a Star Wars-continuum Galactic Civil War Era life-like cybernetic replacement hand? Is fully functional, and in good condition. I offer a fair price and a free cup of Ba Sing Se-style jasmine tea.
((Technician Shui-Hua Liu, always looking to get a profit.))
Medical was specifically against the replacement hand until further notice. They were afraid that any residual glitter from my, uh, mishap from my fourth mission would get into any hypothetical cybernetic implants that I end up getting, and I'm not sure if they'll be able to get rid of it completely. I'll probably go back to Medical after a few missions with my current prosthetics and reevaluate my physical state. If they revise their prognosis so that I can get a new hand in the future, though, I'd be more than happy to take up your offer - especially because I've been meaning to sample Avatar-verse jasmine tea!
*toys with a small drop of water with her, then launches and freezes it in midair, in the form of a snowflake* Which I eagerly await for.
(I've been meaning to explore how Lapis would deal with her missing hand for a while. I'm thinking of having her go back to Medical a few stories later to have her hand checked up, possibly after her plot holes start coming back near the end of a mission. Maybe once she gets the whole matter of her being an ex-Sue cleared up, then the thing about her hand may finally be resolved. We'll see! :D)
(( But Shui-Hua doesn't, she just wants a quick buck at Lapis' expense. XD))
[Lapis:] "Good to know. Oh! Almost forgot! I'm a pretty big fan of the original Avatar series, and so is my author - my homefic had Aang dragged in, for one thing! That being said, have you ever snagged any technology from AtLA or LoK?"
[Cupid:] "Uh, LoK?"
[Lapis:] "The Legend of Korra. The follow-up series to the original Avatar show, seventy years later. Anyway, I like the idea of Republic City technology making its way into the DoSAT, but I want to know if that's really happened before. I'd speculate on what sort of stuff you could do with it, but I'd rather not spoil unsuspecting readers..."
[Sarah:] "I'm not that familiar with either series, so, um, thanks! I guess."
[Lapis:] "Don't mention it, Sarah... heheh..."
Uhh... No. Why would we? One, half of the technology used is useless without Benders to power it up, and two, all of the technology from my home-continuum is heavily outclassed by technology from any Sci-Fi or Superhero continuum.
So, you answer me this: Why would the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology, Testing and Application Division, bother 'snagging' it?
((Congratulations Lapis Lazuli! You just made a Waterbending engineer mad. :D))
Besides, it was supposedly powered by a really powerful bending technique, and I always wondered if it was worth exploring in case, y'know, an energy-bending Sue comes along...
*beat*
*sweatdrops, rubs the water off the back of her neck* ...But then again, it seems like a bit of a cop-out to consider such an option. I didn't mean to sound demeaning, I swear! Still, exploring how Benders and technology work together seems like a fascinating venture to me. If more or less completely useless.
At first I thought you refered to the Equalist's shock gauntlets, the only piece of useful technology from there.
*calls the water from Lapis' back of the neck to her hand*
But, I think I now know what are you talking about, more likely because probaly that thing is the reason of why I'm here, why my family thinks I'm dead, and why my family was nearly killed!
*freezes the water into a thin ice needle, launches it to Lapis and stops it less than an inch of her face*
Don't. You. Dare! Speak of Kuvira's walking war crime as it was nothing but a technological curiosity. Hundreds or more died because of it, nearly flattened a city where hundreds of thousands lived, and... and...
*her voice trembles, tears run down her cheeks, composes herself before continuing*
You're an idiot if you think that using a Spirit based weapon would work agaisnt someone that manipulates Pure Spirit Energy, that's about as useful as using a flamethrower against the Human Torch.
*liquifies the ice needle and Waterbends it into a plastic cup*
There's your "tea", and you'll no longer get a fair price from me. I'm out of here.
((Seriously, what's on with your newest characters pressing my characters' Berserk Buttons? What did they ever did to you? =( Because, well, it has happened a lot lately.))
Lapis stared after Shi-Hua, a look of horrified shock on her face.
"I... I don't know what to say," she said to nobody in particular. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."
She felt a hand rest on her shoulder.
"Leave her be," said Cupid. "I've heard enough people speak lightly of Viridi and Hades to know how she feels."
"But... I said something I shouldn't have... I..."
"I can talk to her, and apologize on your behalf. Just give it some time. Maybe she'll get you that new hand you wanted in due course. Sounds good?"
He draped his wing over her, and she smiled, wiping a tear from her cheek. "Sounds good."
(I genuinely didn't mean for that to happen, and I'm sorry too :( It's just that even as someone who's seen the ins and outs of the PPC for over two years, Lapis can be pretty naive sometimes, especially given how young she is. I do hope for the subplot with her replacement hand to happen sometime, though!)
Congratulations, Lapis Lazuli. You just angered someone again, with your reckless speech.
My office, tomorrow, 9 a.m., not 'buts' or excuses. What? Becoming an Agent does not mean you stop being my patient.
((What? Don't tell me you had forgotten this subplot. (:< )
(Cupid's asked Shui-Hua a question in your agents' inbox.)
I guess I deserve that...
(Y'know what, once I post my latest mission, I'm probably gonna set up an open RP thread in which Boarders can elaborate on some of their agents' FicPsych shenanigans, and I think we can continue this there!
Hmmmm, that gives me an idea... We can set up Lapis and Shui-Hua's encounter as an interlude! Since Sarah will be helping your agents, Cupid and Lapis are gonna get involved with one of firemagic's teams in the meantime. So maybe we could have Shui-Hua hold Lapis up, this argument happens, my agents make up with Shiu-Hua, and head off to help out the other team. And THEN Lapis has to head over to FicPsych after that mission and... well... we'll see how it turns out! :D)
(I guess I owe Shui-Ha an apology for... basically everything. I myself genuinely didn't know she was that adversely affected by the events of the canon. I wonder what would happen if she met Rashida...
All that being said, I still think it would be a fun subplot for Lapis to get to know Shui-Ha officially, and maybe take up matters with that cyber-hand again once this boils over. For now, though... Bad Lapis! No Poke Puff! Bad! Now go back to your RC and think about what you've done!)
Would you like to meet Lizzie?
OH DEAR ARCEUS FIRE MY ONLY WEAKNESS NO GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME
*ahem* Yeah, I-I guess I could say hello. Just... be careful when you handle him and all. I don't like fire...
Also, a question I've been meaning to ask myself. Have you ever played the Pokemon games? If so, what generations are you familiar with? And can you sing the Kanto Pokerap?
Well, now I'm familiar with Generations One thru Four, a little with Five, and not quite with Six. Learning of about Seventy sub-continua is hard y'know, that's why I haven't taken the time to learn the Poke-Rap.
For Falchion, (and Velociripper): What's it like being an author avatar?
For all of RC #333: How's Lapis doing? Is she OK?
For Salvo: What's Intelligence like? What do you guys do?
For Falchion, (and Velociripper): What's it like being an author avatar?
[Ripper:] "Horrible."
[Falchion:] "Dude, no."
[Ripper:] "Your author used me as a tool to inflict grievous harm on multiple canons, both mentally and physically. I haven't forgotten that."
[Rashida:] "Please don't, you two."
[Falchion:] "But being an author's persona isn't all about seeing their past mistakes, Ripper. If I hadn't looked up my history and the history of my author, I wouldn't have had a clue as to how to complete my first mission. And I certainly wouldn't be in most of the fandoms that I'm in today."
[Rashida:] "Fair points, but that doesn't change the fact that your author made such an ass out of himself back then."
[Falchion:] "Rosie, we've all been like that at some point. Well, our authors have, anyway."
[Rashida and Ripper:] "True."
For all of RC #333: How's Lapis doing? Is she OK?
[Lapis:] "Oh, I'm perfectly fine... if it weren't for the fact that I, oh, lost my right hand AND my ability to teleport!"
[Sarah:] "Lapis, it was for your own good. If you'd kept those plot holes, who knows what would happen next time?"
[Cupid:] "Don't forget that without my intervention, there wouldn't BE a next time!"
[Lapis:] *sweatdrops* "You drunk-drove that Super Truck into the DoSAT. How can you call that intervention?"
[Cupid:] "I wonder what anime sweatdrops taste like?"
[Sarah:] "Cupid, stop it. Anyway, we're working on getting some prosthetics taken care of for Blue-Hair, since the lack of a hand would be an OBVIOUS hindrance to missions and the like. But we can't risk a permanent replacement, even a mechanical one. What if there was some residual glitter and it got inside?"
[Lapis:] "You took the words right out of my mouth, Sarah..."
[Cupid:] "You know, I think we should see Mad Max: Fury Road. From what I've heard, there's a major character in that movie that I'm sure you'll relate to."
[Lapis:] "I'd be willing to, if it weren't for two things. First, that movie is rated R, and I'm TWELVE. And second, if we get sent into a mission involving the Mad Max continuum, it'll be your fault."
[Cupid:] "Um, oops? Sorry, Lapis!"
For Salvo: What's Intelligence like? What do you guys do?
[Salvo:] "Oh, Intelligence? Pff, don't get me started. It's difficult, for a start, to move around in a badfic and not get noticed by the Sue in question. Especially when you're in a disguise in which you can't move in total silence, which is basically most of the disguises I have to pick when I'm sent in. We also have to endure the ENTIRE badfic in order to determine whether it's missionable or not. Not the easiest way of handling things. Lastly, there's the matter of the folks Upstairs sending missions to agents in action departments. I'm always worried that I'd submit an Intelligence report only to have it sent to the team who rescued me, because it would come off as being ungrateful. But hey, I'm not the one who takes care of who does what. So please, direct your complaints to the Flowers and not us if you're not happy about what you're supposed to do!"
What would you say is the best part about working with the PPC? There are perks to the job, after all.
[Ripper:] "For some of us, the PPC is our only home. We have no where else to go. So that means that being an agent at least gives us a chance to exist, to hunt, and to have posterity if we're lucky. It isn't an ideal habitat, to be fair, but being able to live my own life is more than I can ask for. I'm sure most of us would agree - even if some won't admit it."
[Sarah:] "I still hate you."
[Falchion:] "Yeah, well, we also get to meet a lot of new friends, and in due course patch up the old wounds in our relationships with our authors."
[Rashida:] "Assuming we HAVE authors, that is..."
[Falchion:] "And if we get to meet anyone from the same places we originated, we can have the time to make up for the rough times we went through with them."
[Rayner:] "I still have to question your choice to live with the guy who tried to murder your adopted sister, Falco..."
[E.V.L.] "This, coming from the person who tried to kill me and accidentally set up our life-bond? I see no perks. It's either being here or not existing at all."
[Cupid:] "Oh, c'mon, it's not the worst place to be in! They have the best wine in the multiverse, after all!"
[Alexander:] "But knowing your habits, it's lucky that angels don't have to worry about the risk of alcohol poisoning."
[Lapis:] "I'm not worried about that! If he gets drunk on the job, who knows what'll happen?"
[Sarah:] "It's not like he's never gotten drunk before. Remember our first mission?"
[Lapis:] "What, the one where Cupid pissed off Yveltal?"
[Cupid:] "It was NECESSARY! There was an entire Suvian army and I couldn't just pick them off one by one!"
[Salvo:] "Yes, but was bringing in the entire roster of newcomers for the fourth Smash Bros. really necessary?"
[Cupid:] "...No?"
[Salvo:] *sighs* "Didn't think so."
*beat*
[Falchion:] "Well... that escalated quickly."
[Rashida:] "Oh, shut up."
Has there never been a time where the job felt like it was worth it? Like you'd actually done some good in the world and helped people?
[Falchion:] "My first mission, full stop. And too many times since then."
[Rashida:] "That's your response every time anyone asks that. I don't consider that mission to be worth the extra effort - and I certainly didn't like the fact that it was ridiculously long, even by our standards."
[Sarah:] "Oh, c'mon! If it weren't for Adam's help, I wouldn't even be here. But then again, neither would Ripper..."
[Ripper:] "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
[Sarah:] "As for me, I'd say the mission that led to Cupid's recruitment was probably the big one for me. It's not every day that you get to befriend a Sue-wraith, let alone recruit one. It just goes to show that sometimes a story CAN be redeemed if you change up a few things about it."
[Rayner:] "But it wasn't consistent with the canon. How hard is it to understand that?"
[Cupid:] "We know that already! It's just that they didn't think I was completely hopeless, and knowing them, that's a pretty big deal."
[E.V.L.] "Count yourself lucky. I'm only here because Pony Boy just had to make an ass out of himself..."
[Rayner:] *facepalm* "You HAD to bring that up, didn't you?"
Doc and/or Vania in Floaters
Séverine and/or Yoof in the kitchens
Mollie and Ollie in the Nursery/PPC school
Is it true?
Yes, you know what I mean. Don't try to hide it.
hS ((is evil))
Vania: What? Are you asking if I'm mardy? Hah hah, no. Doc's about as romantic as scratchy lint from an old blanket, and we mostly use costumes instead of full disguises nowadays, anyway.
Oh, yes, I saw that little story posted on the lounge's bulletin board, and I know you wrote it. Guess I can't be surprised that in an organization full of fans, that some of them wind up shipping their coworkers, but still. Come off it. I mean, I have nothing against mardy couples, but . . . no. Just, no.
And I'm not wrought either.
* * *
Doc: No. You can't know. I mean, it's impossible! That was never published! I mean, I'm not a fic writer! Understand? There's nothing! No badfics!
. . . That's impossible . . . How could anyone know?
(Nice, hS! Actual foreshadowing! Mua ha ha ha ha!)
You carry so many books in your pockets, are you sure they're not bigger on the inside?
The shorts are from real world Kohl's. I'v just gotten really good and stuffing books safely inside them. After all, can't leave the house without something to read, right?
Plus, I hadn't even heard of Doctor Who until after I joined the PPC, so . . .
Can you guys tell us what's on this week's menu? Is it fresh?
Séverine found some white celery from Bunnicula! Said it probably won't turn most agents into vampires!
Shipment of Slowpoke tails! Smell good! Like hot dogs!
Got a whole pantry of stuff in The Last of Us! Had mold spores on it, but Séverine bleached it all, so it's okay to eat!
Someone caught a giant enemy crab! They cooked the weak points for massive deliciousness!
Found a world made entirely of ketchup! It's going to be a good year!
Oh, and we still need to finish the meatloaf. Come on, agents! If it doesn't get eaten, it might go Slorp again!
I'm so excited! I can't wait to eat! How about you?
*pants*
But the rest sounds delicious... ish. Carry on.
Another question, this time for Doc: how is life with Vania? Does she keep you on your toes?
I had requested not to have a partner, but I wound up with her. She's . . . well, noisy. And bouncy. It's distracting, and hard to read. She also used to keep dragging me out of the RC to do stuff around HQ, but that's slowed down recently, thank Gan.
But, I have to admit: I would be in way over my head without her. Being in the Word Worlds has a lot more real danger than I thought the job would entail, so it's nice having a senior agent around to keep me safe.
If only she would stop the singing thing . . .
RC 999, DIC
- Agent Supernumerary
- Agent Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill
RC 1110, DMS
- Agent Derik
- Agent Gall Knutson
FicPsych
- Nurse Jennifer Robinson
-- Her son, Henry Robinson
- Nurse Mirrad
- Nurse Elms
- Nurse Castor Parwill
- Nurse Loquacious Immac
- Intern Alex Bjørnsen
(( Just a reminder: I might not be able to reply right away due to work and stuff. I'll reply as quickly as I can! ))
We all know you're a ravenous book lover, but that you're also into Star Trek. What novel or book series is your favorite? And do you like it or Trek better?
Start doing that, and that's when truly horrible, soul-crushing badfic of it starts landing on your console. So I'm not going to.
That said, it's no secret that I'm a bit of a Tolkien buff. Got its hooks in me during my formative years and all that, same as Trek. There's no point in trying to put one above the other. They're both cornerstones of their genres, both revolutionary in their own way, both equally important.
For the record, I'm more of a sci-fi fan overall, but it doesn't show as much because authors like Asimov, Heinlein, Huxley, etc. are less comprehensible to the average idiot, ergo, knock on wood, there's less fanfic of their works. Let alone crossovers.
— Agent Supernumerary
(( Also, his author has been a bit tardy in reading all the important sci-fi novels/novellas/short stories out there, so she doesn't want to make any definitive statements she might later have to retcon. ))
((The original trilogy, at least; the four novels published later got a bit Star Wars prequel-ish for my tastes. But the original trilogy is very fuax-historical sounding, and the sci-fi details aren't very intrusive, and I bet you/Nume would love them!))
((And then we can have long, confusing debates about how psychohistory actually works!))
I thought about picking it as a favorite of Nume's, actually, but see above.
I would love to have a long, confusing debate with you. The problem there is that I do not, in fact, have perfect recall, and it's been ages since I read it, and my brother made off with my copies at some point. {= (
I recently read "The Caves of Steel" and "The Naked Sun," though, and I can say that the more I read of Asimov, the more I think he's awesome. He's really good at getting the human voice in there, and describing stuff so you can see it. ^_^
~Neshomeh
((I got my hands on a copy of I, Robot back when I was ten and it's still my favorite of his works to this day. Especially the first story, it still makes me cry a little.))
((I'm sorry, but it's just not for me. This seems to be a common problem I have with really, really old works of literature: I get bored of them. Lovecraft's about the only one I like. I've tried Lord of the Rings, Frankenstein, I Robot, The Gods Themselves, probably some more things I don't remember. I just couldn't stay invested in them. I feel shame TT_TT))
And admitting things like that are why I sometimes feel like I need to hand in my geek card. Call myself a sci-fi fan, will I, when I haven't even read I, Robot? Pshaw!
~Neshomeh
Uh, I don't know if I'm allowed to ask, because I know soft toys aren't allowed to stay on wards because they're an infection vector (the Doktor told me), but, um, do you need a hand? Because cuddle therapy's been known to work, and I wanna help people as much as I can, now that I actually can. If that makes any sense. Sorry if I've wasted your time.
I mean, we could theoretically put you in a bath and get you all squeaky-clean between patients, right? ^_~
Anyway, we're a psych ward. We don't see a whole lot of infectious diseases, so we're not terribly worried about transmitting anything from patient to patient around here. If you want to stop by and visit sometime, it's fine by me! If nothing else, you can play with my son (he's six years old sweet Powers where does the time go?) and/or Nurse Immac.
Cheers!
~Jenni
Yaaaaaay! I mean it was mostly the fact that I'm fuzzy was the problem and and and YAY! I'll be right down!
*What follows is a small, obnoxiously adorable Pokémon prancing - yes, prancing - through FicPsych handing out cuddles to the poor unfortunates within.*
How do you manage to endure living alongside all those idiots and lunatics that populate this place?
Solvig: *In the background* HEY! What's that suppos'd to mean?
Yuuna: SHUT UP! *Rubs her temple and groans* Please, tell me your secret for that...
I have to live with my partner, of course, but he's pretty quiet when he's not trying to blow us up with his damn tinkering, he doesn't leave dirty socks and old pizza boxes lying around, and he's out of the RC pretty often these days, anyway. It's better than college.
For those times when you must leave the RC, however, I recommend a permanent scowl and a cold glare. If anyone tries to talk to you anyway, eviscerate them with your devastating wit, assuming you have such a thing, until they give up and go away. When forced against your will to work with others, stick to the job and get it done as quickly as possible so you can leave.
Oh, and always keep your palliative of choice on hand for emergencies.
— Agent Supernumerary
I think thinkI will start putting tho-- *Explosion is heard in the background*
Solvig: *In the background* Sorry, my bad!
Yuuna: *headdesks* I need a chocolate-banana milkshake...
Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?
But, er, why? I mean, do I even know you?
Speaking as a fellow badfic refugee whose homefic was deleted, have you and Gall ever had any missions that got prematurely cut short by the badfic being taken down? If so, does it really look like the collapsing dream thing from Inception when that happens while you're in the story?
Anyway, I haven't seen Inception. Film isn't my favorite medium.
(( I always save a copy of the fic I'm sporking against just such an eventuality. Also for note-taking. ))
And I figured it was better to ask than to glomp.
What would you say is the most dangerous situation you've ever been in?
In my natural form, I'm never in any real danger, but Valon... well, I saved his life on our last mission, but I don't think he's going to forget being strangled almost to death anytime soon.
Could you people at least try to be original? I've answered this one before. It's on record. No such thing as privacy here.
... Well, all right, "situation" isn't quite the same as "foe," so if we leave off everything that's tried to break me on purpose... Being in a Word World when it starts to collapse comes to mind. Being stranded with Agent Decima with a busted RA and trying to leap back to HQ via plotholes, that was fun. Being stuck in the response center with my partner for a month with macroviruses and Daleks trying to beat down the door, though that might be breaking the rules a bit. Being anywhere near the Hetalia continuum—I deserved the medal just for showing up, if you ask me. Sharing HQ with a bunch of kooky demi-god-like aliens with the maturity of two-year-olds in a sandbox...
What's the most dangerous situation...? I don't know, take your pick.
Oh, and by the way: Bleeprin. Neuralyzer. Memory Charm. Psychic intervention. Electroconvulsive therapy. Any knock to the head if you set it up right as per Legal. All ways to deal with troublesome memories available to us here in this fine institution. Tell your partner to suck it up and deal with it or quit before something REALLY bad happens to him.
— Agent Supernumerary
... but he refused to take it. He said something about not wanting anything to mess with his mind.
((Yeah... Valon refuses Bleeprin on principle. He's staunchly opposed to mind-altering substances, and to him, Bleeprin qualifies.))
You know what messes with your mind? Being alive. All the billions of impulses of data from your senses, every hormone, every neurotransmitter, the chemical bath distilled from everything you eat and drink—all this and more bombards your brain and shapes who you are every single day whether you want it to or not.
But, y'know, if he wants to be a helpless victim who just lets it all happen to him without doing anything to take matters into his own hands, it's none of my business. I'll let FicPsych know to have a bed ready on the inpatient ward in about, oh, a month if we're being generous. Good luck with that.
— Agent Supernumerary
Your dragon is so awesome and cool! What's your care routine for him like?
I can call you Bob, right?
... Wait, this feels awfully familiar. Why's that?
Oh, right! Because this dude had the same question last time around. The answer's pretty much the same, too. Water, fresh fish when we can get it, dragon kibble when we can't (and yes that is a thing, I know, surprised me, too); regular exercise that sadly doesn't involve nearly enough terrorizing of Sues and new recruits; taking him out to do his business so we don't end up with piles of glowing green dung in the RC; eck cetra.
Oh, and FYI, updated from last time, Skyrim is basically Vikings and therefore kicks all kinds of butt. Also the show Vikings, though it's this weird AU (I guess) where there's no dragons and it's all, like, seriously grim and creepy sometimes. Rollo is hot, though, so it's all good.
Alright, another question: if you could be a dragon, what species and why?
I mean, I could just say Monstrous Nightmare, because obviously they're the coolest, but that's ignoring the whole wider world of totally badass dragons. I mean, have you ever seen a Whispering Death? They're scary! But not too stylish... hmm...
Maybe a Flightmare? Those things glow in the dark, and they can paralyze you with their breath! Not too fast, though, and any dragon can glow if they eat the Arvindal's Fire algae.
Speed Stinger? Nah; they're fast all right, but they don't fly, and that's like half the point.
Now, a Fireworm... normally they're little, but a queen... bright gold, huge, intelligent, agile, killer fire breath... yeah. Yeah, I like the sound of that!
What would you say is the best part about being in the PPC?
Are you asexual or anti-sexual (meaning you have urges, but don't want them)?
I wish I could say the best part about being in the PPC is not having to put up with invasive personal questions from random idiots, but that would be a lie, wouldn't it? Please imagine me glaring pointedly at you here.
— Agent Supernumerary
P.S. My partner threatened to morph human and play with the mini-replicator until I answered at least the first question properly. He won, so send him a prize or something. Preferably in the form of some goddamn pants.
