Posted on: 2020-06-21 01:57:35 UTC
- Ok, the "all quiet moments" line was funny
- You have a small error "small moue with" - probably want move
- As someone who's gone for archaic speech in a character, it's neat to see other people had the idea
- Not sure what happened in Jiwon's backstory, but it sounds like he might like some hugs
- Stupid fic is stupid
- Acknowledging reasonable elements of the fic is good
- The night vision bit is a good detail
- "desanitized" was a good bit. Heck, that entire segment was good
- Ow on the earthquake scene. Loud noises suck.
- That seemed like a pretty reasonable assassination method
- ... "not bad for a first mission". Yeah, that's a great start
Overall, that saw a nice mission, I like your agents (and the attention to detail on vaguely non-human folks) and you had a good number of funny moments.
You mentioned the mission being a bit long, and my recommendation there (and it may be off, having never played PvZ) is that you could've ended the mission a chapter or two earlier. However, since you had good jokes and weren't overquoting, it's not that big of a deal.
Looking forward to more!