Subject: Oh Wow.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-10-13 17:23:00 UTC
I love it. I'm a sucker for world-traveling setups, and the part with Val picking up the sword was priceless. (Seriously, the first thing you should not do if you get world-travelled is to start collecting artifacts...)
Well. Because I finally decided that if I was writing missions I wanted to do them without piggybacking on other people's Permission, here I am.
Agents: Tanya Carter and Magdalen Blackwell reporting for duty.
Permission piece: Whosoever Taketh This Sword..., an original piece.
Badfic for first solo mission: A new world, which I've already staked claim to on the Wiki.
I really loved your piece. Like TO said, it takes the "modern girl in a magical land" trope, which is usually badly done and does it well, presenting real problems, like a magic based society being freaked out by flashlights. I love how at the end Val has no idea what just happened; that's pretty much how I would react if I were given a magical sword and made king of a land I wasn't even born in.
Aside from what Nesh said about the beginning being a bit too in medias res, yeah. I liked it, especially the end.
The in medias res wasn't too terribly confusing, I hope! ^_^ It's just how the story came to me: Ellie thumping a book down on the table and (as it turned out, faking) being irritated and confused about the Sword in the Cup thing, and I continued on from that point. Should I put your name on the list of people who want to read the rest whenever I get around to writing it? :D
And I'm very glad you liked the end; I had way too much fun realizing that Ellie was more than just a nice, mildish-mannered mage, and just exactly what the MacGuffin was for. Izzit a magic sword? Oh, hell yeah. Is it kind of both Caliburn and Excalibur? Myup! Is Val going to get forced into being King? Ellie sure seems to be planning that, the jerk!
Everything about this application is incredible, especially the permission piece. I can't even find words to verbalise how deeply I adore this.
Seeing all the rave reviews, I had to take a look, and I concur most heartily! My only "complaint" is that it feels like we've picked up in the middle, and I'd love to read the beginning. 'Course I want to read the rest, too, but I'm very curious to see how Val found herself in another world and became friends with Eleanor and started on this quest in the first place.
I approve of that second name, by the way, even if it is a little surreal seeing it refer to someone else. I have a rather personal attachment to it. ^_~
There were one or two lines that gave me pause, though:
- "She squinted at the pages before her, then scowled at the dim red balls of light floating at various points between the shelves and the black clouds visible through the high windows."
I think you mean she scowled at the balls of light between the shelves and then scowled at the clouds outside, but it took some work to get there for me. The construction "between the shelves and the black clouds" could put the floating balls somewhere between the library and the sky—not terribly useful for the people trying to read. {= )
- "'And what would be the reason for their discomfort?' Eleanor asked absently, continuing to scan the pages and on the right-hand one."
Not sure where you were going with the description from "continuing." Maybe "continuing to scan the right-hand page"?
- The dialogue between "There is a seat on this side as well, Valerie" and "That does not look natural."
There seem to be two conversations happening in parallel here, one about behavior and the other about the lake. This happens a lot in writing, but isn't how people usually talk—there isn't enough time. Given a choice of topics, a person will respond to the thing they feel is most pressing, and the other person responds to that, etc. Here, you could easily have them banter about each other's behavior for a few lines and then bring it back to the lake when Val leans over the book to see the illustrations.
That's all I caught. I loved the descriptions of the weather once they got to the lake. I could really imagine how heavy and cold the rain is, and hear it crashing down, muffling the girls' words and making them shout.
Also... heh. "Royally screwed." I do believe that is a pune, or play-on-words. *g*
~Neshomeh
My only "complaint" is that it feels like we've picked up in the middle, and I'd love to read the beginning.
That would be because I did! I'm writing the beginning right now. Well, for a definition of 'right now' that includes mental scribbling. I take it I should start a list of people who want to read it, then...
- "She squinted at the pages before her, then scowled at the dim red balls of light floating at various points between the shelves and the black clouds visible through the high windows."
I think you mean she scowled at the balls of light between the shelves and then scowled at the clouds outside, but it took some work to get there for me. The construction "between the shelves and the black clouds" could put the floating balls somewhere between the library and the sky—not terribly useful for the people trying to read. {= )
Hmm. Yes, I do believe you are correct. Would "[...]between the shelves, and at the black clouds[...]" have worked better?