Right. So. The best thing about the PPC is that it's not home. Given the choice between fiction and so-called reality—yes, even the bizarre, twisted manifestations of badfic—I'll take fiction any day. You can take that to the bank.
— Agent Supernumerary
(( Sorry, but if you thought you'd get an answer to the second question, you haven't been paying attention. ^_~ ))
What, in your guys' expert opinions, are two continua that should never, under any circumstances, be mixed?
Nume, Kirk or Picard?
Ilraen, have you ever met Agent Farilan?
Hello, Iximaz. I am composing the answers to your questions for both of us. Nume does not admit to wanting to have anything to do with this exercise, although I suspect he is more intrigued by the questions than he lets on.
We actually got into quite the discussion about your first question, but in the end we agreed it's best not to answer it. We fear that if we name any particular crossover, a badfic of it is sure to exist, whether or not it did before, and will then be sent to our console. In general terms, however, continua that have vastly differing tones and physical laws—say a silly children's cartoon and a hard sci-fi drama—would be particularly difficult to reconcile.
Nume says that he answered your second question the last time we answered letters. (He expressed this with more colorful language that I have chosen to omit.) I'll quote his previous response here: "Giving credit where it's due, Picard is the least terrible [of all the captains]. Kirk is Kirk, but I never liked him much. Don't see the appeal."
Agent Farilan? No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. Should I?
My first mission with my partner was a crossover between Monster Musume, a romantic comedy harem manga, and Prototype, which is about as grimdark and bloody as you can get. I believe we in the industry refer to that as "pepper-jack cheese" logic.
I must say, it's a pleasure to finally meet another member of the noble Andalite race living in this... place.
I had no idea there were any other Andalites here besides Agent Iskillion and myself. Have you been here long? When did you arrive? How did you come to find yourself here?
And... please excuse me, I know this is an unforgivable string of foolish questions already, but... you're a female? I had nearly come to believe I would never meet a female of my own species. I have often imagined what it might be like to speak to Aldrea, who adopted another culture as her own by choice much as I have done by fate, but of course she would be so preoccupied with the war she could hardly spare the time...
Forgive me, I'm babbling. You must think I am terribly stupid, but this really is such a pleasure for me, too. I am quite overcome!
You say you wish to meet Aldrea? A foolish girl who didn't know her place. You have clearly been living amongst humans for too long, especially since you no longer seem able to distinguish between the sexes. Yes, I am female, if my purple fur and delicate tail blade were not obvious enough.
I have been working in the Department of Intelligence *derisive snort* for several months now. I was rescued from a badfic, much like yourself. However, it would seem that is the only thing we have in common.
There aren't many female Andalites even named in the Animorphs series, let alone given any development. My choice was rather limited.
But now you're here... I know I am not the picture of the ideal Andalite, having spent my whole brief life in the PPC, but I hope we might be able to bridge the gap somehow. It was impossible with Agent Iskillion. Frankly, he frightens me a little.
And I can recognize a female when I see one. It is just that it's rather like spotting an elusive mythical beast one has only ever found in fanciful drawings. It is not the same, and the real thing is far more wondrous than an image could ever capture in mere ink.
(( Oh Ilraen, you charmer you. ))
*slightly mollified. And flattered.* Well, you should still realize that these humans are inferior compared to ourselves. It does not behoove you to stoop to their level, Ilraen.
*and not only because he's not sure whether they're writing to each other or face to face, gah, this definitely started out being mail but now there are action asterisks involved, what*
*okay... time to give the benefit of the doubt as hard as he's ever done*
I suppose it must have been a shock for you, suddenly being stranded here, cut off from your home and your people. I cannot say I understand, because this is my home, and these are my people, and I cannot see myself as superior in any way. But I do sympathize. Please let me reassure you that life here is not so bad. There is a courtyard where we can run, the technology is quite fascinating, the work is important, and the people are mostly very intelligent, kind, and determined. They are all warriors of a sort, fighting this war against bad fanfiction. You will see. At least, I hope so.
Could you perhaps explain why they allow their females to fight rather than have them go into more suitable departments such as Intelligence or Sufficiently Advanced Technology?
((Girl's got a single-track mind. XD ))
For one thing, I understand there have historically been far more female recruits than male, so if the organization limited itself to male action agents, it would be even more pitifully understaffed than it is anyway. It would not serve the cause well to do so.
For another, the PPC is run by sentient plants, which may or may not recognize biological sex as a matter of any importance at all.
Furthermore, while the males of many species do tend to be larger and stronger on average, none of the sentient species I'm aware of have a significant difference in intelligence between males and females. This work does not demand physical prowess, but rather intelligence and passion, so females and males are equally capable of serving.
Of course, that's to say nothing of the full spectrum of sexes and gender identities, which is not binary at all. Some species, including humans, acknowledge a wide range of genders, and some have none at all!
I theorize that Andalite society would be less rigid in this matter if it were not for the inescapable difference in tail-blade size between males and females. A big male with a large tail-blade is simply better suited to tail-fighting—if we were all born alike, our society would never have invented such a division. I further theorize, however, that some females must be larger than others, and some males smaller (with tail-blades to match), just like every other species. In such a case, would a large female not be just as suited as a male to become a warrior, and would not a small male find he is more suited to the arts or sciences?
In closing, I believe this is a quotation, though I regret I cannot recall the source: "Allow them? Just try stopping them!"
(( Oops, he took her at face value. He's so helpful, isn't he? {= D He's clearly been talking to Jenni about some things. Farilan might've got more than she bargained for there! ))
Be that as it may, Ilraen, the fact of the matter remains that it is just not proper behavior. But very well, I will attempt to turn a blind eye, though I cannot say I will ever approve of the females being field agents. This is why I am in Intelligence; it is up to me to set a good example for others, is it not?
((Dang, it's hard to write obstinate characters when you make such good points. :/
Also she's totally getting dragged along on a mission sometime, just for that.))
Sorry. {= (
Yeah, it's tough getting into the head of a character you disagree with. Especially since we don't really know all that much about Andalite society, all things considered. I mean, do they have the same kinds of variations in sex/gender as humans? It wouldn't surprise me, but we can't know, although we can make a fair guess how they would handle that sort of thing if they did. (Read: not well.)
And, well, this is the sort of issue I think about a lot. I didn't have to try very hard to come up with Ilraen's answer, relatively long as it was. It's not quite a fair fight from an author standpoint. ^_^;
Considering that this is all only dubiously canon anyway, maybe we oughta make a proper interlude out of it? That way we can work out the kinks and then put it someplace people can read it easily.
~Neshomeh
((...right after we finish polishing our mission's rough draft. ^^; ))
The actual quote is from Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey. The fuller passage runs as follows:
"Do you mean to say that you allow your queens to fly—against Threads?" F'lar ignored the fact that F'nor was grinning, and T'ton, too.
"Allow?" D'ram bellowed. "You can't stop them."
(( Naturally, I figured it out just after I posted. {= P ))
((She's not at all pleased that the Time Lords are more advanced than the Andalites and hates them for it.))
In which you can ask stuff to Sergio, Nikki and Corolla.
Was it hard to adjust to DoSAT after being in the field for so long?
I got used to it pretty quickly though. I never thought I would like tinkering with stuff this much...
Still, I do miss the action every once in a while, so I did everything I could to get allowed on the field again. There's always that missio nonce in a while where you need a techie on the field, and that's where you can always ask for Corolla!
More specifically, this is the mailbox for Laura Dukes, James Pittman, Danny Richardson, Gremlin, Xericka, Cornelius, Rachel Calendar, and Teyala Solnerii. Enjoy!
Are you afraid of rampancy? Is there any way that DoSAT can help you reach metastability?
Yes, rampancy is indeed a most pressing issue, especially as I enter what could be my last operational year. DoSAT is indeed looking into it, as is my own DIAU. I'm sorry to say that results so far have been unproductive. Attempting to meld technologies from different fandoms -- in my case, the Haloverse with anything else -- tends to create more problems than it fixes. While some sort of merger could fix the metastability problem, I could cease being Cornelius and become... something else. Other presented alternatives have not been palitable to my taste.
But the PPC has experts from across the mutliverse on its staff. I am confident that a solution will be found. I will do whatever I can to preserve myself against the onset of rampancy.
First: What's the best thing that's happened to you since joining the PPC?
Second: What have you been up to? You haven't run any missions in a good long while.
Gremlin here. Xericka's standing right behind me reading everything I write, so I suppose she is also technically here.
It's hard to say what the best thing that happened to me is. I've seen plenty of both good and bad. Maybe meeting Xericka? Hanging with her 24/7 is way better than a night of breaking and entering. She's surprisingly cool. (She audibly scoffed at that, by the way. And now she is telling me not to write that she scoffed. Or that she told me not to write that. And now she's glaring at me. I should probably move on.)
Xericka says the best thing that happened to her was adopting Aiden. I can't argue with that. He's adorable. Plus, Xericka makes a pretty good mom. (She just told me to stop issuing her bald-faced comments. Whatever.)
As for what we've been up to, we've been plenty busy. Just because you haven't heard about us running missions doesn't mean we haven't. If our feats of awesomeness haven't been getting any publicity, blame the archivists. I hear that job has a lot of churn. People going nuts and whatever.
Even when we're not on missions, we keep busy. Taking care of Aiden. Drinking to forget. Causing ruckuses. Ask around a bit more; you might hear a little something.
Xericka wants me to add that it's me who causes ruckuses, not her. She's being modest.
Now she's glaring at me again. Gotta dash.
This is for Wobbles, the Notary, and Doktor Trollenfisch. Have fun with them. =]
*holds up her French horn* Want to play a duet with me?
*AND THERE WAS MUCH OOMPAH-RELATED REJOICING*
((Translation: Question for Doktor Trollenfisch!))
Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))
Maya, the Gardevoir: I think you need an Universal Translator
Thrud: Piikaa! Kaa chu kachu pi pi-kaaa-chu pi Chuuuu!
((Never! I don't need it!))
Maya: Maybe this time. After all he is a Pokémon like us.
*Thrud gives Maya the stink eye.*
It ist feelink like ein big responsibility, my vord yes! But, as long as you are beink careful und do not take zer silly risks, it can be zer greatest of fun, my vord yes!
Until you are required to be vatchink zer Sues. Then it is, alas, not so fun.
i implore that you refrain from being arrogant in your response. self-assured evasion of curiosity does nothing but waste your time and mine.
with that said... are there any abilities carried by other creatures that you desired to possess?
i am aware that your kind has a great many biological strengths over humans. this is merely a hypothetical question of evolving beyond the capabilities of your kind.
((So! My agents all show different attitudes I have toward the Notary. Chakkik here is the king of not giving two halves of a damn; he may not like her as a person, but he remains professional in his dealings with her. If she tries to pull the "I'm a Time Lord, I'm better than you" card, he'll just ignore her.))
"It is you who wastes my time. In short, there are none, because, leaving aside that the greatest possession of a Time Lord is the mind and power of their heritage, whatever any other abilities may be I will not possess them. It is like a mantis ant wishing they might breathe under eighty yards of molten rock. I care not for such fantasies and you would be wise to do the same."
How do you feel about custard/cream pies?
So simple, but so effective! The surprise pie's one of the greatest gifts to clownkind! You can put it anywhere and everywhere - well, not quite everywhere if you're me because there are things I'm not allowed to touch or come within five feet of - and it's always, always, always hilarious. The pie's the greatest leveller we have.
"Is this why you keep throwing them at me, human?"
Eh, sorta. =oD
How exactly did your feud with the Guardsman begin? Because it kind of seems like belligerent and unresolved tension of the intimate variety.
((Can take this as a question from prospective agent Cipher-7 who is for the time being on the shelf so to speak))
what is this "scyther" i have heard so much about? my partner has informed me that it might be something i might be interested in. i am uncertain if she is simply making jests of my personal preferences for mating partners.
((In case it hasn't been shouted enough, Chakkik is gay for mantises.))
Und he is lookink like zis:
But only vhen he ist in ein realistic universe. Usually he ist lookink like zis:
Scyther ist zer titan uff zer Leetle Cup, vhere zey put zer Pokemon who are zer first stage uff zeir evolutionary line. Vizz zer proper investment, he occasionally rises into zer Rarely Used tier zat I am callink home!
"Uh... Chak? Wwwhatcha doin'? I didn't even know it was possible for you to drool..."
((He likes what he sees. The realistic one looks like Kha'Zix, one of his Lust-Objects.))
((Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I am not in fact a complete idiot. Which bits are missing I leave to your imagination.))
So what's this Tree business? OH GOD PLEASE DON'T HURT MEEE
*What follows is the protracted sound of screaming and a clown trying to sit on a slightly damp-faced Time Lady's head before she does anything more egregiously stupid than normal.*
So there's a song by the Kinks about a guy who starts falling for a girl at a bar, who turns out to be a transvestite, or transsexual, or something.
Ever heard it?
((Valon was at Rudi's, remember. This bit of trolling is fully intentional on his part.))
"Human culture does not interest me in the slightest; what little I know of it comes from enforced familiarity with the inferior media created by World One's scrawl-and-daub merchants. I assume this is a link-"
---
[Twenty-seven seconds later]
---
"Uh, Notary... What happened to the console?"
"Leave."
"Have you been crying-"
"I said GET OUT!"
"Okay!"
"Before you do, though, take this to Agent Valon... or Kala, or Gabby, or Chakkik, they're all basically interchangeable. The RCs are listed on the top there."
"Sure! You know me, ever so helpful!" Wobbles shoved the receipt in her pocket and bounced off towards Valon's RC, her smile getting slightly wider as she heard the Notary's keening.
Valon opened the door and bared his trademark grin. "Well, hi there, Wobbles! First guess: You've got something for me from the Notary, yes?"
((Oh dear... did Valon go too far? His goal was just to annoy her, not actually hurt her. If he'd known she'd react like that, he wouldn't have done it.))
((Her declaring war on the Guardsman was because he asked politely about a picture of Lola. There's a trope that applies; you can find it here))
Wobbles, whose own trademark grin was never actually missing, smiled back. Since it was painted on her face, she didn't really have a choice in the matter.
"Uh, yeah. Two, actually. One's a receipt for a destroyed console, with a note saying, um... oh, gosh... that because you caused it to be blown up, you're liable for the damages. The second, um, well, I think it's best if you read it."
She shoved the scraps of paper into Valon's hands and scarpered. The second merely said this:
'There is a rather mercenary wizard from the Dungeons and Dragons continuum working in DoSAT who owes me a favour. He knows the spell Explosive Runes. DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.'
At which point there was a whine of incoming magic and the paper glowed red.
"Alright, wand of dispel magic, showtime."
In his many journeys into DnD/Pathfinder continua for supplies, Valon had acquired several ranks in the Use Magic Device skill. Thus, the explosive runes were reduced to normal, harmless text.
He tossed the notes away. "Jeez, you make a joke and she tries to kill you. Someone's got no sense of humor..."
((Valon's vest is lined with Bags of Holding, and he tries his best to prepare for anything. Although to be honest, I was expecting the Notary to use a neuralyzer bomb, followed by whatever she wanted Valon to remember.))
((She sends bombs. Girl's got issues.))
Wobbles, if there was a piece of tech you wanted to use, what would it be? I'm looking into devising a way around your problem!
Notary, do you have your own sonic screwdriver? I've always wanted to see the different variations!
Y'know, it's like... there's one kid, Stacy. She's in the nursery. She was rescued from a badfic - an OC bit like me - and she was put in a wheelchair and just kinda left there 'cause the only reason she existed was to prove how sweet and kind the Sue was. She's pretty much nonverbal and she's almost totally unable to function, but she... she draws, and paints, and she enjoys that, and she's happy here. We think. Asking an AAT sufferer what kinda gadgets they wanna use is kinda like asking Stacie what her favourite dance steps are. It's, um, it's pretty insensitive. So don't do that please.
Also, there is a solution; don't use tech or go anywhere near it.
---
"No. And if I did, there are plenty of others salvaged from missions. I have a weapon."
And ooh, what kind of weapon? A staser, I bet. What kind of staser? How long have you had it, and has it ever needed repairs?
"My weapon is an early-model handheld staser, category 7, rated primarily for use against Ogron-level threats and below. Dalekanium warping power is limited, but can penetrate up to codename: Warlord-class Dalek battlesuits with sufficient sustained fire. I'm afraid the operating manual caught fire some time previously. This may have been a result of target practice."
And just so you know, if it ever needs repairs or maybe upgrades, I'm more than happy to take a look at it!
((What is this madness? Someone who doesn't immediately draw her wrath?))
"It has been sufficient for my sole foray off-base, but should it become necessary I shall prepare the paperwork in advance. Indeed, I may be able to help you right now..." The Notary scribbled down some complicated-looking strings of numbers. "These are the forms you will require for a personal effects requisition from an Internal Affairs operative. Fill them out perfectly, in triplicate, and return them to me. I can then get you an unsullied but surplus-to-requirements laser screwdriver for you to experiment with at your leisure. I'll look them over once you're done - they have to be absolutely perfect, or the prodnoses won't have any of it. Good day."
No problem! Haven't had to do this since tenth grade, but it won't be that hard.
And sweet, a laser screwdriver! I've got a leftover Sue laser spanner, but that's it. You're the best! :D
"Remember, in triplicate, then get them to me. I'll make sure they're absolutely unrefusable. It's the only way to make any headway against those people."
No, seriously, I'm asking. The Notary wasn't a completely hostile windbag to someone?
The end is nigh! The Long Night is upon us! SECURE YOUR DOORMATS!
You know, you're a lot nicer than most people give you credit for. *beams and runs off, papers clutched to his chest*
The Notary considered calling after him, but in the end just stalked off down the corridor. It was a victory, a good piece in her long game against the Grunt, but it felt... hollower than normal. Or perhaps she did.
The Notary would find the forms, perfectly filled out in triplicate, sitting nearly stacked on her desk in her RC. A sticky note on top of the stack read "See? I told you it would be easy. —Alex"
Oooh, but that boy knew how to treat a lady right.
She focussed her brain, quite violently, and when her ears stopped ringing from the slap she sat down and filed the forms. They were, true to his word, absolutely perfect, and there was a frisson of excitement about her as her plan kicked in.
Later that evening, one of the DIA internal security devices activated, and the Guardsman's laser screwdriver vanished with a small pop as the miniature hyperspace motivator activated. A few seconds later, it was replaced with an IOU in a travel tube and details of how to get a temporary replacement until another Insert Agent Item Here could be made permanently available.
Then the next set of Circumstance forms kicked in, and the screwdriver made its way steadily to DoSAT and Alex Dives. This was where the Notary shone; at the stroke of a pen, so to speak, the paper trail became thoroughly occluded. You'd have more chance of untangling where mob profits wound up than finding the device if you used the paper trail alone. Of course, this wasn't a perfect plan, if one used detective work, but it gave enough time for Dives to have his fun.
She tracked it indirectly, through the ripples it made in the formsphere, and when it arrived at DoSAT she punched the air and resolved to buy the human something tasteful. Some flowers, perhaps, properly arranged.
The look on the Grunt's face was going to be priceless.
"WHERE IS IT?" he bellowed to nobody in particular. "MY SCREWDRIVER! IT'S GONE! AND THEN THERE'S THIS NOTE ABOUT HOW TO GET A FRIGGIN' REPLACEMENT! I DON'T WANT A REPLACEMENT! I SURVIVED THE WAR WITH THAT THING! I MADE MODIFICATIONS TO IT! IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE AND IT'S GONE!"
"So we noticed," grumbled Naya, walking around the cluttered RC with her Omni-tool in the air. "Calm down. We can trace the recall tag--"
"NO WE CAN'T!" yelled back the Guardsman, rifling though another desk drawer. "SHE DID THIS! SHE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THINGS DISAPPEAR! I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE IT AGAIN!" He paused to wipe his tears with his sleeve and violently kicked his workbench. "GOD DAMN IT! SHE JUST TAKES THINGS AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! ALL OF THIS BECAUSE I COMMENTED ON A PICTURE! A PICTURE, NAYA! I WAS MAKING CONVERSATION! I WASN'T INSULTING HER OR DOING ANYTHING TO HER! I TRIED BEING HELPFUL! I TRIED GIVING HER A CHANCE! BUT IT JUST BITES ME IN THE ASS, RIGHT?"
Terabyte's mobile platform cautiously approached its partner. It extended a hand towards the Time Lord. "Emiran," said Terabyte.
The former soldier whirled around and looked at Terabyte. He paused to take a deep, shaky breath and wiped his nose. "Yes?" The geth took an end of the glowing red scarf it got from the gift exchanged and gently dabbed at the Guardsman's eyes. "The isomorphic controls are still there, yes? You have nothing to fear. As soon as the thief will attempt to operate the screwdriver you'll receive a notice. Remember?"
The Guardsman stood still for a moment, then let his shoulders slump. "Right. I forgot about those." He sighed. "Yeah. Any second now we'll get the email. Thanks."
Terabyte pulled the Guardsman into a hug. "She will provoke you. You will not take the bait. You will be prepared and you will respond appropriately." The Guardsman returned the hug. "You're right, of course. Thanks."
Naya smiled and patted Terabyte on its shoulder as she walked past the pair. "I'm stepping out. I'll go and file a formal complaint against the Notary through Central: we've got enough interactions with her to warrant action from the higher-ups. Catch you two later!"
"Bye," said the Guardsman as the quarian left the RC. He wiped his eyes again ("No, TB, you don't need to get your scarf dirty-- I'm fine!") and made his way to his seat in front of the Console. He opened his email and refreshed the page. The Guardsman squinted at the screen.
One new message. Isometric controls report unauthorized use at coordinates... aha. DoSAT. Terabyte tapped his partner's shoulder. The Guardsman turned around and saw Terabyte handing him his tricorn hat. "Shall we?" asked the geth. The Guardsman took his hat.
"Let's roll."
- - -
((Very sneaky. I'd hate to be the Guardsman: his laser screwdriver is is little pride and joy. It's pretty much achieved the role of practical good-luck charm in his eyes. Well played, Notary. Well played.))
Whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to himself, he turned it on and bent over his ice gun, intent on finally making that last modification to the melt settings and blissfully unaware of what was soon to come.
((Oh man, I wanna hug the Guardsman so badly. This is not going to end well.))
The Guardsman and Terabyte stepped though it, closing the portal behind them. The nodded to each other and pushed the doors open. After presenting their DIA identification to Tess and explaining the situation, the secretary gave the two officers directions to Alex's workshop. The Time Lord and his geth partner swiftly made their way to the specified location, dodging technicians and their workbenches on the way there.
They approached Alex from behind as he tried to get the laser screwdriver working. The Gallifreyan tech was unresponsive in the technician's hands and kept beeping loudly whenever he tried to activate it.
"Isomprphic controls," said the Guardsman, plucking the tool from Alex's grasp. "Only works for its owner." The DIA officer used his laser screwdriver to turn on Alex's desk lamp as proof of his ownership. He then removed the screwdriver's power source, disabling the auto-recall system, and clutched the screwdriver like a mother holding her child.
"Mr. Dives," asked Terabyte, "where did you obtain this screwdriver?"
"I g-got it from the Notary," he stammered, looking between Terrabyte (who looked like nothing he'd ever seen before) and the still-shaken Guardsman. He swallowed. "If I was doing anything I wasn't supposed to, I'm sorry! I'll turn in my laser spanner if you want me to!"
"Let this be a lesson to you. I don't know exactly what you did but you gave the Notary a chance, right? Showed her what it's like not to be despised all the time? Well, look what she does with your kindness: she turns around and uses it as leverage to attack someone else." He strode off to a corner of the lab, checking his screwdriver for any possible damage.
