Subject: The detail we're overlooking: lycanthropy isn't triggered by moonlight!
Author:
Posted on: 2020-02-25 13:31:36 UTC

Moonlight is literally sunlight, and photons are photons. If that was really the trigger for lycanthrope transformation, then werewolves would be in wolf form nearly all the time: from sunrise to sunset every day, and any part of night with a risen moon, except during a new moon.

But then, what causes the transformation? Why, the tidal cycle, obviously. We already know that human bodies are affected by the tide cycle just as standing water bodies are. Lycanthropes clearly have a more severe reaction to it than the rest of us, perhaps due to some genetic blood disorder that's transferable through fluid contact. (I'm not saying it's definitely prions, but I am saying that it's probably prions.)

"But doctorlit," you say, already dismissing this as nonsense in your head, "the tidal cycle isn't dependent on the phase of the moon or even whether it's night or not, and also there are sometimes two high tides a day rather than just one." To which I can only say, "Yeah, I didn't actually look anything up until after I came up with this cockamamie theory and started writing this post." BUT. That doesn't mean I'm wrong. Just as aspects of the vampire legend developed in such a way as to give common folk faith in everyday cheap things like crosses and garlic to protect themselves, so too did the werewolf legends. Why do werewolves only transform during a full moon?

They don't.

That's just what they want us to continue believing.

Because no one is watching over their shoulder for a werewolf attack in broad daylight.

And that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, they like it.

So you see, not only would Mr. Collins transform on the way to the moon, as its gravitational pull became stronger and stronger on him, he would transform far more dramatically than any lycanthrope heretofore known on Earth. What would that entail? Would he just keep growing more and more swole, until he became the most wolfy wolf that ever wolfed, the most sturdily muscled werewolf possible? (This would of course be deemed reaching "Peak Black." #TeamJacob) Would the wolf body just keep growing larger and larger, until the entire ship was filled with wolf mass, pressing his unfortunate crewmates against the walls until their return? Or would he become an entire pack of wolves, just kind of mitosising wolf after wolf after wolf, until the space shuttle becomes wolves all the way down? My point is, we won't actually know until NASA desegregates and starts allowing lycanthrope astronauts on their crews. It's 2020, NASA, it's time for equal rights for wolf-Americans. Support our cause on Instagram, Twitter, and Vine, and reblog so we can spread the word. Please like and subscribe, and the link to my Kickstarter fund is h

—doctorlit, founder of the Society for the Protection of Wolf Lycans

Reply Return to messages