Subject: Thankies!
Author:
Posted on: 2012-09-26 04:05:00 UTC
Any compliment/criticism is a welcome one!
And no self-respecting MLP fic should involve child murder. -weeps-
Subject: Thankies!
Author:
Posted on: 2012-09-26 04:05:00 UTC
Any compliment/criticism is a welcome one!
And no self-respecting MLP fic should involve child murder. -weeps-
(First off, thankies to doctorlit and Riese for beta-ing for me. Hugs for everyone!)
Now then, on to business.
Agents:
Agent Veralyn Amberwing is the severely unfortunate victim of one World of Warcraft player's intense hatred disliking for blood elves. Her semi-fic blip of origin would have had Veralyn meet a horrific end at the claws and teeth of several demons; fortunately, her uncanonical age opened a plot hole that swallowed her up before they could finish her off, and Veralyn (along with her dragonhawk companion, Firebrand) fell right into the home of Caroline Moor. While the blonde blood elven huntress was badly scarred by the encounter, she is the first to admit that the damage might have been far worse if she hadn't managed to land on someone familiar with blood elves...ignoring of course the 'exchange of apologies' immediately following her landing, which involved knives, kitchen utensils, and a Pop Tart.
Despite now being a far more canonical 117 years of age, Veralyn still behaves in much the same way as a human in her mid-twenties (which, considering the canonical maturation rate of blood elves, is probably just about right). She is also suffering from a bad case of Broken Haughty, and as such tends to react...poorly...to being embarrassed or surprised, a trait which of course only makes it all the more fun for Caroline and Firebrand to antagonize her. It should be noted that she will flinch and may react violently if someone comes up on her blind side. Having nowhere to go on World One and no idea how to return to her own continuum,Veralyn grudgingly followed Caroline to the PPC, and was immediately given a job...and the aggravation of being Caroline's partner. Veralyn was a skilled leatherworker prior to her run-in with an anti-sin'dorei writer, though her work these days is significantly slower due to her new lack of depth perception. Veralyn harbors an immense fear of heights and will freeze if she looks down from a height of more than five feet.
Agent Caroline Moor is a young human female from World One who willingly volunteered for a job at the PPC after becoming thoroughly frustrated with the lack of job opportunities in her home town. Due to her messy brown hair, blue-green eyes, and thin-framed glasses, there is very little that is eye-grabbing about her appearance, save perhaps the sheer ordinariness of it. She and Veralyn encountered each other immediately following Veralyn's near-death, and though the two months following had Caroline dodging racial slurs and veiled threats from the prickly sin'dorei (not to mention enduring a sometimes-violent crash-course in the English language for Veralyn), Caroline bears no ill will towards the blood elf and tends to be equal parts loyal to- and irritable with her partner.
As far as her personality goes, Caroline alternates between hyperactivity and an almost sloth-like calmness, and prefers to avoid conflict when she can – although she is fiercely protective of her Lust Objects, Favorites, and fandoms. She also harbors a bit of a maternal instinct for rough-and-tumble characters (such as Rainbow Dash of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic continuum and the mischievous Firebrand) and is an unwavering proponent of the underdog and persons or fandoms which she perceives to have been unfairly condemned. She sings, but usually does so at such a soft volume and low pitch that most humans would have to strain a bit to catch the words; the only time she really sings loud enough to be heard is when she is part of a choir or in a very chaotic public setting. She is highly ticklish, and will squeal when poked. Loudly.
Agent Pictures: Veralyn (accompanied by Firebrand) and Caroline
Agent Fandoms
Agent Veralyn is only well-versed in the Warcraft fandom, since this is her continuum of origin. However, as she borrowed Caroline's many books as a means to pass the time (and aid her in learning World One English), she has become intrigued by the works of Tamora Pierce and already knows a fair bit about two-thirds of the Provost's Dog trilogy (which she refers to as the Beka Cooper trilogy.) It's worth noting that she plans to extend her knowledge of Pierce's works and has been eyeing Caroline's copy of the Silmarillion of late.
Agent Caroline has a larger range of fandoms, with varying levels of expertise. In no real order, she is knowledgeable about the Warcraft-verse, the Warriors-verse, the MLP-verse, the Tolkien-verse, the Twilight-verse, and the Pierce-verse. She also has a smattering of familiarity with the Naruto-verse.