Terabyte looked from the Guardsman to Alex. "As much as I dislike the Notary for tormenting Emiran like this, I must admire the skill involved. Managing to activate the PPC's automated gadget confiscation system through a DIA override is no small feat. It's not all bad, though: we use the Notary's little cyberbullying campaigns to plug leaks in our system. We'll never be able to stop her-- if there's a will, there's a way-- but she's allowed us to identify key vulnerabilities and patch them. The fact that she has to constantly invent new ways to hack into our database is proof of our success." The geth stared at Alex, then extended a three-fingered hand towards the boy. "Forgive my rudeness. Special Response Officer Terabyte, at your service, sir."
"Alex Dives. I'm an intern here." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry about the screwdriver, if I'd known... shoulda listened to my sister, she likes to rant about the Notary. But she really didn't act as bad as I'd been told, I thought Rina was overreacting."
"No, don't be sorry. Tales of the Notary are always outlandish by nature. Their scale and audacity are comical, if somewhat aggravating. It makes one wonder why she's pulling off these stunts in the first place."
Alex shrugged, looking sheepish. "Sorry, can't really help you there. I'm good with machines, not people." He glanced over at the Guardsman. "Um, Mister, I'm really sorry... is it okay? The screwdriver?"
The Guardsman returned the screwdriver and its battery to his pocket. "Thank god. This little beauty saw me through the worst battles of the War. Second battle of Skaro, the Aether incident, the three-second crisis, and the Final Day, of course." He walked back towards Alex. "Tell me, kid... what favour did you do for the Notary? I can't imagine she'd give my screwdriver to any old person."
Alex gnawed his lip in a manner reminiscent of his sister. "I mean, I offered to repair her staser if it ever needed it, but that's it, really."
The Guardsman shook his head. "You're sure you didn't do anything else? The DIA confiscation system isn't triggered very often-- you need special permissions and such for that."
"But it was all about rights to handle her staser and repair it and whatnot, I read the fine print." Alex shrugged, looking helpless. "I have no idea how this happened."
"If you want to repair some of the best tech in the galaxy, you need the best tools... hence the laser screwdriver. I see. Very sneaky." He nodded. "Tell you what. It's a shame you got dragged into this-- this is really just a childish squabble when you look at it-- so how about I make it up to you, yeah? Give me a couple of days and I can design you a laser screwdriver. Just give me an idea what you want the casing to look like and I can draw up the schematics for you. I can't build it myself-- sorry-- Special Response work tends to get hectic and life-threatening at times."
- - -
((Last post for the night.))
"Oh, wow, would you really? Rina got me a laser spanner, but it's got urple light, and, well, you know Sue tech is nothing compared to an honest-to-God laser screwdriver!" Alex actually hugged the Guardsman in his moment of euphoria. "Don't worry about not being able to build it, I can do that no problem! Oh man, this is great!"
"Alex!" she yelled, running over. "Don't take anything she gives you, she—!" She pulled up short when she saw Terrabyte and the Guardsman. "Oh balls."
Terabyte raised a hand. "Greetings. A pleasure to see you here, Miss Dives. No need to worry about Emiranlanoamar, everything is under control."
The Guardsman rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. You could say that when you've just learnt that some madwoman who's declared war on you can literally steal the gear off your back."
"Vulnerabilities will be patched," said Terabyte, looking at his partner. "And I'm sure that you can develop a countermeasure to prevent, say, your rifle being taken from you while you're in the field. Note: create such countermeasures immediately. That is a massive security concern."
"Yeah, yeah," muttered the Guardsman, extricating himself from Alex's bear hug. "So, Dives junior? What kind of case do you want? Something like mine?" He held up his laser screwdriver. The polished silver case caught the lab's light, making it a mirror-like shine. The tip of the screwdriver was composed of a triangular brass hood wrapped around a red diode-- a shape somewhat reminiscent of the nib of a fountain pen. A line of well-worn black buttons stretched down one of the screwdriver's sides. "Or maybe something else?"
Rina demanded. "At what point does she cross the line? Because it seems like she's crossed a lot."
Alex grinned. "Yours looks fantastic, really. I can make minor tweaks to the design if I later want to, but I can't imagine I would."
((Though I wouldn't be surprised if someone used this as ammunition in a future Badfic Games.))
What is the best part of Gallifreyan culture, and why? Conversely, what is the worst part, and why?
What is the best type of paper, and why?
"A sensible question. That's two now. Anyway, the point of a hardcopy is to be hard-wearing. You'll need a high-quality paper, nice high gsm - that's grams per square inch, if you're wondering - and I like cream, personally, but there are a lot of colours available. Treat paper like a nightclub bouncer. What you want is heavy, hard, and really bloody thick."
There is no such thing as a bad part of Gallifreyan culture, foolish human! We are the most noble race to ever exist in all the multiverses, and our shining cities were the hub of innovation and culture... *drones on*
Fascinating stuff.
"Do be sure to say something that's actually incorrect."
What is your favorite thing in the world?
Also, what, in your opinion, is the hardest word to pronounce?
"It ist mein collection uff zer music uff zer Biggenbrassenparpenthingen! Allow me to be demonstratink for you all!"
---
[[What follows is eight hours of oompah music, played at Coca-Cola volume. For those unfamiliar with the turn of phrase, this is the kind that can actually dissolve the listener's teeth.]]
I've got a question. Why is there a giant stack of paperwork on my bed? How did you even get anywhere near my bed? I thought my TARDIS was locked.
-R
"It is your purview to analyse new Time Lord agents for potential Suvian traits. Those are all the forms you'll need, along with hardcopies of every mission report she's ever filed, details of her mission to Rose Potter - in, if you'll pardon the phrase, exacting detail - and a little light reading to get you fully up to speed on the changes to the forms since their inception a few years ago. That, for reference, is the really big pile. I had to work out a lot of the kinks. The majority of the data is passlocked - there's a test at the end of the paperwork change details, and if you score 100% on it, you pass, and the work on Agent Dives's assessment can begin. It's simply standard procedure. I trust you'll be able to cope.
"As for how I got into your bed, I regret it immensely but you must understand how lonely life on a mission can be..."
Notary, I'm perfectly qualified to do my job. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have the job to begin with. Secondly, I've been keeping up with Ms. Dives' mission reports anyway, because, quite honestly, they're amusing. Thirdly, I don't know why you'd bother with the passlock, unless you're trying to give me a headache on purpose--what am I saying, of course you are. Fourthly, if you think I'm going to read through the log of every single tiny little tweak you've made to the bloody forms, I don't know where your mind's gone.
Fifthly, what. Just what. And also, why? Lonely life on a mission? So you--did you actually fall asleep in my--
Notary, I want a complete explanation of how you got into my bed, what you did while there, and why in the name of Rassilon's flying earmuffs you chose to seek out my bed while lonely.
...*sigh*. Sixthly, thanks for the forms. I wasn't actually sure where to find them, and I didn't feel like actually hunting you down to ask. I'll take the giant pile of papers over an earful from you any day.
...just leave off the passlock next time. And, and explain the bed thing.
-R
((Well, that was fun to write. I should take the Reader out for a spin much more often. ~DF))
"We... I believe the term is 'snuggled'. Quite a lot. Clothing was involved, but not much."
---
The Notary is trying to develop a sense of humour, in much the same manner that an abandoned cup of coffee is trying to develop a fungus.
We didn't either! I should think I'd remember if we had! I--wha--Notary--Notary, you--
[incoherent]
[deep breathing]
Okay. Considering I haven't bothered sleeping in my actual bed for several days, I have no idea when this...snuggling took place, but I--you--argh!
Take. That. Back. Or else provide proof, I'll take either option.
-R
((I'm not sure if they're going to end up with shippers or the need for a restraining order, at this rate. ~DF))
((Also, I'm heading out for about an hour, so... *vanishes* ~DF))
"The one in the cafeteria."
The Notary finished editing the security footage, pressed send, and grinned.
"The big one."
[crashing noises]
[Gallifreyan swearing]
Notary. [Incoherent]
Listen, even if we did maybe...snuggle, I definitely would not tell you to stay--
...
...you faked the footage, didn't you? I don't actually have a shirt that looks like that anymore, it got ruined two missions ago. Maybe three.
I don't--I'm not even sure what to--
[some sighing and running of hands through hair]
Okay. Fine. Nice joke. Good job with the fake footage. Now get it off the Cafeteria vidscreen!
And for the Citadel's sake, if you ever much with footage of me again, use clips where I'm actually wearing trousers.
-R
((That's quite a sense of humor the Notary's developing. I think the Reader appreciates it only a slight bit more than she'd appreciate fungus in her coffee.))
((On the other hand...she does seem to be warming up to the Notary just a tiny bit. Maybe it's that they're the only two Time Lords in HQ who actually experienced the Time War? ~DF))
"I was... not expecting you to catch on this early. I'm rather new to this whole 'pranking' business and, er, I... may possibly have co-opted some of the emergency broadcast protocol code to put it up. For a total length of... hold on, let me check... a fortnight."
*rubs forehead* I'll see if I can get Alex to take a look at it. And I'm not volunteering his services for you, Notary.
"Did he get it? Has he dismantled it? You are related - do you share a bond? No, of course not, I'm being silly, he's as human as you used to be prior to your ascension. Oh, that'll teach the Grunt a thing or two about personal bloody privacy!" The Notary rubbed her hands in glee and cackled like a storybook witch after a dose of phosgene.
OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER?!
"I mean, he might have been a little bit shot, but I can't say for certain and that all depends on how grumpy the Grunt's feeling."
Are you seriously suggesting I'm a— a— a Sue?
"I read your report. I read all the reports. Recently, a CAD described you as displaying a 12% Suvian contamination rate. That is more than double the safe limit for a field agent, and it has therefore set the wheels in motion. Since you are a Time Lord, by fair means or foul, that investigation has fallen to the Citrine Theorist. I trust that this is clear? Or would you perhaps like me to headbutt you this time?"
And for your information? The C-CAD was malfunctioning. There's nothing wrong with me. Seriously.
"On account of it having blown up when pointed at a conveniently-located Sue. How very... inconvenient that must seem, for all concerned."
You want a CAD reading?! COME AND GET ONE, YOU-
Of course it had to happen during the Q&A... Naya! I'll be stepping out a moment. Dives is having a fit.
Console, end dictation mode, please.
"Indeed, to use one of Dives's species's turns of phrase, you're about as welcome as a swarm of wasps at a bat mitzvah. If Dives wishes to give in to her baser instincts, then you will of course be in receipt of a post-incident report. Whether it will be a full report depends entirely on how much your superiors are willing to give you."
...his superior, Notary. That's just rude--
Oh, wait, I forgot who I was talking to.
-R
((Time Lords are a dramatic bunch, huh? They seem to love to angst and bicker :) ~DF))
*sighs and rubs temples* Has she always been this insufferable?
((Seems like it. Then again, old Rina would have been a lot more snappy had she run into this bunch before the transformation. This is comparatively tame for her. XD ))
-know her back on Gallifrey.
She's definitely been this bad since the first time I met her, though.
-R
Hey! Hey, Naya. Get a load of this: she's actually telling me how to do my job now.
[Falsetto] Oh, Grunt! You're a brainless cog in a machine! You're small, stupid, and unimportant! I piloted a TARDIS but ran away and I still did more good than you in the long run!
"You were put in the role you were in during the Time War because you were expendable, Grunt. Nobody gave a damn if they lost you. You had no value beyond that of shoe leather and paradox organs. Your only gift to the cause was life after life after wasted, pointless life. It still is."
---
((NB: Paradox organs are admittedly something of my own devising, but it makes sense; time clones being harvested for body parts is exactly the kind of disgusting thing the Time War would make the Time Lords do.))
We kinda all realized that we were canon fodder during the first few months of the War. It all went downhill from there, trust me. So what if I'm expendable? It won't stop me from trying to do something worthwhile. I dream of a better future for Time Lords-- a future where we actually care about the world around us and don't sit around, all complacent-like. The Time War was a much needed kick in the pants and the Doctor gave us all a second chance. We're gonna capitalize on that and make things better.
And you know what? You're a darn good motivator. The spitting image of the old regime, what we must never return to. Thank you for that. You have my pity.
- - -
((That's a really cool idea, paradox organs. I'd share my own Doctor Who headcanons but they're all too stupid to be actually vocalized.))
You were telling me to ignore her earlier, so try taking your own advice. I don't like having to be the reasonable one where she's concerned.
Don't feel too bad about it. :)
((That the Q&A isn't so much in the form of letters as it is a big panel with all the agents sitting at a long table and the Boarders are sitting in the audience asking questions. You know, like at comic-con?))
Rina: No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. *mutters something about where the Notary can shove it*
((Mainly because someone would definitely try to strangle the Notary. Several times.))
((~DF))
((It starts off like a nice, orderly panel, and then it gets disrupted by the Time Lords all screaming across the table at each other while the others either try to keep the panel going, hide, get exasperated, or join in the shouting!))
((Because it's beginning to reach the point where I will. Snippets of it, anyway. ~DF))
((Because seriously, I'm going to fall asleep thinking about this. The idea's just so hilariously ridiculous.))
((Just going to eat dinner, don't worry if I don't respond for a bit. ~DF))
((Email's iximaz(AT)gmail(DOT)com, but I won't be able to work until tomorrow afternoon, since I'm kicked off the computer after dinner and the phone has to go up at 9:00 (not that that ever stops me). I'm in EST, what about you?))
((And that's fine, actually--means I have more of a chance of getting to sleep early tonight, which I'm sure would be good for me. Also, I'm at my volunteer job until about...let's say 5 pm, I'm generally home by then. I can always jot down some ideas or a scenelet or something, and you can add to it if you're on earlier in the afternoon than I am, and then we can meet up at some point. I can also get internet on my lunch break, assuming it's working.))
((As to time zones...I think we might be in the same one? UTC -05:00? I think we're currently on Daylight Savings Time, too. It's currently about 9:30 pm. Does that match up with where you are?))
((Lookit us, talking about time zones so we can write about Time Lords. It seems appropriate :) ~DF))
((I usually have volunteering on Wednesdays as well, but I think I have tomorrow off, I'd have to look.
Anyway, your plan sounds great! I can't wait to get started!))
((It's always nice to share a time zone. When Karen and I first started writing together, she was 8 hours behind me. It was kind of horrible, but definitely doable. Now she's only 1 hour behind, which is much better.))
((Oh, fun! May I ask what sort of volunteering you do? I'm basically an assistant in my former middle school, which is exhausting and exhilarating. We're still working out my fixed schedule, but it's been great so far even without one.))
((Also: there is now a doc, which has been shared with you. There isn't anything in in yet, but we can fix that! ~DF))
((Mostly I help the little kids groom the horses and get them tacked up, and then I set up the barrels for barrel racing or the pole-bending poles. And occasionally I muck stalls. XD
And woop, got the email! I'm excited for tomorrow!))
((That is so cool.))
((Hurray! It does now have some planning in it--mainly just various ideas and a question or two--but that's it. No writing yet. I'm looking forward to adding some, though. ~DF))
((I can jump two-foot gates, but I'm hoping to get to three over the summer. :3
And eee, can't wait to see it! Perhaps one thing we could do is have each scene headed with whatever question(s) sparked the uproar bickering friendly banter?
((Want to switch volunteer jobs for a day? You can come help exciting grade fives and adorable grade ones, and I can ride a horse so cool.))
((Good luck getting three!))
((Ooh, I like that idea, assuming I'm understanding it correctly. Something like "So, Agent Notary, why is Agent Wobbles still alive?" at the top, and then a giant argument bit of friendly banter breaks out in the scene about whether or not the Notary can actually kill someone with sharp words?))
((~DF))
((Now, without looking it up, can you tell me what a fetlock is?
Though actually, riding isn't (usually) part of my volunteer duties. I have lessons on Thursdays and like it there so much I wanted to know if I could hang around more. Thus, volunteering.
And yup, it sounds like you get my idea. It provides context and scene dividers all in one!))
((Um. It...is probably not a tuft of hair at the top of a horse's face, so I'm going to go with...part of the hoof? I think it's just above the hoof? I think I need to reread my horse books.
Fair enough. It's cool that you get to ride occasionally, though, and it probably combines nicely with the lessons!
Hurrah! That works pretty well with something I jotted down, then--I thought briefly that we could do it in scenelets, and then thought it might not work because it's a panel...but with this format, it does work! ~DF))
((It's the tuft of hair on the back side of the leg just above the hoof. Very useful if a horse doesn't want to pick its feet up for cleaning.
Aw man, I can't wait to see this start to devolve into chaos— because let's face it, you know it will.))
((Fantastic. I am totally ready to volunteer with horses now. /nodnod/
Start to devolve into chaos? Oh, no, my dear Iximaz--it'll probably be chaotic from the very beginning.
...unless, of course, we play it so that it seems like everything's fine, but then it starts getting out of hand...and suddenly there are Time Lords arguing, Agent Des looks like he might throw hot tea on someone, and another group of agents are having a perfectly calm and reasonable Q & A session on the other side of the room. You know. Something logical like that :)
~DF))
((Zeb's hiding under the table, ears flat against his head, Nume's sitting straight-backed in his chair, trying to follow procedure, Corolla's just given up and buried her face in her hands, the whole panel's gone to $hit...And then Time Lord ninjas attacked! ))
Why do you provoke people that are stronger than you? It honestly seems rather stupid to make enemies of a bunch of homicidal maniacs on a hair-trigger, and yet you seem hell-bent on doing so. That's something I'd expect from an orc. Not from a human, and certainly not from a Time Lord.
"Hardly. I merely treat them as their innate inferiority requires me to; if this offends, then there is nothing I can do to change that."
Still, treating people as inferior... that seems like an invitation for someone to prove you wrong. Possibly with a weapon.
You're not the least bit concerned about this?
"I was a blockade runner during the Time War. I think I can stand up to the occasional grunting barbarian with a pointy stick."
Did you choose "Spinel" as part of your title in the Continuity Council? If so, why?
"The Promotor's position was traditionally grey; neither white nor black, but a balance. Spinels are commonly grey. Hence my choice."
I was honestly expecting something rude and dismissive.
Anyway, a few further questions!
First: Is there anything about human culture that you do enjoy, or at least find intriguing?
Second: Why do Time Lords have such massive egos? It's not just you; a lot of Time Lords seem to think that they're automatically better than everything ever just because they're Time Lords.
Third: Have you ever stopped to consider that one day you might meet someone stronger than you? Or are you the sort that's not afraid to die? If the former, I'll be waiting with popcorn. If the latter, that's actually admirable.
"No, we are, and death is just a thing that happens. One might as well be in fear of coming rain. It's unnecessary to worry about that which is certain to occur."
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if you encountered an Evolved, for instance. He or she would probably eat you, absorb all your memories, and grow stronger from it.
Time Lords are resilient and smart, sure, but I don't think you're physically stronger or faster than humans. Evolved can outrun cars and bench-press tanks. And you'd never know they were monsters until they killed you, because they look perfectly like humans before morphing out their weapons.
I think I can safely say that yes, we are stronger than humans— I had to get a new bow because I accidentally broke my old one— and have much better senses. I'm also faster than I was before, but that might be a regeneration-specific thing. Of course, not getting tired from running helps. Lemme tell you, two hearts are a lot more efficient than one, never mind the better respiratory system.
But, um, yeah, Time Lords are nothing compared to those Evolved you described.
"A wolf is a thing that kills. It is intelligent. It hunts in packs. It is capable of ripping through flesh and hide with consummate ease. And yet, humans have domesticated it to become their pets and companions. Do you fear the dog, because of the wolf in its blood? Of course not. Time Lord technology is superior; staser fire will bring it down, or our mastery of time travel will remove the threat without damage to the historical flow. Your Evolved are as beneath our notice as any other mindless, thuggish weapon-beast. We are Time Lord. We will find a way, and we have all the time we need."
---
((BTW, "we are Time Lord" isn't a typo; it's a demonym for this sub set of the race, similar to Gallifreyan.))
Imagine this scenario, which totally isn't inspired by A Song of Ice and Fire.
You're walking down the street, on your way to do whatever it is Time Lords do in their spare time. You pass a hobo on the street, who gives you a funny look as you go by.
You get half a block away, when you hear a sound behind you. You turn around, and there's the hobo, and his arms are now four-foot-long blades. He surges toward you, faster than you'd believe possible, there's no way you can run from it, and now one of those blades is in your stomach. Your innards spill out, but they start retracting into the man that's killing you, and you can feel yourself being pulled in along with it. In less than two seconds, you exist only as thoughts, imprisoned with the minds and memories of everyone else he's consumed.
At what point during all this do you stop to draw your staser?
And once he's eaten you, he knows exactly how Time Lords work, so if he ever meets another one, it'll be even easier.
"Congratulations. I shall have a "Being Very Scary" scout badge made for you. And how likely, exactly, is that situation? Or, if your ego will permit, allow me to offer a counter-example.
"There is a monster, and it's killing people, and it looks like everyone else. Monsters come from somewhere. Eliminate the source, eliminate the threat. Paradoxes are controllable in the right circumstances - and oh look! Those circumstances are the ones we have spent millions of years creating. The only time, the only time someone came close to our power, the resulting war all but tore the universe apart. Keep your children's stories. You know nothing of fear."
Good luck with that. The source is damn near unkillable; even a nuclear blast didn't put him down.
"That's a shame. I suppose the kind of weaponry a Time Fleet is able to wield is of a similar nature - oh, no scratch that. No it isn't. Killerstars. Conversion bombs. The Could-Have-Been King. These are the weapons we unleash when Time Lords are killed by monsters lurking in the dark. A fission device is to them as a broken branch is to a staser."
I freely admit that I have no idea what any of those are, I'm not much of a Doctor Who scholar.
My mother might know, though, she's the one that really likes the show.
Oh, I forgot to mention something: the Evolved are born from a manufactured virus. Who's to say that something similar couldn't happen to Time Lords?
Not just a Time Lord eaten by an Evolved, but a Time Lord that became one. Honestly, the idea of you with Evolved abilities is frightening.
"In the early stages, at least; they were more of a delaying tactic than anything else, since paradox resources were devoted to combating the virus rather than combating the enemy."
I still recommend checking out Prototype. It'll give you a clearer idea of what I'm going on about, and also you get to play as a creature that, in the words of the game, "rips tanks apart with his teeth."
... how much interest I have in doing that.
Let me tell you.
None.
Don't act like I didn't warn you if Wobbles turns out to be a shapeshifting viral monster with claws that could cut an elephant in half.
Anyway, why do you react so strongly to the mention of... er... a certain name? I'm trying to word this in such a way that you can't dodge the question, and won't get me killed...
Oh! How about the name of Bugs Bunny's love interest in Space Jam? Yes, that name.
And speaking of, do you go berserk automatically when other people or characters happen to have the same name? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
... who wants popcorn?
((I am so tempted to make a character named Lola now, just to mess with the Notary.))
((Also, the Notary never actually answered my questions, evasively or otherwise.))
I just realized that Rina... probably has a problem with this description. I didn't even notice that you were there, I was talking to the Notary. Uh... sorry?
No, no, it's... it's fine. Um, I'll just... be leaving now...
Notary: Is there anything in life that you do enjoy?
... that DOESN'T come at the expense of others, I mean.
Wobbles: What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC?
Gosh, I'm lucking out with these questions! =oD
But yeah, everything's wonderful at the PPC! It certainly beats where I came from, but you didn't ask me about that so I won't bore you. I guess the best thing was getting my own show, though, because that way I get to make so many people happy! Especially all the boys, girls, and everything-elses in the Nursery. I love to visit them and be silly for them, it really brightens up their day - and mine! =oD
---
"Filing. Next question."
How do you put up with such an insufferable b**** of a partner?
Notary, why are you such an insufferable b****?
All you gotta do when you see a frown coming is turn the other cheek an' walk the other way! That way everything's bright and sunshiney for ever! =oD
---
"... That came from Dives, didn't it."
"I have no idea."
