Subject: re: mission and interlude
Posted on: 2021-02-15 21:22:13 UTC
Been a while since any PPC story got published! It's good to get to read another!
A nice, classic mission! I like that you used the snark not just as in-universe complaints, but to explain to the reader how the fic's errors didn't jive with Tolkien's Middle-earth, as well as details that actually worked against empowering women, rather than making the Sue seem more powerful. You also wrote Eldrond to be have very cute mannerisms, which was fun, and I always appreciate non-murder endings to Sue missions.
Oh, and this probably wasn't intentional, but I really loved the consonance you've made taking advantage of Legolas's name, especially in the sentence, "Meanwhile in the fic, Airhead’s mind-reading had already told her that Legolas was leaving, surprising the elf."
There's one line I'm not sure if I'm just picturing wrong in my head, or if it has an error: when "Melissa darted forward and tripped up the Sue with a foot behind her ankle . . ." If Areyin is running towards them at that point, wouldn't Melissa need her foot at the front of her ankle?
I'm not really a fan of people/characters drinking, but I did like that the partners were supportive of Faelwen and worked to keep her safe and healthy. I was also very amused by the final scene, with the
poor console trying desperately to do its job, but for once getting drowned out by an agent being prioritized by the narrative laws! Excellent!
the serious question
There's several things I want to say here, and they may not end up in the best order, because I don't know how to structure my answer. You asked for suggestions on how to improve the mission, and I didn't give any, largely because I would probably need to read through the original fic, and I don't really have the patience for that. The fact is, with a mission, so much of the humor is dependent on the original fic's material, that the humor can be somewhat out of our control. There's no precise guide on selecting what badfics will work as missions; some are going to work well, and some won't. But the end result doesn't reflect on you as an author; you only have the material you're given.
Obviously humor has always been a big part of the PPC, and it continues to be important. But every PPC author has had their own mind, and their own style, and yes, their own grasp on comedy. So every spin-off has a different tone, and different kinds of jokes, and different levels of emotional and physical seriousness, as well. What I like about yours is the close friendships you're developing between your initial agent pair, and their little found family of recruits. Your RC has a very warm, caring tone to it, and as an ace person for whom friendship is the deepest emotional connection I can have, I really enjoy and appreciate that!
Lastly, I want to say that you yourself are a very warm, caring person, and you have a very thoughtful and creative approach to the media you consume and create. I'm glad you're a part of the community! And that will remain true, regardless of whether you continue to publish missions, or never do so again. Thank you for being here, Mirage! : )
—doctorlit, a fan