- "'And what would be the reason for their discomfort?' Eleanor asked absently, continuing to scan the pages and on the right-hand one."
Not sure where you were going with the description from "continuing." Maybe "continuing to scan the right-hand page"?
Oof, yes, looking at that again it looks a bit mangled. I was trying to explain that she'd been on the left-hand page before, and was now on the right-hand one, but was still at the same pair of pages.
- The dialogue between "There is a seat on this side as well, Valerie" and "That does not look natural."
There seem to be two conversations happening in parallel here, one about behavior and the other about the lake. This happens a lot in writing, but isn't how people usually talk—there isn't enough time. Given a choice of topics, a person will respond to the thing they feel is most pressing, and the other person responds to that, etc. Here, you could easily have them banter about each other's behavior for a few lines and then bring it back to the lake when Val leans over the book to see the illustrations.
Hmmm. I do rather like it, but it would be easy enough to shift the lake comments down a bit... I'm trying to search my brain for examples of myself doing that but as far as I remember I haven't in actual speech, so I shall concede the point.
I loved the descriptions of the weather once they got to the lake. I could really imagine how heavy and cold the rain is, and hear it crashing down, muffling the girls' words and making them shout.
YES! Hahaha! I was so hoping I managed to get across the sheer thundering, pounding, deafening force of the storm and oh, look, I apparently did! WHOOOOO! Awesome!
Also... heh. "Royally screwed." I do believe that is a pune, or play-on-words. *g*
A pun, milady? You accuse me of making a pun? -dramatic gasp, clutching of pearls- How dare you! :D Why yes, it was a pun. It was a terrible pun and I love it, and I'm glad you like it too.
- Lielac
I love it. I'm a sucker for world-traveling setups, and the part with Val picking up the sword was priceless. (Seriously, the first thing you should not do if you get world-travelled is to start collecting artifacts...)
(Seriously, the first thing you should not do if you get world-travelled is to start collecting artifacts...)
Heeheehee. Yup!
Spoilers for what's being scribbled in my head:
Val trusts Ellie due to Ellie being the only person she knows in Avala, and Ellie abused the hell out of that trust to get a figurehead. Damn magic sword's not going to leave Val alone, either, so she's going to have some fun times up ahead once she realizes that it doesn't matter how betrayed she feels (or how much she just wants to take copious notes on Avala's magic) because magic contracts don't need you to read the fine print. Or any of the print. Especially when Merlin's involved.
Your writing piece was wonderful, especially how you pulled off the "Modern girl in magical land" trope that so many murder. This is something I would want to read more of.
Dear me, I may have to grant your wish.
That is a seriously awesome writing sample! Great work, Lielac, and congratulations!
Ahahahahaha thanks, VM! "Seriously awesome"? With italics on the "awesome"? Never before have I heard such a wondrous review!
...Well, okay, I'll admit Cassie giving me Permission made me shriek and specific points are always helpful for more ammunition against the brain-weasels, but I needed the bigass grin from reading this.
Haha, it's great to see you're so happy about getting Permission. I reacted pretty much the same way when I was given it. :P
Seriously though, you're one of the more thoughtful, conscientious new(ish) people I've seen around here with a good flair for writing to top it off, and I like that.
(Also, just to let you know, because I am a Dungeons and Dragons nerd too... brain-weasels I don't know of, but brain moles are definitely a thing. :P )
Brainweasel is a term a friend of mine came up with to discuss the irritating parts of a brain - the ones you know aren't true, but they plague you all the same? Much like a jerkbrain, but shrill and insidious. The ones that go "Stop inflicting your loathsome presence on innocent people," "If you didn't do it perfect the first time it doesn't count," and "Nobody likes you."
So, y' know, shrill insidious things with sharp teeth that still don't make much sense - brainweasels! It makes for a decent image when you're trying to remind yourself they're not true.
Hahahaaaaa, I was so hopeful and flailing worriedly about it and I posted the thing because I had it and couldn't wait any longer, and then you came over and gushed at it and there was no way that wouldn't result in a release of pent-up energy in the form of a happy shriek.