"I'd disagree, but I suppose that is your normal state of being..."
I don't really spect alot of questions, 'cuz well, no missions yet, but oh well, here they are.
Solvig Karinsdotter, the auburn-haired clone of Supergirl.
Yuuna Takamiya, the violet-haired/eyed teenage ex-Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
How come you're so cute?
No, for real this time: since you're a technician, how do you use your bending to aid your work? Water knives to cut steel? Hydraulic fluid control? It seems like it'd be very useful.
Now regarding your actual question, mostly I don't use it. I don't have have the skill level to generate water blades with the precision required for my job, and hydraulics don't actually use water, they use oil.
That doesn't mean is not useful in certain situations, like for cleaning pieces using soapy water, drying by removing the water from them, cooling engines faster, and making a nice clean tea while working.
((Hydraulics doesn't have to do specifically with just water: it's just an application of fluid dynamics pertaining to liquids in general.
And cooling engines is a thermodynamics problem. Heat transfer, see? I'm not well versed at all it Avatar so ignore this is waterbenders can manipulate water temperature.))
((Waterbenders are never seen manipulating any sort of oil, only water and stuff that contains a lot of water, so just to be on the safe canonical side, let's say they can't. And yes, they can manipulate water temperature, in fact, they can freeze it.))
((I used the wrong name up there. XD))
What is your best time and difficulty for the Danger Room scenario? Have you ever attempted "Suicidal" difficulty?
... on 'Suicidal' difficulty. I take more time on lower difficulties, holo-robots take more time to respawn y'know. Nurse Chan says that I take that much, 'cuz I spend too much time trashing 'bots, but it's just so fun to do it!
Do you have any significant others at the PPC? Also, what were your respective homefics like, and how bad were they in terms of writing, characterization, etc.?
Uh... Does my pet, Lizzie, count?
And my homefic... well, it was never actually written...
Yuuna:
What does that euphemism mean? Family, lover, boyfriend? Whatever, the answer would be "No" on all counts anyway. Although I do [CENSORED, 'CUZ SPOILERS!].
My homefic? *sigh* It was written by a native Japanese speaker, with a very tenuous grasp of English grammar, a worst grasp of American culture and no knowledge of the Marvel Earth-616 continuum; you do the math.
Shui-Hua:
My gadgets and experiments. Don't you dare touch anything!
Homefic!? I proudly come from the Main Avatar-verse, where I was just a random background character. Unless you consider The Legend of Korra fanfic, which in that case, well I have bad news for you.
First off, I know I'm not in the right position for this, given my nature and excessive drinking habits, but... I just wanted to apologize on Lapis' behalf. It was an honest mistake on her part, since none of us agents from RC #333 know the Legend of Korra series in as much detail as you do. And I can imagine how you feel about what happened, too, given that I've been through the entire War against Hades and I KNOW you don't talk about him lightly. *drapes his wing over her like a blanket*
Anyway, moving on to my actual question... What's the best thing you can remember from your home continuum? Food, people, places, doesn't matter, really. As long as it made you happy, well...
The Kryptonian told me enough about you, to know that I don't want you to be that near me.
Good, now that we're clear on that, I'll answer your *beep!* question: That would the jasmine tea made in the style of Ba Sing Se's "Jasmine Dragon" teashop. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to drink bucketfuls of it.
((Fun fact: Shui-Hua gets drunk on tea.))
((And I bet that Cupid is now thinking that this might have been a bad idea.))
I already made that mistake once, and I've never made it since! Promise!
Anyway, if you want, I'll pay for the tea. None of us intended to hurt your feelings. It's the least we can do
to make up for it. I hope...
[Sister January, FicPsych:] I see that you've been having... problems... with one of my patients' acquaintances,
Mrs. Liu. I'm very disappointed with the behavior of both you and Lapis, so in that case, I would like to
schedule an appointment with you tomorrow at noon. Don't be late.
(Geez, Shui-Hua, calm down! I mean, I know you have problems with what Kuvira did, but...)
HURT MY FEELINGS!? You... you... have no idea, you weren't there. The screams, the running, the pushing, the violet flashes, the explosions... *grabs her head* Oh Spirits, please make it stop... *falls on her knees* Make it stop! *screams to the top of her lungs*
((She only has one problem with that, is called "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". :D Cupid Carmine, you're in some deep s**t.))
I think you really do need counseling... Again, noon tomorrow. I will be there to help in any way I can.
Oh, and Cupid, please leave. Now. Whatever you had intended to do, it is clear as day that it didn't help AT ALL.
*Cupid gulps, horrified, and runs off without another word.*
(I swear, your agents never cease to surprise me...)
I have been diagnosed *sniff* with PTSD by FicPsych, since I *sob* arrived here. I need to get to my quarters, *cough* tke my meds with some tea, *sob* and rest. Yes, sleep, that will do me well.
((Want more? Take a look to Solvig's second reply to Gaspard, where Yuna interferes. Or the question to Huinesoron. 8D))
I can take you back to your RC, if you so wish. It's the least I can do for you. And rest assured that my patient and his partners will never bring this up ever again. *hugs her gently*
(...Yeah. An appointment with Jan sounds about right. Shall we leave this to be continued in the FicPsych thingy I'll be setting up soon? C:)
*beep. beep. click*
Hi Sister January! Shui-Hua speaking. Just checked my schedule this morning, and I realized I cannot make it to the appointment. *sigh* I have "Preventive Maintenance for the Danger Room" scheduled for today, and that will take all day to complete. It's a very complicated and delicate piece of tchnology, y'know.
Also, most of my week is similarly filled up, in fact I have an appointment with Nurse Robinson this Friday. So maybe... next week...? Sorry, I'm quite busy. I eagerly await your reply. Bye-bye!
*click*
((What? You thought you could rope her that easily? Shui-Hua is eighteen! While biologically she might still be a teenager, legally she's an adult in most places, you cannot force her to do anything. And she is smarter than you give her credit for, of course she'd be already in treatment, with therapy and Bleep-products))
I understand if you are busy. If you still wish to talk to me, you are welcome to come and see me at any time. In the meantime, best of luck with today's endeavor!
(The thread's been set up! I'll have Lapis and her partners' intro up later today. Have fun!)
Technician Shui-Hua Liu, Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology, Testing and Application Division, Technician in charge of the maintenance of the Danger Room.
You can ask her questions here too.
What was the scariest situation you have ever been in during one of your missions? How did you react?
"... Hey Yunie. What's the scariest thingy we ever got in a mission?"
Yuna: *facepalms and groans*
Solvig: "What?"
Yuna: *smacks Solvig on the forehead and clears her throat* "Now, whoever-you-are, that question would be easier to answer, if, you know, we actually have gone to a mission." *pause* "What do you mean if I went to missions for SHIELD?" *starts fidgeting uneasily* "I... uh... have never gone in a mission for SHIELD either. I... was kept in desk duty..." *Solvig snorts and starts laughing in the background* "Shut up..."
How are you guys getting along? Did you discover anything about your partner that drives you up the wall?
*sigh* "I hate her stupid non sequiturs, I hate the way she speaks, I hate that stupid orange lizard she got for a pe-- You know what, scratch all of that, I hate everythingabout her."
Solvig: "You I kinda dislike she's a little stuck-up and--"
Yuuna: *twitches* "How did you call me?"
Solvig: "'Stuck-up.' Ya'know, the kind of people that--" *Yuuna tackles Solvig to the ground* "Ah! Help!" *there sounds of struggling, and punching, and--*
*Sorry about the inconvenience, we are experiencing technical dificulties.*
((And that´s why you never put Solvig and Yuuna in the same room, when doing rounds of questions.))
You have reached the collected mailboxes of Barid, Brightbeard, Decima, Durotar, Kur'nak, Phobos and Voltarmi. Please leave a message after the tone and they will get back to you at their earliest convenience.
I guess you can leave a message for Oopart, too, if you think this system will still work in a post-apocalyptic future.
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!}
First of all, I just want to say you accent is awesome. ;)
Anyway, is there a secret to making such good-looking shrunken heads?
An' da secret to'a propaly made shrunken head is love. Ya gotta love ya work, ya know? Den, and only den, can ya have de attention ta detail necessary ta cut off ya enemie's head, skin it, magically shrink da skull, an put it all back tageder in a cruel mockery intended ta trap da soul.
Just gotta have love.
-Barid
Is love also how you got such good spin on those cinnamon buns, or is that just really good aim? :P
Dat's down ta da aerodynamics of da bun. Dat's jus' science, dat is.
I've been reliably informed that you've gone back in time to prevent a PPC apocalypse of some sort. Can we arrange a meeting or something and compare notes? I've got my own catastrophe to prevent and your sequence of events don't match up at all with mine.
I don't really know how much help I can be on this. I don't remember much about the events of my future. Everything is really hazy and my head hurts. But, listen... You've got to get me out of here so I can fix what you're talking about! They've got me locked up and --Connection Terminated--
You're mucking with something that didn't need mucking with. The timeline was perfectly fine the way it was before y'all tried to 'fix' it. I mean, yes, sure, the Sundering was a bit of a mess - but we bounced back! We got better! The PPC of my time is, I think I can say without fear of being biased, simply better than it was before the House of Rhodes was broken. You should've all just-
Wait, hang on, you don't look like the Gen- um, Gaspard I've been chatting with. What timeline am I in, anyway?
... right, sorry about that, there's been a type 3b acute timelike slippage. Grandad? Get me out of here, I don't want to make things even worse...
[WHOOMF]
What are your thoughts on the current affairs of the Alliance and Horde, along with the Draenor fiasco?
That's quite a question, lad. I dinnae think I've the time tae get intae all the political nuances recquired tae answer that tae the fullest extent. However, I will say that I ne'er liked Garrosh as Warchief. I could respect Thrall, but not that hot-headed child.
-Brightbeard
Perfectly understandable, then. Garrosh wasted what potential he was given, I think.
Alright, my next question for you: I've heard that you're both an accomplished blacksmith and a Paladin. What is the best thing about being a Paladin? As for blacksmithing, what is your favorite type of armor or weapon to forge?
The best thing about being a Paladin is that ye have the abilities and strength necessary tae be a shield for the powerless.
As for smithing, well, each piece is unique. Each a new challenge, and a new chance tae learn something about the craft and yerself.
*composure breaks for a half second* Prophet Velen... Even if he was of the alternate timeline, I... You know what, I think I will leave it for Master Brightbeard and the troll to answer.
What do you guys think of the Pandaren? Have either of you heard of the player DoubleAgent?
Barid: Da Pandaren are'a bunch'a weirdos if ya ask me. What's da point'a all dat meditatin' anyway? Now, don' get me wrong, I do like dere beer, an' all. Just wish dey'd pick'a sida a'ready.
Brightbeard: Neutraliy can be a double-edged sword. I mean, sure, ye dinnae have any real enemies; but do ye have any real friends? It takes a great amount of balance and effort, which the oddly named "DoubleAgent" seems tae have.
Hurrah!
Taking questions for pretty much everyone:
-Abaddon
-Agen____t
-Brenda
-Charlie
-Dawn
-Edgar
-Kozar
-The Reader
-T'Zar
Anyone who catches your fancy, really. If you can think of another agent I've written of whom you want to ask something, assume they're open for business as well and I've just forgotten to add their name to the list.
~DF
If it's not too personal, of course.
So, first time you regenerated into the opposite sex. What was your first reaction?
-Time War question.
First time I regenerated into the opposite sex? To be perfectly honest, I was mainly preoccupied with two things: a, that I was finally off Gallifrey, and b, that Gallifrey was gone and there'd been an unbelievably vast war. Somewhere in there was all the confusion about having longer hair and different balance and a larger chest and all, but...it kind of took second place to everything else.
Of course, the second time I regenerated into a female body--which wasn't actually that long after--I...well, I was still trying to deal with Gallifrey's destruction, but there was also this stray thought that this body felt rather nice. A good weight, you know? Long hair, sure, but the interesting sort. And good hands. I like these hands. They can do a lot.
So. Considering I went from 'skinny student' to 'slightly stronger and on the run' to 'why do I have a different body now this is horrible timing' to 'hey, I have a body that feels comfortable and isn't injured'...
Well. Let's just say that, so far, this regeneration has been working out well for me, at least physically.
Any other questions? I'm here all night. [dramatic arm sweep]
-R
What was your time at the Academy like? I love hearing stories about that, since I won't ever get to go myself. :3
Did you participate in the Time War? I can't remember if you fell into HQ before or after it.
I...wouldn't quite say that I participated in it, exactly, but...I was on Gallifrey. I was still in the Academy when it started, and then, when it got really bad, I left to find a way off the planet. Didn't happen too quickly, though, and then things got really bad, and--
Well. Long story short, I regenerated twice and escaped with a TARDIS. And then I ended up in HQ. Where I regenerated again. Excuse me, I'm just going to...uh, go...do paperwork, yeah...
-R
((The third regeneration happened on a mission, not due to a crash-landing or something. ~DF))
Their names are Gurnirel (female) and Naergondir (male). Both are Noldorin, though Gurnirel has Vanyarin blood as well, and they hail from the First Age. They're also both in SIELU.
~DF
The main active four are probably Kaitlyn, Selene, Huinesoron, and Morgan - but anyone with missions on my Webplex or a mention on my Wiki profile is fair game! Though if they're retired or dead, your answers might be a bit strange... ;)
hS
What inspired you to do the Driftwood missions and how would you feel if other agents followed on your footsteps?
[Incoming transmission from the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.]
"Is this thing working?" *pause* "A!" *clears throat* "Well met Huinesoron, this is Erynloth from the Woodland Realm. May I ask, how is working for this 'PPC' for you? And for-- Wait, the little ones are coming. I must-- *PTOOM! CRASH!* "Ai! Ai! A--" *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt*
[Transmission terminated.]
Kaitlyn: Uh... Intelligence sent me the reports, so I had to do them? And I'd love it if everyone else did their jobs too?
OH WAIT you mean the reports and the concrit, don't you? Well, I just thought: most authors aren't actually villains, so why not try to help them? If anyone knows about their fics, it's the people who've been inside them! So I decided to help out. Simple as that, really!
~K~
((I guess this is really a question for me, maybe? My answer is that... basically I was fed up with every new recruit to the PPC being from TVTropes and not actually being a writer. ^_~ I wanted something PPC to be up on Fanfiction.net, so that fanwriters could find us again. I also wanted it to be something that presented the best face possible for the PPC - hence the concrit, and the use of 'Suvian' rather than any gender-specific terms.))
~
Huinesoron: Working in the PPC is like standing in the Siege of Angband, with one important exception: portal technology means we, not they, control when we have to meet the foe. No more surprises; I like that.
So it is a fulfilling duty. It's still dangerous, of course - my work consists of hunting down the creators of abberent geography and putting an end to them, of course it's dangerous! - but each mission is a strike against the Suvians who plague our world. I think that's worthwhile.
hS
You're truly an inspiration for us all. *glares at someone in the distance*
((Actually is both! After all the concrit was given in-character, wasn´t it? ;) That reminds me... Neither Boarder, nor the character answered the second part of the question.))
Erynloth: *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt* ((Sorry, she was taken by the mini-Balrogs, won't be answering anytime soon.))
((Kaitlyn said she'd love it if other people did their jobs, too. Ohhhhh, you mean the other thing...))
Kaitlyn: Oh yeah! I think it'd be brilliant if other people did the whole concrit thing. Ella was so disappointed that her department was never a big thing; it'd be a lovely tribute if we could make it work in our own, um, work. Also, who knows? Maybe if badfic writers get a little advice, they can develop all the quicker into goodfic writers! ~K~
((That's the Department of Author Correspondence, of course. As for me: I'd love to see all aspects of the Driftwood setup becoming more common, but not piecemeal. If people start posting their missions to FF.net when those missions consist of angry shouting, it's not going to look very good! Public-facing stories should take their audience into account - and the audience on FF.n is mostly young authors without much experience writing. But with that huge caveat in mind - yes, absolutely! ~hS))
Do you malfunction frequently? When you do, do you go to Medical or DoSAT?
What's the redundancy PPC agents report most frequently?
Why are you named Harpoon? Are you a fishing robot?
Do you need to remain within range of electrical sockets, or other power sources, while you work?
Oil can?
—doctorlit (is a troll)
What's it like being the most fabulous elf in all of HQ?
Legolas is down in FicPsych right now, and he is far more amazing than I am.
[Cue Agent Kaitlyn dropping out of the ceiling]
Kaitlyn: Wow, Hawky was right, that's really useful. Wh-? Oh, it's you! Stopped being all arrogant yet?
Huinesoron: I... uh... I think so? I'm certainly trying.
Kaitlyn: Good stuff! So what's up?
Huinesoron: You'd know; you just came from there.
Kaitlyn: [Narrows eyes] I can't tell if that was a joke, a snide remark, or ignorance of a common idiom.
Huinesoron: ... what?
Kaitlyn: The third, then. I meant, what's goi- what's happening?
Huinesoron: Oh. This... person who is probably not inferior to the Eldar unless she proves herself so was asking me about being fabulous.
Kaitlyn: Yeah, trying too hard there. So what did you say?
Huinesoron: That Legolas was more fa- something funny?
Kaitlyn: Ah... I don't think that's quite what she meant by 'fabulous'.
[A muttered conversation ensues]
Huinesoron: ... ah. Then... I don't know? Fairly... normal, for me? I'm not sure why that's a question.
Kaitlyn: You... are utterly hopeless.
hS & ~K~
If you had a renegade name, what would it be?
Ancient stars, but I'm tired of hearing that description. Look, the whole mystical 'ooh, I'll hide my name and take a The Title to show that I'm a rebel' thing is just... silly. Why would you do that? I'm Morgan. It's short, it's simple, people can both spell and say it.
But okay, sure, let's see: how about the Morrigan?
Excuse me, that's not what I just typed. I think my TARDIS is playing games with me. I typed 'the Wanderer'. For me in this incarnation, it's quite apt.
But not for my prior regenerations. My first body in the PPC would probably love to be 'the Assassin' or 'the Protector'. And as for Second Me - can we say 'the Bimbo', or is that too mean? (Can't believe I didn't fix the Avon Rift first time around. Honestly, Past Me...)
(M)
((... The Reader went by the Wanderer.
Well, technically that was the regeneration just before her current one, but since she wasn't originally even in the PPC and couldn't regenerate on a mission, I had this whole thing about the Wanderer. In her next regeneration--this one--, she changed her name to the Reader, was easily distracted, and liked to speak in sentence fragments, IIRC. However, she'd been the Wanderer for a while, which influenced her... the PPC Reader never even got to choose that name. She most likely still thought of herself as Saa.
...come to think of it, why did the PPC Reader bother with a new name? Oh, she probably wanted to have fewer reminders of what she'd lost. Or maybe she felt it didn't fit her anymore.
Well, for whatever reason, Saa became the Reader, and the Wanderer never really got the chance to wander around. So the Reader turned out as we know her here.
But still. You say the Wanderer, and I picture a rather subdued woman in purple and a jean jacket, who goes around mourning Gallifrey and occasionally finding a companion or getting involved in weird situations.
~DF))
that thing claiming to be the protagonist of The Host.
So, another question: *gestures at the squabbling Time Lords* Thoughts?
I'm prone to thinking, me.
Oh, you mean about my... esteemed... colleagues? I don't know; I'm somewhere between 'behold the majesty of Gallifrey, can you believe we didn't ever take over the universe?' and 'this is why I like guns'.
(M)
Oh, speaking of guns, which one's your favorite?
I mean, a decent handgun is good in most circumstances, but I wouldn't go up against Daleks or zombies with one, would I? What people fail to understand is that it's not about any specific gun - it's about the innate characteristics of guns. All that power stuffed into a handheld weapon - the ability to keep your opponent are a distance, especially when they don't have the same option - the fact that you can fire multiple bullets in a row - what's not to like?
((Look, it was either that or randomly copying a technical description from somewhere. If you like, you can imagine she ended with 'But if pressed, I'd go for a' followed by a description of some powerful handgun. I know nothing about guns, so I'm not even going to try.))
(M)
Have you ever met a problem that couldn't be solved by fire?
I have, unfortunately... that problem almost strangled me...
*curls up in a corner*
Everything can be solved by fire, or rather, by the correct application of fire.
Take for example my recent... instability. You might think that fire would be useless in that situation - but Dafydd made excellent use of it in getting me out of FicPsych, and once I had the Key, the mental equivalent to lightning was exceptionally gratifying.
~SMLPXW
Have you ever encountered a problem that's immune to fire? We had to kill a dragon Stu in our last mission, and Valon tried firebombing him. It worked on the Harry Potter replacements, but not on the Stu.
Nothing is immune to correctly applied fire. It's only if you think of the pyrotechnic arts as consisting entirely of 'set fire to Suvian' that you have a problem, but fire can do so much more. It can bring buildings down on people; it can weaken stones and even metal enough to create deadly traps. Lightning (which is basically just fire but more awesome) can electrocute - or bring a motor to life.
Even with simple 'apply fire to target', it usually works if you try hard enough! Dragon scales melt; magical protection overloads; even 'indestructable' skin has a melting point, though it's usually quite high.
And if all else fails, blow up the sun. I never did understand why Dafydd was so opposed to the department's Sun Crushers. They're like... fire writ large.
~SMLPXW
Which do you think is easier: Keeping the Continuity Council in line, or herding cats?
No, in all honesty, one of the best things about the Continuity Council is that they aren't all that fond of doing anything. More so than the High Council back home, sure (but rocks are more active than the High Council). But ultimately, when one of the Continuity Council suggests a ridiculous course of action, what they really want is for people to disagree with them so they can have a nice bicker.
Plus, on the few occasions when we've actually needed to do something, I think we've turned out rather well.
(M)
I thought they were kinda all about that? I mean, they'd be goose-steppin' all over the place if they knew what geese were or had legs to step with, they're like tiny little earth stars. Kind of adorable in a weird way. And I bet you'd be able to make a really nice wheelchair outta them, and I'd do it myself, but, uh... yeah.
But they are kinda pepper-pots, aren't they? Bit too easy to move around. Guess it wasn't the best choice of species...
~DM~
It ist becomink most clear to me und mein partner zat your are beink less zan entirely supportive uff our presence in zer Department. Zis state uff affairs may not be allowed to continue! I am zerefore issuink you vizz ein challenge! Pointy qwills at dawn-
*sounds of conferring in the background*
Ah. Mein partner is informink me zat zis is for ein qwestion. Since mein stubby fins are beink most tired by recent coffee-related exertions, I have passed zer responsibility of askink you ein qwestion to her good self. It is therefore as follows:
Vould you like ein hug?
Yours, and so forth,
Doktor Trollenfisch und Gabrielle,
Responsezentrum 347,
Just along from zer door zat ist constantly on fire vizz pearlescent, multidimensional flames,
Zer vun on Blue Corridor 306-b,
You know, vizz zer hot chocolate machine zat screams curses in ein ancient and unknowable language vhen you are pressink zer extra milk button.
Ja, ich möchte eine Umarmung, aber nicht von Ihnen. Ich würde lieber sehen meine Frau, nicht Sie.
Aber vielen Dank für das Angebot.
>Mort
I'm all fluffy and cuddly and warm! Lots of agents like to hug me! Some of them squeeze too tight, but I don't mind. :3
What's it like having a perky hobbit-lover as a partner?
Kaitlyn, what's it like having Mrs. Grumpy as a partner?
Dafydd, how's the family? ((Sorry, you just had to tempt me...))
Selene: Ugh. Don't. Just... don't.
Kaitlyn: Nah, Selene's not so bad. She's just a bit highly strung. She- hey, did she answer a question too? Ooh! I wanna see!
...
... wow. Um, didn't see that coming.
Selene: What?
Kaitlyn: I... nothing, I just... thought we were getting along well.
Selene: We are. Why?
Kaitlyn: Well, your answer...
