Subject: Errors are part of the process! It's why we have reviews. No worries!
Author:
Posted on: 2020-07-30 12:09:26 UTC
I only read your mission, not the original fic. I'm horrified, yet entirely unsurprised, to learn that the rest of the story is worse . . .
:(
—doctorlit, horrified, yet entirely unsurprised
While my health hasn't really improved, I am still able to write (somewhat). I've somehow managed to write enough to finish a mission, targeting a fic I've known and hated for over a decade . Be warned that the fic is NSFW and NSFB, containing rape, incest, and pedophilia. I think it would appropriate to add a mention to the wiki's Bleepfic article about this fic now that it has been killed. It's that bad. The fic in question set Tellius Ablaze with "The Fires of Sibling Love". A big thanks to GeniusGamer for beta reading this. I'd also like to thank Google Docs for catching a lot of typos before the fic even made it to a beta, and for showing me typos I missed in sections I was quoting.
If you're feeling brave, you can still find the fic on The Pit, but note that this mission is just the tip of the yikesberg. This fic has been described as an "actual abomination", and has a fair bit of renown within the fandom due it being awful and horrifying. Much like the last mission, there was more badfic that I wanted to cover in the mission, but I didn't really have room for it. Nor did I have the tolerance for another chapter of garbage, even though it would have been a good opportunity to expand on one of my agent's backstories. The fic is honestly difficult to read, especially so as a woman.
Despite all of that, writing this mission was honestly therapeutic. As I mentioned when posting my first mission, I have PTSD, and some of the things in the fic happened to me. Being able to skewer awful writing containing the same bad things honestly helped me. I apologize if it comes across too much as heroes saving the day.
But mostly, I'm just glad to be done. I haven't finished any writing I've started in a while, so having something ready to show is nice. It also means I can go on to missioning another absolutely awful fic, maybe after writing an interlude.
Yeesh. I mean, yeesh.
The opening was a bit slow, but it really picked up with the time crunching and the scramble to get everyone onto the bridge, and the further scramble inside HQ. I really appreciate the energy in that portion. (Or maybe I was just subconsciously grateful the smut was over?) And I understand the relatively slow start was necessary to explain the geography of the area so everyone could wind up in the same place. It was nice quick thinking on the agents’ parts to come up with stories to send all the different characters there, too.
Also, I love it when Luxury gets involved in these situations, because it shows that she has limits on what she considers acceptable.
May I list some errors?
First off, there are a few spots where you use periods in initials that we traditionally don’t use periods in because they’re used to often: RC, RA, and CAD. (Your use of D.O.R.K.S. is correct though.)
“Elena noticed her partner looking horrified, and remembered that Valka probably had noticed. It was something that would be hard to miss.”
I actually can’t tell what’s being talked about here from the context . . .
“The agents walked through the portal, but instead found themselves in the exact same place the next morning, and saw a knight Valka recognized as Kieran led four snipers upstairs.”
“lead” (the basic structure of the sentence is “she saw Kieran lead snipers upstairs”)
“Elena dragged Valka into the room and pushed the canons into it, before pulling her partner through. That portal simply led through a nearby wall, leaving the agents and canons alike a few feet in the air.”
“That portal” seems to come out of nowhere, since it’s never mentioned getting opened.
“There was no way for Astrid could plausibly be in an incest ship, but the absurd amount of description she was being given didn’t make sense . . .”
Either “no way Astrid could plausibly be” or “no way for Astrid to plausibly be”
“’Ika and Mist are still somewhere in Gallia, and Geoffrey and Lucia are either dead or hidden extremely well by this point.’”
“Ike”
“’They’re already dispatched a unit to execute you and your brother.’”
“They’ve”
“Sure enough, Makalov’s attempts to charge here only resulted in him getting himself trapped, and blocking the way for everyone else.”
I’m not 100% sure about this one, but I think you meant “charge her” instead of “charge here”?
“’Thou cannot be forgiven for the horrors of time thou hast brought, nor can the bizarra locations thou hast made!’”
“bizarre”
—doctorlit, yeeshing at this fic
But sadly this is not that mission. I'm sorry for there being so many. I've fixed them all. As for Luxury, I'm glad you liked her appearance, as I was a bit worried that I'd gotten her character wrong. I was also worried I'd made my agents succeed too easily in getting the canons together and handling them in HQ.
Are you yeeshing at the parts of the fic in the mission, or the fic on the pit? Because the parts of the fic I didn't cover are even worse, and I skipped plenty of awful even in the chapters I did cover.
I only read your mission, not the original fic. I'm horrified, yet entirely unsurprised, to learn that the rest of the story is worse . . .
:(
—doctorlit, horrified, yet entirely unsurprised
Definitely agreeing that this fic needed to be missioned - yikes! Now, to the mission itself: -Valka is a sweetie, and I love all the questions she comes up with in this intro. -The Ironic Overpower has quite a bit of agency in this fic. XD
I appreciate the agents using charges to distract themselves from the horror of the plot; it's a very useful tool OOCly as well. Though, is 'Obsession' chapter two of the fic, or chapter three?
Above all, thank you very much for writing - that it's something you've written for yourself as well makes it all the more important, and I'm glad this mission helped. ^^
I realize I leaned a bit heavily on the Ironic Overpower in this mission. I think I can come up with better reasons for plot twists. Focusing on charges rather than squicky scenes is standard procedure when handling NSFW badfic though, mostly to prevent the audience from being squicked. 'Obsession' is chapter two of the fic. 'Frustration' is chapter three.