:D Thanks, Cassie! I'm not... entirely sure if I counted as anything like really new even when I wrote my intro, because I'd been lurking around for five-six years and could probably tell you the PPC basics in my sleep, so yes, (ish). And, of course, compliment my writing and it's like complimenting the Serenity where Kaylee can hear you.
(Aah, but this isn't D&D. It's little mental monstrosities that insult me at every turn and have the tenacity of cockroaches, it's really quite a pain. Ask VM, she told me about them.)
"Whoever Taketh This Sword..." was quite good... I want to see more of it. And by 'it', I mean both the story and your writing.
I'm definitely planning to write more in the Whosoever-verse or whatever I end up calling it, and I have missions both in the process of being written and planned due to claiming terrible, terrible badfic...
I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.
I look forward to reading your missions.
Great job, Li! Congratulations!
Lemme just burst your eardrums:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
There, your ears should be bleeding now. :D
Mike wants to know if Tanya broke her kuudere self long enough to hug you.
But yeah, congrats. I knew you could do it. And just remember - John Cleese has it right: If you're rubbish at something, you lack the skills necessary to realize you are. Thus, if you can actually criticize yourself, odds are you're not at all bad at it.
Tanya wants to know if Mike will be available for being the... um... -counts- Eh. Let's say 'first PPC person met after the Sod tells her whose partner she is and that she's assigned to RC #1413', I'm still working out the shenanigans with the cactus and the plothole. (I am certainly, certainly not thinking of immediate flirting on Mike's part. Somebody help me, I'm turning into a ship-obsessed fangirl!) Mags called dibs on the second PPCer she meets being Kilroy, the first being the Intel agent who read the fic Sasha showed up in.
Yes, Riese, I beat myself up too much. Thanks for being so patient with me, and for finding a quote I hadn't heard yet. :P
Of course she is. You know how Mike is. I won't promise she won't be a little flirty, though (she is, after all, French).
And of course I put up with you. It's only fair, what with the way you put up with me.
(she is, after all, French)
Oh, that explains everything. How did I forget that, again?
It's only fair, what with the way you put up with me.
Insert image of unimpressed and trying not to look amused face here. Let's just say we probably have more objective views of each other than of ourselves and leave it at that before I hit you with a stick, how's that?
How did I forget that again?
Very carefully, it would seem.
...before I hit you with a stick.
So violent and fierce, Saber!~ I can see where Maggie gets if from.~
Very carefully, it would seem.
Apparently so.
So violent and fierce, Saber!~ I can see where Maggie gets if from.~
Raaaaaar! I'm the King of the Jungle (despite lions not being a jungle cat)! Feed me Lancer or I will eat the camera-guy!
Behave, you! Lay off Lancer, he's suffered enough. You can go maul Kotomine, though~
But... but Rieeeese! He's so tasty!
I think I'll do that, though. OH KOTOMINE, MY CLAWS WANNA MEET YOUR FAAAAACE~
Mike's bugging me - she's taking photos, and says she's nearly out of film.
Raaaaaaaaaaar! -manglemanglemangle- That's for being a smug sonnuva Doom Viper! That's for being condescending! That is for really, really annoying me!
Tanya is raising an eyebrow at Mike still using a camera that uses film, and handing over a digital camera.
Wow, I didn't know it was possible to actually tie a bow in somebody's spine. Seems I've underestimated you. Mike says thank you for the camera, and promises to use it only for good. Well, mostly. She didn't say what she meant, but I heard a lot of giggling...
Yes, I am awesome.
...
My uterus has also informed me that it hates me, so I'll be over there wishing for a spontaneous hysterectomy. uuuuuuuugh
I'm just frustrated because I'm finally on Fall Break, with all the time in the world...AND I CAN'T SODDING WRITE PPC STUFF. NO INTERNET ('cept on my iPhone), COMPUTER'S BORKED (kind of, I'm in the process of fixing it), AND I HAVE 4 DIFFERENT THINGS I'VE BEEN DYING TO FINISH (an AU, an interlude - canon version of the AU, with shipping to boot - , and a Bionicle mission - all with Lielac - and a H.A.W.X. mission that's shaping up to be freaking cool, along with a few othe fics I've set my sights on).
So yeah, I feel your pain too.
/pets the teal deer
Oh dear, now you're hallucinating. Never a good sign...
I has interlude I would like to publish, but I'm making myself wait until I know whether or not I have full Internet access back on my computer before I post it.