Selene: I was objecting to the characterisation of you as a 'perky hobbit-lover', as if you - or anyone - could be summed up by three words-
Kaitlyn: But I am a perky hobbit-lover. Er, liker.
Selene: ... true. Very well, then, to answer the question: she could be a lot worse. Kaitlyn is a competent agent, and I think our skillsets complement each other well.
Kaitlyn: Compliments aren't something you're good at, are they?
Selene: Mm... nope.
~
Dafydd: Connie! An owl just dropped a letter down the chimney! Did Tanfin turn eleven while I wasn't looking?
[Inaudible reply]
Dafydd: That's what I thought, I was just... oh, never mind. Let's see...
... Connie! Do you know an 'Izimax'?
[Inaudible, somewhat irritated reply]
Dafydd: Right, right, sorry. Well, to answer the question, we're all doing fine. We decided to stop at five children, so I won't be beating Dad any time soon. Tanfin is... actually probably advanced enough to start at Hogwarts, if that was a thing that was going to happen (which it isn't); he's eight, but he takes after my side of the family, and we Eldar mature quickly in spirit. The girls are more like their mother-
[Inaudible comment]
Dafydd: - by which I mean perfectly lovely violent lunatics. How's that?
[Inaudible, amused comment]
Dafydd: Right. And Oleander's two, so he's a screaming sociopath like all two-year-olds.
hS
Taking questions for:
-Agent!Desdendelle
-The Librarian
-Navare
-Amris
*offers coffee*
How is that even a question?
What are some of your favorite works of literature?
Aside from a multitude of works you have not heard of, I find a particular Narrative of Existence somewhat amusing do to personal reasons.
It's a phenomenal series, let me tell ya.
Why do you hate everything?
Why 'the Librarian'?
Is your real name Alfonso? I bet it is.
I don't want him to get any more... irritated. I have to live with him, remember?
Anyway:
-The Librarian doesn't 'hate everything'. First, there are a few things he actually likes - books, computers, his Tablet, etc. Second, he doesn't hate the majority of things he doesn't like; he just thinks they're not worth of his time, or inferior, or barbaric, or a nuisance, or... you get the idea.
-I think it has something to do with cataloguing of knowledge. Not sure, though.
-He didn't tell me his real name and I'm not planning on asking, but I'd figure it's not 'Alfonso' - he's a Time Lord, not an ape, as he might say.
Now excuse me while I go wash my mouth, saying that made me feel ill.
How many times has Rina punched or attempted to punch him?
Do you use product on your hair? Because dang, you look fabulous.
And I'll keep flooding your inbox until you answer.
He's too important for such trivialities.
"It's not any kind of gel in that... thing squatting on the top of his head. I've half a mind to manipulate the coming paperwork for A Troupe By Any Other Name's coming staging of A Very Potter Musical so that he's cast as Professor Snape. Which... would technically make you a Snape/OC Self-Insert shipper, I believe."
For Agent!Des: what is the defining trait of a good tea?
For The Librarian: What is the best thing about being a Time Lord?
Des: Good tea has no single defining trait. It is a mixture of traits that makes one brew heavenly and the other - unworthy of the name.
Librarian: Why, the inherent superiority, of course.
For A!Des: What is the strangest thing you have ever seen?
For The Librarian: Is there a part of Gallifreyan culture you dislike, and why?
Des: Lemme quote Shakespeare as a generalisation: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Librarian: Is this a joke question?
What is this Osiris business and why are you interested in it? Does it have something to do with your past?
I suspect that this memory-related quest - 'riddle' is a misnomer; its scale is too large for it to consist of but a single one - would let me reach that which I require.
It only has to do with my past only as much as any other long-term undertaking has, so to speak.
So, when do we met again to enjoy some Ba Sing Se-style jasmine tea?
((One wonders what they do all day. Do their gadgets come in plain brown envelopes? >=] ))
Ever seen The Mythbusters? That's my headcanon of what every day is in T&A. XD
Time is a weird concept here in HQ. You should try to find RC 3-Apple-14 - you'd end up in log e, no doubt, and might even find me there.
"...got lost, and that has ne-- *realization kicks in* I... got lost again... I... uhm... Do you know what kind of tea does Agent Dives like?"
How do you really feel about Rina? ;)
Uh, that's all the time I have for today, I think my partner's about to try and kill me. *runs off*
That question does not merit an answer.
Where's your sense of fun?
-R
*clears throat and affects a deeper voice* "Dives is an immature and primitive monkey with no respect for her superiors."
And before anyone can ask, I hate him, too.
I don't have to listen to your nonsense. Good-bye, and good luck finding a surgeon to remove that pole jammed up your—
No, don't, I've just eaten. It's still repugnant, even if it isn't bestiality any more.
You continue like this and you'll be seeing your innards.
The Notary falls under "PPC personnel", something which my department is sworn to protect. Don't do anything stupid, okay? I don't like her either but that's how the game works.
Besides, she plays you until you make a fool of yourself. Don't fall for it: I only got out because of bodycam footage and my secret camera. She wants to be left alone? Fine. Give her what she wants. This isn't a battle worth fighting.
But you try having to live with the Librarian for any stretch of time and we'll see how tranquil you will be afterwards. Anebrin, at least, had the decency to mind his own business most of the time.
Now let's all go back to our respective mailboxes and forget this little spat happened, yes? *overly-hopeful grin*
"If the Grunt and the headtaker wish to belabour each other about the face with sharp objects, I see no reason to object. In fact, I'd rather assumed that such an occasion warranted not so much intervention as popcorn."
Now I have to deal with the leftovers. Again. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
If he's any good at TARDIS repair, I could use his help. If not, well, it's been a while since I had a good argument with someone who wasn't the Notary, and I can feed him. By the time you get him back, he should be all yelled out.
-R
Oh, I can lend you a hand with that. Just gimme a call and I'll have your back: it's been ages since I last got to work on a TARDIS!
What model is it? I can get my old manuals out and send them over to you. They've got schematics, repair procedures, whatever.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I have some idea of what I'm doing (mainly because I didn't throw the manual into a sun), but, uh, half of my manual is missing, and I'm really just kind of hoping that it goes to this model. So...repairs have been going slowly. And I'd really appreciate your help; oddly enough, I don't think we've ever properly met.
If you can identify my TARDIS' model--or if I can figure out where the information would be--I'd be very grateful for your old manuals. Or your help. Anything would be good.
-R
((The Reader stole her TARDIS on her way off Gallifrey, and I don't think she knew much about TARDISes to begin with, beyond whatever she remembered of Academy classes on them. Also, I've forgotten which model I gave her, assuming I ever figured that out. She's mainly been guessing, using her half-a-manual, and letting the TARDIS guide her to places that need fixing. For obvious reasons, it's not going very quickly. ~DF))
Send me few pictures of your manual--cover, spine, information page-- and I'll find you the complete edition. I've got loads of old manuals lying around.
Just gimme a call whenever you're free and ready to do some TARDIS repairs. We can do some sort of introduction-TARDIS maintenance-whatever thing as we work. It's always a pleasure to see a reasonable Time Lord in HQ.
- - -
((Not sure how he's going to take the fact that she's also a deserter. Not well, I assume.))
It, uh, doesn't have a front cover, and part of the spine was burned off at some point, but I'll send you what I can. If you can figure out which edition it actually is, I will be incredibly grateful.
I will definitely do that. Thank you so much for agreeing to help! My TARDIS deserves a lot better than someone working from half a manual. And it will be nice to talk to a Time Lord who isn't part of the Council--I can't remember the last time I did that, if you ignore exchanging a word or two with the Doctor post-exorcism. Thank you.
-R
--
((To be fair, she was basically a kid at the time. She was also a politician's son, and had the utmost respect for Rassilon right up until he began the Ascending stuff and she realized her trust was misplaced. She did do some fighting on her way to finding the TARDIS, too.))
((On the other hand, she left the Academy with the goal of escaping. I think she would have liked to take her friends with her, but...it didn't work. And while she did try to help where she could, she really was mostly fixated on GET A TARDIS and GET OFF GALLIFREY. So I expect the Guardsman won't be too happy with that? You know him best, of course, so you tell me. If she hadn't left the Academy, though, I'm not entirely sure she would have been part of the fighting--I don't know if it was ever mentioned in canon materials, but I'm guessing that sending Academy students out to fight would probably not have happened until things were really horribly bad. Though, on the other hand, leaving at any point could equal 'deserter'. I suppose it'll depend on the Guardsman's definition.))
((Speaking of which: when you say he won't take it well...are we looking at yelling? Some sort of disappointed speech? Severing all ties? Pointed disapproval, but continued fraternization?))
((...I'm going to stop there. Going formal is generally a good point to stop, except in academic writing and so on. ~DF))
((...at first, but if she explain her position he'll realize that he's being harsh.
The Guardsman was fresh out of the Academy when the war hit-- he'd understand if a student wanted off the planet. Besides, in times of war the priority is to get noncombattants out of the area, right? If the Reader wasn't old enough to fight then that's completely fair. She shouldn't sweat it. It's not like the Notary's case: she had a duty to Gallifrey and broke ranks to escape the War. The Reader was a civilian. That's a big difference.))
((The Reader was titchy during the Time War. She's currently only about 150 years old. I'm not sure how much it'll ever come up, but she's actually missing chunks of the knowledge that people like just about every other Gallifreyan Time Lord in HQ possess--she didn't actually graduate.))
((I do wonder, however, just how the Reader will manage to get across that she was a civilian--and how long it'll take her to do that. It should be interesting to write!))
((But oh, she won't take too well to the disappointed speech at first. Not when she thought she'd finally met a genuinely helpful Time Lord who's not on the Council and doesn't irritate her in any way. You could say it'll be...a disappointment. :) ~DF))
((...something along the lines of "But I was at the Academy!" The Guardsman will then ask for her age and connect the dots. Boom, problem solved!))
((Though she did stay for a bit. It could definitely work if he says something like 'What sort of Time Lord runs away instead of fighting when they hear that Gallifrey's going to war?' whereupon she blurts out, "I was at the Academy, what was I supposed to do? I'd never even seen a weapon, much less flown a TARDIS!" and then it continues.))
((...this really is sounding like very fun drama to write. Time Lords, man. They're great. ~DF))
((Because if not, it should. I would read the heck outta that!
And yes. Yes they are.))
((Like I've been saying, it sounds like fun. And I'm just about always up for writing Time Lords being ridiculous(ly dramatic).
Thoughts, O French-speaking compatriot of mine? Other than that it's probably time for me to go to sleep if I'm actually calling you that?
~DF))
((I just have a rather busy schedule as of late-- looking for a job and all that.
Perhaps we could open up a shared GDoc and each add a part when we have time-- build it up paragraph by paragraph? Feel free to poke me at expertmechanic[at]yahoo[dot]ca if you want to discuss this further.
Actually-- what we need is for someone to draw the Time Lord high school drama shenanigans. Does anyone around here still got a hold of Lily Winterwood? She's got Time Lord agents too and might want in on this.))
((Ooh, that sounds great. I think it'd work quite well. I'll see about emailing you when I get home and can do it on a laptop.
Time Lord high school drama. Perfect description.
Let's see, we'll have to figure out what it is we're writing and which characters we need for it...
This should be fun :D
~DF))
((When you said "Time Lord high school drama", my brain went "high school AU what??" ))
((Now I might write that.
~DF))
((With the Notary as the Alpha Bitch, the Librarian as the Haughty Nerd, the Guardsman as That Nice Guy on the football team, Rina as the awkward social outcast, and the Reader as... I dunno?))
((...and suddenly the Guardsman grew a neckbeard and a fedora. This is your fault, Iximaz.))
((I'm over here just going 'wat'.))
((Like this but in person:
No?))
((Whenever someone brings up the "Nice Guy™ Stereotype," I feel the urge to link to this.))
((Alright, gotcha.
...the mental image of everyone in a high school AU won't stop. Now I'm imagining them all as teenagers. :/ ))
((...the loner, I think. The one who barely talks to people unless forced, and can be kind of snappish. Glares at everyone, some days. And either hates or is completely ignored by the Notary? Something like that.
A teenage Continuity Council. Heaven help us a--
...
Iximaz, stop giving me plotbunnies! I don't want to write what would happen if they got deaged! I'm not even sure how it would work!Someone please stop me.
~DF))
((SeaTurtle, mind if we borrow the Guardsman to swing by and stumble upon a bunch of kids shouting at each other? XD ))
((I think? Unless anyone's seen her lately?))
-months. She's around, just probably a bit too busy to get on the Board or something. ~DF))
Oh please oh please may I come to watch?!
Actually, I'm not sure we've met properly yet. Hey there. I'm the Reader. I'm also the Citrine Theorist and Onyx Monitor of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-In-Exile, or the...ConCounGalInExile? Whatever the Notary keeps abbreviating it as. You probably know this by now, but my duties as Onyx Monitor involve keeping an eye on new PPC Time Lords--make sure they're settling in properly, and, like the Notary said, watch out for Suvian tendencies...all of that. So we should definitely meet. I can probably answer some of the questions you have (I'm guessing they haven't all been answered yet), and I like to think I'm much easier to get along with than the Librarian and the Notary.
So, now the introduction's over...you're definitely welcome to come. Please do. Have you ever seen a TARDIS with a purple interior before? The first time I woke up in there--and I woke up on the floor--it became my favorite colour. Though, uh, I may have been a bit biased due to the fact that I'd been trying to get to a TARDIS for--
Well. Anyway. You should definitely come. We can maybe even put you to work, if you're very, very careful.
-R
Well, considering everyone seems to know who I am, seems a bit silly, but yeah, I'm Rina Dives, DMS. Very nice to meet you, much nicer than the Notary or the Librarian.
Are you sure you don't mind questions? Because I have quite a lot...
Anyway, I've read a bunch of TARDIS manuals from the Canon Library, I'm sure there's something I can do to help. Then again, seeing the real deal is a lot different than just reading about it...
First of all, it's quite literally my job, which I do take seriously, no matter what the Notary (or anyone else) might think. Second--we seem to be getting along so far, and I've read enough of your mission reports that I don't think that's likely to change. Ask away.
There certainly is a difference between reading about TARDISes and actually seeing one, but...well, you should have at least some of the more instinctive necessary skills now. And your theoretical knowledge is, uh, probably more complete than mine is right now, which might help as well.
We'll muddle through. And I've got an offer of help from someone who sounds like he actually knows what he's doing, which should be very useful.
Have you never seen a TARDIS before, though? If not...well, you're going to love it.
-R
*glances around and whispers* The questions are... erm, a bit embarrassing? Maybe later?
And WOO-HOO, AWESOME! Um, I mean, great! The only TARDIS I've seen is the Doctor's, and only in badfics at that. I haven't gotten the chance to actually poke around in one. Ohhh, thank you so much!
Well, don't get too excited. I mean, get excited, but--be aware that this is a TARDIS in need of repair, and that I won't be too pleased if she ends up in need of more repair, if you catch my drift.
I'm sure you'll be responsible. And, actually, I'm fairly sure there are parts of the TARDIS that I haven't managed to find yet, so...maybe you can help me look. If she takes a liking to you, anyway, if she doesn't we'll never find anything.
-R
((In which the Reader briefly regrets inviting people to come see her TARDIS. ~DF))
I swear to treat her as if she were mine.
*huge grin* I'm gonna get to see a TARDIS oh this is so exciting ahhh!
I do not have time for frivolity. I waste enough time running around and destroying Dalek Stus as things are, when I should be spending it chasing after the Riddle.
Now I have to deal with an irate Time Lord. Thanks, honestly, this is loads of fun.
-form a club.
-R
What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC? I know some people say that the job is nothing but horrible, but there are good points to it!
...yes, I know I just asked Rina and Zeb about this. Doesn't matter, it's a universal question.
Agents accepting questions:
Valon Vance
Kala Jeng
Chakkik
Gabby
I would have said Publica and Adéle, but a) they haven't appeared that much, and b) they're not technically agents.
Now that you guys are capital-"o" Offically A Couple... now what?
Valon: Haven't the foggiest! Never been in a relationship before, guess I can learn as I go! Not every guy gets to date an industrial-class version of nature's very own tank. Besides, I have less reason to be jealous of normal people now!
Kala: Well, he'll probably freak out a bit less on missions. He really likes hugs, hand-holding and cuddling, so at least I know how to calm him down.
Ohai, shades of me. Valon's mention of jealousy? Yeah. I envy anyone that's in a working relationship, because it feels like they've got something I'm missing.
As for what Kala's talking about, that's also true of me. I like physical contact, but the problem is that I don't think that anyone would be comfortable with me hugging them.
Valon's also going to get a vasectomy, because childfree for life.
Are there any creatures or beings immune to your venom? How would you react in the presence of animals that prey on mundane scorpions?
We girtablilu are immune to our own venom. You wouldn't believe how often we accidentally sting ourselves as kids. Our own legends say that dragons aren't bothered by it, but I have yet to test that.
As for scorpion predators... I don't like them. I'm not really scared of them, because they're generally creatures I could kill without even noticing them, but still. I just want them out of my field of vision.
What is the most dangerous situation each of you have ever been in? How did you react?
Chakkik: the smauglock stu that gabby and myself encountered in our second mission. had the stu not woken ancalagon, we may not have survived the encounter.
Gabby: Nah, Chak's exaggerating. We just had to get out of Ancalagon's way.
Kala: Our first mission. I didn't know at the time, but apparently the replacement Alex Mercer was about to level our surroundings. We were very lucky.
Valon: *curls up in a ball and shudders* hands... on throat... can't see... let go...
For Chakkik: What did you find most difficult about adapting to a human disguise?
For Gabby: I've heard that you have quite a bit of intimate friends. Got a preferred type?
For Kala: What is the strangest thing you have experienced within the PPC?
For Valon: Why the gender-bend thing, man? What was most surprising about your experience?
Chakkik: the loss of my natural abilities. \ i can understand being unable to cast gem missile, as i have no connection to gnome in most continua. however, the inability to breathe acid on my foes is quite irksome.
Gabby: If you're flashy and colorful, I'm in! Addie has magical glowy bullet spam, but she says everyone in her world can do that.
Kala: Probably our fourth mission. All of it.
Valon: I was curious. As for what surprised me the most, probably the increased sensitivity to emotions. I'm not sure if they were stronger or not, but I felt them more than I normally do.
For ALL the agents: What annoys you most about your partner?
Chakkik: the fact that she brings guests into our response center without my knowledge or permission.
Gabby: Chak talks waaaaay too much. I don't even know a lot of the words he says.
Kala: He's pretty weird, and I am starting to get annoyed by all the minis in our RC. Also he tends to sneak up on me...
Valon: Kala's pretty trigger-happy with her tail. I've been accidentally paralyzed more times than I care to admit.
Chakkik: What is your greatest fear?
Gabby: What is the coolest thing about the PPC?
Kala: Is there a situation you hope never to face?
Valon: What is your favorite type of Mini?
Chakkik: i am an insect. i only feel fear when there is something to be afraid of.
Gabby: The fact that you don't get deported if you accidentally knock a wall down!
Kala: The full moon. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but liminals give in to their animal instincts under the light of the full moon. I'd rather not turn into a four-hundred-pound sex drive, thank you very much.
Valon: Oh man, how do I pick? I love them all!
((Translation: Question for Zeb and Gabrielle!))
Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))
Maya, the Gardevoir: I must insist. You have to use an Universal Translator.
Thrud: Pika-chu ka kaaa--
((I said--))
Nurse Chan: What are you two doing with my Console!? Shush! Stick!
Maya: I'll then take my leave Miss.
Thrud: Piii Pi-pika--!
Nurse Chan: No "buts" or plea-- Wait, are those a Luxray and a Flareon? Hmm... That gives me an idea. Maybe if I speak with Doctor Freedenberg, we could open a Psychological unit for Pokémon Agents. Ja, ja, det skulle vara bra...*goes away muttering to herself*
*Thrud and Maya scramble back to the screen*
Zeb: Well, most of the time, it's pretty fun, until you get a Sue actively trying to kill you instead of the other way around. Then it's flat-out terrifying. I've had my remote activator's speed dial set to Medical since-- since Rose Potter, just in case. *he falls quiet for a moment* The rest of the time, it's pretty cool, though!
Gabrielle: AHH! A Pikachu! You're so cute can I hug you can I can I please please please??? Oh, right, sorry, I'll answer your question! Anyway, Doktor and I get some really weird stuff-- I mean, we are in WhatThe-- but it's a lot of fun getting to see the characters in real life and getting to help them out!
I can call you Zebby-zeb, right?
Anyways: what do you like so much about the Inheritance Cycle? You realize that Eragon is a thinly-veiled maniac, right?
And sure! My partner's called me Zebbie-O before, Zebbie-zeb is fine with me!
Anyway, yeah, I just love the storyline, the worldbuilding, the history, the Ancient Language— What do you mean, thinly-veiled maniac?! Eragon is a great hero!
*goes off to sulk*
Rina: Um, yeah, I should have warned you, he gets snippy when someone insults his hero. *mutters* I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Now he's going to sulk for a week, thanks a lot.
I am beink given to understand zat you are ein very experienced Poké-agent, und vish to know zis; vhat is zer proper meta for zer destruction uff zer Suvian threat? I do not vish to be ein liability in zer field, not vhen I am havink ein extremely new partner who might uzzervize be put into unnecessary peril.
I haven't seen one of you in person! *waves* You and the little Flareon took out Christmas Cuppa, right? Rina won't let me look at the mission report, but well done!
Um, anyway, as for your question, it really depends on the Sue in question. Some of them require a lot more strategy to kill than others. I like to use Thunder Wave to incapacitate them, whenever possible, but other status moves would be nice if I had them. Really, just go with your instincts. They're usually pretty reliable.
Mein moveset ist generally beink consistink uff Vaterfall, Thunder Vave, Spikes, und Toxic, but I am likink to svitch out zer stuff every now und again, my vord yes! I am given to vunder vhat zer effect uff Pain Split vould be on ein Immortal Sue...
Why are you so awesome?! 8D
In all seriousness, though... How come you two were able to finish so many missions so quickly? Yeah, I know that may have resulted in some pretty adverse side-effects, but still...
Rina: Us, awesome? *snorts* Please.
Zeb: Aw, come on, it's nice to get some recognition!
Rina: And we could do with less. Eh, anyway. We actually don't have that many missions done compared to other agent teams. We've just had more mission reports released to the public. I've actually been on a lot more missions than what you've seen— I mean, being an agent is a 24/7 job— but they weren't really noteworthy enough to read.
Zeb: Yeah, considering we've gotten about a mission a day since I arrived, barring the longer ones, and I've been here for a little over a month... *does some math* I've been on about twenty missions so far, including Rose Potter. I dunno about Rina, though.
Rina: *shrugs* Several hundred. I stopped counting after Randa and I hit triple digits.
If so, what's working in Bad Slash like?
*waves* Hi there! Bad Slash is a helluva lot more fun than DMS, lemme tell you. And the risk of death is a lot lower, which is why I swapped in the first place. It's nice, so... yeah. :)
Hi! I'm your biggest fan and the founder of the "Randa Roan Fan Club", which has a membership consisting of... uhm... me.
Anyway, here's my question: Do you still have that awesome Sue-Hair Yo-yo?
Aw, thanks, bruh.
Yo-yo, you ask? *pulls it out and Walks the Dog*
*Takes out her urple notepad used to write down charges* Can you give me your autograph!?
For Zeb, (or Rina if she happens to know,): How do potions work? Do you drink them?
For Both: What is the most bizzare thing a SPaG error has ever caused for you?
Zeb: Well, potions seal up the wound until the trainer can get us to a Pokémon Center.
Rina: Heck if I know. Open bag, click "use potion" and bam, regain hit points.
- - -
Zeb: Hm, I dunno. Maybe that one time Legolas simultaneously held a Sue at arm's length and hugged her? His arms turned into noodles.