Requested Department: Department of Mary Sues, Freelance Division
Requested Response Center: RC #16
Writing Sample: “You Again‽”
First Badfic: ”Rainbow Factory” by Aurora Dawn
Ahem. I'd have congratulated you earlier but I was doing my homework. ANYWAY. CONGRATULATIONS TO GILLY'S WRITER! Now I can mooch Permission off of ALL my writing partners!
... did I say that out loud? DX
I'll be over there feverishly working to get my coursework up to a reasonable sort of behind instead of something like two and a half years. -hands over party hat with equations scribbled all over it in 6B pencil, returns to her word processor-
No, seriously, tell me you like my hat! I like my hat! EVERYONE should like my hat! -goes off for another hour about the awesomeness of the party hat-
...you're not wearin' a hat!
(Anyone who gets that reference wins an internet.)
-Phobos
[ERROR: Your Internet has crashed because you fail at references. Please read every book written, watch every movie created, and listen to every joke ever told, then reboot and try again.]
Huh. So that's what happens if I don't get a reference. -blinks-
It is a fairly old movie. I would be surprised if more than one or two people get it. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the only one, either.
-Phobos
Somebody get me a distraction, quick!
'M two and a half years behind on my high school, don't encourage me to slack off more.
Pardon m'pony, but what the hay am I s'pposed to do with this?!
Ooh, it's squishy... Squishy, squishy, squishy... -spends a good fourteen minutes poking Squishy the Turkey-
-GOING BACK TO HER HOMEWORK NOW-
I look forward to reading your things!
I look forward to writing them! Although Caroline and Veralyn probably do not look forward to living them...
*evil cackle*
Congratulations!
That's why I'm here, after all...to torment the newbies, muahahahaha!
Stop hacking my threat, evil badficcer-self!
*Hands round a tray of fruit cupcakes.*
Wahoonie and apple?
Ooo! Fruit cupcakes~ -snags one, wolfs it down whole-
Sfank you! -crumbs spray everywhere; really, where are my manners?-
Now maybe I can get some motivation and apply like I've been meaning to do since June.
Neshomeh's Comments:
(Because, as Phobos reminded me, I haven't done anything Permission-y in a while.)
I agree that there's a bit of over-description going on in the sample, but that's about the only criticism I can come up with (though I did catch a missing period at the end of the second paragraph). To repeat a piece of advice I was myself given at one point, you don't have to spend time on small details such as the precise behavior of an earbud cord. This description isn't vital for the reader to understand the scene—if Caroline is listening to an iPod with earbuds, it's safe to assume there's a cord extending from one to the other, behaving as cords normally do—so all it really does is slow things down. More important are bigger things such as her style of dress, which I don't think you mentioned.
Again, though, that's pretty much all I've got. I like your agents, and although I worry a little about Caroline and I hope she'll eventually stand up for herself and stop taking Veralyn's BS, I can happily look forward to that kind of character development in the spin-off. I think you've got a solid foundation for their relationship, with strong characterization on both sides, and wherever you take it should make for an interesting ride.
I wonder what kind of temper-tantrum Veralyn will throw when she finds out about Regulation 5C (no pets on missions). And I'm kind of fascinated by the existence of another half-blind agent with facial scarring, but that's neither here nor there.
Phobos' Comments:
I second what Nesh said. When you start to write missions, make sure you tell your beta(s) to be on the lookout for that sort of thing.
On a personal note, Barid and Brightbeard are happy that they have someone to potentially take some of their workload. Also, Barid is a Tailor/Enchanter and Brightbeard is a Miner/Blacksmith. There may be some sort of arrangement that could be reached, and perhaps a market for everyone's goods could be established. Also, if you ever decide to do a Warcraft mission, feel free to use Voltarmi.
~Phobos and Neshomeh
YES! -does a happy dance until the stupid lamp gets in the way-
I wondered about the over description, too. I guess that'll just be something for me to work on to improve my writing (so that the agents no longer streak through HQ. -cackle-)
Oops! I think that left-out period might be hiding in my sock drawer somewhere...
I'd have congratulated you sooner if I hadn't been futzing my around on my DeviantART account and writing a huge mock-RPG story.