And today was the last day of Brewfest. All of my grrs.
Yup. Me and rambling go together like Mi...nah. Don't want to run that into the ground. Or run it Aground, more accurately.
Okay, was it just my shipper's brain that completed that sentence as "like Mike and Tanya", or are you going to try evicting me from your head again? (Nope, not obsessed, not a bit.)
Also, warglblarglfnarg. I hope your internet gets back to working soon, because I want to write stuff with you! And flail about how I finished Fate/zero a day or so ago and I have absolutely noooo idea why you'd think Saber would compare Kiritsugu and Tanya. (Quoth me: "Jeez, they're repressed. Jeez.")
Oh, and d'you have any idea how the Grail could distort a simple wish to revive a friend? :D (So totally don't want to dive straight in gleefully grimdark territory with the Nasuversion as catharsis, nope, not at all. Definitely didn't get this idea around the time Kiritsugu talked ["talked"?] with the Grail.)
I should be back in action by Tuesday, when I get home from my grandparents' house. Sorry for the delay - believe me, if I had a choice I'd be home writing. There is a SLIGHT chance I may be on tomorrow for a bit, but don't wait up for me.
And hmm. Christ on a crutch, there are so many ways the Grail could dick Tanya over it's not even funny. I mean, literally anything is possible. The Grail is like the ultimate Monkey's Paw.
I shall survive somehow. Probably by writing and rewriting the first part of Maggie's intro to the PP...il it's so polished it glows. Unnerstood on the tomorrow thing, I shan't stay up pining or anything. :P
Hee. Hee. Hee. Doesn't matter if everyone dies in flames, now, does it, because it's just a dream anyway... Ooh, and if Tanya stayed up until she crashed-crashed she could have got in all of Fate/stay night, the UBW movie, and partway through Fate/zero. This assumes she pulls a crazy and stays up at least 24 hours straight, but considering she was tired enough to fall asleep on her keyboard I do believe she did.
Mmm. Everyone dying in flames isn't exactly out of the question, if you take my meaning.~
Arthuria's "mount" as Rider would obviously just be a pair of coconuts Shirou's forced to bang together.
Thank you, TVTropes, for the hilarious mental image and the mini-Saber Lion. (We should do a Nasuverse mission so we can make Saber Lion the canonical mini, yes we should... and because Fate/stay night and Fate/zero might have been grimdark as all hell but I like 'em. And I want to write Tanya muttering "Don't kill the canons, even if they're Gilgamesh... Don't kill the canons, even if they're Gilgamesh...", heeheehee.)
Gods, yes. And I guarantee there's enough F/SN badfic.
Mhmmmmm. See the outcome of the Fourth Grail War for details. I kinda want to be mean to the poor girls, have them look like they're going to succeed because they're the last left standing and then BAM! Jackass Genie Grail right in the hope. Before then I want to dice Gilgamesh into bite-sized charboiled pieces because Fate/zero sent me straight into HAAAAATE territory for that misogynistic asshole. (Jee, Goldie, I wonder why Saber didn't accept your proposal? MAYBE BECAUSE YOU HAD JUST SKEWERED HER LEG WITH A SWORD AND WERE NOW BASICALLY SAYING SHE COULD BE YOUR TROPHY PET-WIFE-THING)
Also, I'm trying to figure out which other Servant(s) we want to take on directly. We can't do it all, that's unrealistic.
I really liked Whosoever Taketh This Sword. I want to read more of that now.
And I quite liked Hell Sings. I can't wait to see more of your missions.
By the way, have a celebratory geode!
Excalibur isn't the sword in the stone. Excalibur was given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake, and I'm not sure what the sword in the stone is called.
Must go recheck my knowledge of the Arthurian myth.
Valerie knows that. “Well, usually people think Excalibur’s the sword King Arthur pulled from the stone to prove he was the rightful king of all of Britain, but--” The Sword in the Stone is Caliburn. I'm using Excalibur here because it's more instantly recognizable and it got tossed in a lake.
Your agents seem to have quite a bit of promise; I love the contrast between Tanya's attempting to be utterly cool in the face of everything and Magdalen's habit of "talking with her whole body". I did wonder why you gave them both the habit of assigning nicknames to people, but it's not actually an issue as such.