Rina: Two words: Misspelled. Lion.
If you ever plan on going to the PPC Agent school run by the Department of Operations, what language (besides English) do you want to study?
Rina: *mutters something*
Oh, okay! Um, well, since apparently Harry Potter spells are based off of Latin, that sounds cool- no, wait! The Ancient Language from Eragon! Well, only if they teach that. ^^;
Rina: How is your burgeoning romance with the Librarian going? Any saucy details? What else do Time Lord boys have two of? The public DEMANDS TO KNOW!
Zeb: Since you have Intimidate, are you shipping Librina so much because you can't get a date of your own?
Scapegrace: Do you have a one-track mind?
Yes. Yes she does. =]
Rina: *goes storming off*
Zeb: Oh, no, I'm not cut out for all that romance-y stuff, but I think it would sure be cool if Rina and the Librarian got together. He just needs to realize he's not as mean as he'd like everyone to think.
What aspects of human culture do you find most strange? Also, for us non-Pokemon... what does it feel like to evolve?
Oh, and a question for Rina as well: If you could be any magical creature from the Potterverse, what would you be?
Zeb: I'd have to say your guys' mating rituals. All the little nuances still seem to escape me... As for evolving, your whole body starts to feel all tingly, and then suddenly you glow really bright and the next thing you know, you're in a new body! I guess it's a bit like regeneration, but not painful.
Rina: Something that can fly, so I guess a hippogriff?
First, for Rina: If you could give any one piece of advice for a new, prospective agent, what would it be?
For Zeb: if you could learn any move in existance, what would you choose?
For Arinellya: Working in Bad Slash, you have to see a lot of weird things. But you never lose your cool. What is your secret?
Rina: Get out while you still can.
Zeb: Oh, gosh, I don't know, there are so many good ones! Maybe Close Combat? That would be neat!
Arinellya: Several centuries' worth of learning to be a priest. You develop some wonderful mental fortitude doing that.
Anyway, this is a special TM. Ignore the eldritch runes and screaming. This is a TM for Hyperspace Fury. Dark-type. 100 Base Power. Full accuracy. +2 Priority. Hits through Protect/Detect and similar moves. Again, ignore the screaming and the sound of people being sacrificed no I didn't kill them you can't prove it.
For Arinellya: Several centuries of training, eh? Interesting. Alright, a follow-up question, but a bit personal: Why Bad Slash? I assume you would have to have an extensive knowledge of things you might have to deal with, so I'd like to know: did that training include a vow of celibacy, and if not, how has your love life influenced your handling of Bad Slash material? :P
(Asking the hard questions here!)
For Kalen: If you could be transferred to a different division, what would you choose?
Arinellya: I apologize, but I'd rather not answer that. My love life, regardless of any status, is my own business. You could all stand to be more respectful of Agents Dives and Librarian, I'm sure they don't appreciate the attention.
Kalen: DMS, for sure! They get to see all the action. Man, I gotta tell ya, it's so [CENSORED] boring here in Bad Slash, but the [CENSORED] Flowers refuse to let me switch!
For ALL agents: what are the most annoying things about your partner or anything they do?
Rina: Zeb's so clueless sometimes. Honestly, considering how long he's spent in badfics... *shakes head*
Zeb: Um, hrm, well, before it was her tendency to get upset and start throwing tantrums... I guess now it's the fact that she never stops bringing books back to the RC, it's a total mess now.
Arinellya: Everything.
Kalen: This gal ain't got no sense of fun!
Gabrielle: Nothing! I love Doktor Trollenfisch!
The first one is for Rina. At the start of your career, you were known to use a crowbar. Why did you pick that particular tool as a weapon?
For Zeb: In humanoid forms, you tend to use knives. Got any tips for those trying to learn?
For both agents: What would be your dream vacation continuum?
Rina: I had a copy that I used to read quite a bit— man, I remember the days when the only thing that scared me was the threat of a zombie apocalypse. *wry grin* Good for bashing skulls, opening barred doors, you know. Basically, it was a multi-purpose weapon, it was light, and it didn't require a whole lot of skill to use.
Zeb: Well, it's really not that hard when your target's pinned down or otherwise incapacitated. All you have to do is stab. I wouldn't be able to hold my own in combat, though, so if that's what you want to know, I'm not the one to ask.
Both: *look at each other and fall over laughing*
Okay, new few questions!
For Kalen: Do you have a favorite technique in combat? If so, what situation is it best used in?
For Rina: as someone who works with a nonhuman agent, what is the most important thing to remember during interactions, in your opinion?
For Zeb: I assume you've had experience with being inside a Pokè Ball. What does it feel like, and do you have a preferred type?
Kalen: F***in' Sly Flourish, man. It's definitely my favorite move, since it's so deceptively simple and packs huge power! Aw man, one time, when we were fighting a fire bear... *drones on*
Rina: *scratches the back of her neck* Um, well, with Zeb, really, the important thing to remember, other than no loud noises or sudden contact, is that he might not have heard of most pop culture references. It's a bit lame when you make a great reference and he just gives me his blank look.
Zeb: Well, I can't say I have a preferred type, since I've only ever been in the standard Poké Ball. It's not so bad, you can still hear and see what's going on and you can come out anytime. Mostly, though, I just napped when I was called back.
Awesome answers, thank you! Okay, next up:
For Rina: out of all of the other agent teams you have worked with, which has been your favorite?
For Zeb: Other than Rina, who or what has been your biggest influence or role-model within the PPC?
For Arinellya: do you have a favorite place in Azeroth, and if so, where?
For Kalen: I want to hear something impressive.
Rina: Marvin and Printworthy. Both of them were pretty awesome. Desdendelle and Ilraen were great, but their partners are such assholes it doesn't let him make the list. Sorry, guys.
Zeb: Huh? Um, well, I haven't really spent a whole lot of time outside of Rina's company. I mean, I am still pretty new. *thinks* Mr. Benoît's team, I suppose?
Arinellya: My favorite place? I don't really have one, but I suppose the Exodar, where my people have set up their city. It reminds me of home.
Kalen: Buddy, EVERYTHING that comes outta my mouth is impressive! *belches*
It ist zer love uff good friends, ja? Vee are two very dear friends, vhich is as it should be between Agents, my vord yes! Und you are havink many fine qwalities und ein useful role as ein physical attacker in NU-tier, und das ist okay, I am not makink vizz zer judgink unlike some, because I myself am only vun tier above zat in zer usage rankinks! Besides vhich, you are far more capable und versatile in zer field zan you are givink yourself credit for!
How weird do you find being in human disguise? Have you ever tried non-human disguise? If so, how was it?
~DF
Zeb: Well, it was really weird at first, especially the bipedal thing, but you get used to it. I must say, though, opposable thumbs are a nice bonus.
As for other disguises, I've been a Lord of the Rings orc before, but it was just once and for a short time, so I don't have much of an opinion on that one. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen much variety.
What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC? I know some people say that the job is nothing but horrible, but there are good points to it!
...somehow that was English.
Rina: Hm, that's a toughie, since the job kind of sucks. I guess, really, just getting to see all the different continuua I grew up with. Being able to protect them makes the job worth it. Then there's being able to work with a good partner like Zeb. He's pretty cool.
Zeb: Oh, easy, getting to meet Rina and all sorts of other people! Getting to read books is also really cool, I never got the chance back home.
Taking questions for:
Gaspard De Grasse
Harris Frost
Terabyte
Emiranlanoamar
(Well, two. Did you know your name's really awesome?)
Anyway, I know you don't like the Continuity Council, but do you get along with any of its members, at least?
Direct your compliments to my parents: I didn't do anything. Baby, I was born this way.
With respect to the Continuity Council... ugh. Let's go though the list, shall we?
The Fisherman - Never met the man but I hear he's very mellow. He's the Ruby Shipwright too-- that means he knows his way around a TARDIS. On paper he sounds like the kind of guy you want to hang around. Let's hope it's like that in real life.
Morgan - I once disagreed with her club's mission and she's taken it quite personally. We met a few times in the hallways-- exchanged greetings and cold stares. She's not openly hostile, though.
The Reader - Aside from meeting her at Rudi's once and my little chat with her a few hours ago I haven't had much contact with her. She seems like a nice person, though. She's even agreed to let me work on her TARDIS! I tried pinning down her model: it's either a Scendles Type 77 and or a Cerulean Type 99-- my chapter's TARDISes-- but I need to physically get a look at how the Console is wired to confirm my suspicions.
The Librarian - Coward. Deserter. Honorless. I have little respect for a man who wilfully abandons his unit in battle.
The Disentangler - Never met her.
The Agent - I saw him eating at Rudi's once through the pub's windows. I would've introduced myself but there was a Suvian shooting at me at the time.
The Notary - No comment.
So... possibly four friendly people out of seven. I'd like to meet them all at least once to see what they're like-- and I never want to lay eyes on the Notary ever again.
Much nicer than mine, that's for sure. My parents got it into their head to name me after a very shallow romantic comedy with abhorrent characters and whose plot I saw coming from miles away. But I digress.
Okay, another question: What kind of TARDIS is your dream model? Have you ever had the fortune to see one, or possibility be in one?
Dream model? Prydonian Type 83. With its oversized engine, elegant computer architecture, tough-as-nails time-recursion shielding, and compact room design it's the finest exploration ship we've ever produced. It's a bit tricky to pilot-- the TARDIS gets really grumpy if her engines aren't recalibrated regularly-- but the 83 is a beautiful ship that will care for you as much as you care for her.
An interesting-yet-highly-unsettling model are the Type 100s. They're honest-to-god talking TARDISes that adopt a humanoid form and can walk about. The creepy part is that they're derived from of one of the Doctor's companions (officially known as the Type 102) which morphed into a TT capsule after she had some TARDIS tech integrated to her body. I don't want to know what happened next but my professors at the Academy just said that a Type 102 had been crossed with another experimental design to produce the Type 103 and its successors. They're still TARDISes-- bigger on the inside, piloted by Console, Chameleon Circuit, shields, the works-- but you can directly interface with the Matrix. You can talk to them.
As much as I'd like to be able to talk to my TARDIS... I have a lot of questions concerning the origins of the 100s. It feels... wrong, in a way. Not natural. I think it's the Uncanny Valley effect but using a machine that looks like a walking, talking person puts me on edge. I saw a lot of them during the War, talked to a few, rode in a 103 just one time but never got over how creepy they were. Give me a standard model any day.
It's not a Prydonian, but the Notary's TARDIS is a type 83. I... think she said it was that. I'd check, but, um, that's a big ol' nono. And you can get some requisition forms for that, because she likes to keep hard copies of everything and there's some lying around here, and, um, I heard what she did because I was passing and I heard shouting. Like, a lot of shouting. And when I got back she was smiling but it wasn't a nice smile because I think she forgot how to do those. Um. So, if you wanna... grab a Type 83 blockade runner? That's your in. And it'd really tick her off. Just sayin', she started it.
Right. Sorry you had to hear that. I really need to keep a lid on things like this.
So, a Type 83 blockade runner. I bet she mistreats it, too. She's a clerk: what does she know of TARDIS repair? The poor thing: I could single-handedly restore it, make her healthy again... but no. No, I have to decline. I can't stoop to her level by engaging in tit-for-tat: she's going to literally strangle me in red tape if I touch her things. I don't want to escalate the situation, right?
That being said... a while ago at Rudi's you mentioned that she had a nickname. "Honeybee", right? You said that it would make sure she never came near me again. At this stage in the game I don't want to do anything that might worsen the situation. How sure are you that this would work? This will either destroy the Notary or make her destroy me if I play this card. And how okay is it to use something extremely personal from her past against her? She's kinda pathetic to be honest-- from my point of view it's like kicking a sick puppy lying on the ground.
- - -
((IIRC, the Notary flew a Dromeian 89 as described in this CCoGiE episode. Retcon?))
((This is what I get for not keeping everything on file. =] ))
The Type 100s kind of creep me out, to be honest. The Type 83 sounds fantastic, though. :)
Now, me, if I were lucky enough to have a TARDIS, I'd pick a Type 52.
Are you Eeyore? No, Goober from Fraggle Rock. Wait a tick, scratch that, Nozomu Itoshiki! Er, no, that's not it either... Dolorous Edd Tollett! Is that you, Edd? How's life in the Night's Watch?
((I make no apologies if you don't get the references.))
He's strangely relatable on quite a few levels, actually. No idea about the other characters, though. I can google that, though, gimme a minute... ah, I see.
Yeah, no. Eeyore it is.
How would you feel if someone of your preferred gender (if any) said that they thought you were attractive? Directly to your face, that is, before Mister de Grasse considers dodging.
((And I'm bringing back this subject. Bleheheheheh.))
Harris: Do a little small talk, ask her out on a date, hope everything goes right. Isn't that what people do?
Gaspard: A girl calling me attractive? It's an obvious trap. Why else would anyone pay attention to me? Look: I've got crappy looks and a crappier personality. That's a formula for pure people repellant.
Harris: Oh, come on. You don't look that bad.
Gaspard: How many people do you know have cystic acne so bad it says "please kick me" on their foreheads in zit-braille?
Harris: Um... only you, actually. But come on: you'll find someone--
Gaspard: Oh yeah? Some girl just right for me is just going to appear in my life, ignore my flaws, and live Happily Ever After? This isn't how real life works, Harris. You gotta put effort into it. I've got to stop looking and acting like crap before even considering being presentable. But "comfort zone", right? Let's face it: I'm not ready yet. Gotta grow up first.
Harris: If you say so.
- - -
Emiranlanoamar: No time. Work to do. Maybe in the next fifty years?
"I have found myself transported, sir, transported to this labyrinth! No spells come to my aid, I cannot be pointed in the direction of the sun or stars, and there are beasts and fairies everywhere! Moments ago, I am ashamed to say I fled from what appeared, against all rationality, to be some manner of upright mechanical man! I am informed that your department is the closest thing to a constabulary here, and therefore throw myself upon your mercy, sir! To put it bluntly, sir, I know not where I am and I am most grievous frightened!"
---
((This is the introduction of Algie, an upcoming character from the universe of noted inky breezeblock Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell and general Friend of English Magic. JS&MN is a wonderful book, which I have recently reread after the so-far excellent BBC adaptation came out, and Algie'd fit right in; a Strangeite practitioner of magic spells, but moreover a gentleman of learning and good character, if slightly overmuch given to panic. He'll be a DIA Special Respondent paired with a refugee from XCOM's Long War mod, which makes vanilla XCOM's Impossible difficulty look like a massage from a supermodel made of chocolate and cloud fluff. Field Commander McCandless, the refugee in question, is a short blonde woman with a penchant for plasma weaponry that borders on the fetishistic and a slightly odd past. They'll be introduced in a proper fic that will be started Soon(tm) - I'm basically waiting on Iximaz to finish reading Worm so that she can understand what's wrong with the fic and also so I have someone to sob with in a totally undignified manner. =] ))
"Hey, Naya. I thought that we were having the Q&A with the PPC Boarders and their agents. Why is work popping up on my screen?"
"Just answer it, will you?" said the quarian as she fiddled with the RC's clean room controls. "So, what's up?"
"Some poor soul doesn't know where he is. I'll get it."
"All right. I'll be taking a shower in the clean room. Message my Omni-tool if you need me."
"Gotcha. I should be back soon."
"Mmh."
The Guardsman cracked his knuckles and wrote his reply:
"Greetings, Earl Algernon. Don't panic: you're probably in one of the most secure places in the multiverse right now. You've most likely stumbled across a hole in the fabric of the universe and fell into our Headquarters-- again, don't worry, you've contacted the right people. It'll be much easier for me to explain the situation to you in person than over this messaging service so how about I swing by and give you the tour? I've got your location logged on my machine and I can use a portal to get to you quickly."
The Time Lord glanced to a side screen and typed in a command. Okay. So this Earl was messaging him from a vacant RC. No problem. He turned back to his email.
"I'll be at the door to the room you're in by the time you finish reading this message. I won't keep you waiting, I promise! I look forward to meeting you in person."
The Guardsman signed his email and sent it. He rose from his seat, sidestepping various bits and pieces of electronic components scattered all over the floor as he made his way to his RC's front door. Once there he took his Inverness coat and tricorn from the coat rack and put them on. He dug in his pockets, fished out his RA, and plugged in the coordinates to the RC where the Earl was waiting. "Terabyte, hold the fort while I'm out, please!" he called as he stepped through his portal.
- - -
((Sorry for the delay. I had a rather busy morning.
Ooh, new agents. They certainly sound very interesting! I can't wait to see what you'll cook up for them.))
A door in the air appeared. Algie staggered back aghast as a man in peculiar dress stepped from the portal, tripping over the Generic Surface table in his flight. "Are - are you he? This Emir of whom wagging tongues have spoken? Are you a fairy? Is this Lost-Hope? I dem - I humbly request that you take me to King Stephen. His Court is no enemy to any English gentleman, as you are no doubt aware... and, and yet I feel not a drop of magic in the air... and what spells I have tried to cast have, have failed, without exception... this is not Lost-Hope then... is this Hell? Are you the demon that torments the souls of ill-starred magicians, in some guise as a gentlemanly constable or some manner of magistrate? Speak, Sir, I would have an answer!"
Algie was white as a sheet and fumbling for a flintlock pistol. One does have to wonder what he'd do in an actual combat situation. At the moment? Cower and wait for the noise to stop.
"Yep. I'm Emiranlanoamar-- Emiran for short or 'Guardsman' if you're referring to my old rank in the army. Pleased to meetcha. Answers to your questions, in order of vocalzation: Not a fairy, just an alien from Gallifrey. This is the Headquarters of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, which is actually located... everywhere. You're not on Earth anymore, sir. And yes: this is a special kind of hell. It's not too bad once you get used to it though. Whether I'm a demon or not depends on how much the other guy wants to see a police officer coming down the hall."
He noticed the man scrabbling for his sidearm. "Question, sir. You call for the police and then you drew a weapon on them. Why?"
"I see now that this is a death of some kind, and a weapon will do me no good if my magic has left me. No, not dead... lost. In Limbo, as an unbaptized babe or pagan hero of old might be. I... I cannot go home, can I? To Perenelle Abbey, to the village, to the Hanover Square Academy... even if I am not dead, it is as close as makes no difference. I am scared, Sir Guardsman, I am scared to the very marrow and I feel no shame in admitting it. But I can... I can be of use, can I not? I was a scholar. A gentleman of means, which, which I suppose will be passed to my son. Agamemnon is a good lad, and will be a finer friend to English magic than the Wymbournes have been since the days of the Raven King, I know it, I... I wish only that I would see it, Sir."
Algie sagged slightly, fishing the pistol out and proffering it to the Guardsman. "I'm afraid I cannot offer a sword, Sir, and you have my apologies. This must suffice until I can have one made that will see me here. I do hereby pledge allegiance to your Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and hope that you will allow me to serve in the ranks of your constabulary. Becoming a scholar of magic takes considerable acumen and a gift for detective work, if I may be so bold, even in such a place as Yorkshire. As long as you bring no suffering, and only relieve it, you will have what aid I can give you."
...and held the weapon in both hands. "I humbly accept your allegiance. I'll do everything I can to help you settle here comfortably. Hopefully you won't get a nutjob as a partner. Oh, and can I just say... man, that was really fast. I didn't even have to do the recruitment spiel!" said the Guardsman, laughing.
"As for your son, don't feel bad: if you really want to go back home, we can arrange that for you... er, most of the time. If you're a semi-fic blip and barely escaped the destruction of your home 'fic... Yeah, that might get complicated. We're going to have to check. But if we can get you back home, the constabu-- er, the Department of Internal Affairs has some nice, flexible shifts compared to the other departments around here. You can pop back for a few hours, hug your family, eat supper with them, and be back in time for the next shift. The hard part is explaining why you work for an multiverse police force though. I can imagine that's going to raise a few eyebrows." The Guardsman stepped to the side. "Shall we walk? If you're going to join we need to get you to the Department of Personnel for the legal stuff. Registration, assignment, all that jazz."
- - -
((The Earl speaks so formally and the Guardsman is essentially a plebian who just so happens to have a degree in TARDIS engineering. I can't help but laugh.))
"My good lady wife," Algernon continued as he walked with the Guardsman, "is the gentlest, kindest soul in all of England, and equally, alas, one of the most incurious. Agamemnon, now, he would be more inquisitive, but... ah! I have it.
"I shall them them this: that I have been requested, as is often the case for gentleman magicians, to aid His Majesty's Government in a most secret business; and this is all that I might say, for fear of breaking my sworn oath to the Crown. And is this not true? I am given to understand our organization is charged with the protection of all things, though the meaning of your words is occasionally occluded; logically, this includes His Britannic Majesty George IV and all he surveys. Thus, it is not only my privilege, but my duty to enrol as a member of your society, and see how a friend of English magic may become a dear friend to you all."
Algie was summarily presented with a bevy of forms, which he signed with great flourish after being explained how to use the datapads ("Ah! A stylus, of course! In no dissimilar way to the manner in which Homer and his contemporaries inscribed their words upon sheets of pressed beeswax before the advent of the scroll!"). He then pressed the Guardsman closely for more advice. "Sir Guardsman, I beg one last indulgence, if I may.
"You have spoken to me many times of being a "blip" from a "fic", and now that I am more aware of what this implies... are we real? My wife and child, my estate, my books - are they too real? Or were we merely shadows upon the wall of a cave, dancing to the tune of some unseen master. So many here... they seem to have been pulled from stories and games meant for children! The pleasant Technician with the Oriental caste to her features mentioned the "benders" of her race, powerful sorcerors all and worthy of the utmost respect - but it transpires that they were conceived by a parade of Johnathons for a kind of automated zoetrope. Am I, too, a child's passing fancy? What am I?"
"This is where it gets really, really weird. On one hand our home continua exist as fiction in World One. On the other... well, we've led perfectly ordinary lives, haven't we? We've both got families, friends, education, memories of completely mundane happenings, the works. Nobody from World One has spent their entire lives chronicling everything that happened to us, right? Our stories have main characters: my universe has the Doctor, for example. Everyone knows about the Doctor. Everything is centred around the Doctor. Heck, the show is called Doctor Who. But nobody knows about the rest of us. We got our own lives too! My guess is that by some sheer coincidence bits and pieces of our home universes filter though and pop up in World One. It looks like we're creations of some author in an office somewhere but what they produce is the tip of the iceberg. We're still very real people, just... not visible. Yes. That didn't come out too confused, did it?"
He then presented Algie with the flintlock. "Welcome to Duty, Officer. You might want your pistol back. Personally, I suggest that you pick up something that hits heavier than this thing. I'm thinking energy weapon-- how about you? And you mentioned being a magic user too? Can you tell me about it? My universe doesn't have that aspect to it. Science-based and all that. Always interesting learning new things, eh? That's the big perk of this job: seeing new people and travelling. Given the fact that you're taking this change of scenery really well I'd say you're going to fit right in."
"Oh well, I trust I will be able to find the answer you gave with proper study. As for my magic... hm. A demonstration. A simple cantrip, of Norrellite manufacture, alas, alas, but it will do. Hm." Algie rifled through the contents of his pocket. "I have need of a mirror and - sir! Sir, I am sorry to impose, but your luncheon there, does it contain meat of any kind?"
The secretary looked at his cheeseburger. "Y'know, pal, I really ...in' hope so."
"Capital! I will only require it for the briefest of moments. If I may? I promise that it will be unsullied, on my honour as a gentleman and magician!" Algie yanked the burger out of the secretary's unresisting hands and placed it around a compact mirror. He breathed on the mirror, drew a circle, and quartered it, and there it was. The mirror showed an elderly man.