But all the same, despite my horrible 3G restrictions, congrats.
Oh, we better prepare a bunch of goodies for you! Now let's see, the pumpkin cookies are almost done, the German bleepolate cake is finished I think... Oh shoot! I forgot the icing! After I deal with that, we'll shoot some Mar- fireworks off. Then we'll borrow some exorcising candles from Bad Slash and have a pseudo-campfire. Finally, we'll share some good fic, my treat. I'm proud of you!
I love German chocolate! I wonder how German bleepolate tastes...?
-tackle hug-
Probably like bleepolate, only in German form. /returns hug/
Now remember:
You'll be the very best
That no one ever was
To catch them all will be your quest
To train them is your cau-
...Or just remember to pack clean underwear and always brush your teeth three times a day.
Yesh! Mama always said to pack clean underwear, 'cause you never know when you're gonna need 'em.
Or...wait, didn't she say something about life being like chocolates...?
It's like iodine, but with PPC edibles.
Because that would be absolutely hilarious. "Hey, what are all these uppercase I's doing in my cake?"
I'd use S's. They give it a sinister touch.
No, no. If we want to kill each other later, we shall, but for now we are celebrating your triumph!
Yesh. We shall celebrate now...and then when we've all got sugar highs going, we'll have an epic battle royal! -is insane-
The tale of Kittynoodles and IntelligentAirhead, brave warriors of the written word, will endure forever on the lips of those that shall come long after we have passed. Punctuation marks that have been imbued with the power of minor gods will rain down, letters of mass destruction will fly send us into the throes of despair, and all will know the mighty warriors that dared to challenge each other in literary warfare. Ah, and this is only a sparring session between friends! Who knows what destruction would befall those who stood before us?
Teehee, Kittynoodles is kind of adorable. -pats mini self on the head-
Yes, it shall be an epic battle of wit, betrayal, and literary accuracy the likes of which none have ever seen on the battlefield of glorious goodfic! The minstrels shall sing of the days-long battle for eons! Children will look to their fathers and say, 'Tell us the one about KittyNoodles the Pudding-Slayer and IntelligentAirhead of the Land of the I!'
For they will remember, and they shall recount the memory with pride.
It looks a bit like an evil caterpillar... oh, well. I'm stopping in to say that if you guys want candles, I've got a bunch of them in my RC. I think it's previous inhabitant was having a two hundredth birthday party or something.
Congrats!
Gilbert and Fiona - the pair I wrote for that joint mission with Riese, LilacLielac, and Crimson Flight - still need an RC of their own. Can I give them RC #1693?
Hmm, people seem to continue being unsure about claiming RC numbers. I'll have to take a look at the relevant pages and see what I can do to clear it up.
For the record: the way it works now is that, once you have Permission, you're allowed to claim any RC number that isn't already claimed by someone else. Make sure to update the list of RCs on the wiki so it stays current. It doesn't hurt to drop a line to the original LJ page, too.
~Neshomeh
Nice job on getting Permission! I really like that sorta-hostile-but-not-quite dynamic between your two agents. I have a feeling that it will lead to some very interesting interactions... I will definitely be keeping an eye on these two.
As for the piece itself, I think the PGs and Sevenswans have already pointed out the few things that can be improved. Keep up the good work!
P.S: About the Rainbow Factory... Have you ever listened to the original song by WoodenToaster? As much as I hate the fic, the song itself is actually pretty catchy.
Yes, things will be very...interesting. -evil cackling-
THANK YOU. Yes, the song Rainbow Factory is based off of is wonderful. I really dislike how the fic seems to have made the song synonymous with the rampant child murder and purism in the fic. 'S not right. -totally has the song set as her dad's ringtone-
But I did like the introductory piece. It's slightly description-heavy, but then introductions tend to be. It's also interesting that the agents have prior history together, so they're already a (somewhat) workable partnership.
As for the fic... Is it just that I know nothing of MLP, FIM? Because, the relative abundance of proper grammar and non-troll logic has me lulled into a sense of security.
... Oh. What is it with the creepy My Little Pony fanfics?
Any compliment/criticism is a welcome one!
And no self-respecting MLP fic should involve child murder. -weeps-