Subject: I liked this one.
Author:
Posted on: 2021-07-24 00:59:02 UTC

To be honest, I didn't really "feel" it as much as I wanted to, but that could just as easily be a product of my emotional state and incredibly high standards. I could appreciate the humor and absurdity, but those jokes don't work on me as well as they used to.

So, deprived of my ability to enjoy humor, I must look to your characters. And what characters they are! I haven't read anything else featuring these two, but you telegraphed what was going on well enough for me even if I don't know the exact significance of that raven knife. It's also a very interesting take on the PPC – what happens if you do successfully retire? Thoth mentioned the meta-narrative, but since "meta-narrative" is extremely vague I'd like to specify the meta-narrative I saw: Agent Ekwy, after fifteen years away from HQ, is called back to her past life to do One Last Job with her old friends. It mirrors how you, after fifteen years' absence from the PPC, returned to the Board after hearing about the move (I think it was the move that brought you back? Am I right?) and write One Last Mission with your old friends. And I really hope that it's not One Last Mission because I think I'll like what you have in stock. The idea of the PPC as fallible and capable of making misjudgements isn't something one normally considers when writing a hit piece on, say, Starfleet Magic or any of the myriad terribly bad fics, but it's worth considering if you can see the effort put into it, and it's something you show well here through the conflict between Ekwy and Blank.

I have two major criticisms. The first is the recruitment scene: That segment doesn't pack one-fifth of the emotional punch it should. You just say "Moira looked ready to cry" and then she just. Goes along with what the agents are saying? This is supposed to be a super-emotional turning point for her, and it's just not given enough development for me to care. I feel that, in a lesser form, that extends to the whole thing. There's this... feeling throughout it all that it's not enough, that the characters' emotions are mentioned and moved on from too quickly. It feels flat. You should get a second opinion on this, as it could be my maze of complexes acting up again. The Moira scene is non-negotiable, though. >:(

Overall, pretty good mission that explored a new story idea! Would love to see more like this in the future.

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