Subject: Re: interlude
Posted on: 2021-06-22 01:02:53 UTC

Even though it's short, I think you got a lot of Crow's personality across, as well as establishing her relationships with O'Ryan and Kitty. If I were one of the two, I would have wanted to ask a bit more of the specifics of Crow's transformation (aka, the danger level), but I suppose if none of the characters are worried, I won't be either!

Some typos?

"He smiled, reminded of the many times when a new student comes to the school and didn't know much, particularly Emily."
The verb tenses don't match here. I suspect you wanted "came" rather than "comes" since O'Ryan is thinking about his past?

"As usual, Marquis de Sod got to the point."
You missed the "the" before the Marquis's name.

—doctorlit almost pointed out that the joke dog Molly was referred to with a male pronoun, but then he realized that gender-specific names are meaningless anyway, and it's perfectly fine for a male character to be named Molly, plus maybe the dog got named before the owner knew the gender anyway, besides, it's just a made up dog in a joke, and maybe Crow just misspoke out of nervousness, and now it's just too much second-guessing altogether and doctorlit is abandoning the post now

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