"Linfield! That old cur! Ha, I knew him for a mischief-maker the moment I saw him! That, Sir Guardsman, is Praisegod Linfield, Bishop of Salisbury, possessor of the aptest name in the country, and arch-Norrellite of the most grievous colour! His pamphlets are well-researched, but only because he has the blessing and funding of the Church at his disposal! What I could have done with that money... I tell you what I would not, Sir, and that is to fritter it away on scurrilous and derogatory pamphleteering! Old Puritan. I'll have his hide!"
"Yeah, boo, hiss, et cetera, can I have my lunch back please? Thanks, bud." The secretary picked up his burger and began to eat, noisily and with gusto. Algie did his best not to make a face.
"That, Sir Guardsman, is English magic. It can do more. Had I a bowl of silver and river-water to fill it with, I could repair any item at a word. I could summon a gentleman from Lost-Hope - and I believe I know the doing of that - but... I fear it pales in comparison to technology. I mean to say, Sir, your portals... they only appeared in the prophecy of the Raven King."
And this time, Algie did not speak, but intoned.
The rain made a door for me and I went through it;
The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it.
And the air trembled, like a guttering candle.
...at the Earl's last two sentences. Those words were charged with something-- magic, ostensibly-- but why? The Time Lord looked around the office. Aside from the temporary, eerie flicker of the air nothing seemed to be out of place.
"What," said the Guardsman, still looking around, "was that exactly? And forgive me for asking but... who is the Raven King? Well, obviously some important figure-- most likely tied to the magic you've just shown me-- but... yeah, I know nothing about your home universe. Sorry."
- - -
((Note to self: read Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell. Judging by the various awards won by the book it looks like a great read.))
"The Black King, the King in the North, the nameless slave. John Uskglass, who gave unto England the magic of the Other Lands, who stood between the world and the wild places, guarding, watching. He is not as men, but nor is he as fairy. He is the Raven in Flight, enemy of Lucifer. The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it."
And there it was again, less pronounced, but then, it was only one line of prophesy.
"Magic, Sir Guardsman," said the Earl, without the ever-present tremble of fear in his voice, "the Magic of England, and of the Other Lands, and of the Raven King. He is coming."
---
((Do. Do, and do not hesitate. It's enormous. It reads like a comedy of manners. In fact, I've heard it described as like if Daniel Defoe wrote urban fantasy. I am a fan. I am very, very much a fan. =] ))
"Man. That's some next-level creepiness right there. But you say he's an enemy of the Devil, right? I guess that has to count for something, right?" The Time Lord took off his tricorn and rubbed his short, frizzy black hair nervously. "Or maybe he represents some sort of third party? That always throws a wrench in anyone's plans. You said something about fairies? I'm assuming that those in your home continuum aren't the little Disney animated ones. Well, especially since you carry your pistol with you against said fairies. On second thought: if a flintlock is able to pose a problem to them then maybe they're not so bad. You just got to make sure you got a clean shot, though. Missing would be disastrous. We really need to get you a better gun.
"And at the risk of attracting more creepy happenings to my life, what exactly is the prophecy of the Raven King? You said it mentioned something like portals in there."
"Is he another puritanical Johnathon? There was a trend among them for a time for echoing that witless Shropshire bovine Bowdler and rewriting plays, books, and the old stories to make them, in their eyes, more suitable for children. I shall have to investigate this further; perhaps I shall summon a fairy-servant to gauge their own reaction. It might amuse them."
Algie subconsciously adjusted his powdered wig. "But you ask about the Raven King's prophecy. It is this. It is something all magicians have known, ever since the Glorious Revival."
And once more, his voice changed.
I reached out my hand; England's rivers turned and flowed the other way;
I reached out my hand; my enemies's blood stopt in their veins;
I reached out my hand; thought and memory flew out of my enemies' heads like a flock of starlings;
My enemies crumpled like empty sacks.
I came to them out of mists and rain;
I came to them in dreams at midnight;
I came to them in a flock of ravens that filled the northern sky at dawn;
When they thought themselves safe I came to them in a cry that broke the silence of a winter wood.
The rain made a door for me and I went through it;
The stones made a throne for me and I sat upon it;
Three kingdoms were given to me to be mine forever;
England was given to me to be mine forever.
The nameless slave wore a silver crown;
The nameless slave was a king in a strange country.
The weapons that my enemies raised against me are venerated in Hell as holy relics;
Plans that my enemies raised against me are preserved as holy texts;
Blood that I shed upon ancient battlefields is scraped from the stained earth by Hell's sacristans and placed in a vessel of silver and ivory.
I gave magic to England, a valuable inheritance
But Englishmen have despised my gift
Magic shall be written upon the sky by the rain but they shall not be able to read it;
Magic shall be written on the faces of the stony hills but their minds shall not be able to contain it;
In winter the barren trees shall be a black writing but they shall not understand it.
Two magicians shall appear in England.
The first shall fear me; the second shall long to behold me;
The first shall be governed by thieves and murderers; the second shall conspire at his
own destruction;
The first shall bury his heart in a dark wood beneath the snow, yet still feel its ache;
The second shall see his dearest possession in his enemy’s hand.
The first shall pass his life alone; he shall be his own gaoler;
The second shall tread lonely roads, the storm above his head, seeking a dark tower
upon a high hillside.
I sit upon a black throne in the shadows but they shall not see me.
The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it;
The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it.
The nameless slave shall wear a silver crown,
The nameless slave shall be a king in a strange country.
This time, the Earl all but collapsed, swaying upon his feet as he was. "He came to England, Sir Guardsman, as is the right of the King in the North. He will come here. He is coming. And Sir, as do all right-thinking men, I bid you do as I; and bid welcome to the Raven King."
The Guardsman wiped his hands on his coat to get rid of the cold sweat that had formed on his palms. "Erm. Yes. Does the Raven King have a timeframe for his visit or something? 'Cause maybe this isn't the best time for a powerful magician king to visit HQ. This place is a bit of a mess-- loonies with weapons and all that. But if he does pop by for a visit I'll be sure to pay my respects." He then rolled his eyes. "Oh, what am I saying. He's a canon character-- he's bound to pay a visit here sometime after some badfic or the other. Not sure how much badfic is written about your home 'verse but I hope it's not too much. Er, for the sake of the good health of the Raven King. Yes."
He paused, trying to think of something else to say. "Oh, and you're absolutely right about Disney. If 'Johnathon' means something along the lines of 'marketing' then yes, Mr. Walt Disney has been taking old stories and repackaging them into family-friendly tales. You gotta admire the animation work, though. Very talented people."
"The King... will come. This is known, and known to be certain. The prophesy, his prophesy, has already been in large part fulfilled; Strange and Norrell are themselves the two magicians mentioned. As for "badfic", well, of this I am less sure. I know not, but I believe that the life stories of those two gentlemen are to be adapted for... I'm afraid I cannot quite remember the name of it... ah! Television. From teleos, meaning "far". So perhaps there will be a revitalization of that community, and with it the attendant horrendous doggerel of which your documentation most eloquently speaks."
"Also," Algie continued, slightly breathlessly, "a Johnathon is an American. I believe the term comes from old cartoons from the days of their Revolution. I admit to it being pejorative, but gently so; like an old playground nickname for a dear friend, though how dear they view the mother country is unclear, considering they sided with the Corsican during the War... hm. I shall definitely be browsing the work of Mister Disney and his fellows, since I have yet to be assigned any work of my own, but your use of the words "family-friendly" gives me considerable pause. I fear he will turn the old stories into pablum, fit more for a mimsyish parson than a family. What stories has the gentleman remade in his own own image?"
"Look it up," said the secretary from around his burger, "you have a datapad."
"Indeed. I... yes. And if we select thus..." the Earl's eyes lit up. "This is a library."
"Nah, 's'definitely a datapad-"
"Sir, you mistake me, this is a library! In the palm of one's hand! Is it perhaps possible to convert a book directly into the form used by this magnificent device?"
"Uh, not exactly? I mean, you can scan the pages, but-"
"Excellent! Sir Guardsman, if you will permit, I must return to Perenelle immediately and retrieve my books. My man will take them to my Response Centre, and from there... all shall have access to my spells! Oh, I feel like a child at Christmas morning!"
"Just make sure to drop by the DIA Armoury and get geared up once you're back. You're gonna want to keep your Remote Activator on you at all times in case you need to move quickly. Oh! One more thing." The Time Lord smiled. "Give your wife n' kid a hug. Leaving your family for any period of time is really hard-- I've got a sister back home but I can't contact her. So you go on and take advantage of your luck and you visit them often! And keep that cheery attitude of yours. It's a refreshing change compared to everyone around here."
"On every charge, I shall. You in turn will always be welcome at Perenelle, and I do very much hope that you will be able to call. Now then..." The Earl wandered off down the corridor, sorting out the last of his filing and bringing up a map on his datapad. "To RC... two million, six hundred and thirty-one thousand, five hundred and thirteen." He looked at the door of the RC by his side, which, painted in a cheery orange colour, bore a number seven.
"D-mn," he cursed, pronouncing the hyphen with some difficulty.
...down the corridor in the opposite direction of Algie when he heard the muffled curse behind him. He turned and quickly made his way back to the newly-minted DIA officer's side. "Hey, me again. Okay: actual, real last piece of advice. While it may look that way, HQ isn't very well organized. This place is spread across six dimensions and makes absolutely no sense unless you're a freaky psychic Flower.
"Long story short. You got your four standard dimensions: 3D and time plus probability and consciousness. Don't worry about probability, it only applies in certain cases. What you wanna care about is consciousness: if you focus on your destination or your surroundings you travel along the consciousness dimension and induce this weird effect where the local area will loop on itself. What you want to do instead is lose focus. This will allow you to move in the other direction in the sixth dimension and eventually reach your destination. It's not very scientific, I know, but that's how the cookie crumbles I'm afraid. When you'll go through Basic Training your instructor should show you a simplified map and explain the effect better than me." The Guardsman paused for breath. "There. I think you're pretty much set for what's coming. Any other questions? I'll do my best to help."
"I have been reading through this list and I fear I must ask you to indulge me once more. Is... anyone allowed to join?"
Algie sighed and turned again, pocketing the datapad. "I am afraid. My wife... she was always enamoured of Mister Strange, and rightly so in my opinion, for he was and remains the truest gentleman, Sir, the very truest. And I fear, Sir Guardsman, that she is... I hesitate to say the word. Her hair, for one, glows as gold when the light of a sunset catches it - and I have often remarked upon it, because she enjoys being told that she is beautiful, and I have no reason to lie and say that it is not so - save for a streak of crimson that frames the left of her face. Her skin is pale and she favours powders that make her paler. And, Sir Guardsman, she is more adept at magic than any I have seen, and I have seen many mighty magicians of the day! We entertained many, Sir, Perenelle is renowned for its hospitality and I am as proud of its reputation as a gentleman may be, and she has stunned them all to silence with her magic! I..." He wrung his hands. "You see why I am afraid."
And now that the Earl had mentioned it, the Guardsman probably did. Algie was a roundish sort of man whom, in his green frock-coat and powdered wig, resembled nothing so much as an inflated pea. His face was broad, his nose short and pointed, and his eyes a piercing blue and slightly too small for his features. The rest of him was nondescript, totally, totally nondescript. A common enough description for such as him, and most fitting.
"I love her," he said, "and Agamemnon loves her. Indeed, it is simply impossible not to! One would have to have a heart of stone! And I read of this organization and the devilry it faces and..." He trailed off, his shoulders drooping slightly. "I must apologise. This was a private matter and a private grief; I should not have inflicted my sorrows upon you. But I, I cannot... excuse me." He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose between two of his hands. "You see? This is a curious habit! I do this, this gesture almost akin to prayer when I am dealing with extremes of temperament, and it is a habit that I have had since I was but a boy, and yet when I have been at Perenelle I cannot recall a single instance in which I have done it! This, this pistol," he scrabbled at his belt and pulled it out, "it is half of a matching pair with my good lady wife's, and she is a keener shot than a Greenjacket! I do not want this to be so, Sir Guardsman! I do not want to deprive Agamemnon of his mother, when my own was t-taken from me when I was but half his age, and which tragedy I am only recalling now! I do not want this!"
The Guardsman listened intently to Algie's speech. "No, it's fine," he said to the Earl. "In fact, it's a good thing you talked to me. Supernatural beauty, preternatural command of magic and superior marksmanship-- with a flintlock no less-- along with being enamoured with one of the protagonists. Those are all indicators of... that, I'm afraid. I'm sorry."
The Time Lord rubbed his eyes. "Your home 'fic is bound to be picked up by our Intelligence operatives: this is a textbook Suvian, really. I have to admit that things are looking rather grim for her. Unless... oh, that's genius. DMSE&R!" he exclaimed as he brought his hands together. "They've recently decided to expand their program concerning live subjects. Your wife-- if she's Suvian-- we can try and bring her to them. I honestly don't see why everyone needs to die all the time. As for your son, we have a Nursery here that can take care of him. He'll be in good hands. We just need to alert DoI and DMS and tell them about your case. I'm sure someone will understand."
- - -
((Seriously. Everyone forgets about DMSE&R.))
"I... it pains me deeply to speak of my wife this way. As a Suvian, as a subject for testing, like some poor departed soul's body under the knife of an Edinburgh anatomist. And yet I must, because that is what she is. My son is but thirteen years and I, I must explain to him that his mother is some manner of changeling monster. But it is not just my blood family of whom I must think.
"I am a gentleman, a titled man, and - I like to think - a man of principle. I am possessed of an estate of eight thousand pounds a year. I have servants; but a mere few, yes, but their families have been at Perenelle for generations. At least, that is what I believe to be so, but I am, I am unsure now of what is and is not real. If the Suvian is removed, then, then canon will snap back, and I cannot ascertain their fate. I must ensure their safety, Sir! For they are as much a part of my family as any other!
"My father once said to me, and I only now find myself able to remember him say it, that it is how a gentleman treats his inferiors that will shew his innermost character. You yourself speak in terms of Duty, of the burden you must bear to ensure the safety of countless lives who will never know of your existence nor mourn when it ceases. This, Sir Guardsman, is my Duty. It is a duty of care to those who have served me and mine. So I must ask: can they join?"
---
((Something else people forget: the servants. We know the Sue who rules as Queen has to be killed; what of her palace guards, her chambermaid, her farriers and coachmen and scullery-maids? It is no great stretch of imagination for an estate's master to be kind, and wise in the application of his kindness. They will be fed and watered; they will, arguably, have a better life here than in canon. Loyalty begets loyalty, and deserves it too.))
"Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. We're short-staffed in every single department over here so any help they can offer would be greatly appreciated. You're absolutely right about the Duty: family is family and we do what we must to protect them."
The Time Lord nodded. "Right. First, we warn Intelligence, then we lay out special instructions for DMS or whoever is going to pick up this mission. We're going to get your people out of there, Earl. They're going to be just fine. Well then. Shall we go? There's people to save."
"Once again, Sir, I am entirely in your debt; and once again, Sir, I am forced to say that it could not be to a more deserving man. But come, Sir Guardsman, we must make haste!" Algie powered off down the corridor, striding purposefully despite his stature being rather small and spherical. He was scribbling away upon his datapad, leafing through departments and quietly piecing together the places to which his servants would be most suited. Shortly, they were back in the Induction Centre, accompanied by an Intelligence officer and an enormous walking rose bush dressed in a suit of clothes, which frankly was by no means the weirdest thing to happen to-day, so Algie just went with it. The rose bush was introduced to him as the Sub Rosa by one of the other staffers, clearly from Intelligence themselves.
"I, I..." the Earl straightened, and adjusted his wig. "I am delighted to make your acquaintance. Madam," he added hurriedly after a surreptitious check of his datapad. "Might I also take the opportunity to commend your wit? Yours is a fine pun, and no mistake. But let us get to business. I have taken the liberty of constructing a plan of action for the integration of my personal staff..."
The plotting went on for some time, with the occasional delay for the Earl's delight at PPC technology to subside. It was still a good plan, though; everyone at Perenelle Abbey had skills that they could bring to bear, and while there had been an argument concerning the gardeners, an amicable solution was reach when it was brought up that fantasy continuua divisions were always on the lookout for people who knew how to handle dangerous lumps of worked, sharpened metal. Over time, though, Algie's unease returned.
"I pray that my wife remains unharmed, milady. I... She is a Mary Sue, this is beyond question, but she is my wife and I cannot help but love her, unconditionally and without question. It is not my place to say, but if you could find it within yourself to ensure her safe arrival into the bosom of DMSE&R's Live Subjects Program directly, I would be most grateful."
"I understand. Thank you, milady. Thank you all." Algie gestured to the assembled staff, some of whom had only wandered in because PPC people love a bit of street theatre. "This is a most painful episode in my life, and it gladdens my heart that you seek to help me through it."
"We help wherever we can. I'm glad we were able to help you, Lord Wymbourne. You seem like a pretty decent guy."
Across the room, the Sub Rosa conversed with her aide. "Very well. Bulldog, find someone who can perform an Intel run on this. If we're going to be mounting a rescue operation of this size I want to know exactly what we're getting into. Ask them to highlight a good moment for the DMS team to sedate Wymbourne's wife. We need to make sure she does not leave the Word World until every single character we can rescue is safe in HQ. We don't want to erase those potential recruits." The Firstborn handed Bulldog a dossier. "Make copies and send them to Mansfield for processing. This operation will fall into Active Recruitment Division's jurisdiction as soon as the Suvian is neutralized."
Bulldog took the documents and looked over them. "Sure thing, ma'am. I'll get on it right away."
The Sub Rosa nodded. "Go." She turned her blossom towards the Earl. "Good day, Officer Wymbourne and thank you for your time. You've been most helpful." And with that she turned and followed Bulldog out of the room.
The Guardsman watched the Flower go and then turned to Algie. "Well, it's out of our hands now. DMS and Personnel will do their thing and bring this thing to a close. Er, speaking of Personnel: were you assigned a partner? SR teams are always a minimum of two people. Can't have a single guy going full Leeroy Jenkins on a case."
"I have the details lurking somewhere in this contraption... aha! One "Field Commander McCandless" of Response Centre 2,631,513. This is why I have yet to report to the Armoury, Sir Guardsman; her personnel file indicates that she is a weapons specialist, with particular expertise in the combat use of plasma. One of the technicians was kind enough to explain its use to me; guns that shoot starlight. It is like something out of a story, is it not?"
Algie turned, and his eyes were bright and clear, and not watery at all, by dint of some effort. "To-day has been a strange one, Sir Guardsman. I have learned that nothing is as I had thought; that my world is a winter's tale; that my wife is some manner of star-being; that my estate and all worldly goods may vanish into the aether without the presence of said woman, at the cost too of near two dozen blameless lives; and yet..." He straightened, and steepled his fingers over his nose, as was his wont. "And yet I have wandered through a soft place in the world, to a more dangerous one than I thought possible to exist, and have found myself among nought but friends. I have lost everything, Sir Guardsman, or shortly will. And yet, I cannot help but feel that it is... that it is for the best."
---
Field Commander McCandless is important, and also quite cute, and will be showing up later. =]
"...that was unstable by nature," said the Guardsman. "Furthermore, your home 'verse stays clean, your son and your employees are safe, nobody has to die, and you've got a new job. I'd say that's a huge plus. Tell you what: once you're settled in I'll take you to Rudi's pub and buy you a beer or someth-- wait. Did you say 'Field Commander McCandless'?" The Gallifreyan man smiled. "Oh, I think I know who that is. I was at the range the other day and I was in the lane next to her. Very good markswoman. The targets never stood a chance. I don't know much about her but I think you'll be in good hands."
"I do hope you will call for tea once my new garret is in a suitable shape for visitors, Sir Guardsman; moreover, if you have any future cause in which English magic will be an aid to success, do not hesitate to request any service I can offer. As for the Commander, for all that she has a most peculiar name, if she possesses your recommendation then I shall consider her a bosom companion already. Thank you once more, Sir Guardsman, for all that you have done. Bless you, Sir. God bless you." With that, Officer Wymbourne of the PPC's Department of Internal Affairs strolled away, awaiting new life.
He looked through the personnel file for McCandless again, and wondered just how common a name it was. Perhaps it was from the Colonies, or some similar place. It hardly mattered; he would know her by calling her name.
How many people, even in a place like this, could possibly answer to something as outlandish as Lola?
---
((Yes. Yes I did just do that.))
((I like where this is going. I assume that this is going to be a catalyst for some character development on the Notary's side. They just need to meet... Well, I'm certainly looking forward to the adventures of Wymbourne and McCandless now.
A pleasure RPing with you, Scapegrace. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. Should we consider this RP canon? Semi-canon? Rough draft? I'm leaning towards "canon" but I'd like your input in case you need to modify something.))
I mean, for one thing, RC 2,431,513? 24-3-15-13. XCOM. I like puns. I'm keeping that canon. Therefore, I'm keeping the rest of it. If you don't wish to, be my guest, but I rather like his Lordship's origin in this RP and I think it shows him as the kind of man the PPC ought to have around.
Also, if anyone wants to check if they've got the right RC, the following is painted on the door:-
The Wymbourne arms. Which sounds like the name of a lovely country pub. =]
Hi Harris! How does it feel to be the shining knight saving a damsel in distress from the clutches of a perverted drunken angel? *wink*
Now for Gaspard! Which one is your favorite food?
Gaspard: Harris. Harris, wake up, there's questions for us.
Harris: [Snoring]
[Slapping noise]
Harris: Ow! I'm up! I'm up! Jeez! Okay. What do we have here... ah. Hello, Solvig. Let's see... Gaspard, can you zoom the thingy? I can't see a thing... ah, thanks. "Shining knight... perverted drunken angel..." when did this happen again? Well, Sonia and I have a fruitful partnership but I sometimes she gets in harm's way and then I have to--
Gaspard: Purim party.
Harris: What?
Gaspard: She's the girl at the Purim party. I saw you out of the CMC's peripheral cameras. You pulled Cupid off her. You know, the angel boy who shoved his face in her chest?
Harris: Oooooooooh. Well, I was only doing what was right, y'know. Good member of society and all that.
Gaspard: Food? Beef shawarma wraps, hands down. You have to make sure you get the pickled beets and the garlic sauce-- otherwise it's not a real shawarma.
Harris: Wait a minute, is she flirting with me?
Gaspard: What?
Harris: Look at the message: she winked me!
Gaspard: Yeah, so?
Harris: People don't talk about knights in shining armour, damsels in distress, and then wink in normal conversation. Is it flirting?
Gaspard: Don't look at me. This never happened to me before.
Harris: Yeah, me neither.
Nah, I wasn´t flirting with ya Harris. Wait, Sonia? Is she there? Hi Sonia! *waves*
Hey Gaspie! That sounds delicious! So, think you can take me out in a date to eat one of those thingies?
((Well Solvig is not normal, she's very, very, very weird, in more ways than one. Her favorite food, anything not made in the Cafeteria. Yes, she's flirting with Gaspard. No, I have no regrets. 8D))
Harris: Nope, Sonia isn't here. I swear she was around just a minute ago-- Gaspard, what in the world are you doing? You're not choking, are you?
Gaspard: She called me "Gaspie", Harris! She says she wants to go out on a date!
Harris: Yeah? When a girl says she wants to go out with you, well, you say "yes". Now, go on. You can do it.
Gaspard: No. No, no, no. This is an obvious setup. Can't you see it?
Harris: Er... no.
Gaspard: Look. She doesn't even know who I am, what I look like or even where I work. This is exactly what happened the first time-- shame on me if I let this happen again.
Harris.: You lost me there. What first time?
Gaspard: You know... Valentines' day?
Harris: Oh! I remember now! You got the texts from "Sarah".
Gaspard: Yes.
Harris: She sent you pictures of her...
Gaspard: And I was dumb enough to send "her" pictures of me.
Harris: You bought her flowers and chocolate...
Gaspard: God, I'm such an idiot. Flowers and chocolate-- can you get any more unoriginal?
Harris: And then you waited on a bench in New Caledonia for four hours...
Gaspard: I thought she was running late but the pranksters were actually filming me during that time.