Your writing style is clear, flows well and is quite engaging. I loved your characterisation and the whole context of the piece - it's not often I see a modern-day-girl-in-sword-and-sorcery-world situation done well. I giggled quite a few times during it; the conversations between Eleanor and Valerie were wonderful, especially the discussion on appropriate lighting and the culture clash inherent in it. The final twist was also hilarious, and I cracked up completely. XD
In other words, I gladly grant you Permission. Go forth and PPC, brave writer. :D
- Cassie. wearing her snazzy PG Hat
Because I am. I am, holy guacamole I got Permission and I have it and now I can write missions whenever I want and I am so happy right now. I shrieked like a fangirl, actually, or maybe it was more like a tea kettle because my current emotions are one of overwhelming, overflowing joy.
On the subject of nicknaming: while I haven't really given Maggie much screen-time yet, I'm thinking her brand of nicknames is along the lines of calling, say, Gilbert Beckett "Gilly-Gills" or "Fishboy", so she'd be more towards silly and affectionate nicknames, while Tanya would just call him "Gil", shortening it, or "Gilbert" when she figures it'd be more of a pain to call him Gil and risk annoying him. Thanks for bringing that to my attention anyway, I can see how that's not at all obvious!
Giggling? Sweet! I was going for that. I'm glad you liked it, it looks to be part of a bigger story...
Again: Whoo-HOOOOO!! Thank you, Cassie!
- Lielac, off to write Maggie's introduction to the PPC, wondering whether PPC-issued email addresses would be __@ppc.net or __@ppc.org, and curious to know if this is the first time anyone's thought of it...
Or, knowing the sort of people who'd have to have set them up, @ppc.ppc.ppc...
(If anyone's considered it before, I don't think I've heard)
hS
PS: CONGRATULATION.
It's because people who message you on Google Talk who aren't on your contacts list show up as xyzw@warghl.frg, and I want to have Maggie's introduction to the PPC be via some poor sod who's been tormented by Sasha to the point of contacting the author and saying "Please! Take this mess-making monster off my hands!". And Maggie? Maggie uses GTalk.
(Wheee! I get to make something up!)
Lielac
PS: THANK.
At least for external ones. I'm not sure the PPC would need internal e-mail, since they have console messages and all that.
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Inter-ConsoleElectronicPost
But yeah, that's just internal.
I'm almost positive people have been contacted by the PPC by e-mail before, but of course I can't remember anything specific, so that's useless. {= P I do know Agent Dann was contacted by snailmail, though. Maybe the contents of that would be a useful? http://plotprotectors.tripod.com/DoSAT/story02.html
~Neshomeh
I know from working on 'The Most Stab-Inducing Love' with you and reading 'Hell Sings' that you have two very cool agents. Hopefully they'll get to solo so we can see how their relationship will evolve!
Come, let us dance the happy dance together!
Yes, do let's!
'Cidentally, how much twitching would occur if Maggie called Gilbert "Gilly-Gills"? :D
/takes you by the hands and dances a goofy dance
Weeeeeeeeeee~!
Hee, Gilly-Gins's head might explode. Why do you ask? Do you have something deliciously evil in mind?
/dances wiiiiith
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Nothing special, just a possible way she might take his name while playing around with the sound of it. Gil, Gilly-Gil, Gilly-Gilly-Gills.
Hee, Gilly simply makes it too easy - if he didn't flinch like a cat to a spray bottle (oh, how I love that metaphor...simile...thing), it wouldn't be so much fun.
Simile. Metaphors don't use "like" or "as". And it is fun, it is so very, very fun... :D
I never could tell the two apart - seems rather silly to have two names for pretty much the same thing based on a one-word difference...
Yesh. He -needs- to bump into Caroline at some point. To discuss physics. And not at all because I enjoy tormenting him. Oh! Caroline and Fiona can gang up on him!
During a debate about the weather, of course.
Mhm. It is a bit confusing!
Oh, yesss. And Maggie could help! She's a complete astronomy nerd, they could argue about that.
Oh, we are just the worst kind of people. /cackles
I didn't. I just pulled the first "terrifying powers of" quote my brain offered me. -blames Gunnerkrigg Court-
But yes. Yes, we are.