Subject: Re: mission
Author:
Posted on: 2019-08-19 22:50:00 UTC

Ah, I like seeing two former antagonists forced to work together. Hopefully Ruxanda and Edith get past that "antagonism" part fairly quickly. Incidentally, Edith isn't related to Magic: the Gathering's Sorin Markov, is she?

Glad we got the teenagers out of that story. I'm impressed that you were able to communicate the differences in their personalities through body language and level of talkativeness, even while both are suffering from the after-effects of trauma.

There are some spots where a characters words and actions are split into separate paragraphs. I probably missed some, because I was getting lost in the story, but here are the ones I noticed:

"Ruxanda raised an eyebrow.
'You do realize that after that amazingly suspicious reaction, I’ll stop at nothing to pry the story out of you?'"


"The girl pondered this question, and her eyes clouded over.
'I don’t think I have one,' she said."


"Ruxanda ran a hand through her hair.
'Right… makes sense, though, given the fic you came from. I think it’s time that you got proper names, then.' She looked at the siblings, who nodded in agreement, and then to Edith. 'And I think I know someone who can help you.'"

—doctorlit, insisting there are really three Xs

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