Harris: And then "Sarah" came over...
Gaspard: She took my offerings, laughed in my face, told me I was hideous, and left with her friends.
Harris: Damn, man. But Solvig looks nicer than that.
Gaspard: How can you tell? A quick database search shows us that she has no missions under her name. I know a trap when I see one and I'm looking at one right now. I'm not risking feeling like crap again just because someone says they want to go out with me. I'm smarter than that.
Harris: Whatever you say.
- - -
((Behold Gaspard De Grasse in all of his cringeworthy stupidity. Relevant comics.))
And who's this "Sarah" you're talking about? Should I beat her up? Yeah, I should. Hey Yunie! Can you say the "magic word", I need to do something.
Yuuna: No.
Solvig: Oh come on! Is important!
Yuuna: *sigh* Okay. Please, would you stop being an idiot?
Solvig: Not that one!
Yuuna: Whatever. By the way, your pet set on fire one of your comics.
Solvig: What!? *runs to her side of the RC* No, Lizzie! Bad Lizzie! *keeps scolding her pet*
Yuuna: *creeps to the Console* Sorry about that gentlemen. She's like that with everyone she meets, well mostly everyone, even if she doesn't have met them before or in person. And she'll forget it by tomorrow.
I'm sending an order of a beef shawarma to go to Rudi's, to be sent to Agent Gaspard de Grasse, paid from my money. Good night gentlemen. *smiles* RC #2814 out.
((Whatever it looks like, Yuuna Takamiya may be a jerk, but underneath all that, there's a heart.))
Harris: And she'll forget about you too, so no worries, eh?
Gaspard: Forgotten again. Yipee.
- - -
((He's great at parties, I swear.))
But let me defend my patient. Solvig won't forget Gaspard, she will forget the events that transpired today, and she will try again another day.
She does not do it out of ill will, no. She genuinely wants everyone to become her friend. If you want to, Agent de Grasse, I might ask her to not do it again; but you will make her very, very sad.
Signed, Corinna Chan, Nurse from Fictional Psychology, Paidopsychiatry Division.
((Seriously Harris, ya think she'll forget the guy that was inside the metal suit? XD))
Harris: Solvig won't forget you. I'm telling you, she's a really pretty gal and I think--
Gaspard: --it will end in disaster.
Harris: You're such a spoilsport. She wants to be your friend, moron. Why don't you meet her first and then decide if she's a wicked witch out there to stab you in the back?
Gaspard: Okay, fine. I'll try but she'll change her mind about being friends when she sees my face. You'll see.
Harris: [Facepalming noise] You're absolutely insufferable.
Gaspard: I know.
((I wonder how Gaspard would react if locked in a building with Kala or Gabby while the moon is full. Liminals go kinda nuts under the full moon, to the point where I personally think not even Anti-Lustin could calm them down.))
((I haven't reached the skill level to write that scenario myself. Sue me.))
((It's a bit obvious, isn't it? Place anyone in a house with a half-human monster who becomes absolutely sex-crazed under the full moon and they'll be trying to get the hell out of there before they get raped, right?))
((The fact remains that they don't hold back their [often superhuman] strength, so it's very likely that if, say, a lamia was after you, you'd die from her affections.
That's pretty much the plot of Chapter 6 in MonMusu, except there's also a harpy [who's got razor-sharp talons] and a centaur [who's just plain heavy and strong].))
((And not my cup of tea. At all. It sounds like something out of a horror movie, not a comedy.))
((Don't worry too much about Kimihito. The girls do sober up/freak out when they think they've killed Kimihito... except he stands up and it turns out he'd fallen on a ketchup bottle. We're not sure what happens next, since it cuts to outside the house, but Kimihito's completely bandaged up the next morning. Misplaced anger for making them think they'd killed him?))
Something really similar happened to me in sixth grade. It sucks, but it gets better, I promise.
((And it won't get better for him: this is Gaspard we're talking about, remember?
He is Charlie Brown, the boy who frowns more than he smiles. He'll never win-- or if he does it will go forever unnoticed.))
Do you know how can I get a Sonic Screwdriver? I need it for research purposes. What? I'm serious about that!
She pesters every Time Lord she meets with that question, this is the third time in fact. It is nothing but a bless that she has no gone to the Notary with it.
If I recall correctly, Sonics are available by special request at the Armoury. Since they're a class 2 restricted item, you need the Quartermaster's approval to obtain one.
Personally, I don't bother with the Sonics. Lasers are more powerful-- better computer, better capabilities, better everything. Er, except the battery. The Lasers drew an incredible amount of power from their batteries: while Sonics can last forever without a charge Lasers are practically plugged in all the times. But the things you can do with a Laser... worth it. So worth it.
So, what forms must I fill out and which proceedings and tests must I undertake to get one?
Nurse Chan: *sighs* I certainly hope you know what you are doing, Emiranlanoamar, Guardsman of Gallifrey...
They'll fetch the necessary paperwork and have you fill it out. Once that's done you'll have to explain to the Quartermaster why you want restricted materials and why your current gear isn't doing the job. "Q" will make a decision based on that.
And of course I know what I'm doing, Nurse Chan. Rest assured that DoSAT will keep a close eye on that tech to make sure it isn't abused.
... for the maintenance of the Danger Room, are really hard to come by... I could say that, yeah, my current gear is insufficient for my current assignation.
Nurse Chan: I certainly hope so. I am growing weary of her repeated attemps to break in to take mine from my T-- Skit! Spoke too much...
I'm going to ask you two questions and I want "yes" or "no" answers for each one.
Firstly: do you have a TARDIS?
Secondly: are you Gallifreyan?
But let me answer first your second question: Yes. I am a Time Lord from the Cerulean Chapter, though I say it without pride, long ago has passed the time when I was proud of being counted among them.
And yes I do have one. But, I do not dare use her. Is damaged to an extent unknown to me, and she may bring me to a random place on time and space of the multiverse, from which I might not be able to return.
Oh yes! Before you ask, yes, I do have a Sonic Screwdriver, but it has not seen use for about a century, so I am unsure if still works.
...how many other Time Lords are there in HQ? If this keeps up we're going to find half the planet's population here.
Secondly: my god. Since when were you in HQ? Personnel hasn't logged the arrival of a Time Lord since Agent Dives' metamorphosis.
Thirdly: just give the Sonic a good whack on the table and it will sort itself out. Those things are nigh indestructible and last forever.
... if it would ease your mind, the population of the Eldar here, nearly doubles our.
That last word stings me; you see I do not like being counted as one. In fact, Personnel has not registered me as a Time Lord at my own request, since my arrival almost two years ago.
And I... have to confess something else: I lost my Screwdriver. Do not worry though, I know is somewhere inside The Box --my TARDIS--, Ijust do not know where. Much like the Armory Room... I have meaning to donate all of my weapons to the Armory, but I have yet to find that room again.
That's when I came through! How the heck did you get here? By TARDIS? And why in the name of the Homeworld didn't you register as Time Lord? Not only does Medical kinda need to know this but... how can you be ashamed of being Gallifreyan? Were you in the War or something? 'Cause I can assure you that former Lady President Romana's faction never really stopped campaigning against Rassilon's little power trip.
Not all of us were in favour of the Ultimate Sanction and the deployment of the Omega Arsenal.
...the centaur is a fine lad. *sigh* No, my refusal to be aknowledged as Gallifreyan has nothing to do with a war I just saw the first shots of. No, it was because of what happened after one of those shots reached my TARDIS, damaging it and sending me to a random part of the multiverse, and the multiversal travel that followed, that ultimately brought me here. I saw things that shaked my beliefs to the core and beings whose power dwarfs the power of the Time Lords. It was... a humbling experience, that shamed me of belonging to such arrogant race.
But now... I... Wait. Let me sit and think... *sits down and closes her eyes in meditation for a while, then opens her eyes again* Now, your words shame me, Emiranlanoamar. I... was unaware of the existence of opposition agansit Rassilon, and... Dear Aedra... I knew he was mad, but... Deploy the Omega Arsenal? Execute the Ultimate Sanction? I am speechless...
*sighs after a long pause* Also, there are other reasons I hid myself: My genetic makeup was contaminated at least three times during my travels, I am not fully Time Lord now; I did not wish to be entangled with the petty squabbles of the Continuity Council, and then there are my legal reasons, I have done multiple transgressions to the Laws of Time, and I fear that what would happen if it is known. I think that will sumarize my reasons to forget my own original name and become a renegade. But if youn believe it is for the best, I will go to Personnel to get my personal information modified and then present myself to the Citrine Theorist and Onyx Monitor Reader of he Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile, for proper registration.
Before you speak, do not think for a moment that I attempted to flee Gallifrey. I was trying to get to there before the Daleks to warn the Guardsmen, after all I was just a civilian with nothing but a Sonic Screwdriver with me, but my TARDIS was shot and malfunctioned before I reached Gallifrey.
Good grief, you were really unlucky. Doubly so because Third and Sixth Fleet intercepted the Dalek Armada literally the minute it entered Gallifreyan space. You barely missed being rescued. It's too bad you weren't there to lend us a hand for the rest of the War, though. We needed every Time Lord we could get to repel the Daleks.
Multidimensional travel, eh? The Daleks must've hit your TARDIS right in the primary navigational computer without damaging the chrono-capacitor. There's no other way you can punch a TT capsule clean out of the universe without destroying it. Fascinating. If you'll let me, I'd like to have a look at the damage myself. I could write a paper on that and get famous at the Academy when I return! We could team up and search for your Sonic too. It can't possibly be that far.
And what manner of creatures are able to scare the Gallifreyan from you? How does that even work? Yeah, Daleks scare the crap out of me but I'm not gonna stop calling myself Time Lord because of that. It's our species name, y'know. Speaking of which... you're what now? "Not fully Time Lord"? What exactly happened to you? Regeneration usually kicks in if there's severe genetic contamination. And would you care to explain to me how you violated the Laws of Time? Come on: we're both adults and keeping secrets for the sake of being mysterious just leads to more problems in the long run.
Last point: the CCoGiE doesn't include all of us Time Lords in HQ. Case in point: me. Morgan's weird little club is more trouble than it's worth. By all means, go and update your status-- your genetic makeup might prove to be something interesting-- but I'd advise against actually joining the ranks of the Council. Just... no.
I do not desire to join the Council and their eternal squabbles, The Reader is the one resposible of surveilling the actions of Time Lords within this organization, so I must register with her.
And yes, you may look at the damage of my TARDIS, I was never very good in that subject at the Academy. If I knew how to reapir, uhm, that and the Chameleon Circuit, I would have done it decades ago. While we are at that, you could also help me with the finding of the TARDIS' Armory Room, so I can get rid of all my weapons finally. If you need to know, 'The Box' is a Type 47 TARDIS with the Mark IX Console refit.
How my did I became less Time Lord? By absorbing external bio-data while regenerating of course. And there was the time I received modifications from some sort of nanotechnology, that somehow did not set off regeneration; do not ask me how that works, I am as stumped as you are. And there was... *shudders* the time that one those beings that manipulate reality with a flick of their fingers manipulated my bio-data. Not sure how much I have been changed in total, but considering I regenerated twice after the last one, probably is not much. *realization kicks in* I have been overly dramatic, have I not?
Wait. Mysterious? You insult me Guardsman. I do not seek to be 'mysterious', I am just concerned for my personal safety. Case in point, while I do not really care that those bureaucreats know that I interfered with the History of Time Unaware Species, I am quite concerned of them learning that... *clears throat and pauses* I got... *pauses uneasily again* My first regeneration was a Sex Change Regeneration...
You're a Time Lord. Changing sex after regeneration is rather uncommon but not unheard of. Why would you be ashamed of a normal body function? On the other hand... why, oh why did you mess with a T.U.S? When we get back home you're gonna have to hide that fact real well: the Second Doctor was put on trial and executed for that same reason!
And you didn't even answer my question: what is the species that could bend reality like that? The Q from Star Trek? Those guys play hardball.
...but putting all that aside, let's talk about fun things. Type 47, eh? My god, that's ancient. It's a good thing that you had the Mark IX refit on board: Type 47s had this rather embarrassing design flaw where waste from the TARDIS' fusion plant wouldn't properly be evacuated from the core. As a result there would be this massive buildup of iron particles around the main turbocharger. Now, this would cause the entire engine to seize up, thus triggering the emergency venting system and causing a spectacular blowout by venting plasma directly into the Heart of the TARDIS. Of course, the chono-buffers would clamp down on the fusion core and freeze it in time and allow the TARDIS to safely eject the entire thing into space. It's just that without the fusion core your time machine would be crippled but hey, it's better than blowing up. You'd just suddenly be plunged into darkness with only the rumbling of the engine and the ventilation for company until you find a flashlight or plug the backup grid to the Eye of Harmony. The Mark IX Console refit came with a much-needed fix to the engine design so you're good there.
If you want me to take a look at it, get your TARDIS moved to the New Caledonia TARDIS docks and gimme a call. Once I'm done with the Reader's TARDIS I'll take a look at yours.
...in an alternate ocurrence of those events were he escaped Gallifrey, that same Doctor was locked in her TARDIS for having a Sex Change Regeneration --by suicide jumping from a pylon--, which forced her to use the de-materialization switch, erasing herself from history and becoming a neverperson. Which in turn, caused the events you know of. But, who said anything of returning to Gallifrey anyway.
Regardless, I am from the Cerulean Chapter, my family was not rich by any extent. That is why a Type 47 was the best thing they could get. I will get someone from DoSAT to help with the transportation, and if you find any weapons inside 'The Box', keep them as a form of payment.
*takes a look at the Guardsman face*
You are not dropping that subject, are you? *sigh* Let me ask you one thing first, are you familiar with the term 'Eldritch Abomination'?
Of course I know what they are. I killed them during the War. They also killed me multiple times but that technically never happened because I'm still alive
So yeah, tell me about these guys. What 'verse? Powers? Physical description? Does the PPC know about them? I'm not going to let this go, you know. This might be a threat the PPC has to face-- maybe not Internal Affairs but External Security would certainly like to know.
*pause* Dear Talos... You are serious. I can see you are familiar with the term itself, but not with its meaning.
What universe? All of them have them. Powers? Omnipotence. Physical description? Mortal minds cannot grasp their true form. Does the PPC know about them? Of course they do, and if one ever becomes a threat, the only option is to fall down on your knees and pray.
I speak of beings like Cthulhu, Aslan and Eru Ilúvatar, Odin from Rune-Midgard, The Aedra and Daedric Princes from Nirn, and Arceus and the Creation Trio from the Pokémon-verse.
So let me ask you this one thing Guardsman of Gallifrey, what will you do against the might of Hermaeus Mora?
Ooh, I like the sound of that: it makes me sound important. Go on.
Joking aside, what would I do against... hang on a second while I check the database for this Hermaeus Mora fellow.
...right. Well, he seems to be a very reasonable god-entity. We just need to talk to him: he's intelligent, we're intelligent. We can work something out. If you're asking what we would do to fight Hermaeus Mora then we can always try using a Umta-Psionic trap on the Daedric Prince and jettison him from reality using a Battle TARDIS. It's worth a shot. If that doesn't work, use a De-mat gun on it. It's going to leave a big damn hole in the countryside but hey, you want me to annihilate him from reality? Because this is how you annihilate things from reality.
It's totally reprehensible and constitutes a crime against the universe but this is what Rassilon did to fight the Daleks.
No wonder people hate us.
...but sadly, that does not mean it will work. Usually these beings exist outside of reality, and reality is nothing but a toy for them. The form we see is just a mirage they use to interact with ephemerals like us.
Regardless, the point of this conversation was how they interacted with me...
Well, firstly, I suspect Odin from Rune-Midgarts had a hand in my "suicide", because I do not remember performing it. My next memory after crashing in that world, is me holding a bloodied sword, with a mortal wound in my gut, while I'm covered in the blood of a female Knight, and then regenerating.
My next meeting was the God-Dragon Akatosh, who I met in a dream and forced his 'gifts' on me. *shudders* I still feel so... *shudders again*
Anyway, while in that universe I made various dealings with some of the Daedric Princes. *chuckles* I bet they are still fighting over who gets my soul, despite me being outside their reach now.
When I was mortally wounded the God-Dragon presented himself to me again and send me to another universe where I regenerated again...
And that brings with my last meeting with one of these beings, after many years in that world, the Lord of of it, Arceus brought me to the place they call Mount Coronet, accused me of being a genocidal lunatic for killing thousands of his children, forced me to feel all the suffering I had caused, and then forced me to regenerate... in such painful way that I would not desire to my worst enemy. Fortunately, it allowed me to keep my current companions. And after this... happening, I decided to relinquish my weapons, and do not kill again.
And if you are planing to ask: I have regenerated a total of five times.
You've met Gods-- capital "g"-- talked to them, received favours from them, have them fighting over your soul, and it sounds like you killed a bunch of innocent Pokémon.
Aren't you a special something.
Tell me: when you blow your nose, does your tissue paper come out all sparkly? Forgive my rudeness but you're starting to sound mighty suspicious to me.
Look Emiranlanoamar, I do not feel proud of what I have done, nor I like my dealing with those beings, that is why I decided to dedicate the rest of my days to the mental health of children. But if you think that it would be better for the multiverse if I died, shoot me and let us be done with it.
Nobody is shooting anyone here. Let's be very clear on that. Okay? Good. We're going to talk and nobody is going to do anything they're going to regret.
I have another yes/no question for you.
Are you Suvian?
... I am not sure... By all accounts I should have been vaporized by the Daleks, but something, or someone took me out of there along my TARDIS, probably an Eternal. Then set me in those various universes, always manipulating and controlling my actions, in ways I would never had done... Like I was some sort of puppet.
Jävla fan! --Pardon my language.-- It was... it... Det var som att leva i helvetet. Sorry again, 'like living in hell'. For reasons unknown, the thing, whatever it was, left me here, four lives less and enough trauma for the next eight.
Once here, I learned of Nurse Robinson's story and the resemblance to mine was uncanny... --that is why I decided to follow on her footsteps, and work for the children.-- The events I passed through were just so overkligt, that I barely believe them myself. That is why I ask you, if you think that those events somehow turned me in some sort of menace, end all my lives now.
((In less words, she was a Player Character.))
I'm just a policeman, not the judge, jury, and executioner.
Come with me to Medical. They'll scan you and we'll see about their diagnosis. If you're Suvian, then you're not a really bad case: you're cooperating and you haven't tried to subvert the entire PPC yet. That's better than literally 99% of the cases I meet.
I just want to finally from all the skit that I dragged through by that thing. I left someone I cared for behind in each universe I was dragged in, a pet in the first one, friends in the second one and a family in the third. Cared ones I will never able to see again. I was fortunate to be allowed to bring my companions from the fourth one. So, if the decision if I die and leave this life back, or I live to see the pending appointment with Lapis Lazuli, rests on this trip to Medical, let us lose no more time.
It's not like there's never been an ex-Suvian agent in the history of the PPC. We're just going in to make sure that you're not some weird sleeper agent or anything.
- - -
((It's weird because I imagined the entire conversation unfolding over a chat room and not face-to-face.
"End all my lives now."
"Hang on, lemme open a portal first..."))
...regarding Time Lords, did not she not? Now, before we leave, I -- Where has Shui-Hua gone to?
~~~
((Apparently we were in different channels, 'cuz I was imagining everything happening face to face. Xd
Anyhow, did you forget about Shui-Hua? Because I didn't...))
((I put my username instead of the character's name again. =P))
Since the Notary did not answer this question, I'll pose it to you next. How exactly did your feud with the Notary begin? Because it kind of seems like belligerent and unresolved tension of the intimate variety.
She tripped, a picture fell out of her dress, I commented on it, she's waged a campaign of terror against me ever since for reasons unknown.
Look, read into it all you want but the fact of the matter is that she's exacting some childish revenge on me for reasons unknown.
Is an overinflated ego a common trait to Time Lords? The Librarian and the Notary seem very assured in their superiority, and don't even seem to consider the possibility that someone might be better than them.
Honestly, that's asking for an invitation to prove them wrong.
You are part of the most ancient and advanced civilization the world has ever known. Your scientists play with spacetime like putty, build machines and AIs so advanced they become sentient, and create marvels that are legend among other species. One word from the High Council can rewrite history itself and affect the universe as a whole.
How can you not feel powerful?
I can't speak for the Librarian or the Notary but I think the Time War changed us Time Lords. I learnt something in the trenches: it doesn't matter how big you think you are or how great you think your species is. When you could die at any moment at the hands of a refraction bomb, a sudden tau-gamma burst, a Dalek temporal raiding party, or even history rearranging yourself and deciding that the building you're in is actually a radioactive pile of rubble... well, your outlook on life changes. You don't talk so loud or act all proud. You start focusing on the basic things: are your squadmates okay? Is your family safe? Will you make it to see another day?
When you realize that your species' goddamn superiority complex is to blame for the bad decisions that led to your situation you realize that a) the High Council are bastards and b) you have to grow up.
-What's your favourite food?
-If you'd go native, in which continuum would that be? (Your home one doesn't count, obviously.)
Listen man, did you ever eat Korean food? It. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever. My favourite dish is this hot pot with egg, vegetables, and meat over rice. Mix well and eat. Delicious. There's also this great spicy cabbage thing they've got going on-- kimchi. You ever heard of it?
Whaddya mean, I can't choose the Homeworld? It's the only place I belong. I fought and died for my planet and there's no other place I'd rather be.
...but if I had to choose, I'd pack up my things and move to Rannoch, in the Mass Effect universe. There's no insects there so I'd actually be able to sit outside and fall asleep without being eaten alive by a friggin' cloud of mosquitoes. Plus, it's my partners' home planet so they'd get to come along.
Alright, you ever have angel hair pasta with an herbed olive oil sauce with diced tomatoes? That's my favorite.
I can't say I've had that exact recipe in my plate but it sure sounds pretty good. Tell you what: I'll make it myself and tell you how it is. I have to admit that it's a bit bland, though. I could maybe add some pancetta or something... it needs a kick. Pasta and diced tomatoes won't cut it.
I get you've been on diet pills or whatever for most of your life and probably can't get enough of the heavier foods, but you'll learn to appreciate lighter fare eventually.
Not a snack.
Give it some heft! Add some meat! Add some vegetables! Add some sauce!
(Though seriously, you should give light dishes a try.)
Go for stuffed pastas like tortellini and ravioli. I prefer cheese-stuffed, but mushroom-stuffed is good as well. You might like meat-stuffed, since you're all about that, it seems.
And another question! Does your time sense get messed up in HQ?
It's like having the weather forecast get 70% of its predictions wrong. It's absolutely infuriating but you get used to expecting the unexpected.
If it's not too personal, how many times have you regenerated? And what was your time at the Academy like?
Officially? I've regenerated only two times: the first during the War and the second during the Final Day. The first one happened when I was crushed to death by a bit of falling Dalek that was shot down by our AA guns. The second happened when I fell into a plothole during my unit's last stand on Gallifrey. I fell through the Time Vortex and burned. I somehow found my way to HQ, met my future partners, and regenerated explosively at their feet. Not bad for an entrance, right?
Unofficially, in separate timelines during the War, I regenerated over a million times. All of these timelines ultimately ended with my death and a complicated troop maneuver through time to save the 442nd from annihilation. Rinse, lather, repeat.
The Academy? Oh, that takes me way back. I studied in TARDIS engineering: everything you needed to know to design, build, and maintain a TT capsule. Lots of lectures, tests, note taking, and a surprising amount of hands-on experience. I remember this one professor who would bring in a circuit to class and assemble it in front of everyone while lecturing. It was a nightmare trying to focus on both her words and what she was doing on the circuit board. Nevertheless, she was probably the best teacher we'd ever had. The time rotor homework incident still haunts me to this day, though. We never found out what happened to Kevonozar's arm: the professors were quick to cover that up.