Subject: This one's a *real* bad one...which you'll have to ask me for
Posted on: 2020-01-07 11:34:29 UTC
...namely because the author has removed it from the net because he didn't like the reviews he was getting (which is only speculation, but since the author in question is pretty damm predictable, I'm probably right).
The fic in question is "Trapped" by EclipsePheniox, an author well-known to us from Library of the Dammed. During the course of my ongoing riff of his story, he deleted it from FF.net, and thus the story may only survive in the form of the downloaded .txt file I saved from the site before its deletion.
"Trapped in 40k" is a self-insert Warhammer 40k story, and is a rewrite of EP's previous smutfic/SI Stufic "Trapped" (which TMK is still available). It is by far one of the worst Warhammer 40k stories I have had the displeasure of reading, and features a complete Gary Stu. Here's some of the things that identified it as a badfic of the worst kind:
Gary-Stu SI character. Chris, or M3, is a (ERROR! AGE GROUP NOT FOUND) from the 3rd Millennium, who is transported to the 41st Millennium by the way of a random bolt of lightning. He immediately is enlisted into the Inquisition- who have metamorphosed into some kind of hybrid between the US military and the FBI-, and proceeds to embark on a nebulously defined mission that makes him nobility by chapter four (or something), has him gather a harem of 40k character types/tropes masquerading as OCs (who share the same personality, behave in ways no character should believably act, and essentially just exist for eye-candy/sex scenes), and basically be a run-of-the-mill OP Gary Stu.
Boring As Frak: Trust me, even riffing this is a chore. While there is enough there to mock or (in this case) charge for, the actual story progresses at a snail's pace. What passes for a plot is so nebulously laid out that the story seems more like a series of disconnected scenes than a tightly-woven story; any plot points that are introduced often change into different plot points on a whim, and there isn't even the shocking smut of the original to break the monotony...as far as I've riffed.
Bad grasp of 40k Canon and concepts: I know that 40k isn't really consistent with canon. But there is no excuse for the butchering that takes place in this story. The Inquisition is treated like the Imperial Guard, the Imperial Guard is treated like the PDF forces, and the PDF forces are treated as the Imperial Guard. There's a strange obsession with ballistic weapons (to the point where every single person in this story is using some kind of autogun, rather than lasguns, plasma weapons, or literally anything you would find outside of a run-of-the-mill Call Of Duty title); and there's really bad frak-ups like the Emperor's Holy Inquisition having existed for only 150 years. Like, what?
Bad grasp of basic SPaG. Enough said.
There's more, but I'll let you read it for yourselves...which brings me to my next bit.
So, as this is no longer available online, I'm going to have to provide a link to this Google Doc I've set up to share the text of the story. There's been no editing made to the .txt doc, and included are the tags and other stuff that ff.net features for story info. Here's the link: